The bus ride was agonizing. Me and David both had to act like we usually did before any of this happened to keep Jon, Head and Munky from suspecting anything was out of the ordinary. Which meant I had to keep up my teasing, somewhat bullying attitude that I'd had all my life. I had to keep on teasing David in that way that implied that I still saw him as a slightly annoying punk just because he was four years younger than me. I had to continue to tease him like an older brother would pick on his younger brother. I had to keep up the pretty boy comments, the little boy remarks, the smart ass names that I always directed towards him especially.

In other words, I had to act like I still saw him as just David the young drummer who Fieldy took great pleasure in picking on.

And David had to keep on acting like it bothered him of some sort, even though he was used to it and even though he knew I didn't mean these things anymore. At least not the way I used to.

See, life would just be ten times simpler if I could just not see David this way, if I could just continue to see David as the slightly annoying little punk that I've always seen him as. But I can't. All I can see him as, is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.

By just after midnight, it was just me and David in the upstairs back area of the bus, the area where we all watched movies and played video games. Jon was sleeping because he was always tired and Head had passed out from too much beer. Munky was downstairs at the front of the bus, playing on the labtop, scoping out this web site he liked to check out called fanfiction.net or something, because he liked to read the KoRn section and well, when Munky gets on the laptop, he usually stayed there, sometimes for all hours of the fucking night. So it was just me and David and the wild antics of the movie we were watching.

We were both feeling it pretty good. Buzzing, I guess. I'd had my share of beer that night, but I could handle my beer better than the others. David was probably more buzzed than I was. Maybe drunk. Who knows? All I know is I suddenly felt like I was being stared at and I turned to find David staring at me, grinning slightly.

"Take a fucking picture, dude, it'll last longer," I told him and he chuckled slightly. He turned slightly back to the movie, but then finally, my curiosity over what he'd said earlier in my hotel room got the best of me.

"Hey, Davie, can I ask you something?"

He turned to me, and nodded.

"What'd you mean, when you left my room? When you said 'let's just say that I know how you feel'. What'd you mean by that?" I asked.

He was silent for a minute or two, then he slowly pulled himself up and sat down next to me. He sighed and stared at me. "You weren't the only one who's been hiding an attraction for awhile." he finally answered.

It was the answer I'd been so desperately hoping I'd hear. But the odd thing was, now that I'd heard him say it, it scared me. I guess it made it more real. Less of just a fucked up dream of mine and now staring at me straight in the face as a reality.

"Attraction... towards who?" I asked, just to make sure that I was hearing right.

He laughed. "Who the fuck do you think?" he wanted to know. "I didn't kiss Head or Munky or Jon, did I?"

"Well I don't know, dude. How do I know what you do behind my back?" I teased him. Teased him in a different way...

"Are you accusing me of something?" He teased back.

"Maybe I am." I shrugged. "Maybe I'm not."

"So what exactly are you implying, Reginald?" David added a mocking tone as he said my full name. Damn him.

"Oh, you think you're special now eh? Think you're good enough to use my full name?" I replied.

"I know I am..." David said back, a sly grin creeping across his face. Fuck, I loved that grin.

I raised an eyebrow. "I beg to differ."

"Like your opinion will matter to me." He was getting good at this...

"What'd you say bitch?"

"Oh I'm the bitch, now, eh?" It was his turn to raise an eyebrow.

"Someone's gotta be the masculine figure, and I'll tell you one thing, no way am I being a bitch to your pretty boy ass."

"You love my pretty boy ass, Reg, don't deny it."

"Says who?"

"Says me."

"Getting tough now, aren't we?"

"Who said I was ever intimidated by you? Maybe I should use some dominatrix shit on your ass."

"I'd love to see you try, pretty boy."

"You're on."

And with that, he pounced on me like a fucking lion. It caught me by surprise and as he sat on top of me, he pinned my arms down and I found myself intrigued by the situation. I may be strong, but he was too, with all the working out he does. He had me pinned in seconds and we grinned deviously at each other. The simple conversation had evolved into casual flirting. Casual flirting that turned into this. This blissful moment...

Our faces were merely inches apart. I could feel his breath on my face, the smell of Bud Light intoxicating in a good way. He was wearing cologne again and it tickled my nostrils.

The kiss started out pretty innocent. Just the two of us giving five second pecks on the lips, the taste of Bud Light and Coors Light and Corona clashing with the taste of sweat... Of desire...

But then the pecks turned into passionate kisses. Long passionate kisses that left the both of us wanting more, wanting to go further, probe deeper...

But then, David backed away. I opened my eyes and saw that he wasn't looking at me - but behind me, his eyes wide and horrified, looking like he'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I quickly whirled my head around and there, at the top of the stairs, stood Munky, looking stunned as Hell, his eyes as wide as David's, his mouth dangling open.

David slowly sat up to try and reason with him and as he did, I saw Munky slowly backing away.

"Munk... let... let us explain... this isn't what it looks like..."

That was all he was able to get out before Munky began to step down the stairs and I quickly leaped up to stop him. At the sudden movement made by me, he turned to run down the stairs and I quickly raced after him, grabbed his arm and pulled him back.

"Get the fuck off-" Munky started to yell, but I pinned him against the wall and covered his mouth with my hand before he could freak out anymore and wake up Jon and Head.

"James - please, just calm down and let us explain!" I begged, my voice getting louder. Christ *I* was going to end up being the one waking up Jon and Head.

