Suicide Notes

YEAR 2002

I'm sorry cruel world, I didn't want to leave you this way, people that you think you trust annoy you so much. I didn't want this to happen, but see what society does to one's sense of self-being. I'd like to thank the people that helped me out throughout those years where I needed you the most. I'd like to throw pity towards those "friends" that thought all the things I told them was just a lie, they even laughed at the stories of self pity that I have emotionally shared. Didn't they see how much I was hurting, how much I didn't want this to happen, I guess not. That is why I am typing this letter, my last letter.

To those that didn't realize what was going on in my mind, I was hurting; crying myself to sleep, poisioning myself with alcohol. I even tried to kill myself on numerous occaisions. And I do realize that people do care about me, but when I need the help that I do need they just go away.

For 5 years now I have been hearing voices in my head, not just thoughts, they have been telling me to do things. I have tried to stop their torments but now it is just too hard, I have basically given up on trying anymore.........

I hope this isn't found. Because if someone does read this it means that I am not alive anymore. Sorry mum and dad, it wasn't that you didn't help me, because you did Thankyou very much. And Laurie, you were the best sister anyone ever had, you are well were my idol.

As I type this out, I am crying my eyes out, and I'm sorry if whoever else is reading this is too, then you could feel the pain that I go through every day.

YEAR 2003

06/07/03

To whom it may concern,

I am sorry for all the trouble I have caused, all the tears you have shed for me. Well now all that will stop for I am no more. Over these past years I have been nothing but a trouble for you. And I am sorry, I did not mean for it to end this way nore did I mean anything, you would ask "Are you o.k.", I would reply " Yes I am fine"..... I am terribly sorry for lying to you, I just didnt ant to worry you. These past years I have had to put up with my severe depression and not wanting to live this life of mine. I hate myself for my suicidal tendancies, my cutting and being so morbid. Please don't blame yourself for not helping enough, I don't want that, shit no-one could of helped. There was only one girl that I truely lived for, Sara Wilkinson was my life, my role model. I love her to tears, I just wish it didn't happen to her ..... Now it is my turn......

Year 2004

18/04/04

I wish I had a year in which I didnt have to write one of these "suicide" notes but at the moment its the only thing that I can actually do properly with my life ..... haha my life how ironic is that people actually call it a "good life" I still dont, to this day, know why the fuck they call it that......... I swore that I wouldnt love anyone after Sara's death but I'm actually starting to open up my heart again ! I should just learn not to care ...... yer that would work wouldnt it !! Yer just not to give a shit about anyone else but myself.... I would but I dont want to end up like some of the people I know... It's in my nature to help or try to help people that need my help. I now take another vow..... I will not help anyone unless they ask for it or if I truely think they need it!!