Wufei's Recollection by Lily

Title: Wufei's Recollection
Author: Lily
Archive: yes, please
Pairing: 5x4
Categories: angst, deathfic, songfic, shounen ai
Rating: R
Warnings: blood, angst
Spoilers: none
Notes: [lyrics] Wufei's POV again. The final installment of the second trilogy.
Disclaimer: don't own them. also don't own the song "Latter Days" by Over the Rhine. Lyrics have been rearranged very slightly, and a couple lines removed to fit.
Feedback: craved! send to: ann_marie_martino@ emerson.edu

Wufei's Recollection


"Heero! You didn't have to kill him!"

"Baka. He would never have given up. He thought that was love. I'll show you love, once we get that body off of 'Fei, who, I believe, is shouting about injustice."

"Well, it's a bit muffled, but I think you're right..." Duo agreed as they climbed the stairs to Wufei's bedroom.

"Baka." And with a kiss, the rest is silence.

~end Prologue~

[What a beautiful piece of heartache
This has all turned out to be
Lord knows we've learned the hard way
All about healthy apathy]


I watched, horror tightening my mouth, as the bullet pierced your beautiful golden chest, and blood spurted out, and then you crumbled, falling backwards. The glass in the window shattered, crumpled around you, as your body fell through it, landing on the sidewalk below, broken and bloody, eyes open in fear, in shock, in surprise. The glass was a waterfall of glinting sunlight showering down on top of your body. I could still feel the pressure on my body where you had lain, attempting to rape me, but all I felt was sadness. Those bright blue eyes had dulled in death. I could not look at Heero, still holding the smoking gun (so what if it is a cliché? Does anything matter now that you are dead?). My gaze transfixed on that small body, so carelessly disposed of, so easily shattered. Blood spread around your head like a demonic halo, which I guess was fitting. You were not what I had believed you were. Unfortunately that does not dampen the love that pools in my heart like your blood, pooling on the sidewalk, forming an ever-wider circle. Duo looked startled, then he yelled at Heero, who made some glib response. Heero spoke something about getting the body off of me, when all I could do was stare down. They were clattering up the stairs, they had not seen you fall, they did not know that I was all right. They did not know that my voice was muffled by my hand. I know why they killed you, I know why he killed you, but I still feel somewhat resentful. They crashed through the door, then stopped, and stared, and Duo cried out,

"Where is he? I thought he'd have fallen on top!"

"He fell through the window," I responded quietly, coldly. I was not yet ready to examine the truth behind what you had done. Duo's hand flew to his mouth, and for once, he kept the damn thing closed.

[I use these words pretty loosely
There's so much more to life than words]

I am angry, it is a weakness, true, but you are dead. Gone. I pushed past them, the murderers, and down the stairs I went, and out the door. I knelt by your side and closed those lovely aqua eyes. Oh, yes, I knew that you had caused the death of Trowa. I knew he killed himself to protect me. Typical Trowa. Perhaps he had protected me. I felt the twist of the knife I have learned to call love when I read his confession. He thought that I would hate him, and maybe I would have, if I had not sensed your darkness, Quatre. Instead I felt the love I could have given him languish and perish in my soul. There is no point in loving a dead man. I could have told you that.

[There is a me you would not recognize, dear
Call it the shadow of myself
And if the music starts before I get there
Dance without me, you dance so gracefully
I really think I'll be okay
They've taken a toll, these latter days]

In heaven or hell, wherever your soul has departed to, I can still see you dancing. Just like the night I fell in love with you. The night that you had danced so slowly, like molasses falling through a liquid lake of time, so slowly, like honey dripping from the edge of a spoon. You danced more beautifully than anyone I had ever seen. I danced with you at our wedding, and you swung me around you with an easy grace I have never accomplished, even with all my years of martial arts training. Even when you windmilled through the picture window you did it gracefully. There was poetry in your death that you had not achieved in life. In your life, the space heart, combined with your father and ZERO, had driven you slowly but surely insane. I just wish I had known that before I fell so thoroughly in love with you.

[Nothing like sleeping on a bed of nails
Nothing much here but our broken dreams
Oh, but baby, if all else fails
Nothing is ever quite what it seems]

Your blonde hair has been stained crimson with your blood. I leaned down and kissed you one last time, the feel of your cold lips lingering on mine, the feel of your cold, dead body against mine imprinted forever in my memory. Your space heart beats no longer, love. You can perhaps achieve peace at last. Certainly it is a peace you would not have seen in life, for I doubt this war shall ever end.

[And I'm dying inside to leave you
With more than just clichés]

Heero stood at the end of the drive, waiting for Duo to emerge, and watching me. I guess he looked a little sad. I am not really quite certain, as I was not paying much attention to them. Only you. I never had the chance to say goodbye. I should have been the one to snuff out your life. It was a matter of my honor, honor that was being compromised, after all.

[There is a me you would not recognize, dear
Call it the shadow of myself
And if the music starts before I get there
Dance without me, you dance so gracefully
I really think I'll be okay]

I believe I am capable of falling in love again, but this time I will be very, very careful. Never again will I love such as you. Never again do I desire to love such as you. I am not positive I can make the judgment of character necessary, but nonetheless, I think I shall be okay. One more kiss to your cold lips, I put up a hand to stop Duo from interfering with my goodbyes. They left, silently - strange that Duo was so silent - and the twilight blanketed me and your body. The sun dipped behind the horizon and the moon winked off of your blonde hair, making it silvery. An opalescent silvery-copper color, from the blood. So fucking beautiful. So twisted. Oh, and I love you yet. Goodbye, Quatre.

[I just don't have much left to say
They've taken their toll, these latter days]


That's the end, I swear! I promise!

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