Site hosted by Build your free website today!
Main Menu
Slash Fiction
Mary Sue Fiction
Original Fiction
Family Stuff
Cupid's Little Helper

Chapter Two
Gettin Called On Tha Carpet


Look, don't evah tell anyone this (cause ya know what I can do if ya cross me), but I've nevah been really comfortable with transportin. I mean, it's convenient an' all that, but it's pretty fuckin disorientin as far as I'm concerned. I've nevah liked it, cept for tha cool reactions ya can get from tha mortals when ya pop in.

Anyways, every time I do it I get just tha eentsiest bit whoopsy. It's pretty easy ta covah up when yer as naturally pale as I am an' have tha rep for bein loopy all tha time anyway, but it's always there. So maybe ya can understand why I kinda hung onta Cupe when we flashed in. I can't tell ya how much of a relief it was ta have someone sturdy ta lean on.

Tha relief lasted just long enough for me ta realize what I was doin an' pull away. Or try ta pull away. Cupe wasn't lettin go. "Ya can turn me loose," I muttered. "I ain't gonna run." He held on ta me. I pulled again. "I said I ain't gonna run."

"You haven't noticed where we are yet, have you?"

I looked around. "Oh, fuck!" I whispered. Zeus's throne room. It was empty at tha time, but just bein there meant that I was in some deep shit. I seriously reconsidered that statement about not runnin. Maybe I could go visit Hades for a few decades till whatevah this was cooled down. I tugged frantically. "Lemme go, Cupe!"

He gripped my arms an' shook me. "Stop it! You're going to have to face up to this, Strife, and there's no point in panicking till you've had the really bad news."

My mind was racin with all tha hideous possibilities that could be worse than just Zeus on my ass. "Well, it ain't Unca Ares or he'd be wearin my livah right now, an' if it was Mom she'd be usin my balls for earrings, so what could possibly be worse than...?"

A horrible thought struck me. My mouth dropped open, an' I gave Cupid a stricken look. "Aw, no! Not both of 'em?" He nodded grimly, but I think I saw a little sympathy in his eyes. Now I clutched at him, pleadin. "Say it ain't so, Cupe!"

"I can't."

"Then fuckin lie ta me!" I screamed, startin ta fight.

All right, he's bigger'n me, but I was trained by Ares, an' I was scared shitless. I got loose. I pulled out a few feathahs in tha process, but I was too worried about othah things at tha moment ta care. Once I got outta his arms all I could think of was gettin far enough away ta keep him from grabbin me again when I tried ta think my way outta there, so I headed for tha door.

I was goin too fast ta stop when it disappeared, so I ran inta tha wall, full tilt. Mebbe I couldn't see tha old man, but he was there. He's tha only one who can make those structural changes on his own place.

I mighta been groggy if I hadn't been so spooked, but I just bounced off an' headed for a window. Cupid tried ta snag me as I passed, but I can be a slippery bastard when I wanna. I was headin for a windah when tha fireball caught me in tha back an' knocked me ass ovah ears. I could tell who'd thrown it from tha way it felt. Yeah, each of tha gods has a different feel ta their power bolts. Most folks nevah feel 'em often enough ta be able ta tell tha difference, but with my history, I could be blindfolded an' creamed by every deity on tha hill an' I could tell ya who'd blasted me every time.

I was on tha floor tryin ta shake my vision back inta focus, an' I heard Cupid sayin, "That wasn't necessary!"

Huh? Since when did anyone try an' save me from an ass kickin?

I didn't have any time ta consider this, cause a cold voice was answerin him. "What's necessity got to do with it? He deserves it, if not for this fiasco, then on general principles."

*sigh* Ya know, I hear that some mortal gran'mothahs bake cookies an' shit. Whatta concept.

Then I felt strong hands liftin me up, settin me on my feet. Cupid was pushin hair up outta my eyes, peerin inta them, frownin. "Are you all right? Do you need to see Aschlepus?"

Hera an' Zeus both flashed inta tha throne room, an' Hera snorted. "Oh, please! Don't coddle him, Cupid. You've always been far too soft-hearted where he's concerned."

He was? I looked at him in surprise. He repeated, "Do you need to see Aschlepius?"

"Uh... no. I'm awright." I hesitated. "Thanks." He nodded an' held on anothah minute, I guess ta be sure I wasn't gonna drop when he let go.

