“Oi, Masa-kun. What’s up?” hide addressed him as if they were exchanging a nonchalant greeting at some industry bash. With swift grace Kami swatted him; a scolding expression marring his serene features, “That is no way to talk to our new brethren hideto and you know it.” Kazuki nodded furiously and approached Masa, who was still reeling.
“O-hay-o, welcome to the afterlife.” As if to punctuate his cheery exclamation Kazuki threw his arms round Masa and glomped him tightly, constricting Masa’s airways, which sent him into a panic until he realised he had no need to breath any more. “uh...hi...”
Sitting there infront of three of the most revered and mourned musicians on the Jrock scene Masa couldn’t help but think he was making an idiot of himself. Kazuki purred happily, seeming perfectly content to hug Masa for the rest of the evening if Kami permitted it. However, Masa managed to at least get him to loosen his death grip and allow him to watch as Kami perched on nothing in particular, appearing suspended in the air as he crossed his slender legs. hide stood, brushing off his trousers of imagined dirt and tossing the bottle over his shoulder, which faded into oblivion before it hit the ground.
“I assume you’ve had the speech and are prepared to keep watch...there has however, been a slight mix up.”
“Eh?” The little brunette, grabbed Kazuki’s wrists to stop him playing incessantly with his hair and stared at Kami cluelessly. The other angel went to speak and was promptly cut off by hide’s overbearingly confident voice; that to Masa’s ears sounded slightly slurred, “See, we each get assigned to guard the person who we were closest to when we were still livin’.” He paused, his pale eyes roaming the shadows just beyond where Masa sat, “Kazuki guards everyone in Raphael, I guard....I guard Yoshiki and Kami-kun guards your lil’ friend Camui.”
“I thought--” Masa trailed off, his shocked expression fading rapidly into the scowl he thought he ought to be wearing. “I don’t want to guard Gakuto, he’s the one who landed me in this mess in the first place!” Kazuki eeped softly and let him go, backing away at a rate of knots to settle beside Kami.
“Custom dictates only one guardian for each person, should they be unfortunate to lose a loved one...however.” Kami’s unreadable eyes were suddenly awash with emotion and he gazed at Masa intently. “Our bonds are both too strong to be broken and even the powers that be can do nothing...we will have to share the duty.”
Masa got to his feet, already shaking his head fervently, his hands balled up into fists. “No! I told you I’ve seen all I want. Tell them to let me go. If I can’t live in peace let me at least die with it!!” The infamous pink spider rolled his eyes, addressing Masa as if he were a disobedient child, “Deal with it kid, do you see me stompin’ and moanin’? Heck, at least you didn’t waste all your fuckin’ time on booze and broads.” There was an unspoken sentiment of regret behind his words that stunned Masa into silence; until Kami found his own voice again.
“ As much as it pains me to admit it hideto is right.” That earned the beautiful spirit a rude gesture and miniature eruption of obscenities from hide which was only stemmed when Kazuki gave him a hug too.
Masa winced; so angels could still feel pain, both mental and physical; he noted with deadened detachment as he raised his hands and uncurled them, tiny crescents of inflamed skin where his nails had dug too deep.
“In time, your hostility will fade....you can find it in your heart to forgive him.” Kami spoke sagely, as if he had all the answers.
But, the former Gackt JoB member’s resolve was absolute, in life he had been one of the most stubborn and wilful people You had said he’d ever met and his temper was almost as fiery as Ren’s before Camui tamed him and brought out the sweet, sunny side of the diminutive brunette.
“Fuck you.” He cried and stepped back, letting himself fall backwards off the ledge.
hide groaned softly and walked up to the stone precipice, planting his hands on his hips. He watched silently as Masa plummeted towards the concrete below and hit the ground as if he had been dropped into a basket filled with feathers.
“Some people never learn.” The little blonde now clinging to Kami’s waist giggled and aided his elder in slipping gracefully from his invisible seat.
“We must be patient hideto-kun, he will come around in time.” Kami wrapped his pale arms around Kazuki and the two of them evaporated, leaving hide to swear to himself and remember times past he would rather have forgotten.
