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Quotes from Journals in 2002

"I think Vance [DeGeneres] is so amazing that I could just lie in his lap, and cry all day in it."

                                                 -me, April 17th, 2001

"One squeaky bed symphony coming up!"

                                                  -Homer Simpson

"Sorry about this kids, but stay tuned, we have some really good toy commercials, I swear!"

                          -Krusty The Clown

"...he had dreams of not making frozen waffles for dinner every night!"

                                                                                    -Kenny's mom, South Park

"It's like you're living in a steakhouse!"

                         -Bart Simpson

"If I was older, I'd totally start jacking off now."

                                              -Eric Cartman, watching Butters get in trouble; South Park

" worry is that he was following some crazy new fad. Perhaps they are all shoving tampons up their asses because they saw the Backstreet Boys do it on TV."

                                                    -The Doctor on South Park

"One of the wheels fell off my chair today, but I didn't make a movie out of it."

                                                                        -Homer Simpson

LOIS GRIFFIN: You know, Peter, I'm not wearing any panties.

PETER GRIFFIN: That's okay, we can throw away that chair

"Play that sad walking away song from the Incredible Hulk!"

                               -Stewie; Famiy Guy

"The Burger Kings in England also featured a different kind of snack called Diddily Donuts. That sounds like something Ned Flanders would like."


"Lisa's hanging out with some cool kids, and she looks like Blossom!"

                                                     -Millhouse Van Houten

"More tea, Mr. Bike?"

                         -Peter, Family Guy

"There is something so fratboy or bimbo-like about woo. Girls that get in groups like that at frat parties or ride around in convertibles going "Wooo!" I like to refer to them as "woo girls" They sound like monkeys in a zoo."

                                                                                           -Melissa Pittman

"I need to be handsome! Sears catalogue handsome!"

                                                                     -Dick; Third Rock From the Sun

"You're in stereotype country!"

                             -Jon Stewart

"If you had a great experience tell a friend, If you didn't, please call us at 1-800-800-8072"

                    -Back of a paper bag at Rally's

"Boys! Watch your language! Shit!"

                                    =Mrs. Choksondik; South Park

"I'm like thunder under the cover!"

                                 -Chester; Sifl and Olly








"Mom! Do I have to wear the tablecloth again?"

                                          's page on Ponchos.

"Don't you know not to ever type to strangers?

                                                      -Pepper Ann Pearson

"The answer to your question is located in isle four w/the creams...ohh I don't like saying that word."

                                                                 -Mort Goldman, Family Guy

"I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine!"

                                            -Murry Head, "One night in Bangkok" 

"My buns digest thongs."

                                                                        -Tracy Ullman as  a guest on the daily show with Jon Stewart.

"I just can't imagine them doing it. It's like a giraffe mating w/ a penguin."

                                                                 -Melissa Pittman, December 26th 2001, 1:36a.m.

Quotes from journals in 2001

MILHOUSE: Have you ever been in a police car?

BART: Not in the front.

"You like shake n' bake. You used to put it in your coffee."

                                                                            -Marge Simpson

"We have a slogan here! We have a floormat here that says 'welcome'!"

                                                                            -Alf (Gordon Shumway)

WILLIE TANNER: We have a saying here..

ALF (interrupting): Don't date boys with vans!

"I'm guessing 'Rice Krispies Treats' is slang is black slang for money..."

                                                                        -Lois' father on Family Guy

LOIS: Oh my god, Peter, you turned our house into Pee-Wee's playhouse..
PETER: Come on get up!! Knock off your napping! It's a crazy messed up place where anything can happen! There's a chair that freakin' talks! Hey look! There's fish that give advice! Holy Crap! It's screwy! In Peter's playhouse!
LOIS: Peter...
PETER: Wait, watch this...hey Giambi (Played by Brian the dog) Ok, say it!
BRIAN: [sp?] Mekki Lekki Hi...god I hate you so much...
LOIS: The money should be going to a worthy black charity...
PETER: Lois, the King of Cartoons will be coming soon, and I will not have you embarass me!

"When you're dead, its important that you're on time."

                                                                 -Dennis Miller



MARGE: I want to snuggle w/ Homer Simpson, not Max Power.

HOMER: You don't snuggle w/Max Power. You strap in and feel the G's!

"He who dies w/the most toys still dies"

                                                            -Something on one my typing exercises. 

"If you are married right now, put a tape in the machine!"


"A Kazoo, so I could make sure I was the first one voted off."

                                                  -Ray Romano, on the "luxury item" he'd bring to Survivor.

"You understand the silverware? Koo-Koo."

                                                -Franklin Sherman, The Critic

"Hey! Are you employed?" Well, guess what? Your'e the only one."

                                                                       -Jon Stewart.

"My name is Pepper Ann and I have bran!"

                                               -Pepper Ann Pearson

"It's kind of funny in an old person way."

                                                   -"Kahn" [sp?] King of The Hill

"That's the most dead person I've ever seen."

