Diggins:
"Man i'm already nervous!" Nat laughed.
We had our gig. A festival, many people are going to be there. We are the live act. when we applied to be the live act we were the only ones and we got the job. We have to do four 35 minute sets which is two hours and 20 min. So here we are. We need more songs at least ten. The cool thing is the guy said we can play anything we want. Lets see 10 to 13 songs an hour...so with talking in between...we need at least. But with talking in between at least 20 in two hours. What about the 20 minutes? lets see....at least 5 or 6 in 20 minutes. So at least 25 songs. We should know 30 in case.
"okay we need to know 30." i say out of no where. My band mates stare at me, for interrupting them talking about what to wear and what tricks there going to pull.
"30 what?" Kim asks me.
"30 songs...to fill the 2 hours and 20 minutes." i stare at both of them, they looked worried.
"we know alot of songs." Nat replies.
" list them all." i say, i know we only can play somewhere around 20.
Nat and Kim get a pad and pencil and start to list songs we can play. They hem and haw, until about 15 mintues later they have a list...24 songs. Most of them cover songs. We can play anything.
"So we have to learn to play six songs." kim leans back, "Any suggestions?"
"i say we should should pick old songs and then convert them in punk." i blurt out. We are a punk band and we could do it...it's easy.
"yeah but we have to play some like the orginal artist." Nat adds. She keeps looking at the pad, with all the songs on it.
"are you nervous?" Nat looked up at me in surprise.
"yeah...but we have to do this. I really want to play live." Nat crossed her arms and looked off into space, "I think we need a lead singer."
"i know, but who." Kim invined.
"My couisne Kate she has a punk voice. I've heard her sing with some stuff, and she can sing..." Nat said, making her hand flip and flop nervously. I am the current lead singer, but it's getting hard to sing lead and play guitar. Especially with the hard guitar parts. I'm actully glad that they said that, i can sing backup.
"great" i say, even though i don't mean it. I love singing, but i know i have to give up my voice for the good of the band. I have to be a background fixture, a name but not really a voice and let Kate do one of my two jobs in the band, sing.
"i'm lost in the see through, i think you lost your self too." i sing, while playing my Byron. Byron the only one who understand me besides zac. I actully got a microphone in my room, with an an amp, and my guitar amp. so here i am, "and you've got me watching your eyes, you got me waitng just to see, if it goes the way it never will you eyes are watching me, and now you've got me thinking about the first time that met you, standing in a crowded room but i can onnly see you..." i keep singing the good carolette song.
I put Byron down on his yellow rubber and black chrome stand. I reach over and turned off my amp. and P.A. system. I sat on my bed then floped down and lay there, just looking at my ceiling like there was something interesting. I must have drifted off into glorious sleep, escapeing all the nagging in my mind, and welcomeing dreams and sweet darkness.
I woke to someone shaking me, a males voice coaxing me out of sleep, "diggins, diggins wake up, were going to be late." I let out grunt and flicked open an eye to Zac looking at me. He was in nice pants and shirt. His long dirty blonde hair pulled into a low ponytail. He looked handsome needless to say. I felt a small smile spread across my face, one of love, maybe.
Then i suddenly remembered: he had asked me if he could take me on a real date. To a nice restaurant, afterward something else. I am so tired, and i probably look like crap. I had gotten a nice outfit, not too dressy, just right. An A line black shirt that fit snuggly, loose enough for comfert to sit; and that came just below my knees. A top that came down to the middle of my butt, it was a sliky, midnight blue, button down shirt that was fitted to my body. Then my footwear, nice looking black boots that came to my upper shin. The outfit in my mothers words: "You look like a beauty"
I remember a couple of weeks ago, when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had no idea it was comming, he kind of threw it out in the air and it wacked me in the cranium. After band practice when we were walking to his house, he asked me. I squeeked out a "yes" and then he kissed me again like he did that one time before i stepped in the basement. Only this time it was, not a shock to be honest. I did it back, i sucked (not litterly) because i never kissed anyone like that before. But then he gave me a ring it was a simple ring: silver, with odd shapped lines making designes around the surface. The whole Zac and me thing made me forget all about my drug problems and almost everything that made me depressed. My mom became happy too, even though all along she tried not to lose faith. We became a family finally, we spent time together and joked around. For the first time in my stay on this earth, it felt like i belonged. I owe it all to Zac.
"OH CRAP!" i said in a horse voice. I jumped up and began to pull out the make up (yes make up it was a weak point in my life, i want to look good for Zac) and the outfit. Then i came to holt and looked at Zac, looking at me.
"HHET HHEEUMM; exit the room" i said with a small smirk.
"do i frighten you?" he asked me to counter my attack.
"no"
"do you want me too?" he shifted his body to mimick my stance.
"you know...i might like that" and with that i pushed him out of my room so i could get ready.
