Goth Fairy's Poems

i have put my heart and soul into my poems and i hope you enjoy them this is my pain, my suffering, my joy, and my feelings. they are all real feelings real things that i have gone though and i do hope you like. if not you don't have to tell me about it!!!

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i brought in to my world without telling you everything first but it is better this way. you will never understand everything. you see no matter how hard i try i remember everything. i often wonder if you could kill it all away. you don't know what i was just what i have become. i am full of broken dreams, that i can't repair. for the longest time i focus on the pain i felt, it was the only thing that seemed real. i would gladly tell it all to you, but i am not sure you can handle it. i love you so much! and don't want to lose you, but i fear that if you stay long enough i will hurt you; i will let you down. you see everything i have or touch that is pure turns to crap. because i am a walk disease. And nobody would say anything to you if you walked out right now. because everybody I know leaves me in the end. Why should you be any different?

i'm tired

not mildly tired

0not went to bed late tired

not put your head down in the middle of a big test review tired

but sick and tired of shit

tired of all the voilence

tired of child being beat to death by their parents

tired of my gernation solving their problems with guns

I am just a girl

I wonder life deal me next

I hear so hear so much negativity

I see friends of mine throw their live away

I am just a girl

I pretend that everything is fine

I feel like a motherless child

I touch the photograph of pappy and

I worry about my little brother and sister

I cry myself to sleep everynight

I am just a girl

I understand only what I feel

I say nothing about my feelings

I dream about a love that is not found

I try to be perfect Hope is something that

I am running low on lately

I am just a girl

Everything will be all right

My very close friend moved to an other state. I barely get to talk to him or see him. And letters are not the same. I use to tell him everything that bugged me. I looked it him for strength. Now he is gone, but things are not the bad. And he will hopefully be back to visit. I just moved. And everything is so different. I hate this school. And I miss my old town so much all of my friends and the things that seem so normal. I just want to go back and go back to my old school. But I take a deep breath and tell myself that things are fine. Being the new girl is not that bad. I had my heart broking because the one that I loved didn’t know how to be loved. Plus I have lost all of my friends. And my so-called best friends have made my pain and suffering the butt of her jokes. And I have yet to make any new friends, because she would make me push them away. All she did was feed lies to me and I believed them all. When I asked her she made me think that someone else did it and I stop talking to everyone. As I close my eyes, I tell myself that things are alright. I think about my childhood, because this is all I have left of my hero. My pappy just died of cancer and I am left with just my memories. I sit in my dark room and cry myself to sleep and I wonder if things will be alright I wonder if I will ever be able to smile again.

I want

I want you next to me.

I want to feel your heart beat though my skin.

I want to smell you on me.

I want to feel your touch.

I want to be able to hold you close forever.

I have never felt this way about anyone or anything.

It saddens me to think that my feelings could be for nothing.

I just want to make you happy.

I want to make you feel what I feel inside.

I just want you to want me the way that I want you.

Why is that so hard for you to understand?

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I use to be a child, Trusting, innocent, caring, and happy,

I was not aware of how the real world works.

But now that I am a teenager, society has treated me like shit,my peers picked on me,

This has caused me to become mean, hateful, and suicidal.

But they know not what they do.

i hope not

I think you are something I need in my life. I see something in you even if you don’t see it. You make me feel things I have never felt before. You set my soul on fire. My body is longing to hold you; it is so bad that it hurts inside. I want to feel you close to me. I would love to fall asleep in your arms, and wake up next to you the next day. I love looking into your eyes. There is safeness in your arms. Your smile says all I need to know. This is such a great feeling you give me. I wonder if you are the dream I have been dreaming of. When you kiss me, my heart skips a beat. Your touch makes me want to melt. Is this love? Is this real? Are you real? Or am I just dreaming and my going to wake up anytime now? I truly hope not. I pray this is all real and I will not wake up and find that this is just a dream.

My Sweetest Friend

Your smile warms my heart.

