Betrayer
Such sweet words come from your lips
I cannot help but to believe
False embraces lead to fervent lies
Swallow it all and let it catch in my throat
Thinking you want me - your eyes said it all
How fast I sink down
When you tell me you made love to another
How fast my femininity fades
Tell me all those things you know I long to hear
(Goddess, Sensual, Erotic, Wonderful, Loved)
So soft a heart you've cut your teeth on
Not an ocean vast enough to hold my bitter tears
Lips curled lovely and eyes so bright
Betrayer
You are my undoing
I have lost something dear since you've left
Not the presence of you, but the memory of me
Drain me dry like the leathery vampire you are
Mina swaying for you to be willingly raped
Take me till I'm dry bones and parchment skin
Soulless, heartless, and faithless
Hands clasped together - a supplication for you
Offering what is not desired
Taken anyway is my devotion
Given back is hatred and deception
Relentlessly you pursue me
Thoughtlessly you abandon me
As constant as the waves in the sea
Is your love
Jaded to love that may never be
Faded into the twilight to take me lower
Betrayer, you've done your evil deed
Planted your seed
Repayer, I will be to destroy that darkest hope
A Letter to One I Loved
Clipped angel wings struggled against your heart of stone
I was lost until I had you in my arms
And then you vanished
Leaving me with empty fingers and a river of sorrow
I searched far and wide to find you, my utmost desire
My obsession
My only love
Where once there was a bright band of gold,
There is only a naked finger with the remembrance of tarnish
You loved me in ways I never knew were possible.
The brush of lipstick on my lips sent you soaring in ecstasy
The energy between us as we passed each other in close bookshelves
The fire that singed my nerves when we kissed
I cannot forget you
I cannot forgive you
It's like a fever
The quivering anticipation to see you,
To hear your voice, low and sweet, on the end of the telephone
Aching to feel your soft touch
I re-read the letter you sent me over and over these years
The memories etched in glass
The emotions frozen in time
I, your sparrow
And you, my valiant crow
I needed you
More than you can ever imagine
Time has passed
So many years of regret
I have to let it go
As I burn the letters
To release my sorrow
Smoke forms
The crow
My longing
My emptiness without you
And they disappear forever
Falter
again
I turn darkness
as a heavy veil of insecurity
is cast over my eyes
helplessness binds my hands
to feel something that is
supposed to be so pure and clean
can mean desolation to those who trust is it
to keep their heads above the water
love can lead you into a false sense of security
that allows all things that were once thought to be
held in a firm grip
to be cast at your feet to shatter
hell and damnation are the only thoughts
that turn over in my head
for this is Purgatory
this is what true torment is
all things that appeared to be acquirable
slip away from my blood-red grasp
unrequited love
burns my heart and soul dry
of all the blood
and tears
my face is too streaked with salt stains
to allow me to have the sight that I need
to lead my footsteps into that which is innocent ground
let me scratch and wail for what is lost
or for what was never to be had
trembling voices speak to me
unattached feeling haunt me
release me now
and let the
pupa become butterfly
corpse become dust
love become eternal emptiness
let me be all that I want
just let me be that for you
My Coward
Flitting shadows make you start
Irregular beatings of the heart
A body wrapped in a bundle of nerve
Fearful life in loneliness is what you deserve
Starve your senses until you dull
Only leaving the empty hull
Intelligence jaded
Usefulness faded
Jump at a sound, swing the axe
It is only your cowardice that attacks
Cut off your head in your blind fright
Pierce out that Anahata which has no light
Stomp heavy in your gilded cage
Never to release that little boy rage
Confined by excuses, shut in by laziness
Go on false martyr: confess!
