All That You Leave Behind

By: Aryn

          Nari woke up from a deep sleep and knew. She didn’t know exactly how or why she knew, but she knew. It was time. She glanced at the clock beside her bed. Obnoxious red numbers that didn’t seem to be all that obnoxious now told her it was one thirty in the morning. She smiled slightly as she got out of bed. No one else would be up in the large Winner mansion. No one would be bothered by her actions.

          Except for Quatre.

          She glanced over at his still sleeping form, wishing he would continue to sleep. He didn’t need to be awake for this. Pulling her robe over her nightgown, she padded quietly downstairs to the kitchen. Surprisingly calm, she set the water kettle on the stove and quietly watched it till the water was hot enough for the cup of tea she wanted. Her body felt tired and weak, but her mind was more alert than ever. Things that didn’t seem to make sense suddenly were explained. Feelings and emotions were now made sense. Mistakes really did have a meaning behind them. Nari brushed her long red hair over her shoulder and sighed. Perhaps she should wake Quatre up. Picking up her tea cup, she headed towards the porch. Knowing Quatre, he would wake up soon enough and join her. Besides, she still had some thinking to do.

          Quatre rolled over and reached out for Nari. He only came in contact with cold sheets. Blinking bleary eyes at the clock, he found it was only five thirty. But judging from the temperature of the abandoned bed clothes, his wife had been up for a long time. Something told him he needed to get up and find her and that something was usually right. He checked in on Meghan and Macale, who were oblivious to their parent’s state of mind. Quatre quietly shut their doors and went downstairs. He noticed the patio door was open and went to investigate. Sure enough, Nari was seated on the porch swing, cup of tea in hand and staring up at the fading stars. He was struck with how weary she looked. The Tucker’s Syndrome had done it’s work on her body for the past few years and it was beginning to show.

          “I thought I could find you out here.”

           She turned slightly surprised eyes towards him and gave him a small smile. “Good morning. I didn’t want to wake you up.”

          “You didn’t.” Quatre sighed heavily as he sat down next to her. “I know what the smile means.”

          “What smile?”

          Quatre pointed to her. “That one. That’s your ‘I’m in a lot of pain right now, but I don’t want anyone to know that so I’ll just pretend everything’s okay’ smile. How long have you been up?”

          “A few hours. I’ve done a lot of thinking.”

          Quatre put his arm around her and pulled her close to him. “And what have you been thinking about?”

          “Legacies.”

          “What do you mean legacies?”

          “People say that you’re children are you legacy. I disagree. You’re actions, which leave marks on people and the world, are a person’s legacy. Mistakes, bad choices, the taking of life all leave permanent impressions on the world. That is our legacy.”

          Quatre tightened his grip on her small shoulders. “I wouldn’t say that it’s only our mistakes that make up our legacy. There have been good things that we’ve done that leave just as much a mark on the world. Lives that have been saved, good deeds done, little favors done for people you don’t even know are just as lasting as mistakes. The only difference is mistakes have consequences that are more noticeable than the good deeds. You make a mistake, everyone knows who you are. You do a good deed, and your identity could go unknown forever.”

          “Which brings me back to the original point. Mistakes are all that we leave behind.”

          “Not unless the people who knew you for the good that you did bring your name to light. And there have been many people you have helped that do know your name.”

          Nari closed her eyes and rested her head on Quatre’s shoulder. “I don’t want my children to know their mother killed people on the shores of the Sanc Kingdom. I don’t want them to know that she was a prisoner of her own mind while trapped in a Gundanium body.”

          “But if we leave that part of your life out of their lives, how will they what a brave woman you are? It would be like leaving out the fact that I was Gundam pilot when we tell them what we did when we were young. We need to tell our children of the mistakes we made as young people so they don’t have to make the same mistake. Mistakes and wrong decisions may be something we leave behind, but only for the sake that other’s don’t repeat the same ones. But there is more to our legacy than just mistakes. That’s not all we leave behind.”

          “Thank you my lord.”

          Quatre turned his head and placed a kiss on Nari’s forehead. “For what my lady?”

          “For helping me realize what I’m leaving behind.”

          Quatre finally understood what his wife was saying…what the whole conversation was about. He pulled her closer to him as a cold fear spread it’s icy fingers through his body. “Nari?”

          “I love you, so very much Quatre. Tell the children that as well.”

          “Nari.”

          “Shh.” She sighed contently and she curled up next to him, her head still on his shoulder, the tea cup held loosely in her lap. “Let this moment be my last.”

          The words sunk into his numb conscience but he remained trapped in denial. The sound of the tea cup hitting the wooden floor brought him out of his daze. The porcelain cup rolled to a halt by his feet and the silence of the night resumed. He felt hot tear roll down his face as he gathered Nari in his arm and cradled her against his chest. There was no breath against his neck, no soft sighs.

          He looked back up at the sky and watched the last star fade from the velvet darkness, knowing that his wife went with it.