Your voice soothes my soul.

You brighten up my life.

You bring hope to my hopeless life.

You have given me strength when I thought I couldn’t go on.

You know my deepest dark thought.

You know me better then anyone.

You can read me like a book.

You showed me that I was a beautiful person inside and out.

You give me a gift that I really need, and that was my self-esteem.

I love you much more then I could ever say in words.

You are truly my sweetest friend.

(this is too my friend she knows who she is and she knows that i love her dearly)

Do You

Do you ever think about me when the nights get cold? Have you ever woke up in the middle of the night and find yourself wondering where I am? Do you still dreams about me? Do you ever wonder if I still think about you? You ever want to call me just to hear my voice? Do you ever break down and cry because our song came on? Well I do and I fear that I am the only one who still does. I am scared that you might be my match. I know you think I made things fall apart, but that is why we fell apart; you just push blame onto someone else. You act like you knew it all and you were all right, and when it can down to it you had know idea of what I needed. You were still a child. You see baby I need a man not a boy, but you are just a boy. You played games so I played them back, but I fucked up I fell for you while I was playing; and that scared the hell out of me. I never thought things would go that far but they did and you sat there and tried to change me. And then I ended it and you tried to hurt me. But each day goes by and I grow closer to an other and I the more I think about you, and it hurts. Why can’t I just forget about you?

Crush

I see you day after day and I watch and wonder what you will say.

I wonder if it could ever be.

We hang out and talk and I freeze up when I want to tell you that I like you more then a friend.

I hug you and wish I had the courage to just kiss you.

I hate seeing you with other girls but I still stay silence.

I want to have the nerve to tell you how I really feel but I can’t do it.

You make me feel like I am something special.

You are like a drug I can’t stop but don’t want to admit that I am hooked on .

But yet all I can think about is the bad that could happen.

I never had this problem before.

I don’t want to ever hurt you.

But yet I fear that my pride and cocky attitude may just be what hurts your kindness.

It is so hard when you are my friend.

I know what you like and what you don’t.

I know what you think about me and that makes things so much harder for me.

I just want to step out of the shadows and tell you what I really think about you.

I don’t want to lose you even if that means all we are ever going to be is just friends.

I think I can live with that but I know I can‘t live without you in my life.

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You will never understand that pain that you have caused me. You will never know what you have done to make me hate you. I can’t tell you. I can’t ever let you know just what you did to hurt me. I won’t let you say sorry again. I won’t l gave you the chance to make me break again. You fucked with my heart and my head. You don’t know how many nights I sat and cried over you. It is safer that way, you not knowing what you did to me. I have tried for so long to forget all about you and that only made me want you more. Oh how I wanted you. And how I wanted you even more after all the lies you told me. But yet you were never there for me. Oh how I love to so you smile in your sleep, how I loved you when you were cuddled up in bed with your arms wrapped around my pillow waiting for me. I was so safe in your arms at night. I want the feeling back. I just wanted you to love me. But you didn’t even care for me. Now I wish I was just stupid and believe all your lies, but I was stupid for ever thinking that you would ever love me and only me. You have me confused on what was real and what was wishful thinking. I was so lost in my dreams and hopes of our life ahead that I allowed myself to be blind for too long. I hate myself for waking up and end it all. And now you have lost the one thing that you had over me. You lost your power over me. You can’t hurt me anymore. I am stronger now but yet you killed something in me that I wish I could get back. I wish that I could trust someone again like I trusted you at first. I guess that is what happens when you love and lost.

In You.

In your arms i am safe and warm. In your eyes i see that you do care. In your words there is a scents of truth and hope. In your touch there is a gentleness. in your simple smile all my fears and worries float away. yout love is something that seems to cover me like a blanket. in you is something special and pure, something that i have never seem in another person. you seem to good to be true, but you are real. you have touched my soul and open up things in me that i have locked up. with you in my life the world seem less dark and unkind. you have become my everything. and i have fallen so deeply in love with you and i am not scaried at all.

