chapter eight

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I betrayed Cain. I don't know if he could forgive me, and I wouldn't blame him if he didn't...ever.

I wish there was some way that I could go back in time and make everything right again. I never meant to hurt Cain, I just wanted the best for him, and for him to be happy. I always seem just make things worse when I'm trying to help a situation. I should be erased from history.

The freezing droplets of water felt like pins jabbing into my skin as I stepped into the shower and pulled the curtain. I needed it to freeze me so I could wake up and be alert instead of depressed and sulky.

I really am a horrible person. Cain is going to hate me forever. I deserve to die for causing him one ounce of pain or suffering. Or I should at least get punished somehow.

The light was hitting the razor hanging off the wall in just the right light to make it seem magical. It seemed like the perfect way to take care of everything that was happening at the moment. I could just end the whole thing right now and save everyone a whole lot of trouble. It would be so much better for everyone if I just took myself out of the picture completely.

Grabbing the razor, I pushed the head of it into the skin on my forearm as hard as I could muster the strength to. Then I dragged it upwards.

I didn't feel the pain at all. Not even after I saw the blood running down my arm and off my fingertips like a small stream. I was fascinated as it ran off my body and down the drain. I repeated the process to a spot right next to when I initially cut, making the wound larger, causing it to gush.

Then the pain kicked in. I yelped from the severity of it and clasped my hand around the throbbing gash that I had created by myself. I can't believe I just did that!

Somewhere during the confusion that was flooding my head, I sat down on the shower floor and began to bawl. I was just brought back to reality, and finally made to open my eyes to what exactly I was attempting to do. I really didn't want to die.

I must have been a lot louder then I thought I was being because suddenly I heard incisive banging on the door, and screaming.

In the blindness of my current world, I stood up and stupidly tried to hide my weapon from the prying eyes of the person at the door. How they wouldn't see the blood running down my arm, I don't know.

I stood there dumbfounded, waiting for the person to enter, hoping it wasn't my father at the door because that truly would be the death of me.

I heard the door fly open and I froze, waiting for the worst to happen. The shower curtain was yanked back, to reveal the panicked stature of Cain standing before me. I didn't know whether to be relived or terrified.

"Oh my God Lyzander, what the hell did you do?" I heard him gasp in a tone of voice that I have never heard on him before. He sounded scared shitless which worried more more than a little.

He jumped in the shower with me, fully clothed, and threw his arms around my stiff body. It must have been like hugging a tree, but he didn't seem to mind so much.

I watched the water seep into the fabric of his clothes, and my blood turn his khaki pants and deep red. He then took my arm in his hand and examined it, turning to meet my eyes afterwards. His eyes looked troubled and stricken. The most I could do was avert my gaze away from him.

He took off his shirt and tied it very tightly around the wound. The blood quickly soaked that, turning the black of the fabric crimson. He looked at it discouraged and tied it as tight as he could. I think he cut off the circulation because my arm went numb, and I wasn't complaining. It hurt like hell.

I couldn't stop my tears from coming, even though I knew I was now safe with Cain here. I guess the whole experience left me shooken up.

"Is this because of me?" he asked suddenly. I wasn't expecting him to say anything, me being in my own world and all, so my only response was to gape at him.

He knew exactly what that meant.

"Lyzander...." he whined at me, taking me into his arms. "why would you do this?" he asked, obviously concerned. I hated that he cared so much. He really shouldn't after what I did to him.

I shrugged like the pathetic turd I am. "I guess I decided I couldn't live with what I did to you." I said very stupidly. I can come across as the biggest asshole sometimes. "I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me."

"Aw, baby!" he said while running his hand through my hair, "I don't hate you."

"But you said tha-" I managed to stutter out before he cut me off.

"I know what I said, but you know I had to come back to you in the end. How could I not."

He wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss on my dumbfounded lips. He forgave me!

I kissed him back and put my arms protectively around him, as if someone (Devon) were going to break into the bathroom and whisk him away from me. I wasn't about to lose Cain again.

