Title: Tainted Conviction – Part Five

Author: Sita Seraph

Genre: Angst, Religious relatings

Pairing: 1x2 eventually.

Rated: R

Warning: Gruesome treatment, stigmata, sixth sense, and a whole lot
of shit.

Note: I thought this was a very freaky chapter…I hope I brought the
suspense and nerve threatening wracking tension into the story.

To say he had entered a dreamless state would make him a liar. For
everywhere he turned were hopeless, dark memories. Things that
bloomed from the war, things that he had mashed down with a steel
hammer. He had forgotten those things for a very good reason; so, he
guessed, it was only appropriate to haunt him in his only time of
rest. It was such a bitter and cruel thing to do; something only God
would remind him of.

Duo watched with unclouded eyes, his hand clenching his gun at his
side. The medal was so hard, so cold. Duo tightened his hold on the
gun, fist clenching it so tight that his hand began to quiver. He
wasn't afraid now. He wasn't worried. He couldn't even bring
himself to hate what he was doing. He couldn't summon up anger, pity,
and woe.

There was nothing. A blank settling over his stomach, the sense of
mass murder and not feeling the least sorrowful for the crime
committed. Duo wasn't sorry. He wasn't anything. He was just a
soldier among the thousands, doing his job, and killing whoever stood
in his way. He had no conscience he was just a weapon. Someone
would tap him on the shoulder and Duo would push the safety lock off,
and the toy weapon would fire his gun. Cruel and heartless way to
look at it, but then again, war was heartless and a bitch in the
beginning.

Duo slowly raised his gun again and took careful aim at his target.
The boy quivered in terror, wide brown and innocent eyes bearing up
at him for pity, for mercy. Looking for the humanity each man had.
But Duo had none. Remember? He was just a toy soldier.

Duo pulled the trigger without batting an eye and the 8-year-old boy
fell soundly to the ground, the gunfire still echoing in the dead
air. Death moved on, eyes forward and didn't even glance at the
quickly forming pool spreading across the dirty ground. His gun rang
off two more times in the dead night, finishing off the boy's parents
with efficiency. And as he left the quiet home, he again felt that
empty, blank feeling. He had killed in cold blood…and felt nothing
for it.

Besides…they were just nameless casualties.

*****

Duo sat up, still in his dream state, the blanket sliding down his
chest and stomach to curl up in his lap. His eyes opened with a
gasp, the dream releasing him from its strangle hold. Free at last,
Duo panted into the night air, his body wet with sweat. The dream
burned in his mind, the images scarring his eyes and he shivered
violently. Knots twisted in his stomach and for a moment, he thought
he was going to throw up. But with that thought and the mental
image, Duo forced away the nausea. He didn't want to go through that
hell again.

Slowly, the ex-Shinigami pilot brought his knees up to his elbows
and held his head in a low defeat. His breath trembled, from unknown
tears, cold, and guilt. He had a dream that was not his own. He had
dreamt of a crime he had not committed. And yet the cold medal in
his hands was deadly real. The empty hole in his stomach was like
the pains on his wrists. And the cry of the gun still rang in his
ears.

Hesitantly, Duo raised his head, body shivering in the cold air of
his room. His hair was free from his braid, tumbling down his back
in a rain of freedom and curls. Around his wrists he took notice of
the white bandages that was soaking with blood. Nausea swept over
him but Duo swallowed it down, staring at the red ball against the
white. The air swept by him, the hand of winter touching his bare
skin, and the Preventor shivered again.

It was so cold, Duo couldn't stand it. It was amazing that not only
he had slept through this god-forsaken air; but that he couldn't see
his breath each time he exhaled. With the thought of a warm shower
barging in his mind, Duo kicked off the sheets and pattered across
the floor. He held his wrists up, afraid that maybe his blood might
drip free from the bandage. He crept to his door, opening it with
his toes and peered out into the hall. Satisfied that no one had
woken from his bad dreams, Duo crossed the fluffy carpet in the
hallway and made his way to the bathroom. One elbow hitting the door
open and the other clicking on the light, Duo stopped in the doorway
to look around at the small bathroom. It was spotless and clean
again, the trace of previous events erased. But the air of blood was
still thick in the room, the atmosphere filled with a sickness. Duo
shivered again, almost taking a step away from the haunting white
bathroom.