I wonder

I sit in my smoked fill room wondering if I am the only person that feels as lonely as I do at night.

I wonder if anyone else cuddles up with their pillow wishing it was a person.

I wonder if anyone else knows what it feels like to be alone in a big crowd of people.

I wonder if all these fake ass guys that I have been dating is just a test to see if I can love.

I wonder if I will find that perfect love that I have been dreaming of.

I wonder if there is anyone else out there that has gone though half of what I had gone though.

I wonder if there is anyone out there right now that is wondering just like me?

I wonder if there is anyone that wants a simple life like I do.

I wonder if there is someone that fears being alone like me.

I wonder if there is someone out there that needs to be kissed.

I wonder if there is someone out there that just need someone to touch them so that they know they can still feel something.

I wonder if I will fall in love like everyone talks about.

I wonder if there is someone out there that I can be with forever.

And I wonder if that person is wondering just like me right now.

what happened on 9/11 has deeply sadden me and my prayers go out to the family of both our fallen heroes and the victims.

Show your support for freedom and democracy

Lately everybody in the world that I know so well has gone mad. Everyone believes that our world of freedom, justice, and safety that we all know so well will be taking away from us. But I don’t believe any of that bullshit. This is something that will bring us together as a country. This should not pull us apart. This horror that has happened to us should make us unite and rebuild, not run, hide and live life is fear all the time. We all share a title; a title that so many for so many years has died protecting and trying to get. To me being an American is freedom, strength, and courage. Some of us have forgotten that. We have been up against great odds then this, like at the first war we fought as a country for our freedom. We didn’t have enough guns, men, and power. We stood up against the strongest country back then and we fought and won. And then it was nothing but farmers and young boys that fought that war. This country went form being a settlement to a bigger country to a small country all its own, with a new way of running things. And then we became the strongest country in the world. And we stood for something. We had the first atomic bomb for crying out loud. So why is it that we are so scared. We are America. Are we really going to let someone take away our freedom? Let someone take our home and change it? Are we going to let someone scary us into living in fear? And with that all said and done, we have to start thinking not acting so scared on how to stop anymore of us being hurt. We are smart people why is it that are poor hard workingmen and women are getting sick. Why is it with all that we have done and made and all the crap we have in this country that we can find out if something is in our mail? We are smart people couldn’t we do something about that? And this is not the first time what about the bombs that people were sending in the mail. This country is a country for hard workingmen and women. And we are let them get sick. Come on America! We can fix this. This is the only thing that I worry about is the mail and the crap in it. I hear about more and more poor postal workers getting sick. Can’t we figure out something so we don’t get it? We have flu shots and all kind of shots so we don’t get sick. But either way this is my country and if I have to I will go down fighting for it. And letting justice be served.

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i sit here day after day wondering if anyone can see though my act. if they can see my true colors. it not like i enjoy living a lie or anything. it is not like i want to hide from everyone. it is just that she need to be protect (the true me). she is not strong enough to live in the real world. she is so sweet. she is so trusting. she is helpful and all that happens is she gets hurt and walked on. she is so hard on herself. she feels that she is not good enough, that she is not smart. and that everything that she does is not any good at all. so i put on this act to protect her. to push everyone away before they can hurt her. but i am wondering will you be like the others, and hurt her if i let her trust you? will you use her? will you make her cry herself alseep at night? and laugh at her with your friends? or will you protect her too? what will you do?

tired of

i am tired of my life of fear. i run in circles. this endless cycle of voilence. the sleepless nights that i endoor, because of the pain that has builded up inside of me. hunts me at night. and i don't talk to anyone for fear taht they will not understand. i never learned how to trust anyone. i can't cry, because my tear have dried up. i feel caged up here. i feel that i will never beable to be free. i have to put on a smile, and make everyone around me happy for the whole effect. i lost faith and i have a hard time finding it again. i allow shit to build up. i distance myself from the world, but i hate being alone. i just want to my age, to be a normal kid. i want the cycle to end. i want the fear to go away. but it has not stopped and it won't because i haven't opened up to someone yet. i still bottle up the pain. and i don't know why i still do it.

