Genie in a Bottle

by Lucretia Dellens-Water

Bobby belched.

He grinned and patted his big, fat, bearbelly, as he lay in bed, naked, watching tv amidst a mess of grease, popcorn, potato chips, butter, lard, several empty bottles of beer and a half-eaten steak that had fallen to the floor.

He belched again, louder this time.

Life is good, Bobby thought. The only thing that could make this whole scene better were if there were a beautiful, sexy woman next to me in bed. Damn, would I give her a piece o' meat to chew on! Bobby grinned. Maybe he'd go out to the bar later and go on the prowl for some hot sexy young thing.

He was certainly attractive enough to win himself a woman like that. Sure, he was middle aged, but he looked like he was in his 20's, all his friends assured him--and his mirror assured him of this, too! After all, he covered up the gray spots in his hair with Just for Men, leaving it nice and dark. Not that there was much hair to begin with--but you couldn't tell that he had a bald spot, because his comb-over hid it very nicely. His friends often complimented him on the precision of his comb-over! His face was marked with scars from the acne he'd had in his teens, but women loved that because it showed character--and the unshaven, unkempt look was incredibly attractive to women, too!

As for his body, well, that too was a marvelous work of art. Beneath his bear belly, he knew he had finely toned abs! After all, he used to work out once a month back in high school, which must have paid off somehow! Besides, women loved a man who showed signs of being able to drink as much as he wanted without getting drunk--and he could drink any woman under the table! (and often did, as he could usually end up getting laid afterwards)

Yes, Bobby was a fine figure of a man. But what he really needed was a woman. Not for a relationship or anything like that--God, no! Tell a woman that you two are dating and she suddenly started to nag, and to insist that you stop dating and/or sleeping with other women. Even the most beautiful of women became a controlling harpy when she thought she was in a relationship! No, Bobby wanted only one thing--sex. Although flings were nice, too, especially if the woman were willing to become your love slave. Oddly enough, though, No woman had ever offered to become Bobby's love slave. He shrugged. They must have seen his resolve to not enter into a relationship, and had been scared off by that and his superior manhood. Bobby grinned smugly. Yes, that must've been it.

He yawned. It was getting late--it was almost noon! He really should be getting some sleep, but ...

Just one more beer, Bobby told himself, and then I'll get some shut-eye.

So Bobby picked up an unopened beer bottle that lay next to him, popped the top, and then ...

Out of the bottle came a puff of smoke. Frightened, Bobby through the bottle across the room where it crashed into the tv, breaking then both. Then, in front of where the collision had occured, lay a beautiful young woman in a skimpy outfit, rubbing her head.

Bobby's eyes lit up and he began to rub Lil' Bobby. It was as though his prayers had been answered! A beautiful young woman, here in his room, prepared to be his love slave.

And boy, was she beautiful! Tall and leggy and voluptuous, wearing nothing but a little pink thong and a little pink bra. She had long blond hair, an hourglass figure, and nipples that could poke a man's eyes out without even trying!

Bobby grinned again and then purred to her, "C'mere, Sweet Thong. Daddy's waiting to get his hands on you!"

The girl then stood up, giving him an even better view of her luscious, young, nubile body. Honestly, she couldn't be a day over 16. Just the way he liked 'em!

But then she shot him a look that could break glass. She began to curse at him in a foreign tongue that he couldn't understand, and began jumping up and down in her agitation. Not that he minded the jumping up and down part, of course, but all that foreign language cursing was hurting his ears.

"Oh, shut up, girlie!" he exclaimed, "Don't you speak English?"

"Yes, I do speak English," the girl replied indignantly, "but half the words I wish to use to describe you don't even exist in your puny little language!" She then glared down at him, and Lil Bobby, too. "And apparently it's not just the language that's puny around here, is it?"

Bobby frowned. "Hey, C'mon now, Lil Bobby needs his exercise." He grinned. "Wanna be his, er, personal trainer?"

The girl's eyes narrowed. "Well ... I guess it couldn't hurt." She took off her bra.

Lil Bobby jumped for joy, and Big Bobby grinned lasciviously.

"Oh, by the way," the girl said as she slipped off her thong, "my name is Tanya and I am the genie of the bottle." She glanced at the broken bottle pieces that lay near her feet. "Or rather, I was. And since you're the one that opened the bottle, you get three wishes." She gritted her teeth and murmured under her breath, "even though you didn't have to go breaking the goddamn bottle in the first place, too."

Bobby frowned at her. "I heard that! Well, I know what my first wish is--my tv is broken so what I want is a new huge giant tv and a whole huge giant friggin' entertainment center to go with it, too!"

Tanya shook her head. "No, no, no! You don't understand. You have to phrase your wish in the form of a phrase, saying "I wish ..." followed by your wish. Otherwise, there's all this legal stuff where people have been able to, based on this technicality, get an extra wish or two, so I don't do it anymore. Now I play by the rules!"