Oh, no you don't, Duo scolded himself. He was afraid of a freaking
bathroom! How pathetic was that? Determined to prove this pit in
his stomach was not fear, Duo stepped into the bathroom and went to
the sink. The air was still chilly even in the room and the thought
of warm, cascading water over him made Duo shiver yet again.

Duo unraveled his bandages quickly, humming a soft tune to keep his
mind off other non-important things, such as this morning, and
revealed his wrist to the light.

Duo gave a dry heave at the ugly, gruesome sight. A red hole broke
though his entire wrist, as if a stake had been driven through. It
was large, so large that Duo could peer inside and seen his fractured
bone and the red, pulsing sick inside of meat…

Again, Duo gagged and drew his gaze away. He was going to puke, he
was going to throw up, and he was going to die. Yuck. Quickly, Duo
wrapped his wrists back up with new bandages, eager to cover up the
hideous sight from view before he coughed up his Cheerio's. When the
sight was gone, Duo leaned heavily on the tiled counter and tried to
get his heart and breath back to normal. His stomach was doing nice
little flip-flops and Trowa leap, twirl, and land jumps. The urge to
throw up was right in his throat, the bitter taste already in his
throat, but he refused. He wouldn't gag.

Duo gagged.

He would not heave.

Duo gave a dry heave, head lowering to throw up.

And he would not throw up.

Duo opened his mouth wide and up went his Cheerio's.

*****

After exhausting himself with throwing up all his worth, Duo had
crawled into the shower. He felt ten times better with an empty
stomach and now all he wanted was to rid the chill that kept wracking
his body. Stripped to the bare, Duo turned on the shower and sighed
thankfully as it beated down on him instantly. Warm, luscious water.
God, it felt like heaven…Duo closed his eyes, a tiny smile on his
lips.

Bastard. Whore. How dare you fucking do this to me?

Duo's eyes snapped open, breath caught in his throat. He quickly
looked around, violet eyes wide. But he was alone behind the closed
door, steam filling up the small room. He must have been tired, his
mind was beginning to play tricks on him.

The water still wasn't hot enough. Duo turned the knob a little bit
more and hotter water beat down at him. The white mist thickened in
the room. The slam of the water against the tiles rang in Duo's
head, the thick mist calming his muscles with the water. Duo closed
his eyes again, relaxed and happy to be under the waterfall.

Did you know how much I fucking hate you all? I hated you and your
rules!

Something began to twist is Duo's gut. Desperately, Duo turned the
knob more, trying to block out the voices that was screaming in his
head. The water seemed to rain with more anger, turning his skin red
upon impact. The fog in the room was so thick; every breath was
getting harder to take.

And still, Duo wanted it hotter.

Well, this is how I say FUCK YOU! I wanted to fucking kill you so
bad that I would fanaticize about it! Now its come and I can't wait
to get you out of my fucking, goddamn life.

Stop, stop, stop! Duo screamed, breath coming in sharp, short gasps.
He turned the knob all the way to its max. The water burned, burned,
burned! It scolded, it hurt so badly! And yet Duo couldn't get the
craving out of his head to make it hotter, to make it hurt more. Duo
felt the need to shrivel up and hide from the water but his body
wouldn't allow it. He stood before bracing against the acid shower,
skin burning away. It hurt and yet it felt so fucking good!

And then he felt the eyes.

Eyes snapping open from their sated state, Duo's head whipped
towards the closed doorway, the steam so thick making it unbelievably
hard to see. But through it all, he saw.

The door was no longer closed.

Inside its frame stood a very tall, beautiful girl. Her hair was
soaking wet, curls of black trailing over her white gown and dripping
to the ground. Her skin was cherry red, burnt, peeling away.
Disgusting. Her breath came in short; hallow gasps, as if unable to
breathe correctly. And those furious, black eyes were blank with
rage. A hollow feeling Duo felt in his dreams. No regret or pain.

The girl slowly raised her hand, the gun shaking in her grip as she
held it so tight, her fingers almost white instead of the scolding
red that marked her skin. She cocked the gun.

Duo's eyes widened.

She took careful aim.

I don't want to die, he thought.

And the trigger was pulled.

BAM!

04 <--- Previous Chapter - Next Chapter ---> 06

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