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I don't get why Buffy is giving me the evil eye about this thing from Red and T-Rex. Sure, Big Sister and I are really pissed about the sword. And for once she's the one doing the harm! B's the crazy one now, that's all there it to it. But there's something else going on.

The way Buffy's been watching me... it's like I'm evil again! It felt so good to be trusted by her today. I wanted that so much. Maybe I wanted it so much I made myself believe it? Maybe she never really trusted me for a second. Maybe she can't ever trust me. After what I've done, maybe I don't deserve to be trusted.

I was the bad guy once. Maybe I have to feel like that forever. I guess that's the price I have to pay. Dawn can make me forget I'm bad, but I'm not sure I can ever really be good.

I so wanted to just be happy with Dawn and at peace with B. I wanted to fit in. It was a nice illusion for a minute there.

Now Buffy's about to ready to hit something–probably me–and I'm suddenly so depressed I just want to curl up with Dawn and cry. But Dawnie's smiling again. That's enough to stop me from feeling too bad. She takes the witches' little carved wooden box out of its bag.

She smiles wider, dying to know what's inside. She's in for a shock–but a good one. But as she touches the latch, Tara gently stops her.

Buffy heaves a sigh of relief. Is T-Rex backing down? Are they really gonna take the single best present of the day right out of Dawn's hands?

I intervene. "T-Rex... it's OK." Buffy gives me another suspicious, angry glare and leans forward, about to snatch the box from Dawn.

Tara stops Buffy with a touch and closes Dawn's fingers over the box. "Dawnie... we have to explain what this is. In case you don't want it." Will squeezes Tara's arm in support.

I think Dawn's just realizing there's a lot of tension in the room over this little trinket. "Guys? Why is everyone being so weird?" Then she smiles again. "It's something magic, isn't it!"

"Yes, it is," says Tara. "And it's safe magic! Totally... it can't really do anything... but it can show... things. Things we think you'll want to see... but you need to be sure, sweetie. If you're not ready to see, it'll keep."

Dawn's squirming with curiosity. "What does it show?"

Buffy butts in. "Dawn, you don't have to do this. This is your birthday and we all just want you to be happy."

"That's right," agrees Red. "We got you something else anyway, if you don't want to see." She smiles nervously at B.

Dawn clenches her fingers on the box and rolls her eyes. "See what?"

"The Key," says Tara.

Everyone is silent as Dawn's smile fades. "The... Key?"

I touch her arm. "Yeah... the real you, Dawnie. Like I saw when I was doped up on that potion."

Dawn's not excited anymore. She's disappointed. Even sad? Almost... scared? "And like Glory's crazies saw?" she asks... It almost sounds like an accusation.

Tara nods, "I think so. I was one of the crazies! I know the Key was beautiful... but I can't really remember that time. But Faith knows what you are. She remembers seeing. And now you can see for yourself. Any time you want. Just open the box and breathe. And you can show other people too. But only if you want! Willow and I will totally understand if you–"

Dawn cuts her off. "I don't want to see."

Willow and Tara look crushed. Buffy lets out a breath and relaxes a little... which means she's still wound wicked tight.

But Dawn has to see this! "Baby, what I saw was so beautiful... I know you'll be glad if you see your real self! You'll see how special you really are. As if you weren't amazing enough already!"

Dawn pats Tara's arm and gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Faith... if you had to see me like that, then I'm glad it made a nice impression. But I just want to feel real and normal. I guess nobody else can really know what it's like for me. I want my whole life to be real, and it's not. Never happened. So I just want to believe it anyway. I need that. I need to not think about the whole Key thing." She turns to Will and Tara. "It's a great gift. I bet it was really hard to do, and it's real nice of you. But I just... can't." There are tears in Dawn's eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Dawnie–" I start, but B cuts me off.

"She doesn't want to, Faith! Let it go!" She hugs Dawn. "You are real Dawnie. You'll always be real to me."

"Thanks, Buffy." They hold each other, and I can tell it helps. Dawn smiles a little again. Buffy's comforting Dawn the way I used to!

So Buffy was right all along... this magic was a terrible gift to give, and today was a terrible day to give it. And all along I pressured Red and T-Rex to ignore Buffy's opinion. Yet again, I've hurt Dawn by meaning well. A little talent I picked up when I ran out on her in Boston.

