Aishiteru Chapter Four: Dead Of Night
'In this vanishing world, We will make love forever, No hesitations or vacillations, Just follow me.' (Malice Mizer- Illness Illusion)
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Masa stretched, limbs moving with almost feline grace, as his fingers spread wide into the air above his head and his face split into a wide yawn. He leant back over the beanbag Ren had discarded in Gackt's room and grinned at Gaku and You.
"Sleepyhead..." You admonished, with a faint smile. His nervous demeanour had faded a little throughout the evening, but with Gackt so close he could never quite relax completely for fear of doing something stupid.
Masa's tiny pink tongue appeared and he fumbled for the remote, flicking the end titles of an anime into oblivion. "And since when has that been a crime?" He asked, giving You an offended look, that melted into his distinctive, high-pitched laughter.
Gackt joined the chorus of laughter, his eyes lighting up with mirth. The evening had been perfect, just himself and his two best friends spending some quiet time together. You had even cooked them a delicious meal of okonomiyaki and ramen. Gaku mused that he never knew You was a closet chef and the lanky guitarist had blushed to the roots of his tawny hair.
They'd watched television, and chatted about everything and nothing. Now finally, reluctantly it was time to go to sleep.
It was at that moment that it struck Gackt. He couldn't just get up and go to the bathroom.....a broken leg had seen to that...... and by the worried look that had overtaken Masa's features he had realised it too.
"Um....Gaku...." The little brunette began weakly, tugging at the hem of his t-shirt absently.
Gackt smiled, pasting over his awkwardness easily, ".....I guess I'm just gonna hafta smell for a while. We can ring the hospital in the morning and ask for a nurse."
Masa's lips twisted slightly and he shook his head, "That wouldn't be fair....you're my guest and I said I'd take care of you."
You peeked round the door frame at that moment and gazed at them both cluelessly, "Something wrong?" He asked when greeted with their concerned faces. Masa lunged forward, grabbed his thin arm and dragged him into the lounge, calling back a fleeting apology to Gackt.
You pulled his friend to a halt, still held firmly by the petite one's hand, "Masa-kun?" He began tentatively.
"......You....you'll have to help Gackt....get a b-bath....I...." He mumbled, looking at the floor shamefully. It would be too much, to be near Gackt in that way, to undress him carefully, and....
Masa blinked away those thoughts immediately, pushing them back into the locked chambers of his mind, they were too tempting.
You swallowed thickly, his face paling significantly at Masa's request. He understood exactly what was going through his addled brain.
"Alright." He replied, without thinking, it wasn't his place to force poor Masa into doing this and he thought with a guilty shiver,
(If Masa gets that close to Gackt I'll lose him forever........)
Masa's shoulders sagged with relief and he practically fell into You's surprised arms, hugging him tightly. He was totally oblivious to the common bond they shared.
"Arigato You-kun...I'm so grateful." His voice was muffled by You's chest and he glanced up into the guitarist's artfully emotionless eyes, holding them for a fraction too long before detaching and walking toward his own room.
"I'll leave you to it." He said with a little smile and closed the door behind him.
You closed his eyes, gathering his wavering nerve and turned, stepping into Gackt's room resolutely.
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(......calm down........)
Just the sight of Gackt, nestled patiently within the circle of blankets on his bed was almost enough to send You over the edge. It was ironic, in the past he'd admired Gackt's talent, his personality, his beauty......but only now, when everything he held dear was threatened did he realise why.
"Is Masa okay?" Gackt asked, a vague line of concern creasing his forehead.
You nodded, making his way to the side of the bed, and hesitating.
"He just wanted me to help you bathe. He feels kinda guilty about you staying here, like it's not good enough or something." You babbled, concealing the truth, not entirely successfully. Gackt's face bled with sympathy and he raised a bandaged hand, "I understand."
You coughed, standing as still as an ice sculpture for a second and then impulsively offered Gackt his hands. He felt warmth close over them and pulled Gackt up gently into his arms, hooking a hand under his legs. The singer felt disturbingly light in his embrace, his hands slipping round You's neck, the sudden press of skin to his body not unwelcome.
Gaku sniggered, softly, laying his head on You's trembling shoulder. The taller man frowned, "Gaku?"
"Heh....I've just never been carried by anyone...." He uttered jovially, his breath gusting coolly against You's exposed flesh, making it tingle like a thousand tiny pin pricks.
He could barely suppress a gasp.
"You're s-strange Gackt." You replied, biting down the urge difficult as it seemed. He began the small walk to Masa's bathroom and found it as spotless as the rest of the house.
The modest room was set out in the traditional Japanese way, with a large, long tub full of already steaming water that Masa has absently left for himself earlier. The floor was pale blue and tiled, and a small stool sat in the centre, with several sponges and different bathing products arranged by it's side.
(Masa-kun's so considerate.......)
You padded across the room, everything seemed hazy and in descript in the mist floating up from the clear water. He set Gackt down like a priceless object on the stool and busied himself with finding towels and soap.
(.......don't think about him......it's just some other person.........not Gaku......)
Gackt peered around the bathroom, impressed by Masa's continuingly lovely home and also trying to distract himself with trivialities. He looked down at himself and shrugged, tugging off his t-shirt and pulled it up over his mussed, chestnut hair.
You clattered around in the cupboards, still searching for the elusive soap, he finally gave up and found it right in front of his eyes on the wash basin counter.
"...baka......"
By this time Gackt was down to his underwear and when You turned round he had to stop himself from gaping.
The singer sat modestly, his hands hugging his unbroken knee, the other, complete with cast was straight out in front of him. He gazed down at the tiles, uncommonly embarrassed by his lack of clothing.