I sat at my vanity and brushed my hair, it was being nice today. I sprayed some light hairspray on it. I took foundation and spread it on my face with a make up wedge, then put on loose face powder. I applied some blush (a pale pink) and blended. I applied some lip crap, also a pale pink. Then i carefully put on some eye liner, my mom said it would pronounce my eyes. Then i made it look light as possible, midnight blue eye shadow mixed with white. I looked at the monstrusity and i didn't look half bad, a contrast to how i usually look.
Then i got up and went to my closet and opened the door that exposed a full length mirror, that i hate and never look in. I thought i should look in after i'm done so that i could see how everything looks put together. I went back to my bed and slid the skirt up and zipped it in the back. Then i put both my arms through the shirt and buttoned it, leaving the top button un-done. I pulled the boots on and zipped them up.
I walked over to the mirror, i hardly reconized myself. I looked like someone who wasn't like me. But it was me, my face (all made up) and my figure, (that i have hidden for all my life, which was also not half bad now that i see it) how did that happen? I stared into the mirror like i was studying a different person. In the clothes that i was wearing and that Zac was wearing, i wish he knew French so that i could speak to him. So that it would sound beautiful to match us as we are now.
I take a deep intake of air and open turn the knob on my door so that it opened. Then i start downstairs, and reach the door and slowly open that. I can hear Zac jump to his feet, and give an anticipated look at the door as i slowly open it. My mother puts down her cup of coffee with sugar and creme (more sugar and creme than coffee) and see looks at Zac and smiles knowingly. She knows that Zac will be surprised at how i look, now that i am cleaned up. Then she tilts her head and joins Zac in looking at me slowly opening the door.
Then theres me, i am scared as to what Zac will think. Why do i care? He's just male. I could find another. But then again, i don't want to, i want Zac. So i keep slowly opening the door and then i take a step out and pause in front of the door, then i walk toward Zac. He stares at me dumbfounded as i would describe it. I guess it was a shock to him.
Zac: When i arrived at Diggins's house i allowed at least an hour, i knew she would be running late. I had to wake her up. Then she pushed me out of her room. So i went downstairs and talked with her mother. I sat anticipating the moment she would come out the door that closed off the stairwell.
"You'll be pleasently surprised." Sharri told me pouring creme and putting spoonful after spoonful of sugar in her mug. She sat down at the living room chair across the little coffee table from me, and put her mug down on the table.
"i think diggins is beautiful when she wears no makeup and her black clothes" i stated, because it was true. She had beauty, pleanty of it. She didn't need makeup, i couldn't picture her in it, but it must make her look like a "raving beauty" I couldn't ask for a more pretty girl.
I had turned 16 a couple weeks ago and me and diggins (She is turning 16 in a couple days, whis is kind of her birthday dinner) are going on a road trip or camping alone, no family. Even though i love each and every one of my sisters and brothers, but i want no one with us. I was dicussing it with my parents the other day, and Macy heard then told avie and they both nagged me incesitly until i said no ones going except the two of us. I had to promise that i would take them another time me and Diggins go. I regret it already.
The stairwell door slowly opened, and she walked toward me. Looking stunning. I didn't know what to do but stare, i was so shocked at her. Her eyes now very pronounced and almost see through blue. Her slender figure, i've felt her before but never seen her figure; and there was that time that when we first met i had seen her in just her bra on top (i had to put peroxide on her). Dear gosh it was awesome. So i stood and looked and she stopped in front of me and smiled.
"Do you wanna go?" she asked me, her lips a pale pink and shimmery. Evil temptress! (Yes i still think girls are evil temptresses)
"uh.." i stammered, "yeah, lets go" i managed to get out. I looked over at Diggins's mother and she gave me an "i told you so" look; Smirk and eyebrows raised, head tilted in that certain way. I could have stuck my toungue out at her, but i voted against it. We became good friends in the last few months i can joke around with her, she's a good person. I took Diggins arm and off we went to the car, arm in arm.
We climbed into my dads navy-blue car that i borrowed for the night. I opened the door and helped Diggins in.
"you know i can get into a car by myself." She laughed out the words. I love it when she laughs, she has this laugh that makes me want to laugh along with her.
"I know, but i want this to be speical. So i need to act like a gentleman. Which means opening doors and pushing in chairs." I went against my own words and stuck out my tounge and closed the door. I heard Diggins irristable laugh as i got in that drivers seat.
After the restaurant we decided to go to a park, where there is a pond. "The most beautiful park in Tulsa", as they say on the sign. It's on the city limits, but it has a meadow and a chrystal clear pond, benches, soft tall grass, and trees. I planned this, so I have a blanket in the trunk, and the last but not least thing...the moonlight and what might happen under it. I'm saying nothing...just hoping. HEY, i'm a sixteen year old boy; I have these thoughts... I can dream can't I? It was beautiful though, really beautiful.