I can't even look the witches in the eye. I've hurt them too.

Subdued and quiet, Willow picks up their other package and gives it to Dawn. "We'll hang onto the box. If you ever want it, just ask. We'll never mention it again. Meanwhile... here's your real present."

Tara's crying a little, filled with remorse, but trying to hide it behind a smile. "H-Hope you l-like it!" She takes the spell box back from Dawn and slips it into a pocket.

Dawn unwraps a black sweatshirt. With two huge linked female symbols in rainbow colors. Surrounded by hearts. Dawn raises her eyebrows.

"It's subtle," notes Xander.

"I like it," says Dawn, but she's trying not to laugh at it. It's a little over the top!

"W-we thought it might be f-fun... with the club at school a-and everything...." Tara's embarrassed but she gets a hug from Dawn. Red too.

"Thanks guys!" But it's pretty clear that Dawn's still bothered by the box. Maybe Red and T-Rex should destroy it instead of keeping it.

An awkward silence falls. The big day is just about over, and it was mostly tears.

Tara takes a breath. "There's more." She looks at Dawn and bites her lip.

"What?"

"There's more... a-about the Key." Buffy gives Tara a look of disbelief, and the witch shrinks a little but goes on. "To make the spell in the box we had to study it a lot. St-study the Key I mean."

Dawn looks troubled so I reassure her. "Which is a good thing, baby... the better we understand the Key, the better we can all keep you safe."

"Keep me safe...? From what?" So much for reassurance. I've scared her!

I shrug. "Probably nothing, it's not like you should be all worried... but I meant, just in case..." I shrug again. "You never know, thats all. And I feel like playing it safe when it comes to my girl."

Tara continues, upset at Dawn's distress. "We learned how the Key was made h-human... and h-how they made all the memories of your life."

Dawn looks horrified. "I don't want to know!" And if this is leading up to Dawn being made by human sacrifice like T-Rex told me, then I don't want Dawn to know!

Tara cringes, but Red backs her up. "Dawn... giving the Key human life was black magic. We won't lie to you about that. But that was the easy part! The memories were the hard part. The part we couldn't figure out for the longest time. So much detail, and we all got memories, not just you! Everything you did, every day of your life... everything everyone did around you, and with you... How did the monks invent so many details? It just didn't seem possible."

In higher voice, panicky, Dawn objects again. "Please... Just let me be real!"

Buffy tries to stop Willow... and yet she's still giving me dirty looks, like I'm the one behind this whole mess! Which I guess I am, for egging the witches on all this time. "Will... let it go," says Buffy, "She's upset enough already."

Tare interjects. "We f-figured it out, Dawn! You need to know this.... how all those memories were created."

Dawn shakes her head, distressed. Tears forming again. I know she doesn't want to hurt their feelings but they're putting her in a bad spot. And I don't know whether I should side with B on this or not! Bringing Dawn to life was magic so evil it made Tara cry to tell me about it. So how can Dawn's memories be good magic?

"It's so much simpler than we thought," says Willow. "The monks didn't create the memories. Tara's right: you should know that."

"I don't understand!" Dawn's voice breaks. After breaking down crying over B and me fighting, she's still fragile.

Tara holds Dawn's hands and gives her a shy smile. "They didn't have to invent the rest of your life, Dawn. Because you are real.... and you always have been!"

Dawn freezes still as a rock. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that you really are Buffy's sister... and you really did move to Boston... and you and Faith really were friends.... everything we all remember... everything you wrote in your diaries... it did happen. So if nothing else about this makes you happy... at least be happy for that."

My heart skips a beat... I never heard this! Dawn squeezes Tara's hands, as fascinated by this as I am. "But... we know I wasn't real! I'm the Key! And... with Glory and all that...! I opened the portal! And Faith saw the Key! And that trance Buffy did... she saw how things were before I was made!"

Willow tries to explain. "Yes, Dawn you are the Key. You are new in our lives... in a way. But you're also real! Your life did happen. All of it. And we've all been a part of it just like we remember!"

Dawn shakes her head, confused. I'm with her all the way. "How the hell does that work?" I ask. Even Buffy is hanging on every word. What are the witches talking about? Could my girlfriend actually be more than two years old? I've barely got used to the idea that our history was a fake, and now we're supposed to believe it was real?

