Stupid Crooks

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a
chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off
their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain
still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the
chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of
cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard
cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all
the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he
fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at
customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs
official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The
customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he
does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western
movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year- old woman, who
wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages
rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a
check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a
robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that
he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and
stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was
recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere
in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through
a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He
then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2)
he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3)
he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for
help ...

Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a
refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator
from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly
got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator
was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the
refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to
realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving
the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
drawer? Fifteen dollars.

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