What is?

What is the definition of Master, slave, Dominant, sub, Top, bottom, switch?

Definition given by Lady Melissa of D/s Haven:

While on the surface your question is simple, it is one that has raised debate and disagreement for years. I am not sure why defining these terms is so difficult other than it may mess with how people might wish to view themselves. Fantasy and reality may collide not to our liking, but words have meaning and if we can’t agree upon a meaning, we can’t have a discussion. Disclaimer: Someone can call themselves anything they wish and these definitions are what I use in my house. If you disagree that is your choice, but in my house, these are my definitions and how I use these words.

First I need to divide these into two groups. The first group is top, bottom and switch which are part of play time. The second is dominant, master/mistress, slave and submissive which is a personality trait or how someone lives.

Play time:

Top – A top is someone who does the tying, the flogging, performs the scene. They are responsible for taking the bottom on this little joy ride we call play. Tops come in many experience levels and it takes years of experience to learn the skills required to be a good top.

Bottom – A bottom is the “victim” of this little joy ride. They are the one who is tied up, flogged and generally launched into “sub space”. The bottom has the final word on everything and can end a scene at anytime they stop having fun.

Switch – A switch is someone that can enjoy being both a top and a bottom depending upon the person they are playing with or their mood.

24/7 power exchange a.k.a. life:

Dominant – A dominant is a person with a dominant personality. They are naturally in control of themselves and situations surrounding them. They have taken the time to get their personal life together and are thus in a position to guide someone else’s life as well. A dominant enjoys the power exchange within their relationships. They enjoy the structure and order that they have created in their own life and exert that control and structure over those that chose to follow them. It is who they are and how they chose to live their life. People of submissive natures can not help but be drawn to the dominant’s world of structure and order. Like in the movie Field of Dreams, “Build it and they will come.” A dominant must build and structure their life and in a manner that submissive natured people will be drawn to them. A dominant does not need others to do things for them. A dominant allows others to do things for them because they know these people have a need to do things for them. Dominants fulfill a need submissive people have and submissive people fulfill a need the dominant has for control.

Master or Mistress – These are merely titles bestowed upon individual dominants by the community in recognition of a dominant obtaining a certain level of lifestyle proficiency.   Unfortunately they are often misused and due to the internet many people feel that if they can type in capital letters, they are a Master.

Submissives – These are individuals who are submissive by nature. They lack structure and desire the control of a partner in their daily lives. They have a need to be of use and to know their life has limits. They find pleasure in knowing that they were of use to someone and that person acknowledged them for their efforts. In trying to describe this need to a friend, one submissive described it as follows:

Sub: Do you ever get your husband a cup of coffee?
Friend: Yes.
Sub: How does that make you feel?
Friend: Good I guess.
Sub: It makes me wet!

Ok, it’s a bit graphic but I hope you get my point. It actually excites or can make a submissive feel better to know that they were able to be of use to someone.  Due to their nature they are often easy targets of the predators that plague this lifestyle.

Sub or slave - Like brandy and Cognac, all Cognac is brandy, but not all brandy is Cognac. The difference between subs and slaves has to do with limits. A slave adopts the limits of their owner and thus the dominant is free of a submissive's limitations. A slave has no money or other possessions and is thus totally dependant upon their owner. Some argue that if an owner married their slave, the slave is no longer a slave, since by law they are entitled to half the owner’s estate and thus have possessions. A submissive will retain specific limits and may retain control over certain specific aspects of their life like money, employment, and personal possessions like their computer. If your “master” told you to erase your hard drive would you do it or would you tell them they were high? I did not ask if you liked what you where told to do. I asked what you would do. A slave might verify by asking if they heard correctly before doing as asked. But a submissive could simply say no, if their computer was one of their limits.

In conclusion, once you have broken the terms apart you can see that since a bottom maintains control or final say in a scene; since the limits of that scene have been fully negotiated that it would make sense that a dominant might actually bottom and yet not give up any control in their life. That a submissive yearning to be of use to their owner might find pleasure in topping as a service to their owner; it is important that we separate play time terms from how we live terms. Granted the majority of slaves/subs tend to enjoy the role of bottom and that the vast majority of dominants prefer the role of top, the two are not automatically linked. The style of play between dominant and sub/slave is also different than between top and bottom. But that will probably have to wait for another day. Watch and observe.

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com