So we stroll for a while, and stop to spread the blanket, then i lay on the blanket under a tree, that faces the pond and the moonlight. We get on the blanket and Diggins does the most piculair thing: she inches right next to me and then swings her legs over mine to make an x shape, then she snuggles up to me so that her head is on my chest. I put my arms around her, and think, "wow this is going great." Her hair smells so good. Then i realize in the past few months, we haven't been together like this pretty much ever. I mean there were moments where we had a couple minutes. It was mostly:
1.band practice (which i pretty much sat in with them, they have their first gig in a couple days, there scared but they feel better now that they have a lead singer).
2.Me and her at the studio, while me and my brothers recorded different stuff for the new album.
3. over at my house (diggins learned how to make my brothers leave her alone, she loves macy, jessica, avie, and Zoe they have really become attached to her and visa versa).
4. at her house, but shes usually practiceing, so i listen and tell her if i like it.
Thats it, now that were alone i realize how much we needed this. I find her looking in my eyes, like she was reading my thoughts in my mind. I lean in to kiss her and she meets my lips with hers. So i decid that i can slowly lower her to the ground so shes laying down. She smiles up at me, then i lean down and kiss her again and smile back at her. She wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me to her, so i give in and put my arms around her.
I can hear her breath quicken, i think mine is too. I let into my desires, which i usually don't do. I let my hand crawl up from her lower-back around to her stomach and then up to her breast. She allows my hand to remain there, while we are kissing. Then i take it away because i feel weird just having it there, and i dare not to...squeeze. The night was wonderful, but thats pretty much all that happened. I guess we weren't ready to do the Wild monkey dance.
I'm just so scared that i'm going to lose her when we have to go on a promotion tour and i won't see her for a long time. Well we are home for a few days here and there. After the promo tour we come back home for a week and then were on a world tour for months. Even after that we might go on another after a couple months, because we like to tour sooo much (hint of scarcasm?) How could i let someone else take her out on Friday nights. To dances and other things she might need a date for. It hurts to much to think about now. I have to think of us right now and the love going on. I wonder what would happen if i told her i loved her and asked her to wait for me when i leave. Would that be too selfish of me to have her waiting for me, for months and her being alone. The most she would hear from me is a phone call whenever i could manage it, a letter when i had the time to write it. Should i tell her that it's okay if she dates other guys while i'm gone? I know Diggins and she would wait for me, for as long as it takes. I don't wanna leave her. Maybe i should break up with her, and then she wouldn't feel too bad about going out with other guys. I can't do that either, she's mine and i could never do that to her. realtionships suck.
Kim:
"okay girls your on in five minutes." The dude in charge of the show said. I am personally ready to fall over on account of the butterflies. I hold my black bass in my arms, hugging it almost. His name is Enoch. We all named our instruments.
"AHHH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!" I closed my eyes tight and was trying to think were going to do fine and we will be a smash.
"dude calm down, don't spaze now. You have to play bass in four minutes now." Diggins coached me she patted my shoulder, "dude you're an excellent bassist and you'll, we're going to kick ass out there!" Diggins kept rallying.
"Yeah were going to rock," Kate burst out and jump, "oh god save me" she crouched down and looked scared.
"muhahaha, were going to die." Nat was scareing me, she was laughing and saying were going to rock one minute and then die the next. She looked really nervous, she kept tapping on things with her sticks. Practiceing i guess. Diggins is the only one who looked not phased by the torchure of waiting before going on stage. I've known her for a long time and i know she is completely scared but will pull it off, Nat too, and me we are all going to do great. Kate os who i'm afraid is going to spaze, i don't know her that well; well enough. She's more than likely going to pull through.
"30 seconds girls" the dude said reminding us. All's we have to do is be ready and come out when he announces us, then get settled at our instruments, plug in, then start to play. Then after 35 minutes we take a 10 minutes break then three more 35 then 10 after that. Simple right? ahhh.
The four of us gather at the side of the stage and wait, "And our Band for tonight, The jokers card."
We all walked on stage with pride as the crowd clapped. We wore Dickies workmans jumpsuit, in navy blue. I went on the left side of Kate, Diggins the right side, and Nat behind her drums.
"Hi everybody, hows it going? Were glad to be here, and would like to introduce our first song." Kate started off. The crowd seemed to get into us already, they resonded to her "hows it going" which is good with, "good" and "awesome" and just "yeaahh"
"we also got a bit of a game going on here. See we have crap in the bin right there" Diggins pointed to a big black bin in front of the drum set it was filled with cool crap we can give to the auidence, "to give to you in between songs, to the people are just going crazy to the music. So we're going to be watching." She was acting like they were children.