You's eyes traced his body, working from the first wisp of maple coloured hair, down the firm line of his jaw, across his delicate collarbone, and the tan of his lean chest. He couldn't tear his eyes from the curve of Gackt's slender hips, plunging into a dark pair of boxer shorts and a forbidden region.
(......don't......go there.....don't think about it.....he's perfec-)
"You-kun?" Gackt's voice was tinged with anxiousness and as You shook the trails of dangerous thoughts from his head he bit his full bottom lip worriedly.
"Right Gaku, I found the soap in the last place I looked." He joked, grinning with Masa's usual brightness. Gackt returned his smile and waited for him to make the first move.
You approached him, kneeling down behind his affection, and ignoring the pound of his heart as best he could. He dipped the sponge into a bowl of warm water, it's faintly flowered scent reaching his nose. His hand wavered over the flawless skin of Gackt's back and eventually he placed the sponge to it, moving the soft foam in gentle circles over the golden expanse.
".....You-kun....?" Gackt said quietly after a few moments, as they both settled into the feeling of this contact.
You made a little noise of acknowledgement, too absorbed in this heavenly task to concentrate on anything else.
"....What do you think of Chacha and Ren-kun?"
You frowned, now this was not a question he'd been expecting.
“I like them both very much, they're talented and good friends to me." He answered cautiously.
Gackt sighed, lifting his left arm for You to diligently clean, "You know I don't mean that. What do you think of them." He repeated, stressing the word so that there was no escape from You's real reply.
"Well," You began, choosing his words so carefully, "I was surprised at first.....but I think they make a very cute couple."
Gackt's head angled slightly and he nodded. His mouth opened as if to say something else, but was silenced by You, who moved round in front of him.
His long time friend pulled the small bowl over the tiles and dipped once more into the water, wringing it out, tiny rivers of liquid flowing over his elegant fingers. And without another word he reached out, sweeping the sponge across Gackt's chest, over the rose nubs of his nipples, drawing a barely concealed murmur from deep in Gaku's throat.
Gackt's hand found his wrist and halted the path of the sponge, his summer blue eyes drawing up to meet You's.
".......gaku......" You whispered, and before he could stop himself, before a logical, reasonable alternative could be unearthed in his confused head he leant forward.
(What are you doing.......?!)
Gackt's lips were moist, a rosebud of sweet connection that he touched gently with his own, not understanding himself for now. His other hand came from nowhere and slipped up to cradle Gackt's head, tangling into the silken hair at the base of his neck. He gave everything to the kiss, drawing a faint line across Gackt's lips, tasting the lingerings of dinner and smiling despite himself as Gackt responded, a whimper escaping his mouth as he parted it and let You taste him more.
Fingers, trembling brushed his shoulder and You closed his eyes, devoting all his senses to this moment. Gaku shivered, the pent up years dissolving into nothingness under the weight of their passion.
You broke the kiss first, his breathless gasps echoing in the silent room. Gackt opened his eyes, gazing back at him intently, ".......You-kun.....i.." He mumbled, slightly shocked by what had just transpired.
You smiled, his breath slowing as he took Gackt in his arms protectively.
"You don't know what it did to me....."
Gackt clung to him, the water cooling on his skin in mingled streams, "What?"
You sighed, "Seeing you hurt, and not being able to be anything more than a concerned friend.....it made me feel so useless." He admitted shyly.
Gackt stroked his hair, pulling him closer, "Oh You-kun....I had no idea...." He said softly, feeling something deep down breaking.
You leant into his embrace gratefully, a long time passing before either of them could part.
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You watched Gackt's peaceful face, relaxed in slumber and reached out to brush a couple of strands of golden hair from his eyes. Soon after they'd returned to his bedroom, the still weak singer had begun to drift, his grip loosening on You's hand as he fell asleep, the last word on his lips,
".....arigato...."
You was feeling pretty wasted himself, the heat of the night's events had finally caught up with him and he yawned, standing slowly and planting another kiss on Gackt's cheek before closing the door silently behind him.
He'd gotten two steps out of the room when he saw the figure, sat, bunched up by the patio doors and illuminated only by the cold slivers of moonlight cast down from the bay.
He tiptoed away from Gackt's room and toward the lonely body, kneeling down beside Masa hesitantly.
"Masa-kun? Are you okay?"
Masa, who was clad in a pair of pale blue pyjamas, with adorable little teddy bears patterned all over them. A throwback to his childhood he always wore when troubled, looked up at him with shining eyes.
".........i-i'm fine...goodnight....." He muttered, unconvincingly.
You shook his head, and touched Masa's shoulder compassion in his words, "You can tell me what's wrong...onegai Masa, I don't like to see you upset."
Masa glanced up at him once more and in an instant his expression crumpled and a pair of fat tears slid down his cheeks.
"I can't help it.....Y-you-kun...I like someone I'm not supposed to....." He choked out between sniffled breaths.
You's heart froze, he knew what was coming. He enfolded Masa in his arms, rubbing a hand over the heaving back of his young friend.
"I-i love him.....so much......it hurts.....You-kun......I love g-Gaku...." Masa sobbed, his body wracked with a wave of remorse.
"Shh....don't worry Masa-kun....we'll work it out." You whispered, his voice calming the flurry of anxiety in Masa somehow.
And as he comforted the lovelorn younger man he could feel it burning, all over his skin, down to the marrow of his bones. He was going to cause Masa more misery than he could ever deserve, because he couldn't keep himself from acting on his own love.
(What have I done......?)
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