* * * * *
The flowers began soon after, all shapes and sizes of wreaths, bouquets, a rainbow of colours and everything adorned with cards; their messages brimming with compassionate, but ultimately ignorant sympathies. Camui accepted each and every one in the fragile, quiet way he did everything since that day. You woke to find him staring silently over a sea of blooms, his fingertips caressing a single white rose clutched in his hand. He hadn’t even felt the thorns as they drew the blood which now trickled in thin, scarlet streams over his ashen skin to spot the carpet beneath his feet.
“Gaku..” You whispered, choking on his own grief. But, this was not for their departed friend; his fear and sadness was reserved for the broken husk of a man Masa had left behind. He padded over the stained carpet and slipped an arm around Camui’s overly slender waist, plucking the blossom from his trembling grasp before it could do any more damage. “You’re bleeding...”
“So desu..” The man leaning back against his chest replied disinterestedly, his gaze still fixed on the flowers that filled every inch of their modest sitting room. You’s face crumpled and he buried it in Gackt’s shoulder, sobbing for the first time since the funeral.
“Gaku, onegai...you can’t go on torturing yourself like this.” His bitter tears wet Camui’s pale shoulder, but the silence between them remained unbroken.
* * * * *
“Wake up, you’re already dead so quit pretending and go help Kami.” hide glided down until his feet touched the ground and kicked Masa in the ribs. He couldn’t help but smile as the guitarist cracked open one eye and lifted his hand, extending the middle finger. Gods; he was reminding hide of someone else close to his heart.
“Stop pretending you hate him too, it’s just pathetic. You should see the state he’s in now.” Eventhough he’d promised himself he’d remain stoically resistant to hide’s threats Masa sat up, his face contorted with anxiety for a fleeting instant, before it resumed it’s usual petulance.
“I hope he dies too.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Do.”
The cerise-haired man standing over him pulled his foot back and gave him another harsh kick to the thigh.
“For fucks sake kid! You got it pretty sweet if you think about it. Me n’ Kazuki we chose this gig, chose to check out and caused some real shit because of our selfishness. At least he doesn’t hate you.” Masa thought back to the week of hide’s funeral, to the senseless deaths of his devoted fans...no one had died in his name; the very though chilled him to the bone and he barely noticed at hide dragged him to his feet.
“Still,” He began warily watching hide’s feet, “Can’t they give me someone else....anyone else?”
hide shook his head, displacing a wave of shocking pink strands, “ Nope, but hey...we’ll teach you some tricks okay kid? It’ll make you feel better bout the whole deal.”
The younger man stared up at him incredulously, but didn’t argue back-- held back only by his curiosity.
* * * * *
Ren shielded his eyes form the flickering glare of flashbulbs that assaulted the remaining members of Gackt JoB as they filed in a line to sit behind the long table that divided them form the rabble of photographers and journalists each vying for their attention-- especially that of the young man who sat in the middle.
You had argued viciously with Chachamaru over the press conference the management types had been pressing Gackt to attend for days now and eventually he’d given in, but only after Camui forced a hand between them and softly pleaded for an end to all the shouting.
So the violinist and guitarist sat at opposite ends of the table, both resisting the urge to shoot the other a sour glance. Afterall the cameras never lied and enough rumours were hovering round them to begin with.
Eventually the press settled down into their seats and waited impatiently as Gackt and the others were needlessly introduced and the first reporter was chosen to have her say.
“Gakuto-san, our condolences...when will you be resuming public appearances? Your fans are very concerned.”
Not as concerned as the fat cats who are losing some yen while their star attraction is dormant, you thought darkly, his brow knitting with tension.
When Gackt spoke the whole room leant towards him, his words were distinctly less defined, less polished than usual and deadened to a chilling degree.
“ Three weeks, in three weeks we will resume promotion of Gackt JoB.” The woman standing before him was a mixed canvas of relief and disappointment, she sat down again slowly.
“Gakuto-san,” The next reporter was accompanied by a white flash and Gackt instinctively turned his face away, almost flinching. The other members of the band watched him worriedly and underneath the table Ren’s hand slid comfortingly over that of his old friend’s.
“Gakuto-san, is it true that you were present at the accident which caused your guitarist Masa’s death?”
To this Gackt merely nodded, a fragile, “Hai.” Escaping him, nothing more.
