Disclaimer: I don’t own Gackt JoB or any other brands etc mentioned in this fic. *sob*
This is dedicated to all the Gackt JoB fans out there-- no matter what happens Gackt JoB have given us a lot of happy memories.
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If Yoh had owned a knife he might have used it to cut the tension in the room. As it was, the dull wreaths of smoke surrounding the blank faced man at his side like a poison halo were doing a pretty effective job of disturbing the atmosphere. A tiny smile blossomed on his lips when the redhead across the table began to cough pointedly and received only a harsh slap on the back from his best friend. They were a band, a collective almost as close as brothers, but no one in the crowded bar would have guessed from the silence that hung sufforcatingly over them. Yoh noted with little interest that they were already garnering a few strange looks. It was hard to hide when your faces graced every bill board and television screen in Japan daily. Patrons passed by, some holding elaborate cocktails and plates full of self service Chinese-style dinners, their pungent, spiced aromas wafted temptingly in Yoh’s direction. Now was not the time for eating, he felt infinitely more interested in getting drunk. Drunk enough to forget this was happening. “So--” He tried helplessly, his dark eyes switching between the men crammed round a small table, already loaded with empty glasses. The man at his side was the only one who couldn’t meet his gaze, but he spoke nonetheless, “Karaoke.” Yoh raised an eyebrow, catching the redhead’s immediate reaction, “Gakuto, now is hardly the time for singing.” He exclaimed with blatant surprise. “Nonsense, there is always time for the gift of music.” Gackt stubbed his cigarette out on the rim of a tumbler and regarded them coolly from behind 3000 yen sunglasses. In the corner someone muttered, “Too fuckin’ weird.” Gackt shook his head, turning his imposing attentions onto the sullen brunette huddled at the edge of the cherry red leather booth they had all squeezed into. His voice was practically glacial, “I’m sorry you think so, Masa-kun.” The brunette erupted, his face twisting into a scowl that almost erased all Yoh’s fond memories of his smile, “That’s why I’m leaving, you’re too much and I’m fed up of living in your shadow!” Before anyone could blink Masa hurled a half empty glass against the far wall, it seemed to sate his rage for the moment. Gakuto held up his hand in supplication to an overweight and clearly flustered barkeep, who backed off at the idol’s mute command like a humble serf. Yoh stared on in horror, his expression matched by Ren and Chachamaru, who had his arm tightly curled round the redhead’s waist. Toshi merely looked up and sighed then returned to the line of shots he’d been quietly demolishing. “Karaoke.” Gackt stated simply, got to his feet with natural grace and brushed down his indecently tight dark red leather pants, not looking back as he pulled Yoh from his own seat and out across the bar. The violinist knew better than to protest. He simply watched the rainbowed lights reflected on the floor like an ever changing pool of coloured light as they headed towards a small, makeshift stage and the ominous black Karaoke box. Back at the booth Masa pretended not to pay any attention to either of them and the other members of the band sat transfixed, curious to find out what Gackt had planned this time. Yoh jumped slightly as Gackt thrust a microphone into his hands and planted him firmly in the centre of the stage. A chorus of girls, in too much make up and last seasons dresses leered drunkenly at him from the nearest table and at the bar, tired-looking salarymen eyed him suspiciously. “B-but I’m not a singer Gaku!” He hissed. Already his cheeks had stained the colour of Summer sunsets, but coated in shadows as they were only Gackt had the pleasure of his embarrassment. “Baka, you live under delusion.” Gackt leant over and chose a track from the varied selection, finally returning to the side of the stage as Yoh watched the CD load and read from the digital display with mounting nerves. Playing his violin or guitar infront of thousands had done nothing to quell his trepidation for public performances. Though he was loathe to admit it, he needed Gakuto to support him. As the first notes pushed back the animated chatter of the bar Yoh’s voice rang out;
~ I’ve been watching your world from afar, I’ve been trying to be where you are, And I’ve been secretly falling apart I see, To me you’re strange and you’re beautiful, You’d be so perfect with me, but you just can’t see You turn every head, but you don’t see me.~
From his darkened corner of the booth Masa raised his head. Yoh swayed barely noticeably to the beat, his eyes closed and lips parted, moistened as he gathered the courage to carry on. Gakuto waited in the wings, his own attention riveted on the usually silent man. Behind his stony visage he felt a strange mixture of pride and sadness and when he glanced at Masa something deep down inside fractured slowly.
~ I’ll put a spell on you, I’ll put a spell on you, And when I wake you I’ll be the first thing you see, And you’ll realise that you love me~
~Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first, Sometimes the first thing you want never comes, I know the waiting is all you can do, sometimes~
When the final notes faded into nothing, there was only silence and Yoh waited with crippling anxiety for the heckling to begin. A sudden, sharp sound reached his ears and he cracked open one almond shaped eye. The patrons were clapping. Gakuto melted from the black and plucked the microphone from his numbed fingers. Without a word he selected another song and bade Yoh to sit on the edge of the stage. All the while he was painfully conscious of Masa watching them both. The CD clicked in to place and Gackt removed his glasses, bearing his glacial eyes to the room, but keeping them trained solely on Masa. Even in the muted light there was nowhere to hide from his scrutiny.
