I twisted the phone cord around my index finger as I talked to Wufei. I hate stressful conversations. Now that I look back on it, I should have known not to call him back from the tone of his voice he used on my answering machine. I guess I just wasn’t all there at the time. So here I sit on my bedroom floor trying to find what was left of a decent, semi-serious relationship. He was always great to get into a deep conversation with, something I had been lacking up until that point. That was probably the only reason it lasted as long as it did.
I loved him at a point that was for sure. He was perfect to me then. Then I realized what a dick he really was. I don’t really know why I missed him at all. There would be other guys in my life. It wasn’t like I was too ugly or stupid to get a man. I don’t know. I have crazy fashion and a great sense on humor. Most of my assets are really looked for when a guy looks for a girl. I’m not a genius when it comes to guys so I’m not even going to try to be. I’m actually really intelligent; I just don’t ever show it.
I remember it like it was just a few days ago. My friend, Sally and I were talking in English class back my freshman year. She was complaining about her boyfriend. Some guy I hadn’t met named Wufei. She told me she would introduce me to him after school or something to this extent.
He introduced himself and I remember looking into those beautiful eyes of him. Those eyes were what made me fall into this pit of pain and other assorted bull shit. This beautiful color entranced me so. We exchanged numbers that minute, right in front of Sally. I found out later that he had been watching me for about a month. We talked on the phone every night afterwards, just about. It wasn’t too long until Wufei and I started dating. He had the most wonderful since of humor. He could make me laugh at the most ridiculous things and then 2 moments later make me see and entirely different side to life. He was one of those men that you know, even in a million years, you could never forget. Our relationship was rocky at first. My friendship with Sally was close to non-existent and to this day still is. I realize that it will never be the same. At that point I was so attached to him that I could see no fault in what I was doing.
Our relationship went from talking on the phone about everything under the stars, to wanting to do each other under the stars. Mind you, we came very close. I was obsessed with him. Only now do I look back on it and see where I messed up. I was young but I wasn’t naïve. I did have the intelligence factor going for me. I spent the entire summer with him. Usually talking to him until 1:00 in the morning for the sole purpose of saying "good morning" to him. He was a big part of my life. I told all my friends and family about how much I loved him and how long I thought we would be together. In the back of mind I knew that time would take us apart. That day, that I knew was coming, got nearer every minute. The day that Wufei would leave. Damn Gundam Pilots. I could feel the hot tears rise in my eyes every time that I thought about losing him, but I pushed the thought into the back of mind. My mind set was that I would deal with it when the time came for him to go. I was determined not to let it spoil the time we had together. He met my family and we became closer than I ever imagined I would be. Then I took a look around and realized that school was just around the corner. Would a proud senior want to be seen with a stupid little sophomore? His answer came loud and clear. Those stupid little sophomores were his friends. About a week before school came around, I invited Wufei to go to church with me and my best friend Hilde. He obliged and came and picked me up that morning. He look beautiful as ever, but somehow I knew things weren’t the same. I played it off as being grumpy that morning but I knew in my heart that something was the matter. We went to church and I showed him off to my entire church family. Any prior thoughts that anything was wrong quickly escaped my mind as the day rolled forward. He held my hand, kissed me and made all his usual flirty, derogatory remarks towards me. I didn’t think anything of it anymore. I was set to be baptized that night and Wufei promised he would be there. Right as he was set to leave, his grandfather told him he couldn’t go. He called and it broke my heart. I tried not to let it show but it did anyway. I knew he felt bad for not going, but worse for doing something to cause his grandfather to not trust him. Instead, he sent two of my friends, Relena and Heero, over to Hilde’s house to pick us up. It still wasn’t the same without him. We took plenty of pictures and I would just show those to him. Afterwards, I went home. I bragged to my parents about being baptized and now being an official "Jesus worshiping, Bible thumper". I checking my answering machine and heard the message from Wufei and dialed him number. I told him I loved him as soon as he picked up the phone. He didn’t answer me. Now I knew what was wrong the whole time. He wanted to break up. So hear I sit in my bed room floor.
Throughout this you’re going to have to bear in mind that I was tough. I didn’t let anything phase me. I had built a protective bubble around me and the people that I cared about. That was I didn’t have to worry about feeling any bad emotion. No pain, no hate, no anger. Just love, happiness ect. You get the idea. As I heard the words escape from him, the bubble popped. A flood gate of tears spilled down my cheeks as I hung up the phone. "Never let me see you sweat." My father’s words rang clearly in my mind. I never had before, and I never would. That being the sole purpose behind hanging up the phone. Wufei wouldn’t know how badly he had hurt me. No one would. I curled up in a little ball on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I felt the hate and rage build up with in my body. The fire in my soul became an inferno. I had to get rid of the pain. The anger. I couldn’t take it. I reached down beside me and lit up a cigarette. I exhaled slowly as the smoke filled the air. I would make him pay. I would show everyone that I didn’t need anyone. Ever. I looked at the clock. I had been laying there for about two hours. I closed my eyes. Not ever bothering to turn off the light. Finally a rough darkness over came me.
I jumped out of restless slumber. The phone was ringing. I grabbed it with a rough hello. It was Relena. She heard it all from Heero who had heard it all from Duo who had heard it all from Wufei. Every girl knew in their heart that their loves would leave. The ones that dated Gundam Pilots anways. It was just a factor they all had to except. Most already had. I never did. It was always there in my sub conscience like a damn fly buzzing around my head. Relena was calling to check on me. It felt good to know that someone cared. "I’m coming over and getting you Catherine." She said. Fuck the idea of ever having an ultimatum with Relena. It was her way or get the hell out of the way. And she’s tell you that too. "Alright, let me get in the shower alright?" I asked "Ok just hurry up. I should be over there in like half an hour." She said as she hung up. I slung down the phone and rolled out of bed. "God why can’t I just die already!" I screamed. It couldn’t feel much different. Eternal damnation seemed like a good idea. It couldn’t be worse. Nothing could. I grabbed a towel and dragged my sore body into the shower. "Come on Catherine. Pull yourself together. Don’t let some fuckin’ dickhead make you feel like shit. It ain’t worth the pain. Nothing is." I told myself.
The hot water fell around my body. It felt good. At least something did. I flipped off the water and toweled off. I pulled my long hair up into a clip and threw on some clothes. I wasn’t about to get all dressed up. I wasn’t even in the mood to deal with that shit. About that time I heard Relena’s car pull up. She had the most beautiful 2002 BMW Z3 in solid black. Not much of a family car but… You only live once right? Might as well live it up, right?
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