~~~NOTE: OUT OF CHARACTER- Hey, it’s my fic, and they’re different people in it than in the anime. Sorry.~~~

Chapter Nine: I’ll Always Be Alone…

*“He has to be around here some where. This is where Dr. J said he usually could be found.” Quatre said as the five looked around, desperately searching for their lost friend.

“I just can’t imagine. Hiiro as a whore. What a headliner: Ex- Gundam Pilot Goes Corrupt.” Duo laughed slightly. Then he stopped. It wasn’t really all that funny. Actually, it was depressing when he thought about it.

Duo had always pictured Hiiro as the strong, silent type. One who would do anything to survive. But it didn’t make sense. Hiiro could have had a high paying job. He could have been living the good life, taking care of himself. But here he was, giving up all he had for others, instead of taking care of himself the way he should be. What the hell had his rational been when he had first turned down this path to self-destruction? Wufei’s haughty voice rang in Duo’s ears, stopping any further thoughts.

“Maxwell. Shut that death trap mouth of yours. Otherwise…”

“I’ll kill you.” Was the cut off that came from the shadows. The four boys turned around to find themselves face to familiar face with Hiiro Yui’s best friend- his handgun.

“Hiiro!” Quatre cried, oblivious to the gun. “We’ve been searching everywhere for you!”

“I know. I was watching you.” Hiiro smirked and put the safety back on his gun. Putting it away, he came into the light of the streetlamp.

“So Hiiro. How’ve you been?” Trowa asked.

“Hnn.”

“Yui. Give us a straight answer for a change. What the hell were you thinking? There is no honor in selling your body for money.” Wufei sneered.

“Whoever said I was concerned about my honor was sorely mistaken. I have no honor. I haven’t had any since before the Eve Wars. Did you want something from me? Or can I get back to work?” The glare in Hiiro’s eyes made his four friends draw back in fear and disbelief. Though they would never admit it, they were terrified of Hiiro Yui in the mental state he had apparently worked himself into.

Trowa watched with devastated eyes as his Perfect comrade demonstrated once again his self-hatred. Early on in the wars Hiiro had mistakenly shot down a pacifist airplane. Afterwards he had tried to atone for his sin by handing his life over to that of the family who’s loved one had been on the plane. Then he had demonstrated how far he was willing to go to punish himself for mistakes. Now he was once again showing how his psyche and guilty conscience were dictating his life. And this scared Trowa more than any gun or weapon ever could, watching his own friend fall from grace so quickly and easily. Hiiro was just the result of another slip up in the system.

“Go back to work Hiiro. We can catch up some other time.” Trowa stated calmly.

“Fine. Tell Serena I said hello.” Hiiro said, frowning. Trowa had given in too easily. That was different.

“No way in hell. Yui. You’ve corrupted our Sere.” Wufei spat, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms.

“Have I?”

“Yes. Kissing her, leading her on. You’re nothing but a whore now. You can’t honestly expect her to believe you care? But she does. And when she finds out you don’t, that you’re just playing her for her looks, her heart’ll break.” Wufei explained.

“Who says I don’t care?” Hiiro glared.

“Me. You sell yourself to others, even though you’ve begun dating one woman. That is wrong, and if you cared you would stop this foolish and dishonorable behavior this instant.”

“Oh? She knows what I am. And she still went out with me.”

“And does she know about your past? In the war? Does she know that?”

“She knows I was in the war.” Hiiro was getting more upset by the minute. How dare these ‘friends’ show up all of a sudden and begin trying to tell him how to live his life.

“And when she finds out what you were specifically? Serena has a problem with killers. Yes. She didn’t speak to us for quite sometime after we told her we had been killers in the war. Not doctors, or engineers, or anything else. She has an issue with killers. And you’re as bigger a mercenary as they come. You’re Gundam Pilot 01. What do you think she’s going to do when she finds out? She won’t be too happy…”

“Serena would do that?” Hiiro replied softly to himself, thinking it over in his mind.

“Yeah, she would.” Wufei finished.

“Hiiro, Wufei’s right. Serena was horribly angry with us when she found out we had been soldiers and pilots in the war. I think you should be more careful around her.” Quatre told him quietly.

“I don’t need to listen to you. She’ll do as she wants, and if she wants to see me, then let her come.” Hiiro sneered.

“You’ll end up hurting each other Hiiro.” Trowa stated calmly.

“No.” Hiiro shook his head in disbelief. A car horn honked. Hiiro directed his attention to the car that was nearing the curb. “Excuse me.” She shoved Trowa and Wufei aside and stepped over to the car. Quatre, Trowa, Duo, and Wufei watched in amazement as their friend, their own blood brother, began to prostitute himself right in front of their eyes.

“Hi honey. Aren’t you sweet looking. You wouldn’t be interested in a one night stand, now would you?” Hiiro smiled as he poured on fake charm.

“As a matter of fact handsome, I was looking for Cin. Know where I can find him?” The woman in the car smiled devilishly.