"Dawn, remember when I was a vampire?" asks Willow. Anya smiles innocently. I missed that little adventure, but I know it was Anya who started the whole thing.

"Remember? How could I forget! I was visiting Mom and Buffy for the weekend and I woke up to find you sitting on my bed with no clothes on! You were one creepy vampire! I didn't even know it wasn't really you until the next day! I think she scarred me for life!"

Willow blushes. "Let's stress the 'wasn't really me' part. Evil vampire Willow was nothing like the real me."

"Although," says Anya, "you did turn out to be gay... Maybe you'll turn out to be sadistic and dangerous too!"

"Anyway," says Red, "the point is that she came from a different world... just like ours, only things happened a little different. There are infinite alternate universes like that."

Buffy interrupts. "This is all very Steven Hawking. How does it make Dawn's life real?"

"Because," says Tara, "in some of those worlds, you got a baby sister named Dawn... and in some of them, she went to school with Faith. The monks needed a lifetime of memories that tied the Key to both Slayers. To make both of them protect it. But the monks didn't make those memories... they found them!" She turns to Dawn. "They used Buffy's blood, and Faith's too, and did a spell–a spell about love, not evil. White magic to seek out a person beloved to both Slayers. You're what they got, Dawnie. From a world just like ours was... only better, because that world had you in it." Tara smiles warmly.

"All our memories about you," explains Willow, "are from another world... a world where you were real all along. A world with no Glory, no Key... just you, Dawnie."

Dawn stares at them in wide-eyed amazement. She swallows. "So somewhere out there... another Faith and another Buffy... lost me."

"Oh, no, Dawnie!" Tara comforts her. "The memories are borrowed from that world... but you, your living self... that wasn't taken from there. That's the Key."

"I'm a copy..." mutters Dawn.

"In a way... but Dawnie, never forget: everything you remember did happen. Not here, but it did."

Dawn turns slowly to me and settles into my arms, tears running down her face. "Faith... I really did meet you in Boston... We really did fall in love watching the sunset on your roof... I really am Mom's kid..."

My eyes are watering too. "Seems that way... all of it's real. Just like it always felt. And you know what? That kinda doesn't surprise me!"

"I can't believe it!" More tears, but not sad tears. I thought showing Dawn the Key would be the best gift ever... but this is better.

Willow and Tara exchange glances. Red puts her hand on Dawn's shoulder. "Dawnie... believe it. We can prove it."

"Prove it?"

"We can show you. Your blood still remembers where you came from. You can use our box to see that other world... If you want."

"See the real me?"

"See the first you... you're just as real as she is. You're the same person she is. Only with no Glory, things will be different for her. Her life will have taken a different path these last two years. Might be a little weird to see."

"No Glory, no Key..." Dawn's eyes widen. "So for her, Buffy never died?" She hugs her sister, who is smiling with tearful amazement like the rest of us.

"Probably not, Dawnie," says Willow. "After the monks made you, you were on your own track. You were the Key. So you're your own person now, and so is she. We can't tell you if her life is a good one or not. But you can know, if you want to."

Dawn only thinks for a moment, and then nods quickly. Tara gives her back the box. "Don't open it. Just hold it, and say this spell..." She looks at Red, then at Giles, and then leans in close to whisper in Dawn's ear.

Dawn nods. It's only a short spell. "Got it."

"Why whisper?" asks Xander. "Is it bad for us to hear it before she does the spell?"

Willow looks sad. "No. Only bad for me to hear it."

Tara rushes to comfort her. "Oh, no... I only whispered b-because–"

Giles interjects, "A very thoughtful precaution Tara. We all know how hard Willow must struggle to keep away from magic. But don't worry Dawn, the box is quite harmless, and nobody can change the magic inside without opening it first. Willow may be powerful, but magic has its rules. There's no danger."

But... is he moving a little bit to block Dawn from Willow just the same?

Dawn holds up the box. Buffy's smile vanishes and she clenches the pillow again. And again she's glaring at me! Tensing up and ready for action? I ignore her and put one arm around Dawn's tummy. Whatever this magic does, I want her to know I'm with her.

Dawn says what sounds like one long word, in god-knows-what language. At the same moment, the mirror Xander made starts to slide off the end of the coffee table. Willow and I both reach to save it, and our hands touch.

Dawn makes a tiny sound and goes limp. I catch her, but her head falls back and her eyes are staring open. Buffy leaps up.