i don't usually fall madly in love with anyone very fast. i usually keep my distancefrom people, let them close enough to keep them around but not close enough to hurt me. i don't ever get emotionly attached to anyone. but i did with you and i did it to fast i let you into my heart. i thought you were so different. and i gave you my heart of glass. and you played stupid games and broke my heart. you knew just what to say and do to fuck with my head. you played me fora foll. you acted like i was some stupid hoe. and you acted like everyone else. you made me believe all your lies. i just wanted to make you happy, but you laughed at me and acted like i was trying to hurt you. and then you dumped me without a reason. and then you lied about me, liek i was the one that was mean to you. you treated me like shit. why? i don't know nor do i understnad. but i ma sick of you and your bullshit. this is my way od letting you go i will not lie i wanted you back. i loved you and in some small way i still do love you. and there is a place in my heart for you, but after this there will never be a 2nd chance. after this i will no long look atyou in the same way. after this you are nothing to me. you and your childish bullshit is a thing of the past. and if you try to have your friend's tak to me like you have been doing, i don't know you. i have made up my mind you are and were a waste of my time. and you were not worth my love.

just remember that true love lasts forever what is your excuse?

(this is a part of a really long letter i wrote to an ex boyfriend. not sure he readed it or understood it if he did read it. he broke my heart and treated me like shit. i but this in here because this was the first thing that was not dark adn death like that i every wrote that meant something. that had powerful words that started a whole mess of angry and powerful poems so this is the begin of something different at the time it was written)

death

i lay in a puddle of my own warm blood on the bathroom cold white tiled bathroom floor. i look at the bright bathroom light and that is seems to be getting brighter and bright but i can't close my eyes. i can taste the salty taste of blood in my mouth. i can feel the blood filling up my mouth and dripping down my face i can hear each drop hit the floor. i want to close my eyes. they hurt so bad. and my wrists too. my wrist are so sore. adn i can't move my body i can feel everything i just can't move. why can't i move? i can't talk. i want to yell for help but i can't. why can't i? i want it all to stop. why will it not stop? where is my mom? has she realized that i am not there? that i have been in the bathroom why too long? why doesn't she come and see if i am ok? i want to take it back? i don't think i want to die anymore. i want to take it back. the light is getting so bright. i want my mommy. why is one coming to help me? do they even care? was this the right thing to do? will anyone miss me? everythign is going dark. i am getting so cold. why i ma i getting cold? where is my mom? am i dying? death? suidicd? living? heven? hell? did i do the right thing? so many thoughts. why is everthing dark now? what is this place? did i die? am i all alone? i don't want to be alone. i am so cold. where is everybody? what is this place? where am i at? should i have doen this? what is going to happen to me? oh my god someone need to help me. i don't want to be alone here. i am so cold.....................................

