Dreams or Reality

When I sleep, I dream about my dreams.
In my subconscious I act out these dreams.
Are the dreams real?
I try to escape from these dreams.
I run but I don’t escape.
My desire is to cut myself.
And I see myself on the floor.
I see something shiny and small in my right hand.
It’s a single razor blade.
I scream “No!”
I can’t seem to hear myself.
I watch in horror as I take the blade to my skin and cut.
I scream out in agony “No, I can’t take it any more!”
I don’t realize what I am doing any more.
I make up excuses as to why I do this.
Like, it calms, I need to be punished.
The pain from the blade is real.
And yes it does hurt.
How do I purge myself of all of this pain?
Should I cut deeper?
And just let myself die?
I know in my heart that it is not the answer.
But the voices in my head say it is.
What do I do?
I ask myself “Can I just hold on a little longer?”