"So lets start this thing" i intervined, "Were playing a cover song, from a certain group. Called MxPx and the song is responsibility" I said and looked at Nat, which then 1, 2, 3, 4, and we went into responisbilty. We sounded great, Kate's voice was strong and punkish, never loseing tone. Diggins was hitting every cord with strength and was jumping around and smileing. I was playing just fine with the beefy tone of my bass sounding great. Nat was on time and going crazy behind the drums, didn't miss anything. We all did great.
The first 35 minutes went by in, it seemed like seconds. We all dazily went off stage for a 10 minutes break. We all in simulstansouly started to laugh and just roared.
"oh crap dudes we forgot to throw stuff at the audience!" Nat yelled. We all continued laughing and I started to skip, then the rest of the idea and we all skipped on stage. We threw some of the stuff at the crowd to people stuck out in our minds. Then we quickly, ran to get something to drink and the time was up. We went back on with as much energy as we ever had, and played.
Diggins:
By the time it was our last song, we were all still buzzed and ready to go.
"okay this is our last song. This is a cover song, and we thought it was right to play this last. It's a Good charolette song." Kate said her voice still fresh, yet looseing some of it's stuff.
We launched into the song. Kate sang the first verse with me and Kim in harmoney. Then she went into the chorus, "tonight, tonight, it's hard tonight, i don't want your boreing life, and i don't want your 9 to 5, or anyone to tell me how to live my life." we all sang in harmoney. It was great. The crowd screamed, jumped, threw there hands bareing the rock on sign in the air. I was just in estacy. It was the best feeling in the world to be playing for this crowd. This was actully a very smart to get a fan base. We still, needless to say, had to record a Cd.
the song was comming to an end, "tonight, tonight, it's hard tonight, i don't want your boreing life, and i don't want your 9 to 5, or anyone to tell me how to live my life, I'll be that, ill be that,i'll be that, i'll be that tonight." The last cords and the last drum fill was played, then we were done. We thanked the crowd, and walked off stage sweaty, and i think it was a group feeling that fatigue finally hit us.
My mom had seen a Vecichal like a mini u-haul on sale and she bought it. So we had something to haul our stuff in. We we started to pack everything up and loaded it in, "Homer" as we all named it. We all tiredly moved around. Then we all collapsed amoung the equipment, and started to laugh again. It took all the strength we had to laugh. My mom started the distance to our homes. We are all craching at my place, then tomarrow we'll sort everthing out.
The living room furniture pushed all around the room to provide space for the four of us. Pillows blankets, foam stuff to sleep on...everywhere. We didn't have to talk about the gig, our first ha. We all had this mental thing going on, we understood, and nothing had to be said. I soon heard the steady breathing of my three bandmates, a sudden movement now and then. I stayed awake, even though it was 1 or 2 in the morning. I wanted Zac to be there but he wasn't, he had a promo thing to go to. He had left on my birthday which was yesterday, and wasn't going to be back for a week (he was doing mutipul promo things). He kept telling me how sorry he was that he wasn't going to be there for my first gig. I kept telling him, "it's okay, next time" it was okay, but something kept telling me it wasn't. One can't be selfish with Zac, he is as much in a realationship with his band, persona, and sechdual as he is with me. I'll get over it.
I couldn't fight sleep away much longer, it took hold of me and the sand man threw his magical sand in my eyes. I fell asleep thinking of Zac and what i was going to do when he goes on tour, which is: i have no idea. It's definitly gonna suck.
Zac:
I'm going to kill this man if he puts a darker shade of lip crap on my lips. I could bite his finger and claim insanity.
"smile, act brothery" the big doofy photographer commanded us.
We posed and smiled and did this and that. After the photo-shoot, we got back to the hotel. I just collasped on the cheap bed, and tried to act like i was sleeping. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I like London and all but too many teenys are after me here. One actully ran up to me and kissed me, of course the body gaurd (Larry) got her away from me. After she ran away yelling, "i kissed Zac Hanson" our body gaurd looked at me and started to laugh, "Some ones a new sex symbol" he said with his usual jolly grin.
"Those teenys have been after me ever since i was 11. Haven't you heard no teeny can resist zac Hanson" i joked around with him alot, I pulled the coller of my shirt in a consceed way, "besides I have a girlfriend." I stated.
"wow you Mr. studly. I thought you would never settle down." He made his unique deep belly laugh.
"yeah wanna see her picture?" I reached back into my back pocket and pulled my wallett attached to a chain, that was connected to a calla beanner, connected to my belt.
"sure" His cheeks were always rosey. Larry's one of the nicest people you could meet, always making conversation with me when my brothers ignore me.
I fumbled through my wallett and finally pulled out a picture of me and Diggins that was taken in my backyard. We stood side by side and i have my arm around her shoulders and she has her arm around my waist. It's actully a cute picture of us. I cut it to fit into my wallett, so i could have her with me anywhere i went.