Howie
That entire next day was like hell, having Georgie so close by with my insides such a mess. Sure, if I would have started explaining how I felt to anybody they would have busted me in two seconds flat, declaring it the L-word. But I wasn’t talking to anybody about this. I just couldn’t. It was too much. I wasn’t even willing to admit to myself that that was what I was feeling. I was still chalking it up to shock. Who was I kidding?
Despite the fact that I was upset, I did notice that AJ seemed particularly disturbed too. I didn’t bother asking why - mostly because (quite frankly), I didn’t really care, but also because being burdened with the great dramas that traumatize a 16-year-old was not what I was in the mood for, especially a 16-year-old like AJ McLean. I even went so far as to avoid him when he came near me, which admittedly I did feel a little bad about, but he’d get over it.
I should have known my luck would run out because sometime really late that night I felt my covers being pulled off and the light turning on. “What the hell?!” I cried, burying my face in the pillow.
“D, we gotta talk,” AJ informed me.
“Not now, damnit.”
“Yeah, now. Come on.”
I kicked at where I felt him sitting. “In the morning. Gimme my covers and turn off that light.” I heard him sigh.
“Howie, come on.”
I groaned. “Can’t it wait?” I asked, barely looking out at him. Jeez that light was bright...
“D, I need to clear my soul, man.”
This was the way AJ usually revealed something deep, like he forgot to tell you that he borrowed your favorite anything and then oops, accidentally lost it. I checked the clock. “Can’t you clear your soul at a more decent hour?” I complained.
“I could, but I could die-”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. You could die in your sleep.”
“Do you want that hanging over your head?”
“I’ll chance it.” I reached out for my covers and managed to snagged the corner. I pulled with all my might and he willingly gave up the blankets.
“OK, man, but it’s about Georgianna. I thought you’d wanna know.” His words barely registered at first, but once they did I froze, mid-tug. AJ’s eyes stayed locked on mine as I sat there, stunned. Finally, slowly I lowered my hand and sat up against the headboard.
“I’m listening,” I said quietly. He nodded.
“I thought you would.”
“Is she OK? Did something happen?”
AJ looked away. “She’s all right, nothing happened, other than she and I having a kinda big talk last night-”
So now she was talking to everyone but me? “How’d that come about? When’d you get to talk to her last night? We had a show.”
“It was late at night, when I went for my smoke. We-”
“What was she doing?”
He gave me a look. “I was getting to that. I ran out and almost tripped over her cuz she was already sitting on the curb smoking and-”
I shook my head. “George doesn’t smoke.”
“Well, I guess she does now-”
“No, Aje, she doesn’t smoke,” I insisted. AJ rolled his eyes.
“Howie, maybe she didn’t two years ago but she does now, OK? Who was there, me or you?” I said nothing. “Exactly. Anyway, so I sat down with-”
“Does Brian know she smokes?”
He started to stand. “Forget this,” he muttered, but my hand clamped like a vise around his arm.
“No, I’m sorry, I won’t interrupt again. Go ahead.”
AJ looked dubious but sat back down. “All right. So anyway, we’re out there and smoking and stuff, just sorta bullshitting, and I ask her about this notebook she’s holding - she’d been writing in it before I got out. She kinda plays it down, mentions it’s a journal. You know this journal?”
The fact that I had forgotten about it at all at that instant made me feel like an idiot. If that was still the same journal as a few years ago... “Yeah, I think I remember her having a journal,” I said casually, but still having to look down.
AJ waited a second then sighed again. “I figured. Anyway, so as we headed back to our rooms she gave me a hug at the last minute and thanked me for saving her a hand cramp...y’know, from writing a lot, I guess.” He looked me in the eye. “I know you don’t really know the back story on her and Brian, and maybe a lot of other stuff too, and I know that it’s really been bugging you since she got here, so I thought you might...”
God it would be so good to know what had happened with her. I was ready to run out of the room right then and break into her and Brian’s room for that book. “How do you know it’s been bugging me?” I asked AJ instead. He gave me a smirk.
“D, all I gotta do is look at you to know you’re miserable, not to mention the way you’ve been ignoring me.”
“I haven’t been...” But I stopped as he shot me a look. “OK, I’ve been sorta lost in my own world.” I gave him a light punch the arm. “Thanks, AJ.”
He shrugged. “Yeah, sure.”
I studied him. “You OK?”
“Yeah, I just...I just kinda feel like I’m slime for telling you to go steal her diary. She’s a cool girl and I...I don’t want to stab her in the back.”
“She’ll never know you said a word,” I promised him. He nodded and rose from the bed, and so I grabbed my covers again. The reason I lost Georgie to begin with was because I was a jerk. Stealing her journal would not win me any big points. But I also really wanted - no, needed - to know what I had missed out on in her life. There wasn’t a detail that wasn’t important. A plan was already forming in my mind when I heard-
“And hey, D?”
I jumped a little and rolled over to see AJ’s head sticking out of the bathroom. “Yeah?” I replied.
“Brian doesn’t know...y’know, about her smoking. For what it’s worth.” He ducked back in. I rolled back over. I knew something Brian didn’t. Stupid as it was, I had that little bit of her he didn’t. It was a good feeling - I had to smile - and my mind went back to its plan with even more enthusiasm.
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