"Alright, alright. I wish for a huge giant entertainment center with a humongous tv, to replace my old broken one!"

"Done."

An instant later, where the dinky little broken tv had once been, there was now a huge tv, surrounded by an even larger entertainment center, and filled with an assortment of very manly DVDs, CDs, and pornographic magazines.

Bobby grinned. "I think I'm going to like having you around, girlie! Now, hop into bed, Lil Bobby wants some company!" He leered at her.

Tanya crossed her arms over her chest and shook her head. "The name is Tanya, not girlie, and I'm just here to grant your wishes, you're not my master, and I don't follow your every order! And besides, you broke my bottle! And you only have two wishes left, so after those two wishes, I'm outta here!"

"Oh, no you're not!" Bobby exclaimed.

"Oh, yes I am!" Tanya shouted back.

"You're not, because for my second wish, I wish that you be my love-slave for my whole life!"

Tanya shuddered, and then glared at him. "Done."

An instant later she was in bed with him, purring, and kissing him all over his flabby, out-of-shape body. Lil Bobby had the time of his life that night--and so did Big Bobby, for that matter! Being a genie, she never tired, and she rode him all night long (and did other things besides--by the end of the night he was calling her "DT"--she thought it stood for "Darling Tanya," when in reality it stood for "Deep Throat"!)

The next day, when her mouth wasn't otherwise occupied, Tanya asked him what his third wish would be.

"Hmmm .... so much to choose from!" Bobby said. "I don't know. I could choose to be the richest man in the world ... or the most powerful man in the world ... Heck, I could even choose to become the next Hugh Hefner, surrounded all day by beautiful, naked women! Such a hard choice." Bobby grinned. "It's even harder than Lil Bobby is right now! Get to work, DT!"

"Yes, sir!" she purred, doing exactly as he told her.

Weeks later, after glutting himself on food and sex day after day after day (and night after night after night), Bobby decided to go out to the bar.

"You stay here," he ordered Tanya, even though she pouted that she couldn't go with him.

He wasn't going to tell her, but the real reason he was going out to the bar was so that he could pick up a chick and bring her back here and use his third wish to make her his love slave, too--so that he'd have TWO women, all the time! He could barely contain himself just thinking about it!

So he went to the bar and found a woman that was the perfect contrast for Tanya--she was short and dark, and was very slim and looked incredibly flexible--not that Tanya wasn't flexible--she was--but this girl looked even more flexible!

So he went over and had a beer and started chatting her up. As it turned out, she was a lobbyist for an organization that promoted world peace.

She sighed. "Don't you just wish that everyone would just stop fighting each other and just ... you know ... get along?"

As a brawl started a few feet away from them, and Bobby was staring drunkenly down at her cleavage, he didn't think as he said, "Yeah, I wish they'd all just get along!"

Then, realizing the implications of what he said, he froze for a moment--but no, Tanya wasn't here, she couldn't have heard what he'd said,. and how he'd phrased it!

But a second later he heard a voice whisper in his ear, with a cackle of glee, "Done!"

And suddenly he turned around and the brawl had stopped and the participants were hugging each other and crying--and then the two men began kissing each other and rolling around on the floor and tearing each other's clothes off so that they could celebrate their love for one another right there on the barroom floor.

Bobby turned back towards the woman, but she no longer sat there--Tanya had taken her place. A naked, grinning Tanya.

"Oh, by the way," she said coyly, "I must've forgotten to mention it to you, but ... well, any wish you make that involves me is void once your three wishes are up--it's another of those technical loop holes." She winked at him. "After all, I have to be free to find another bottle and another person to whom to grant wishes to after you're done, hmmm, don't I?" She blew him a kiss, and then disappeared.

Bobby sat there, stunned, gritting his teeth. Then he lookd around, and saw all the beer bottles nicely lined up behind the counter.

That's it! Bobby thought excitedly, she must've gone inside one of those beer bottles! And if I find her again ... then I get three more wishes! And this time I'll wish 'em right!

So he leaped over the counter and began opening beer bottles willy-nilly, looking for the little puff of smoke ... and since his last wish was for everyone to get along, the bartender didn't even mind, and shoved some more beer bottles at him.

"Here!" he said, "Take 'em all!" and then went back to humming and banging the chick that sat on the bar, naked, with her legs spread wide open and an inviting smile on her face.

Finally, Bobby managed to find a bottle that let out a whisp of smoke. And then Tanya appeared, in front of him, grinning.

"What are you grinning about?!" he exclaimed nervously. He didn't like the look in her eyes.

"Oh, just another little technicality that I forgot to mention to you. You see, once someone has used up all their wishes, if they try to call upon the genie again, you see, that's not allowed. So, sorry Bobby--and Lil Bobby--but I'm afraid I can't allow you to live anymore, and spread the secret of the genie of the beer bottle!"

THE END