Chapter Two: Reflections
Disclaimer: I don't own Gackt JoB or any other of the bands/ brands mentioned in this fic. *sobs*
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It's been a while since I could hold my head up high, And it's been a while since I first saw you, It's been a while since I could stand on my own two feet, And it's been a while since I could call you.
(Staind- It's Been A While)
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As the final note faded the congregation began to notice something extraordinary. Through the entire private and respectfully low-key affair most of the mourners had given way to their grief. Ren sat clinging to the front of Chachamaru's expensive suit, ruining the costly fabric with his endless tears. Even the ever stoic You had dabbed his eyes several times during the many praise-filled speeches.
One person had remained utterly composed, infact to the point of indifference until now, but when the last keystrokes echoed and faded it was all the gathered could do not to stare.
For the first time in anyone's recollection Camui Gackt was crying.
His head was bowed, almost touching the cool surface of the piano's edge and as each slim trickle of moisture caught, crystallized for a second only to disappear Gackt expelled the softest, most heart-rending sobs.
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"Arigato gozaimasu....oh most gracious.....please, here....Chacha? Yes....just give any floral tributes to him please." You had assumed the vacant role as leader almost instantly, delegating to each of his remaining band mates with a vaguely disturbing sense of calm.
The hall was as quickly saturated with wreaths and bouquets as it had been drained of guests. A steady train of black that conversed in muted whispers. Disbelief and suspicion were thick in the chill air.
You cast a last look back at the casket, thanking no one in particular under his breath that Masa's family had not insisted on seeing what lay inside. He tugged down on his cuffs and strode away to brave the sudden cold.
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~So much blood, It's staining my hands......look.....see, it's dripping from my palms to blemish the pale skin beneath, No matter how hard I wipe, scrub, bleed myself- it's not going to fade.
Like the look in your eyes, as you turned and caught my gaze in an flash of time we were bound and then it swept you away.
Confusion.
Is it cold? I'm shivering anyway. I don't even feel my footsteps.......hmmm....I wonder where I'm going.
I wish it had been me.
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The lake spread out like a gigantic mirror, reflecting each subtle shift in the heavens above. Ripples expanding across it's glassy surface made Camui's face appear distorted, twisted into something far from beautiful.
"Hey....."
The flinch as You laid his hand on Gackt's shoulder was all too evident, his eyes stayed locked to the picture beyond his feet.
"Masa would've liked the serv-"
"Do you really think so?" His deadened tone sent a tremor of anxiety through You's calm waters and without even caring if he would meet with resistance the taller man slipped an arm around Camui's lean waist, pulling him close.
"I'm sure of it." He replied simply, prickling with relief as Gackt leant back against his chest.
The silence was blessed and cursed all at once.
"C-can we go home?" You wasn't entirely sure if the soft shiver in his voice was due to the cold or perhaps the shock he'd endured only three days ago. He nuzzled affectionately at the back of his friend's pale neck and nodded, relinquishing his protective grip to lead them both back to the hall.
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(Three days previously)
The first any of them heard was when a sallow-faced technician came barreling into the recording room, arms flailing and babbled something about a terrible accident, then promptly passed out in Toshi's arms.
Guitars and lyric sheets clattered to the ground and You shoved his way toward the front doors, each breath coursing a wave of panic into his guts. There were people clustered at every corner, their hushed ramblings only picked out in ominous snatches.
"So dark out there......Gakuto-san and Masa.......going to be okay?......ambulances...."
And when You finally managed to get out onto the street he was greeted with the most horrifying sight of his tender years. Chachamaru spoke up eventually, his words hampered and faltering,
"This..this isn't happening...not to..."
He was cut off by Ren who staggered a few paces and leant over the side of the staircase, vomiting violently. But, as with everything, the sounds and act were washed away by the torrential rain.
Sat in the middle of the road, illuminated in the warm glow of a truck's headlights was their idol, their precious mentor and friend, cradling what remained of Masa.
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(You's house)
"Are you sure I can't get you anything else Gaku?" You was perched on the edge of his spare futon and as Camui sipped a steaming mug of green tea listlessly he reached out to stroke his jaundiced cheek. He hadn't really expected a response and glossed over it with almost professional care.
"Well, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Gackt's murmurs of thanks caught him unawares and he couldn't help the hint of sadness that crept into his smile.
(I couldn't always figure out what was going on in that complicated mind of yours before, it's impossible now......)
Menial tasks were a welcome distraction tonight and even when the phone rang, causing a china bowl to slip form his fingers, scattered into immeasurable fragments at the toes of his carpet-slippers he was happy for the little reason not to think about what had gone before.
"Moshi moshi." He grimaced at the saccharin sweetness in his voice.
"You-san, is he okay?" Chachamaru's firm question was still backed by a soundtrack of weeping. It seemed that Ren's heart had well and truly been broken today.
You leant against the bureau on which he kept his phone and sighed heavily, "As good as can be expected. I'll take care of him."
He could nearly picture the tiny quirk of Chacha's lips and shared his relief.
"Is it alright if we visit sometime later in the week ne?"
"As long as you don't want to discuss business.....I know you Chacha....he's not ready yet."
On the other end of the line Chachamaru scowled, but betrayed none of his frustration.
"Hmmph, well I can't say I didn't think about it......but, I'm not totally insensitive You-san. You of all people should know that."
He left the sentiment hanging in the air as the line clicked dead.
And for the first time, standing alone in his hallway You wished he had someone to look to for reassurance.....as Ren had Chacha and Gaku has always had him.
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(I thought there'd be a tunnel ya know.....bright light and a chorus of angelic voices beckoning me towards my ultimate fate.........but nothing, not a bean. Hell, after all I've seen.......I'd seen I should've known.....but you need wishes and hopes in this life, they give you a precious dream to cling to......a little gem when all is dark and no one's there to hold your hand. Sheesh....waxed lyrical for five minutes and I'm stuck here...but I have a purpose and I won't let anyone down again.)
Masa stood in the middle of the tarmac and eyed the car as it closed in on him, cutting a swath through the never ending rain. If passed straight through his body and carried on it's journey as if nothing had ever been planted in it's way.
Casting his gaze up to the front doors of the recording studio Masa smiled, only his deep hazel eyes alluding any of the fear he held inside.
He was clothed ridiculously for such a freezing day, in pure white that shone vaguely despite the dullness of the sky above and was echoed in the small pair of feathery wings sprouting from his shoulder blades.
(An angel in the storm)
With one last look at the exact spot of his demise Masa waved the studios goodbye and walked away to find the ones he'd left behind.
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