Before the other man had sat down a woman, young and enthusiastic sprung from her seat and demanded, “Gakuto, this is the second close friend you’ve lost-- do you believe it is any co-incidence that your drummer Kami died around this time of the year?”
You gasped, his face hardening immediately with suppressed rage-- how could she be so insensitive? This was as bad as the fact that they’d filmed the funeral-- probably for some sick DVD that’d be a hit with morbid devotees across Japan.
“Miss-” He began indignantly.
“I believe they were both too good for this world. Now....if you will excuse me.” Camui got to his feet gracefully and left without another word. The riotous press were almost as stunned as Ren, You, Chacha and Toshi and for a few moments no one said a thing.
At the very back of the room hide was leant against the wall, sipping nonchalantly on a small bottle of absinthe and humming the first bars of Forever Love. Masa sat crouched by his side, his chocolate brown gaze locked on the spot Gackt had just occupied. Before hide could notice, or at least he thought, Masa wiped away a tear threatening to spill and scowled.
“I don’t see why you’re showing me this. I couldn’t care less what happens to him.”
hide lobbed the bottle down at his feet, peppering Masa with glass shards and garnering himself a shocked little exclamation from the guitarist. “Stop lying to yourself Kid, you saw him just now....he’s devastated.”
“Then why did he let me die?” Masa demanded, standing up and facing hide, his temper in full flow.
However, it didn’t faze hide for even a second. “Bullshit, you had an accident. He just happened to be there.”
“But--”
hide clamped his hand over Masa’s mouth and grabbed his arm, dragging him out of the room and down towards another, smaller area. Masa resisted the whole way, but his struggles fell away when he saw who was sitting on the steps ahead of them, his head cradled in his hands as You walked towards him, passing straight through the two angels to kneel down infront of his fallen leader and offer him some, quietly comforting words.
“but...” Masa whispered as hide’s hand fell away.
“But nothing, do your job Kid...he needs you.”
Masa watched his former idol collapse into You’s arms, overcome with grief now they were away from prying eyes, and felt his heart breaking.
* * * * *
He’d been wandering for hours now, only left alone by hide because the other musician felt himself drawn back to Yoshiki by an invisible bond and excused himself hastily. In some ways Masa wished he could feel that depth of emotion for someone, a love so strong that it defied time, distance and even death.
As he passed businessmen, with their heads immersed in newspapers that fluttered in the breeze he could no longer perceive and mothers burdened by the weight of shopping bags strung between their fingers and the constant pleas for attention from their children, it began to rain. Each drop passed through his body as if it where nothing but a mere shadow and the tiny cracks fracturing his heart began to widen.
Some how he’d found himself back at the exact spot where his life had so swiftly come to an end; where he’d shared a final look with Camui and found only spite in his pale eyes. Quietly he knelt down on the tarmac and reached out, knowing he wouldn’t be able to touch the place of hid demise, but needing to try anyway.
Everything was like some terrible dream, even the appearance of familiar faces had only served to sharpen his sense of loneliness. At least in death they had been martyred and still held a place in the minds and hearts of those they were bound to. Gackt was probably just upset he had to postpone his promotional duties. That was it; Masa nodded to himself unconvincingly, attempting to drive the idea into his head like a wooden stake.
“I apologise for hideto’s behaviour, he is most insensitive sometimes.”
With a scream Masa sprung to his feet, promptly throwing himself into the path of an oncoming car, which slid through him ignorantly and left the angel sprawled on his face, inches from the floor.
When he sat up and tried to mend his wounded pride Kami offered him a hand up and he reluctantly took it. So this was his rival for Gackt’s affections-- when he had wanted them at least, now nothing but cold, resentful feelings clouded his judgement.
There was no denying how ethereally beautiful Kami had become, in death he was suspended at his peak, as was hide and Kazuki who hovered behind him, absent-mindedly toying with a strand of Kami’s hair. Eventhough it had only been a couple of years since each of them had departed Kami was imbued with some kind of other-worldly understanding and a sympathy that Masa couldn’t comprehend.
//Let him have Gakuto....I don’t care//
Rather than letting Masa’s hand go, his cool fingertips lingered on the younger man’s skin; as if just through simple touch he could soothe some of the misery he felt lurking just beneath Masa’s stubborn exterior.
“ Don’t stay here Masa-kun, it’s not good for you...” He gazed down at Masa with a tender smile and Kazuki spoke up for the first time.