Zeus was starin at me, arms folded, tappin his fingahs on his elbows. Maybe ya heard tha old story bout some girl who gets blessed so's flowers or jewels drop from her lips with every word she speaks? Ya mighta b'lieved Zeus had tha same type of spell on him, cept he spat out ice chips--that's how cold his voice was. "Strife, do you remember Prometheus?"

I shivered. "Yah."

"I'm considering letting the eagle eat your liver AND your eyes each day."

"Whaddid I do?"

Hera was winding up with another fireball. Cupid snapped, "Grandma!"

Ooo. Not tha best idea. Even a goddess who can go a few centuries between wrinkles don't like ta be reminded she's a grandma. But he deflected her a little. Instead of pastin me in tha face or tha breadbasket, she pitched tha fireball at my feet.

Not much damage, but it still hurt like Tartarus, an' I jumped a few feet straight up. When I came down I landed in Cupid's arms, like some dopey village maiden bein carried across a puddle by a local swain. For a second I was tempted ta just stay there. I figured they wouldn't be so quick ta toss stuff if he might get hit, too. But..., well...

It was kinda nice, bein held by someone who wasn't fixated on whoopin my butt at tha moment. I felt like buryin my face against that tanned neck, but I just ducked my head undah his chin.

Hera had whipped up anothah fireball. She was itchin ta throw tha thing, yah could tell, but Zeus said, "Put it away. If you kill him we'll have all the hassle of getting him back. He's not going to get to spend any time lolling around in the underworld. He's going to help fix this mess he's made." She frowned, but tha ball of energy faded out of existence. "Cupid, put him down. Neither one of us is going to annihilate him. Not right now, anyway."

Cupid set me back on my feet. I figured a little butt kissin couldn't hurt anythin, so I dropped ta my knees right away. There was a hairline fracture in Zeus's wall of anger. Tha old goat sure does love grovelin, an' I can toady with tha best of 'em. Hera wasn't havin any of it, though. "Oh, get up!"

I stood up an' said meekly (yeah, I can manage meek when I hafta. Makes me wanna go out an' start a riot aftahwards, but I can do it), "I don't understand what tha fuss is all about. I just messed up one little wedding. It's my job."

"Anieli is one of my grandsons," Zeus said.

I looked at him. "Okay, yeh, I can see that. Damn, ya really get around, dontcha? But why's tha old la..." I caught myself in time, or else they'd have been pickin pieces of me up in Thrace. "I don't undahstand why such an important goddess like yerself would be interested. I mean, let's face it--ya usually ain't too supportive of his pet projects, are ya?"

She stalked toward me, an' I braced myself for slaps or kicks. Instead she just put her face up in mine an' growled, "Damara is one of my priestesses."

"Uh." I flinched back. Goddess or not, her breath didn't smell nearly as good as Cupid's. "But ya mean ya want wunna yer girls ta marry wunna his gits?" I was thinkin about how Hera treated Hercules. I mean, tha bitch was responsible for his family dyin, so it hardly seemed likely she'd favah wunna her followers marryin another of Zeus's part-mortal offsprings.

"Yes, well, the blood has thinned out a little. Anieli isn't so bad. I am the Goddess of Marriage, you know. It would hardly be good public relations to discourage one of my followers from marrying. Anyway, Damara loves him." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "She did love him."

Cupid put a hand on her arm. "She still does. The love is battered and bloody, but it's still there. We just have to nurse it back."

"What about Anieli?" Zeus was pacing. "All I've been getting from him since the incident is jumbled thoughts, very bitter."

Cupid shrugged. "That's because he's been drunk. Bacchus would be proud. He's on a monumental binge right now. His pride is hurt, but I'm certain that he loves Damara. Still, he's very conscious of his masculine image. Damara attacked him in public, and he feels humiliated." Zeus nodded. He could undahstand doin somethin stupid because of hurt pride. "There's no point in going back over what happened. It's done, and it can't be called back. It has to be corrected."

"I still don't undahstand what tha big stink is all about," I whined. (Hey, I'm a champion whinah. I can break glass when I really get goin.) "All Cupe hasta do is stick 'em both. Problem solved."

Hera scowled. "It won't work."

"Why not?"

Cupid sighed. "Because, against my better judgement," he glared at his parents. Zeus got busy lookin at tha ceilin but Hera met his stare levelly. "a certain god and goddess do not want to be accused of meddling in their lives. They got me to nudge them together without the arrows."