Munky made a few frustrated, muffled noises from behind my hand, but he looked kind of frightened by my sudden attack on him. I felt kind of bad for scaring him like that, but I couldn't back down. I wasn't ready to admit to the rest of the band yet...

I felt David rest his hand on my shoulder. "Reg, let him go..." he coaxed and I loosened my grip on him. But before I released him completely, I knew I had to be sure of one thing.

"Okay, James, I'm gonna be cool and let you go. Are you gonna be cool too and let us explain. Please?"

I felt the breath on my hand as he let out an exasperate sigh and then he nodded. I slowly loosened my grip some more and then removed my hand, giving him an apologetic look with my eyes.

The minute I'd let him go, Munky sighed. "Dudes, you have got some fucking SERIOUS explaining to do." he mumbled, his voice toneless.

David and I looked at each other, knowing he was right. I didn't know if I'd be able to explain and he must've seen it, for he stepped up and began.

"Look, Munky, I know what you must be thinking... but... it just came out of nowhere-"

"What? The fucking urge to KISS each other?!" Munky cried and we both put index finger to mouth to tell him to keep quiet. He groaned and folded his arms across his chest and sank down to the floor. "Fine. Keep talking." His voice was still toneless.

David nodded and continued. "Not to kiss each other, really.... More than that..."

I listened to David's explanation, anticipating what he'd say just as much as Munky.

"Love for each other... More intense love than brotherly love..."

As David said this, as he admitted what I'd always thought he wouldn't, I realized that I'd been holding my breath and exhaled. It was like a two second orgasm had just traveled through my body, hearing David say what he had said.

Munky had not said a word yet and it drove me crazy. I just wanted him to say something, even if it was to object or threaten to tell Jon and Head. Anything was better than this hovering unconfortable silence that circulated the three of us like a mosquito.

Finally, he looked up at us. There was confusion in his eyes. "You mean... it just came out of nowhere... like, just one day, you both realized you loved each other..."

David nodded and I was secretly glad that he had taken the liberty of speaking for the both of us. I just couldn't bring myself to admit it out loud yet...

Munky sighed a heavy sigh and stared up at us for a few moments before shaking his head and looking down. "I'm sorry, man, but Fieldy, you're about the LAST person I'd expect to fall for another guy."

Even though I knew James was only joking, what he'd said hit a nerve. Actually it hit two nerves at the same time. I felt like I was being targeted out and yet, I knew I'd brought that on myself. I thought of all the times that I'd made it painfully obvious - or tried maybe - to anyone who gave a fuck that I was straight. That I loved women in all ways and men in no way humanly possible. I knew that part was my fault and that it was only truth in Munky's words, but now that I had these feelings for David, I found myself hating that side of me that everyone had always known about. That side that had been the sole existence of myself. That no side that had love for a guy the way I had love for Shela even existed.

But now it did. And I found myself cringing at the thought that I'd let on that I was against male/male relationships. Almost like I was homophobic. Now that Munky had shed light on that and pointed it out, I wanted to kick myself. I felt like the biggest fucking hypocrite in the world...

David's expression only made it worse. He looked almost hurt. Almost like he'd also suddenly recalled that side of me, the side that called Jon a fag for the fun of it, the side that called them all fags whenever I saw them hugging or comforting one another. The side that I'd remembered also.

God damnit I wanted to just fucking shoot myself or something... Anyway to erase the vivid image of the expression on David's face. It hurt too much, but somehow I knew it was a look I'd be haunted by forever...

Munky only laughed and it looked as though he wanted to say more, but thankfully, he didn't. I had a feeling it was going to be about his previous comment and I just didn't want to even think about that side anymore. As far as I was concerned, that side of me no longer existed...

Didn't it?

"So... " David stammered after a few moments of silence. "Are... are you okay with this, James?" His voice was irked with nervousness and I felt the need to hug him, make him feel better, ease the nervousness, but I didn't, for that wouldn't have been the best move.

Munky sighed and a small grin crept across his face. "I guess... I guess I can live with this... it's just a fucking shock, you know? I mean, Christ guys, what would YOU have done if you'd walked in and found two of your best friends fucking making out?"

Laughter escaped from me and David. Nervous laughter, relieved laughter, but laughter all the same. We agreed, and I suddenly felt better, knowing that Munky was okay with this.

"Just don't... you know..." Munky spoke and he shuddered a bit. "Don't fucking get too carried away... I mean, Christ at least wait until you're in a fucking hotel... man, if I ever have to walk in and see this shit again, I swear, I'll kill the both of yous..."

We all laughed again and then finally, as though he read my fucking mind, David asked the question that had been creeping into my mind.

"Do you think you could keep this a secret? Please Munk? Don't tell anyone? Not even Head?" he asked.

Munky rolled his eyes. "So I get stuck with this? Great. Just fucking great..."

"Munky..."

"Yeah yeah, I'll keep it a secret." Munky agreed and stood up. "But you guys better not be planning on keeping this a secret forever... I mean, dudes, you're gonna have to eventually tell Jon and Head... and Shela and Shannon..."

We nodded solemnly, knowing he was right.

"Thanks, Munk.." David said.

Munky nodded and rolled his eyes again and then left, saying he was heading to bed and for us not to stay up too late. "And for fuck sake, please – no nookie nookie on that couch, you horny bastards! I have to sit on that couch too you know?"

We all shared a laugh and then he was gone and it was just me and him again.

We turned to each other, not knowing what to say or do.

Finally, all we could do was embrace.