Realizing

I woke up in my old bed in a place that I thought that I had to run away from. And yet for the first time in months I felt safe. I didn’t sleep that much but yet I felt rested. Today I didn’t have to forces a smile on my face, it just happened. I didn’t have to second guess what I was doing. I had the feeling that I was where I belong. I took that journey to find myself. The whole point of that voyage was to find the place I belong at. But yet I find myself right back where I started at and being happy to be there. This whole thing has taught me that I am Jennifer Lynn. I am the big sissy. I am someone’s hero. I am someone’s role model, And they both need my strength more now then ever. I am the glue the holds things together here. I am bit over weight but I am happy. My attitude and out look on life makes me so much prettier then any supermodel will ever be. I don’t have a lot to show for my life but I have memories that is worth more then all the money in the world. And I always thought you were prettier then me growing up, but I am just as pretty as you. I am so much stronger then you. I can have the world if I want it. I stop to listen to someone older then me and find knowledge in what they are saying. I stop and think about what could happen before I do something. I want plans edge in stone before I do something. I am a perfectionists. I am smart. And unlike you I was always more cautious and I don’t have mistakes that I have to hide. I don’t have any regrets in my life that eat away at me. I don’t have to lie to cover my past. My family would die before any of them would let me do what you did to pay the rent and bills. . I am a bit of a vixen, but I am tasteful about it. I wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time but would not take make any of my heartaches for the world. I do things ass backwards sometimes but I do it better then most. I take some shit from people at times but I never quit something because someone wants to run their mouth to me. I will try not to fight with someone just because that never does solve anything , but I will if I have too. I don’t go out and act stupid and blame it on the tough stuff in my past. I am true to myself, but yet I will forget to take care for me at times. I will spend my last dollar on my brother or sister before myself, just to see them smile and never throw back at them. And I know that they would do the same for me in a heartbeat and never ask why. I will give a bum my change. I will smile at a stranger walking down the street and say hello. Will go out of my way to talk to someone just so I can say I did. I want friends. I like going out and getting dressed up and meeting new people. And all of this that I already knew, but then again if it ain’t broking don’t fix it as they say. I don’t need to be fixed you do. I don’t need to work on me; I need to just live, laugh and be with the ones that I love. Some day our paths will cross again and you will have realized that I had everything I need right around me all the time. And that you and I need to be apart. you will understand then what people say about us being together. we are harmful together other. your fearless attitude adn my everything has to be in place beofore i do it attitude do not go together. you are still my closest friend and i still care about you,but we grew to be like oil and water. I have my life figured out. And I am perfect just the way that I am. so hopefully you will realize this one day too, or maybe you already know it and you just don't want to say.


	Time after time (By cyndi lauper) Laying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you caught up in circles confusion is nothing new flash back warms night almost left behind a suitcase of memories time after sometime you will picture me but I walking to far ahead you are calling to me I can’t hear what you are said and you then said go slow and I fall behind the second hand unwinds if your lost you can look and you will find me time after time and you fall I will caught you I will be waiting time after time after my picture as fade and the darkness has turned to gray watching though the windows and you are wondering if I am okay the secrets stolen from deep inside and the drum beats out of time if you lost you will find me time after time if you fall I will caught you I will be waiting time after time then said go slow and I fall behind the second hand unwinds if you lost you will find me time after time if you fall I will caught you I will be waiting time after time if you lost you will find me time after time if you fall I will caught you I will be waiting time after time, if you lost you will find me time after time if you fall I will caught you I will be waiting time after time, if you lost you will find me time after time if you fall I will caught you I will be waiting time after time, time after time, time after time, time after time,


	Rhiannon (Stevie nicks) Rhiannon rings like a bell thru the night And wouldn’t you love to love her? She rules her life like a bird in flight And who will be her love? All your life you’ve never seen A women - taken by the wind Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win……….? Rhiannon……… Rhiannon……… Rhiannon……… She is like a cat in the dark And then she is the darkness She rules her like a fine skylark And when the sky is starless All your life you’ve never seen A women - taken by the wind Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win……….? Will you ever win……….? Rhiannon……… Rhiannon……… Rhiannon……… Dreams unwind Love’s a state a mind


	Landslide (stevie nicks) I took my love and I took it down Climbed a mountain and I turned around And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hill ‘til the landslide brought me down Oh mirror in the sky What is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail thru the changing’ ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? I don’t know……… Well I been afraid of changing’ ‘cause I’ve build my life around you But time makes you bolder even children get older And I’m getting older too Oh take my love, take it down Climb a mountain and turn around And if you see me reflection in the snow covered hills Well the landslide will bring it down And if you see me reflection in the snow covered hills Well the landslide will bring it down The landslide will bring it down