"I love you, Cain." I said to him suddenly.I meant it too. I love Cain more than anything, more than my possesions, and my life. Just realizing it gave me a warm, tingly feeling inside, and made a smile grow across my face. All I wanted right now was for him to say it back.

He looked into my eyes for a moment, letting my words sink in fully. I could have made love to him right there on the spot, if my better judgment wasn't controlling me.

I love you too baby." he said after a while. I swear my heart skipped a beat out of pure joy. This is what I had been yearning for all along. Suddenly my life didn't seem such a waste.

Cain's arms worked warmth into me as he kissed me over and over again. I felt like I had to give him something of me, show him how much I care for him. But what?

I let my hand glide down his bare chest, and then over his back, coming to a resting space right above his rear. He made a pleased sound and put his hand over mine, sliding it father down his body. So he wanted to play that way now did he?

Unbeknown to me, this whole situation was turning me on in a radical way, as I'm sure Cain could feel judging by the smirk playing on his lips.

I couldn't help but blush and that made his smirk grow even more.

"What are you smirking at?" I asked him, trying to be defensive. It wasn't working.

"Oh, nothing." he said while giving me an innocent look, playfulness jumping in his eyes. I could see right through him, right down to his evil motives. I didn't like not being able to predict him, yet it was intriguing in a way. Then again, just about everything he does gets me hot.

We made eye contact and held it for a while, just gazing into each other's eyes. Then the next thing I knew, I found myself molesting the boy's neck. He wasn't complaining though.

After a while of that, he caught my mouth with his again, and we picked up where we left off, deeply kissing like this was our entire world. And it was.

I felt his hand sliding down my torso, which sent shivers down my spine, and caused goose bumps to form all over my entire body. He let his fingers linger teasingly around my bellybutton, just to add in some extra torture. It worked a little too well.

"Stop." I heard myself breathe out at him. This was getting very intense, and I think I was loosing my mind.

"Oh, so you want me to stop now do you?" he asked mockingly. If I didn't know better I'd say he was giggly. "Well, are you sure you don't mean to say, yes Cain, I love what your doing and I want more?"

It frightens me how much he wants me. But then again, it also frightens me how well he knows me. All I could do was nod my consent at him. He got the look of an alcoholic finding three fourths of a bottle of Southern Comfort, and I knew I was done for.

He quickly and passionately attached his mouth to mine, kissing me to take my breath away. I was entangled in a world of forbidden and passion, only to be jolted back to reality when I felt his hand curl around something of mine that made me gasp in ecstasy.

I was quickly engulfed into a world that knew nothing except what was happening right now, only knew about the connection Cain and I were having.

He continued to "get aquatinted with me" by running his hand up and down, slowly, teasingly, as if he were taunting me to try and attack him. I got a very strong urge to cry out, but restrained myself out of fear of someone hearing me. This is way too special for anyone other than us to find out about.

He continued to kiss me, and I did back to the best of my ability. My head was spinning in all different directions, filled with so many strong emotions that I couldn't figure out. One thing I knew for sure though, it was pretty damn good.

I found myself losing control, not being able to hang on much longer. I pushed myself to last longer, backing up against the shower wall. I was tuned out from all my senses, with my eyes closed, and the only sound being heard was the sound of the water hitting the floor, and human breathing. i'm not sure whether it was him or me, but it was peaceful.

Holding out was becoming harder by the second, and before I knew it, I had realesed all over him, and the shower wall.

I can't describe the feeling of absolute pleasure I got out of it. It had to be one of the best feelings in the world, the combination of pleasure and love. And then there's getting pleasure from someone you love which is a whole other story.

I sunk to the bottom of the shower, just content to lay there forever. I felt Cain sit on top of me, curling up like a child. I lazily stroked his hair as he lay his head on my shoulder.

"Lyzander?" I heard his voice come from a distance away.

"Hmm?" Was all I could reply.

"Nothing's ever gonna break us apart right?" he asked. I could feel him looking at me, but I just couldn't bring myself to open my eyes.

"Of course." I said while folding my arms around him. He settled into my body and the two of us sat there in comfortable silence.