Fall Apart Chapter Two Don't leave me here:
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~Teardrops on your face, we cannot hide, Nothing to lose, it's killing me inside, Killing me, killing me, killing me.....~
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The sun rose to deserted streets, a wan light cast over the endless buildings, the neon signs that only now shut down until nightfall. But slowly, the town would come alive once again, to fill with noise and commuters all oblivious to the near silent cries emanating from a darkened room.
"Kao-kun?" Toshiya tightened the cord of his robe and cautiously pushed Kaoru's bedroom door open, letting a single shaft of morning gold slide up over the chaos within.
There was no reply and he hadn't expected one.
A hand tapped his shoulder and the brunette turned slightly to Die, whose weak smile appeared plainly fake in the telling light.
"Maybe you should let him rest." Die muttered from under a mop of sleep tangled scarlet strands. His eyes were ringed by the same dark circles Toshi knew he possessed, no one had slept last night. How could they while one of their number was astray?
Toshiya shook his head and planted a quick kiss on Die's lips, the guitarist tasted of strong coffee and headache pills, a heady mix that almost jolted Toshi awake himself.
Die sighed lighly against his mouth and pulled away, whisphering in a low, anxious voice, "Don't tell Kao about Kyo. I'll go and look for him today..."
Toshi nodded and slipped silently through the door, consumed by the blackness. He moved on instinct, hearing Die pad away across the plush carpet toward their bedroom.
"Kao-kun...?" He tried again, biting back a long line of obscenties as his toes stubbed harshly against Kaoru's dresser.
"......T-tochi...?" The voice swam faintly back through the dark to his ears. He carefully navigated the remaining few steps toward Kaoru's bed and perched on the edge, fumbling for the bedside lamp.
The room was pooled in a warm, amber glow and a pair of slitted eyes gazed back at him, adjusting to the invasion with a soft grunt of discomfort.
Kaoru lay huddled at the head of his bed, a pillow constricted between his white knuckled hands. His hair dripped in violet streaks over his ashen face and the usually perfect make up he wore had long dissolved into smudged patches, lines of mascara down his cheeks told of the tears he had shed since the night before.
"......oh....Kao-kun...." Toshi raised a shaking hand to his mouth, barely able to believe this was their leader. The energetic, raucous man who had bounced around the stage like a dynamo and lit up every second of their lives together.
(Especially Kyo's...)
Kaoru grimaced, his face crumpling beneath the weight of Toshiya's horrified stare. He looked down, a fresh tide of guilty tears dripping wetly down his cheeks.
"......o-onegai.....I want Kyo.....onegai...." He whimpered, burying his face in the pillow.
Toshiya bit his lip and leant forward, his arms encircling Kaoru's shoulders. Kaoru shifted into the warmth of his embrace, callused fingers found Toshi's waist and clutched desperatly to the rough fabric of his bathrobe. He could feel a damp patch spreading down his chest as Kaoru sobbed, his head pressed to the exposed skin in a vain attempt to lock out the reality and the light.
"Shh...." The whisper melted from the shaodows and Die sat at Kaoru's other side, looking up with sympathetic eyes at his lover. He completed the comfort, stroking Kaoru's matted hair tenderly, his head resting on the anguished Kao's quivering shoulder.
"Um....I'm back....."
The door swung open and a figure was silhouetted in the square of light. A long diagonal of cornfield coloured hair obscured one widening eye, but nothing could conceal Shinya's suprise. A small pile of suitcases and shopping bags sat behind him in the lounge.
"Did I miss something?" He asked, a delicate hand placed on each hip in utter confusion.
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The parking lot was a ghost town and it had been a simple matter of sneaking into the neglected hut, finding the correct keys and driving right out of there.
Kyo found himself taking a minute measure of excitement from his theft. The record company had supplied them with three vans for transporting equipment to and from the studios. They would be steaming when one was discovered missing, but, like the scene at the cafe, it didn't matter anymore.
(.....space......I need some time alone)
He rounded another bend, barely concentrating on the subtle incline of the hill he had found. To be closer to the sky, further from the city, from anything to do with Dir En Grey was all he cared about.