                                                   -Ally McBeal

"PTA should stand for Parents Always Tired!"

                                           -Lydia Pearson, Pepper Ann

"If you play back the year, and it doesn't make you cry, good or bad, the year was wasted."

                                          -"John Cage", Ally McBeal


"Can't one dinner go by w/out you mentioning your rotting corpse?"

                                                        -Eleanor Sherman, The Critic

"If you believe in yourself, eat all your school, stay on milk, drink your teeth, don't do sleep, and get your eight hours of drugs, you can get work!"

                                                         -Tracy Morgan as Mr. T on Saturday Night Live


Quotes from journals in 2000

"Guess what, I got the toaster to feel love"

                                 -the professor on Futurerama

"They [supermodels] walk so hard their cheeks shake"


""The premium for women on physical beauty over intelligence is on the order of 100 to 1," psychologist Dr. Rex Beaber says bluntly. "A woman with an IQ of 180 who is not lovely is likely to marry ugly, be paid modestly well and secretly despise herself until the day she dies. A woman with an IQ of 100 and beauty in the 99th percentile is likely to marry a physician or an investment banker, have a maid and be admired by all her neighbors."

                                             -Rex Beaber

"If it wasn't for my horse I wouldn't have spent that year in college... if you think about that for more than 3 minutes blood will squirt out your nose!" 
                                                                       - Lewis Black

"One woman said she borrowed 50 cents from a friend and brought stale bread for 3 cents per loaf and that is all they had for 11 days expect for one or two meals...another family did not have food for two days. Then the husband went out and gathered dandelions and the family lived on them"

                                                               -a quote out of my 11th grade history book

"There in the factory, in the first moment of the atomic age, a human being was being crushed by books."

                                                         -a passage out of my 11th grade English book.

"It smells like a free day!"

                                                       -John Raynor; a kid in my 11th grade English class

"You're talking away my trailer--I like that."

"Yeah, I usually think of Vance when I'm picking out floor cleaners"

                                                        -Jennifer Zambrano

LISA [Simpson]: I still can't believe we escaped from those horrible vampires

HOMER: But it was worth if to get back out super sugar crisp cereal [holds up box] [sings to "Sugar Crisp" tune] Can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp...

MARGE: I'm having a hard time seeing. Homer, did you remember to put the fog lights in?

HOMER: [still singing] Guess I forgot to put the fog lights in.

"Welcome to the 393'rd Daily Show newsletter. I'm Dave and personal Hygene is first to go when extremely busy"

                                                          -Dave Blog, TDS newsletter guy.

"Its been a while since I've been on a show where I didn't have to shout my commenrts over 'who let the dogs out'"

                                                          -Dennis Miller on returning to his HBO talk show after wrapping his first season in the Monday Night Football booth.

"When Bart cranks up the temperature in the house to make Homer thirsty enough to go to the fridge for a Duff [beer] , among the things that melt is a Leo Sayer album from the late 70's."

                                                 -The stuff you may of missed from The Simpsons book

"...while not exactly sluttish [she has] a kind of unclean tinge, like  a pack of white sugar that has burst and is overflowing onto a supermarket aisle. "

                                           -Tyler Johnson, Shampoo Planet a book by Douglas Coupland.

"That's not wine! That's tequila, five alive and the little marshmellows you put in hot cocoa!"

"You know me and I'm a superstar at the cracker factory!"

                                                      -Kirk VanHouten [A.K.A Milhouse's dad on The Simpsons]

"In the old days, before malls and before history, if you wanted to see, lets say an apple you had to wait until August. In between, there wasn't even one picture of an apple you could look at, nowadays you can have apples all year round and that's great."

                                         -Tyler Johnson, Shampoo Planet a book by Douglas Coupland.

"I love [airsickness bags] instructions that begin w/ 'once been used' "


Journals from 1999

"Abe Lincoln had a brighter future buying tickets for the box office!"

                                             -"Frasier Craine"

"Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore; its too crowded"

"I bought a box of animal crackers, and it said 'do not eat if seal is broken', well shure enough, the giraffe was okay, the tiger was okay..."

"You'd think these rock stars would know how to throw up, right? They date models!"

                                                         -"Kate" on The Drew Carey Show

"I bet we go together like black and white tv"

                                                     -Sifl on Sifl and Olly

*I used to keep a running list of things that Precious Roy said on Sifl and Olly :

This is Precious Roy and...

-Kids feed me hay!

-I got the lead part in Cats!

-buy my powdered spit!

-who filled my bathtub w/cheap jelly?

-I like to smell old stereos! (this is my personal favorite)

-kids feed me at the pond!

-Charlie left me at the mall!

-I'm sweaty so the sand sticks!

-buy my trailer trash!

- the doggy chased me here!

Journals from 1998

*I didn't keep a 'doodle page to put quotes on  in the years 1996-1998

Want more quotes:  My daily show page has plenty of them!

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