12 steps to bonotheism

  • 1) We admit we are powerless over the seduction of bono-that our lifes have become unmanageable because of the voice, the lyrics, and his worldly presence. Besides those damn leather pants, blue eyes, and fly shades. My addiction will never be the same again.
  • 2) We have come to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity and he sings about mysterious ways, streets with no names, angels in harlem, and how there needs to be peace on earth.
  • 3) We make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to his care, and we understand him in all of his forms: The mirrorball man, the fly, Mr.Macphisto, and even his most recent incarnation: Evil Bono.
  • 4) We make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves and regardless of those who call us “obsessed” and tell us we, at times, act like 12 year old girls, we still are devoted believers in his wisdom and divine stage presence.
  • 5) We have admitted to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of why this man is so important to the world!! Jubilee 2000, Sarajevo, Amnesty International, Inspiration, Good will, Africa, Kindness, Divinity…need we go on?
  • 6) We are not entirely ready to have god (or therapy) remove all of these thoughts from our minds and our character. In fact, we think that believing in bonotheism makes us pretty special people!!!
  • 7) We humbly ask that Bono forgive our shortcomings such as screaming his name out car windows on the way to shows, hyperventilating in his presence, destroying our vcr’s because of repeated pausing and slow motion viewings of the R&H performance of with or without you, devoting hours of our free time debating with other bonotheisist about topics such as: “Will he wear the green shades or the blue ones?? Oh God, what if he wears the RED ONES?!” or “How sexy were his cheekbones in the elevation video?!!”
  • 8) We have made a list of all the people who claim to not understand this “Bono thing” …and we have vowed to convert them. And we mean it too!
  • 9) We have made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others or ourselves. We draw the line at explaining what it’s like to watch Bono lie on stage while singing “Until the end of the world” or “with or without you”
  • 10) We continue to take personal inventory of our bootleg CD, official CD, video, DVD, and picture collections and when we discover there is something we don’t have, we promptly make arrangement to GET IT!!!! Maxing out credit cards, putting a second mortgage on the house…
  • 11) We have sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Bono as we understand him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry that out.
  • 12) Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we try to carry this message to realized and unrealized Bono fans everywhere.

    Email: missy@u2email.com