“Hai, Ma-chan. Come on, Gacchan is asleep and we can rest too.” He grinned hopefully and Kami curled his arm round him, pulling him close quite protectively.
Masa hesitated, glancing back down to his grave and back to Kami and Kazuki rapidly for a few moments; torn between drowning in his sorrows or joining them.
Eventually he took Kami’s hand and felt a gentle tug as the angel returned them to their true home.
* * * * *
*nyah* hide threw his head back and yawned. Ever since he’d left Yoshiki it had been a boring night. The rockstar turned producer had entertained the rowdy bunch known as Dir En Grey for the evening, attempting to put on a tasteful dinner party while they nosed through his apartment, systematically wrecking the entire million pound set up. hide had nearly fallen over laughing when the petite blonde nut-bag, K-something-or-other had begun flicking food at his taller Red-haired friend and Yoshiki started shaking with restrained rage.
His love was so sweet when he was angry; so comical.
After the band had left Yoshiki got ready for bed and hide sat just above the edge of his bed, longing to just reach out and stroke his hair, caress his bare skin, anything....as he did every second he was in Yoshiki’s company. But, he knew it was not to be. The blonde man read quietly until just beyond midnight and then closed his book, pausing to glance out to the moon hanging suspended in a pitch black sky. hide always fantasised that maybe, just maybe Yoshiki was thinking of him still.
It was cruel to hope he was tied to memories of what they’d shared, but that was the one thing that kept a smile on hide’s face. That, and lying down to study Yoshiki’s peacefully sleeping face at the end of each day.
He’d barely had the strength to leave tonight and now sat within a circle of empty bottles, lamenting his departure even more as he got increasingly more impatient for his comrades return.
“Baaaa-kkaaaa....doko desu ka?! Kami-sama??”
“Don’t take God’s name in vain....or mine for that matter.”
hide blinked and staved off another yawn, glancing round to see Kami dissolving slowly into view, his companion wrapped like a strange accessory round his slender waist and their new recruit holding limply onto his hand.
“Bout time, where’ve you been??”
Kazuki pulled a tongue at him, “We had to find Ma-chan.”
“Oh usin’ suffixes now? I feel left out Kazuki-chan.” He replied with overbearing sarcasm. Masa barely heard them speak, his attention flickering around the peculiar place to which Kami had transported them. Infact he didn’t even notice when Kazuki leapt on hide and began pummelling him, much to Kami’s dismay.
The room was....strange for want of a better word.
At first it appeared utterly normal, just like the kind of apartment three Japanese guys would share, but then Masa looked closer and his mouth went slack with astonishment. For a start there were three separate screens, hanging from invisible threads on the far wall, each displayed a different scene.
The first showed Yoshiki tucked up in bed; then Gakuto tossing and turning as You sat anxiously by his side and finally the members of Raphael struggling to walk in straight lines as they exited a club in downtown Tokyo.
Masa forced himself not to look at the centre screen.
The view from the windows was also bizarre, instead of the usual sights and sounds of traffic and people going about their business; a soft melody pervaded the rooms, some half forgotten song that Masa couldn’t quite put his finger on, but which calmed his ragged nerves nonetheless. The dense buildings seen form his own window were replaced with oscillations of pale colours as if they were trapped inside a colossal lava lamp.
At first he felt scared, confused and confined, but Kami stepped over, slipping a hand onto his shoulder and murmured, “This is heaven....at least for us.You are free to come and go as you please while Gakuto is sleeping.”
Masa opened his mouth to argue, but sagged visibly, deflated by the overwhelming amount of information his brain was having to process. It was all too much.
“Kami-sama, arigato.” He whispered, embarrassed by his own behaviour, let alone hide’s.
The older angel smiled and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, “Think nothing of it. Now, go-- get some rest.”
He directed Masa towards a fresh room and as he walked inside the whole area seemed to melt before his eyes; transforming into an exact copy of his old room back when he’d been among the living. It was oddly comforting, to sink down onto his own worn bedclothes and stare up at the ceiling, feeling something solid and familiar surrounding him like a safety blanket.
Slowly, he drifted off to sleep; too exhausted to even hear Kami breaking up hide and Kazuki’s scuffles.
* * * * *