"Ya mean they didn't consider that meddlin?" Okay, mistake. I dodged tha thunderbolt an' fireball, but Zeus was gonna hafta do some redecoratin later on. "Ya know, yer right. Ya were just bein concerned about their welfare."

"Strife..." An' that was a judgement pronouncin voice if evah I heard one. I kinda gathahed myself in. "Since this fiasco is your fault, you must help redeem it. You will devote yourself to this task until it is resolved."

Okay, there was an out. "Well, gee, I'd liketa, but I don't think Unc would be too happy havin me tied up like that. Ya know how it is, dissention ta spread, hostility ta forment. Busy, busy, busy."

"I've already talked to him. He wasn't best pleased with your efforts in the last clash with Rome. He was quite agreeable."

I wilted. Well, fuck. If War ain't gonna take up for Mischief, who is? I nevah really felt like I had a big support group anyways, an' right then I felt pretty damn alone. So I was kinda surprised ta feel Cupid's hand on my shoulder. "It's all right."

"Whatta ya mean, all right? They expect me ta get those two back tagethah. What kind of experience d'ya think I have in that? I'm the expert at bustin things up, remember? If I hafta work on this till it's solved, both tha mortals will have long grey beards, and ya know how long that takes ta happen ta a woman."

"You won't be doing it alone."

I snorted. "What, they gonna send Dischord ta help me? That'd fit if they was already married, but it ain't gonna do much ta bring 'em tagethah."

"No. Strife, this hasn't been explained very well." Another pointed look at Hera and Zeus. This time Gran'pa got interested in tha patterns on tha tiles, and Gran'ma just looked bored.

He turned back ta me. "We'll be working together."

I gaped. "Wha?"

The eyebrows went up in that I-really-don't-believe-you're-either-stupid-or-deaf-so-you-must-be-playing-ignorant expression. I think he learned that when Bliss was born. It must be standard issue for all parents. "I'm not allowed to use the arrows, but you must be aware that those aren't my only methods. A lot of time and effort goes into making those, Strife, and I try not to be too lavish with their use. Besides, a love that grows naturally is much more... spiritual."

Well, I thought that deserved a good laugh, but I already had more'n one ridiculous concept ta deal with. I could feel tha grin stretchin my mouth. "Love an' Mischief, workin tagethah?"

Look, don't give me any shit about laughin at that, all right? It woulda got a giggle outta Cerebus, an' if it was enough ta make a three-headed dog laugh, what chance did I have? I howled. I mean, I did the whole holdin my sides, tears on my face, lemme-sit-down bit.

Cupid just tapped his foot, waitin for me ta calm down. When I subsided inta snorts an' giggles he said calmly. "You through yet?"

His tone sent me inta anothah fit, but it didn't last long, even if it did include rollin on tha floor. Finally I sat back up, wipin my face. "Yah, I'm through now."

"Good. Then we ought to have dinner and get to bed. I want to get started bright and early tomorrow."

"Kay." I hugged my knees. "Where ya wanna meet? Back at tha village? My place? Your place?"

He reached down an' snagged a handful of leathah at my chest, then hauled me up. Damn, he seemed ta be makin a habit of pickin me up. "I see it still hasn't been fully explained. Until this is over, you're under my command. That means you stay with me."

That sobered me up. Me? In tha home of wunna tha Gods of Light? "Hey, waitta minute, Blondie..."

Tha fist turned, takin anothah twist of leathah an' pullin me in closah. He leaned down an' his face was only a coupla inches from mine.

Damn, he was beautiful. I couldn't stop lookin, even though I felt like I oughta close my eyes, cause havin that much prettiness that close was bound ta be bad for someone like me.

His voice was soft. "Strife, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way. Let me remind you that your Mom and my Dad are not the only one's who can kick your ass. I wouldn't enjoy it like they would, but I am capable. Haven't you ever heard what a bitch love can be?"

I swallowed, an' gave him a sickly grin. "Whoa, ya can cut the bitchiness dial way back, cuz. Here I am, ready an' willin ta do whatevah ya say."

I thought that might get me turned loose. Instead he twisted tha leathah a little tightah, pullin me in a little closah. "I wonder. Did you stop for a minute to consider all the different interpretations that could be put on that offer?"

I noticed Zeus an' Hera givin each othah funny looks when he zapped us both outta there.

Cupid's Little Helper, Part TwoCupid's Little Helper, Part One