Trees rushed past in a blur, a spoilt blend of emeralds and browns that met the cyan sky with no distinction. The radio was on, but he couldn't hear who was singing....
(Maybe it's me.....)
That image, rose to the surface again. Kaoru and another sharing their bed, and the gut wrenching sickness that followed.....how much he hated himself......hated Kaoru for letting them drag him down like this.
"....baka....."
The road twisted upwards, and Kyo found the windscreen suddenly blurred, he switched the wipers on, watching them wave across the glass.
No effect.....no effect....
Then he realised, with the hot slice of moisture down his face. It was him....and before he could reach up to halt his angry tears, something slammed into the front of the car and in a hail of glass there was silence.
Darkness.
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Shinya cupped the steaming mug in his hands and frowned, taking a tiny sip, before regarding Toshiya and Dir once more with disbelieving eyes.
"We were going to contact you, but Kaoru....well...."
The drummer nodded, pursing his lips to a thin line, "I understand....didn't Kyo try to help him?"
Die nodded, tucking a crimson bang behind his ear absently, "He reasoned, begged and even locked Kaoru in his room once, but nothing helped."
"And now he's disappeared." Toshi added, warming his own hands on a mug of green tea.
They sat on the large sofas in the lounge, each trying to ignore the vague sounds of Kaoru's troubled sleep that escaped from the crack in his door every once in a while.
"Did you ring his mobile?" Shinya asked practically, already reaching into his pocket for his nokia.
Die stilled him with a shake of his head, "It's on answer machine, I've left messages, but there's no reply. Nothing..." He trailed off, and Toshi's hand moved to gently squeeze his thigh in reassurance.
"I'm sure he's just brooding somewhere, he'll be back soon."
Shinya heaved a little sigh, "I should never have left you lot alone." He replied with a smile.
Toshi made an indignant noise and stuck his little pink tongue out at the blonde who responded with a snigger.
Die rolled his eyes and joined the chorus of laughter, his stern expression fading.
(....We have to keep ourselves together......for Kaoru...and Kyo....)
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Koi..it's so cold here.....
I'm lost.....where have you gone?
I'm thinking only of you.....I don't care about the past.......the present.......I need to find something that I can touch.....
Something real.
You.
It hurts so much, I want to die, but I can't not until we're together again....
Koi, don't leave me here.....
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(Two months ago)
"Kyo....."
"Nani?"
Kyo's short, fluffy blonde hair was ruffled by unseen fingertips and he leant back in the uncomfortable plastic chair, the blood rushing to his head as he caught sight of Kaoru.
"You're upside down...." He mumbled, grinning.
Kaoru's lips curved into a smile and he carefully pulled Kyo's head up, circling round the chair, "And who's fault was that?"
Kyo pouted for a moment and brushed away the hands connected to his face, returning to his barely literate song lyric ideas that were covering yet another unfortunate copy of arena 37c.
"Kyo?" The voice was softer now and he heard a sharp screech of chair legs dragged across the lino and set down infront of him.
"......mmh?"
".....are you busy?" This was one of Kaoru's patented I-want-sonething tones and Kyo dropped his pen and magazine down moodily, glancing up at the expectant man sat opposite him.
"Yes?" He replied dryly.
Kaoru's eyes lit up and he leant forward, his face mere inches from Kyo's, "I've bought you a present." He exclaimed excitedly.
Kyo raised a tapered eyebrow and let himself be plucked from his chair, tugged and pulled along the corridor, past an inquistive Toshiya and Die and into Kaoru's modest private room at the end of the hallway.
As soon as the door was shut, Kaoru dived for the drawer of his dressing table and waved a pair of paper rectangles at Kyo, practically hopping from one foot to the other.
"I-got-us-tickets-to-go-see-Marilyn Manson-next-month-I-know-how-much-you-like-him-and-"
Kyo's fingers closed around Kaoru's still waving wrist and before he could utter another word a pair of grateful lips covered his own.