	Little lies (Fleetwood Mac) If I could turn the page In time then I’d rearrange just a day or twp Close my, close my, close my eyes But I couldn’t find a way So I’ll settle for one day to believe in you Tell me, tell me, tell me lies Tell me lies Tell me sweet little lies (tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies) Oh no, no you can’t disguise (you can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise) Tell me lies Tell me sweet little lies Although I’m not making plans I hope that you understand there is a reason why Close your, close your, close your eyes No more broken hearts We’re better off apart let’s give it a try Tell me, tell me, tell me lies Tell me lies Tell me sweet little lies (tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies) Oh no, no you can’t disguise (you can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise) Tell me lies Tell me sweet little lies If I could turn the page In time then I’d rearrange just a day or twp Close my, close my, close my eyes But I couldn’t find a way So I’ll settle for one day to believe in you Tell me, tell me, tell me lies Tell me lies Tell me sweet little lies (tell me lies, tell me, tell me lies) Oh no, no you can’t disguise (you can’t disguise, no you can’t disguise) Tell me lies Tell me sweet little lies


	Dreams (Stevie Nicks) No here you go again you say you want your freedom well who am I to keep you down it’s only right that you should play the way you feel it but listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness like a heartbeat….. Drives you mad in the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost………. And what you had………and what you lost thunder only happens when it’s raining players only love you when they’re playing say…women…they will come and they will go when the rain washes you clean… you will know now here I go again I see the crystal visions I keep my to myself it’s only me who wants to wrap around your dreams and…. Have you any dreams you’d like to sell dreams of loneliness… like a heartbeat…. Drives you mad… in the stillness of remembering what you had… and what you lost… and what you had…and what you lost thunders only happens when it’s raining players only love you when they’re playing say…women… they will come and they will go when the rain washes you clean…you will know


	The chain (Fleetwood Mac) Listen to the wind blow watch the sun rise run in the shadows damn your love damn your lies and if you don’t love me now you will never love me again I can still hear you saying you will never break the chain. Listen to the wind blow down comes the night run in the shadows damn your love damn your lies break the silence damn the dark damn the light and if you don’t love me now you will never love me again I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain.


	Gold dust woman (Stevie Nicks) Rock on -- gold dust woman take your silver spoon and dig your grave heartless challenge pick your path and I’ll pray wake up in the morning see you sunrise -- loves -- to go down lousy lovers -- pick their prey but they never cry out loud did she make you cry make you break down shatter your illusions of love is it over now -- do you know how pick up the pieces and go home. Rock on -- ancient woman follow those who pale in your shadow rulers make bad lovers you better put your kingdom up for sale did she make you cry make you break down shatter you illusions of love is it over now -- do you know how pickup the pieces and go home.

anything less than extraordinary is a waste of my time.

with the lights out it is less dangerous. (kurt cobain)

there is no real power without knowledge

nothing spoils the peanutbetter like unrequited love. (charlie brown [the peanuts by charlies schulz])

nursery rhymes are said verses in my head into my childhood they're spoon fed hidden violence revealed darkness that seems real look at the pages that cause all this evil. (shoot and ladders-korn)

that which hurts also instructs (ben franklyn)

your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding (kablil gibran)

what doesn't kill me makes me stronger (nietzsche)

the human spirit is stronger than anything that happens to it (c.c. scott)

there are only 2 rules for success 1. never tell everything you know 2. see #..

the fool doth thinks he is wise, but a wise man knows himself a fool (william shakespeare)

creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes, art is knowing which ones to keep (scott adams [creator of dulbert])

to thine ownself be true (william shakespeare)

the hardest battle you're ever going to fight is the battle to be just you (leo bucaglia)

when you are born you begin to die so do you ever really live (keith r.)

there is no real power without knowledge

flesh is but a trap magic sets you free

if you want to learn about love, start with plants and animals they're easier (buddha)

much of your pain is selfchosen. it is the bitter potion by which the physician within you, heals your sick self (kablil gibrain)

Words of Wisdom:

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