~And you don’t seem to understand, A shame you seemed an honest man, And all the fears you hold so dear, will turn to whisper in your ear, And you know that they say I’m gonna hurt you, And you know that it means so much And you don’t even feel a thing, Hurry I’m falling, I am fading, I have lost it all~
~And you know I don’t mean to hurt you, And you know that it means so much, And you don’t even feel a thing, Hurry I’m falling, Hurry I’m fading, I am drowning, Help me to breathe, I am hurting, I have lost it all, I am losing, Help me to breathe~
Masa barely noticed as a tear rolled down his cheek. Gackt’s head was inclined back to the shadows he so loved and Yoh pleaded silently with him from across the room. Everyone had fallen under the spell of Gackt’s haunted voice, even when the music came to an abrupt halt and Toshi grunted through his intoxicated stupor no one could bring themselves to say a word. The microphone slipped from Gackt’s hand and hit the ground with a clatter of metal on wood. He stepped back into his beloved darkness and a few moments later a door slammed. Yoh was on his feet immediately, he felt Masa at his back even before he reached the backstage exit.
“ Yoh?” Yoh couldn’t remember having heard his friend sound so pathetically quiet. The din from the restaurant had begun afresh and their departure was being covered by Toshi’s exuberant rendition of some foreign pop song. “Go on, that’s what you wanted.” He replied coldly, pushing down on the handle. Cold air swept in like a tidal wave and the exposed skin of Masa’s shoulders prickled, an involuntary shudder running through him. “What if I told you you’re wrong.” Yoh shrugged, glancing out into the street beyond. “It’s too late, the contracts have been dissolved, now just go before you cause us any more grief.”
Masa’s voice rose and he wrenched Yoh round to face him, small fingers digging into his arm, “I never meant to hurt you.” The taller man pulled away, “Then why abandon us? Are you ambitious too? Like Gakuto was? See where it got him?? A lost love and a band that would stab him in the back in a heartbeat.” A haze of tears welled up in Masa’s wide, hazel eyes and he just stood and looked up at Yoh for a long time.
“......I wanted a life where I could forget.”
Yoh tried to look clueless, but he knew Masa’s feelings all too well, “Isn’t it better to at least be near him? Sure, he’s the face in all the magazines, the one the camera loves, but we get to know him like no one else.” He smiled sympathetically, going as far as to lay a comforting hand on Masa’s shoulder.
The brunette shook his head, “You don’t understand.”
“Bakas.” They both started as Gackt re-emerged from his hiding place, standing beside them with an aura of understanding calm.
Masa’s scowl returned instantly, but he could only maintain it for a few seconds. Yoh snatched his hand back as if burned. In the chilled backstage area they had utter privacy and only a dulled echo of Chacha and Ren dueting in the bar filtered through to break the tension. Finally Yoh found his voice again, “Masa was just leaving.” He stated bluntly.
Gackt chuckled, eyeing them in turn with something akin to amusement “No, he wasn’t...” The mysterious vocalist slipped his arm round Masa’s shoulders and waited for a shiver to subside. He laughed again softly at the younger man’s nervousness. “Gakuto--” Masa went to protest, but he was silenced by the faint whisper of Gackt’s breath on his cheek, almost as cool as the night from which he had returned, “Shh...a parting gift?” His hand directed Masa by the nape of his neck and each fingertip played on his skin until there was no resistance and Masa’s dry lips were claimed by his own.
Yoh watched on in shocked silence.
A subtle innocence flushed Masa’s cheeks and when Gackt drew back he was slightly breathless. Almost immediately he discarded Masa like a broken toy and approached a stunned Yoh. “Hm, you are so blind Yoh-chan..” One arm slid around his neck and then the other, locking him loosely into Gackt’s irresistible embrace, it was Masa’s turn to gape in indigent surprise as Gakuto leant up and pressed his lips to Yoh’s, nipping dangerously at his guitarist’s lower lip, the sensitive skin bruised beneath his punishing touch. Yoh closed his eyes, a moment later when they flickered open Gakuto smiled and murmured, “He’s going nowhere.”
“Gakuto!” Masa pulled the singer back with all his strength, momentarily forgetting the older man’s martial arts training and superior speed. Gackt allowed him this one victory, stepping aside with a final, soft imperative, “Stay with him, with us.” Before disappearing back into the fray.
“Camui....” Yoh’s heart cried out, but he couldn’t ignore the petite brunette who stared up at him in obvious distress.
“Do you understand now?” He pleaded.
Yoh shook his head, still haunted by the memory of Gackt’s touch, his words, that single second of bliss in the dark. “I’ll never understand him.”
“Not Him! Me....do you understand me??” Masa bit his lip and stepped forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Yoh’s waist, “ I wanted to forget you.....I didn’t want to say I loved you. Not even to myself.”
“.....w-what?” The word stuck in Yoh’s throat and choked him slowly. A revelation came crashing down on him even as Masa forced himself away and headed for the exit. Yoh managed to turn just as he opened the door and stepped outside, “You know where to find me, when you do understand.”
The door had barely creaked shut before Yoh rushed outside, he caught Masa by the hand and swung him back around. Tears streaked Masa’s pale cheeks, rivulets of his disappointment.
“Don’t go...I understand.....I do..”
Masa shivered, hugging his free arm round his exposed waist and sniffed pitifully, “But, you love Camui...” Yoh smiled and pulled him close, chaffing his reddening skin as he led him back towards the bar. “I idolise Gaku-chan, he’s all I aspire to, but I could never love him the way I could love you....” Masa ground them to a halt, his eyes searching Yoh’s,
“Just say the word and I’ll stay.”
“Please?”
“Hai, but promise me one thing?” Masa asked quietly as they returned to the warmth and safety of the bar.
“Yes?”
“You’ll sing more often daijobu?” In the honeyed light of the anteroom, Yoh bowed his head and kissed him, a faint smile passing between them, “As long as you stay with me.”
Masa smiled, resting his head on Yoh’s chest, “It’s a deal..”
From the haven of his darkness Gackt congratulated himself.
~OWARI~