Kyo, pulled his koi around until his back rested firmly against the wall, parting Kaoru's mouth with his tongue and slipping it into the warmth beyond. His other hand traced the lines of Kaoru's body, running a slow path up his thigh, across his naked belly and finally found it's place around his neck, pulling him closer.
Kaoru wrapped his arms round the shorter singer's waist and let his fingertips graze the skin just below the edge of his trousers, slipping down beneath the soft leather to stroke the curve of his behind.
Kyo broke the kiss, gasping, a gust of peppermint air flickered breathlessly from Kaoru and he smiled widely, "I'll have to buy you more presents." He said, giggling sweetly.
Kyo nuzzled into the pale flesh at the base of his neck, his words tickling Kaoru and making him laugh louder.
"....I'm not done thanking you yet.....not by a longshot....."
His hand prowled possesively down Kaoru's body once again and down between his legs, to caress his already hardening length through the thin material of his trousers.
"Ahh....K-kyo....now?" Kaoru whispered, his hips bucking up into Kyo's gentle attention.
Kyo moved his head, to gaze deeply into his lover's eyes, admiring the lust, the need he found there.
"Why not?"
Kaoru mirrored his smile and leant back against the cool breezeblocks of the wall, a steady stream of moans echoing around the enclosed space.
Kyo sank to his knees, and with familiar speed he made short work of the zips and buttons that stood between him and satisfying Kaoru.
As his trousers fell to the floor, with a muted clatter of metal, Kaoru closed his eyes, trying to slow the pulsing heat that Kyo had ignited within him. He knew exactly where and when to touch to make the world disappear, to leave only them.
Kyo played wickedly with the band of elastic at the top of his underwear, "Koi......underwear.....I'm disapointed....." He said with tut of disapproval.
Kaoru laughed richly, "Onegai Kyo-kun......."
"As you wish..."
Kyo slid the offending article of clothing down over his hips and leant in, blowing tiny waves of cool air up Kaoru's shivering legs, until finally his breath whispered over Kaoru's errection and he finally placed his lips over it, licking the tip experimentally.
"nnghh....Kyo...."
Kyo took his koi into his mouth inch by inch, until he could feel fingers threading through the hair at the back of his head, pressing it down gently. His dark eyes snapped shut and he began to suck, Kaoru's member throbbing beneath his parted lips.
"......Kyo....aah.....Kyo-kun......faster...."
He obliged and Kaoru looked down , seeing Kyo's little blonde head, moving in a steady rhythm between his legs drove him over what edge he had been clinging to.
"AAHH KYO!!"
He threw his head back, thrusting deep into Kyo's mouth and came.
Kyo drew back immediatly, and sat back on the frigid floor, swallowing quickly, a dribble of seed at the corner of his smile.
The violet haired guitarist let himself fall to Kyo's level, and watched through hazy eyes as his love crawled toward him. He felt Kyo's arms enfold around him they lay, sharing eachothers' heartbeats, lost in their shared song until a faint knock on the door shattered their peace.
"Um....." It was one of the record companies people.
They groaned simulantiously.
"Is everything okay in there? We could hear screaming." The worried man called through the locked door.
Kyo glanced at Kaoru and sniggered.
"Don't worry we're fine.....Kaoru just gave me a present." Kyo replied, still grinning at Kaoru evilly.
They heard the shuffle of retreating footsteps and both burst into fits of laughter.
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(Present time)
Shinya's mobile went off and they nearly shot from their collective skins.
"Konnichi wa, Shinya speaking." The drummer answered politely.
His face ran the gauntlet of patient listening, shock and dull acceptance in the space of under a minute. While Toshiya and Die could do nothing, but watch and wonder what Shinya had just been told.
Shinya said a terse goodbye and hung up, the phone slipping from his grasp.
"Shin-chan? What is it?" Toshi asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the reply.
"........It's Kyo....he's been in an accident...."
"No....." They turned to see Kaoru, supporting himself on the doorframe, his eyes overcast with fear and denial.
(......Kyo.....)
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