She's not breathing! "Dawnie!" I feel her neck but there's no pulse. Time stands still and cold terror washes over me.

Buffy kicks my shoulder and spins me into the ground, gathering up her sister. "What have you done to her?! Giles!"

Buffy lowers Dawn to the couch as I spring to my feet, ignoring the bruising from B and thinking only of my sweet Dawnie. Please let there be something we can do! Dawnie... Dawnie... Dawnie...!

 

---

 

Giles steps forward. Willow is shaking her head in horror, mouthing "No!"

"Oh god Dawnie, don't die!" I cry. Why didn't I kill Faith long ago? Why? I pry the box from Dawn's fingers but nothing changes.

Giles feels Dawn's wrist. "She's cold..." Like Mom was when...

"What did I do?" sobs Willow. "What am I?"

But Willow didn't do this. I saw Faith grab Dawn and then touch Will, right when Dawn spoke the spell. This may be Will's magic, but Faith's the one who used it! "Faith, bring her back or I will kill you right here and now!" Faith's white as a sheet. She knows I'm onto her. And she knows I will kill her this time.

"It's the t-t-trance!" says Tara, pushing past Giles. She puts her hand over Dawn's heart and closes her eyes for a moment. "It's just the t-trance... Dawnie's not w-with us now... she's watching the other world."

Faith grabs Tara. "She's going to be OK? How do we bring her back?"

Thank god! But Dawn's still in danger. "Tara! Don't tell her! She did this! She doesn't want Dawn back!"

Faith gapes at me, murder in her eyes. Her true colors showing at last.

But Tara shakes her head, "No... it's just the spell Dawn did... and we can't bring Dawn back, she has to come back on her own."

"How? When?"

"When is up to her, Buffy. When she's seen what she needs to see." Tara holds Willow. "Baby... my Willow... you didn't do anything! OK? It's all OK, baby..."

"Giles!" I cry, needing him to tell me that Dawn is safe.

"I believe Tara is correct," he says. "It is unfortunate that we didn't know exactly how it would happen. But this does seem very much like any other high-level clairvoyant trance."

But... "Then why did Faith grab Willow's hand?"

Xander leans his mirror up against the wall. "Buffy... I hate to put a damper on your little feud, but it sure looked to me like they were just going for the mirror."

Color is returning to Faith. She raises her fist to punch me, then shakes her head and backs off. "I'm really that kind of shit to you, aren't I, Buffy? You can't ever believe in me for one second can you?" She sinks to the floor beside Dawn, and strokes her cheek.

I let her. I feel bad all of a sudden. I apply my Slayer discipline and seek calm. Was I being unfair? I want to trust Faith... but I just can't. She is the one behind this little spell box. She convinced the witches to do it. And she's either been keeping Dawn a virgin for some mystical reason... or else she's not gay at all and loving Dawn is just an act! As I've often suspected. There is no way that slut is really against sex all of a sudden. And she did touch Willow. Maybe she made the mirror fall, just as an excuse to touch Will. Just like she did when Willow sent those monsters after Dawn and me, I'll bet!

This trance thing may be safe, but I will not take chances with my sister. "Tara," I say urgently, "we need to bring her back now. How can we be sure this is what you think it is?"

Tara picks up the box from the floor, opens it, and peers inside, muttering something in latin. The thing is completely empty! Weird. She nods. "It's just doing what it's supposed to Buffy."

Giles agrees. "Buffy, I'm afraid we'll just have to wait until she's ready to return." He tries to close Dawn's glassy eyes... but they just spring open again. Eek. I'm gonna have nightmares about that for sure.

Tara kisses Will on the forehead and then the mouth. Will is starting to calm down. I give her a comforting smile. It must be so hard to be afraid of your own powers like that!

I push Faith away from Dawn. Not too hard... I could be wrong about Faith. Sliver of a chance. But I don't want her near Dawn while she's in this trance. "Let's give her space." I should probably try to say something nice... make peace with Faith so she doesn't think I'm onto her. But it's too late. I am onto her, and that's out in the open now.

Everyone stares at Dawn, worried but trying not to act like it. The minutes pass.

"Well I'm getting more ice cream," says Anya.

And then... I notice that Dawn's eyes are closed. When did that happen? And... she's breathing! Asleep?

"Dawnie?"