From out your mouth, pseudo-smart drivel
You think you’re an intellectual, the rest is trivial
It’s hard to philosophize
With one who sees with clouded eyes
Know this, coward, I am watching you
Every false smile, everything you do
Speak of me horribly; lie
Wait until my turn to speak draws nigh
Changling
as i pass by that familiar way
green rooftops and busy highway
i am reminded of him
the smell of his cigarettes
his scent of cloves
the smell of sex that followed him
i recall the chameleon he was
blending
morphing
changing
never the same man
but still invariable in my eyes
remembering the day i met him
in the crowded hallway
not knowing fate had kissed me
unnamed
whomever he was
plump and blond
with green eyes to drown all sorrows in
with that strange, flittery step made in those
black leather moccasin boots
he stole his way into me
black to blond
witch to saint
it was a spell, wasn't it?
made me want him more than my next breath
made me want to renounce all that was me
to remember him inside me
mind, body, and spirit
makes me long and shake for him
that demon, that dark angel
which rescued me from myself
your talisman, your bear's tooth
your primus and your cure
that walk to the park we never made it to
i miss those days with you
my vampire, my evil twin
my imperishable punishment
Watermark
By these crisp, icy waters I stand
I can feel you moving closer to me
Even though we are miles apart
Your light footsteps which tread so lightly
Cause ripples to form in the surface of this pond
A sigh that whispers from your lips
Brushes a buffeting breeze across my brow
It stirs the litter of dying trees and grass
Against my feet
As day ends and night nears with trepidation
I can feel your weary head nod and your heavy eyelids
slide home
For there is no sun without you
I long to slip into these waters like a second skin
So that I may know your warmth against me
They caress me and ease my sorrow
I wish that I might jump into the air
To ride your whispers
How much more can I feel of that which you affect
Without actually feeling you?
Surname
I am called Loneliness
I am called Loveliness
I walk through dank rooms
where once there was sun
spear my heart there
penetrate my flesh here
with your weaponry of hate and disgust
my veins pump ice to my numb heart
I can’t control the impulse
to squelch this burning
I am no one now
I am unloved
I am nothing
if I should die tonight,
who will mourn my passing
no one……………not one soul
demons grip me to pull me down
and smother
and scream
new heart forged of steel
in you hot anger
old emotions previously soft
gripped by bolts and clamps of iron
feel myself hardening
thickening of my words
useless feelings discarded
your treatment of me now cold
Loveliness is dead
And the Machine is born
Madly
I want to be perched in your lap again
Be a helpless little girl while
You show me the correct way
To tie my shirt around my waist again.
I wish I could skip madly with you,
Our clasped hands swinging in-between us.
Then you break into a run
After sweeping me into your arms
Cradling me as you shout to the world that we are married
And honeymooning.
I remember you stopping passers by and asking sincerely,
“Isn’t she lovely?”
Isn’t she so lovely?
I miss your smile
And the easy way
It propped up your cigarettes.
Heavy Camels that needed no filters
I want to be fourteen again,
Innocent again just for that moment,
To have you again before
Death.
Your quiet strength
Was mine vicariously
If only for a short time.
I miss you,
Again and Always.
Final Embrace
rain falls crisply from the pendulous clouds outside
the safe walls we have built around ourselves
as we embrace on that darkened stairwell
we are finally the same in stature
it makes it easier for me to slip my arms around your neck
blue eyes of pure ice and lips cold from the rain
skin so pale it looks as if you’re a ghost
then you smiled
just for me
just for a moment
and all was colour and heat for that brief second
you walked away
I didn’t know it was for the last time
I stood to watch you in the rain
“Take care of yourself,” I said
with a turn of the heel
a bend of the waist to bow
before me
and a wink of an eye
I knew I’d always remember you
you’re gone
and I’m all alone
in the blue, freezing rain
that does nothing to numb this longing
for you
I look up to the sky
for that is where angels take flight
my eyes streaming
as you flew forever out of my life
wings like ice
tears like rain
laughter like gold
a priceless creature
who left me
all alone in the world again
Babies Breath
my darkest, most carnal thoughts
are drowned in a gentle rain of tranquillity
your tears
from which I cannot find shelter
I wish to seek out and pierce that salty flesh
to let the life
the purest form
the most erotic
run out onto the ground
as an offering to you
to avenge those who killed you
so that life and happiness
will flow once more through this collapsed body
the marrow of my bones is frozen
and I’m feeling that hollowness inside
knowing, but in denial
that you are dead again
how I long for you here
in my most soul black
macabre hour
but no matter how many nights I die
I can’t feel your breath
I can’t feel your life
so am I forever damned to live in suspended death?
am I to forever have sight in eternal darkness?
never seeing you
walking through memories
in this tattered shell of me
blind and dumb
but feeling everything