“You’re looking at him Beautiful.”

“Then hop in. I’m up for a little bit if fun.” She laughed and winked at the other guys. “Sorry boys. I got what I came for.” Revving her engine, she tore away from the curb and squealed her tires into the distance.

“Well. That was helpful.” Duo snorted.

“Maxwell. One of these days Serena’s going to find out. Then what’s going to happen?” Wufei asked concerned.

“Serena’s heart will break because of her complex with killing. She’ll think Hiiro betrayed her. Hiiro’s heart will break because he’ll think she’s betray him in not supporting him. Both of our friends will be the other’s destruction, and neither of them will listen to us.” Quatre sighed.

“It would be better if they had never met.” Duo added glumly.

“Let’s go. I don’t think we can do anything more just standing and talking.” Trowa said quietly.

“Trowa’s right. Let’s leave. Yui can take care of himself. We need to be there for Serena though.” Wufei said decidedly. Nodding, all four of them began the long trek back to their apartment.

>>>)(<<<

Hiiro had been pacing around the bar for the last two hours. After his one nightstand, he had immediately gone to get drunk. What his friends had said, especially Wufei, had hit him hard. He truly had no honor. Here he was, selling sex. Did this help to atone for his sins? Or was it just a waste, like the rest of the damnation he called life? But the thing that nagged at his brain the most, the thing that had been pulling at his melting heartstrings was what his friends, his blood brothers, had said about Serena.

Would Serena really throw him out for being a soldier? For being a killer? She had mentioned it once before, how she didn’t like the thought of killers. But would she go that far? The very thought of whether she would or wouldn’t was eating away at his mind. He needed to know. Sobering himself up as best he could, he grabbed his coat and began the trek to Serena’s house. He couldn’t get there soon enough.

>>>)(<<<

The phone at Serena’s house rung. And rung. And rung.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming. You’d think with four people in the house someone would pick up the phone besides me. But no…” Serena was in a cynical mood. Wufei’s cutting remarks about her being dishonorable and allowing Hiiro to kiss her as he had were bothering her. But it wasn’t so much that as what had followed: “And Yui taking advantage of you in such a way.”

Had Hiiro really only been taking advantage of her? For her looks? Because she was easy? Because she was there? No, that couldn’t be it… could it? Any relationship, she knew, was built on trust. And in her questions, she knew she was questioning the level of trust between herself and Hiiro. She felt guilty for it. But at the same time, she wondered, did they even have a relationship? One that was worth perusing, one that might last? She hoped so, but at the same time, didn’t. It was unusual- she had never had to deal with anything like it before.

“Hello?” She said into the receiver.

“Ms. Serena Tsukino?” A deep voice came over the phone.

“Yes, this is she speaking. How may I help you?”

“This is Officer Kelner of the district police. I have a Mrs. Ilene Tsukino here with me. Might you know her?” Serena, slightly startled, barely manage to choke out an answer.

“Yes, she’s my mother. Is she alright? I mean, she’s known to disappear over a few days, so I wasn’t too worried, but…”

“Yes, yes. Your mother is fine Ms. Tsukino. However, she was so drunk two nights ago we picked her up and held her in custody for the night. Last night we picked her up again, once again drunk. I’m calling to inform you she is in the county jail tonight once again. Her bail has been set at one hundred dollars. However. If we pick her up again, I will be forced to take stronger actions regarding her case.”

“Thank you so much officer. I’m on my way down right now. Thank you so much. Officer, may I ask a question?”

“Yes?”

“Why is my mother not the one calling?”

“She’s passed out I’m afraid. I found her driver’s license in her purse and called her number.”

“I can’t thank you enough. I’ll be right down.”

“I’ll be waiting.” He said quickly, and then hung up the phone. Carefully, Serena replaced the phone in its cradle. Shaking her head, she choked back tears. Her own mother was in jail for indecent public behavior. She had never thought it would come down to this.

Their entire quality of life of being destroyed a little more each day, each day life itself wore them down a little more until finally they had no rational thought in their mind. That was what had finally happened to her mother, and it was what was slowly beginning to eat away at her.

“Never mind that.” She said to herself, shaking the horrible thoughts out of her head. “I need to get down to that jail.” Just as she picked up the phone to call Quatre, the doorbell rang. Confused as to who might be at their door, she put the phone down and opened the door.

“Hiiro!” She said in surprise.

“Serena. I have a question for you.” He said brashly.

“Hiiro, is this important? I just found out my mother’s in ja…”

“I was a killer in the war.” He blurted out. It wasn’t exactly how he had hoped it would come out, but it was too late to worry of that now.

“What?” He watched her face fall from it’s already concerned expression to one of complete confusion. He eyes, however, were narrowed. They were no longer the sapphire blue, but blazing black. They terrified him.

“Serena. In the war. I was a murderer. In fact, I was raised as an assassin.”