She smiles slightly with eyes still closed. "Buffy..." she says, softly.

Faith rushes back to her side. "Baby!"

Dawn's eyes slowly open and her smile widens. She speaks quietly, dreamily. "I saw... There's another me... just like Tara said... It's all real...! My life is real..."

Willow kneels beside Faith. "What did you see, Dawnie?"

Dawn looks thoughtful. "I saw all of us... the other me... Nobody could see me, but I was there, watching... Willow, you and Tara were back together there, too. You were bending over, and Tara..." She blushes, remembering more. "Anyway, you were definitely back together. But not you two," she says, looking at Xander and then Anya. "So... pretty much like this world. And it's the other Dawn's birthday too. Which kinda figures, I guess. And she got a TV for her room! But I'm not jealous." She takes the box back from Tara. "I got a way better present than she got." She sits up.

Faith looks worried. Some evil scheme not going quite as planned? "Dawnie.... was... was I there? Were we... together?"

Dawn turns to Faith, and suddenly her smile is gone. Her eyes fill up with tears and they stream down her cheeks. Her lip trembles but she can't find words.

Faith is getting even more upset. Does her plan depend on that other Faith somehow? "What?" she asks. "What is it, Dawnie? Was I there?"

Dawn nods slowly. "You were there."

"Were we together?"

Dawn shook her head. No. "I didn't watch for very long... you were on the far side of the room. We didn't say anything to each other."

"Oh," says Faith, crushed.

"But... we were in love."

I don't know why Faith cares about that other world so much, but she seems relieved. "We were? How can you be sure?"

"Because they're us...! You were there and I was there... of course we were in love."

Faith smiles and nods. "Yeah. Guess we found each other again in that world too."

Dawn nods, but still she's still crying softly.

"What's the matter, Dawnie?" asks Faith, kissing the wet corner of Dawn's eye. I restrain myself from stopping her, but I watch closely for more magic.

"You were..." Dawn begins... and then starts crying too hard to talk! Damn it, this box is not making her happy! I knew it wouldn't!

Faith swallows, a tear falling from her own face. "I was what?"

Dawn breaks into hard sobs! "You were helping Mom into a wheelchair!"

My mouth falls open... "Mom's alive there?" And then I'm crying almost as hard as Dawn. Faith backs off and lets us hold each other.

"Oh, sweetie!" says Tara, and she and Willow press close to comfort both of us.

"We're so sorry," says Will. "We didn't mean to–"

Dawn shakes her head, getting her tears under control. "Don't be sorry. I'm happy she's alive, somewhere out there. I'm happy I got to see her... one last time." Her voice breaks but she doesn't start sobbing again.

But I do start crying again. I didn't get to see Mom one last time. I got to find her body.

Dawn holds me and I settle down eventually. Willow and Tara look very guilty and unsure. Faith's watching Dawn and me, either crying silently or putting on a good act. Which she proved very capable of the first time she was in town. Damn, I wish I knew.

I let go of Dawn. She pulls Will and Tara to her. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

Dawn is happy after all. And you know what? So am I. The birthday's over and Dawn's alive. And she didn't have to see the Key. Instead she got to see something that made her feel more human instead of less. I'm glad.

But then Faith reaches for the last gift. The plain brown box that she's been waiting weeks for. Waiting to give it to my sister... and she won't say what it is! I guess the day's not quite over.

I feel so... drained. I don't want to fight with Faith. I don't want to worry about her and try to second-guess her... I just want the whole Faith thing to go away. I can't deal with it. But I have to. And whatever's in that package is evil. I'm sure of it.

"One last gift," says Faith.

Dawn shakes her head no, with a small smile. "Not yet." She turns the witches' spell box around in her fingers. "I want to see." Everyone falls silent. "I want to see my true self. I want to see the Key." The witches look at each other, surprised.

My sister slowly opens the little box. It's not empty anymore. Not in the hands of the Key it was made for. A glowing green mist hovers inside.

She brings the box to her face and breathes in.

 

~ Continue to Episode 23 – Unfamiliar ~

 

If you enjoyed this story, try CV. Buffy agrees to a meeting with someone from her past. It's not what she expected. (Faith/Buffy. Faith and Dawn have a very different relationship in that story.)

I always appreciate feedback in my Guestbook, or by email. Thanks for reading! (If you'd like to be notified when I post new stories, let me know.)

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