“What?” She repeated. This was all moving too fast for her. He was a, a, killer? One who took the most precious of things- life? How could that be? But here he was, telling her very bluntly the truth. No. She refused to think of it. No, it couldn’t, it, he, wouldn’t… but here it was, all laid before her in clear and simple words. He was an assassin. “You, you were a killer in the war?”

“Yes.” He nodded vigorously. Did she understand what he just said? That he was a murderer; that his hands were so blood stained that he wanted to throw-up every time he looked at them?

“You took lives? Lives? What?” She began to laugh. “You were part of the Alliance? No, no, even better! You were part of OZ! Wonderful!” She laughed harder. So hard her stomach began to ach. But then, her heart already ached. And her head was pounding. Her skin was cold, and everything was numb to the touch. It was as if she had stepped outside of herself and was watching from a far away place. Everything was blurry and in slow motion. She had kissed a killer. She had dated a killer. She had trusted some one who had destroyed life.

“No, actually.” He frowned and narrowed his eyes. What exactly was her point? Why was she laughing?

“The what? Were you part of the White Fang and those colonist rebels? What, go on, tell me, Cin.” She had stopped laughing. Her voice was sharp and cruel.

“I was part of a rebel group. But not part of the White Fang. More a part of the Gundam rebellion.” Hiiro watched as her eyes widened and her jaw dropped open. She stood speechless.

“A Gundam pilot? You, you’re a Gundam pilot?” She finally whispered.

“Yes.”

“Get. Out.” She clipped. “Get out! Now! Leave! And don’t you ever return! Ever!” She screamed. Tears threatened to fall, but she pushed them away with her raging hatred.

“Serena, I came to tell you…”

“Get out now! You Gundam trash! Let me guess. You’re Gundam pilot, zero one too.” She laughed through her anger. “That just takes the cake. Get the hell out of my house! Now!”

“Why?” He began to lose his cool. Even if he was scum on the face of the Earth, how dare she scream at him?

“Damn killer! My father went to be a killer, and would you like to know something? You killed him! You, pilot zero one, killed my father. My mother’s a drunken fool now, I have to raise my brother and sisters, pay the bills, and work now, all because of you and your damn guns! You stupid murderer! You get out of my house and don’t you ever come back! I hate you! Pig! Bastard!” She cried, getting more emotional by the second. She shoved him out of the door, and slammed it behind him, locking it.

Hiiro stood on Serena’s porch. They had been right. His friends had tried to warn him, she would bee his destroyer, his downfall. And she had been. Because he had let hi weak emotions get in the way of what he knew to be true.

Hiiro knew it to be true that he was a sinner. He knew it to be true that he was a killer, not worth the dirt he walked upon. He knew he wasn’t worth the waste of resources it took to keep him living, and he knew that he was a bastard who deserved to suffer for all his horrible acts during the war. He knew it all. But he also knew it to be true that he had harbored more than just lust for a girl for the first time. And now that girl had rejected him because of his sins. What a waste.

He stood. And stood. And hung his head. Turning, he began walking down the walkway towards the street, never once looking back. Because if he did, he was afraid someone might see the tears streaming down his face. Damn these emotions. What a waste.

Serena sat on the floor, against her front door. Tears were steaming down her face. Hot tears of hatred. What a joke! Who had she been kidding? Her and Hiiro, in a relationship. This was why she had promised herself she would never date, never fall in love. Because sooner or later everyone betrays someone. But here she was, before she had even fallen in love, and Hiiro had betrayed her. He was the one she hated the most, the one who had destroyed her perfect life. He had killed her father, therefore killing the rest of her hopes and dreams. He was the betrayer, he was the bastard. But why did she feel so guilty then? After her sobs had calmed down, she reached for the phone. Dialing a familiar number, she waited while the phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Duo?” She asked softly.

“Serena? Sere, what’s wrong?”

“I, I need you… please, can you come over?” She begged.

“I’m there.” With that, he hung up the phone. She dropped the receiver and just continued to cry. She didn’t know how long she sat, crying her heart out, but when she saw Duo, Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei, she ran out the door to them. They caught her in a giant hug and her tears only flowed more. She was crying for all the pain she had ever endured silently. Everything.

“Do you want us to beat him up Sere?” Wufei asked her hopefully. Through her tears she laughed.

“No. I did a really good job of chewing him out. But then, why do I feel so guilty?”

“Maybe because you’re too nice?” Trowa suggested.

“No. More like I’m a heartless brat. I really hurt him. Really, really hurt him. And even though he hurt me, it hurts me even worse to know I hurt him.”

“Sere, did you ever think of…”

“Don’t say it Quatre. That isn’t possible. I would never… no, never.” She wiped her tears and finally stood. “Oh my god, my mother!”*

~~~Hey! Check in: How is this? I’m not getting a lot of reviews… and on my other one, Shangri-La, I’m not getting a lot of reviews either. I’m kind of getting worried here… Anyway… this one’s about to be wrapped up. Maybe another three chapters, two and an epilogue, and then it’ll be over. So keep reading, and please review!~~~