I watched the clock like a hawk, ravenously twirling the corner of my shirt as I awaited 3:23 AM, just a minute away. As soon as that time flashed onto the clock I sprung up off the bed, already wearing my jacket and exited Howie and I’s room as quietly as possible.

It was a strange ritual, I know, but ever since I started smoking at the ripe old age of 12, I would wait til 3:23 - a totally random time - steal outside and have a cigarette. It began back when no one knew I smoked. Now the only person left in the dark was Lou. Donna continually threatened to tell him, but she threatened to tell him so many things that the words had pretty much lost meaning. Johnny...well, he’d been my light a few times, so I knew nothing was coming from his mouth anytime soon. I didn’t even have to be quiet when I left the room anymore, now that I knew Howie slept like the dead. But a tradition is a tradition.

I had been so eager to get out the front door that I nearly tripped over someone sitting on the curb. Once I looked I saw it was Georgianna, knees together for a desk, writing. A second later I realized she too had a cigarette in her hand. This truly surprised me - being Brian’s girlfriend and all I figured she’d be the model of good girl-ness. “Hey,” I greeted as I took a seat next to her. She jumped a little then smiled once she saw it was me.

“Hey Al- AJ.”

“I didn’t know you smoked.” I paused. “Course, why I would I don’t know.”

“It’s OK, Brian doesn’t know either,” she replied. I raised my eyebrows as I lit up.

“Really?” She nodded. “You afraid he’ll condemn you to hell?”

Georgianna laughed. “He’s not as saintly as he seems.” I gave her a smirk and she shoved me. “I didn’t mean it like that, pervert. I just don’t want to worry him unnecessarily.”

“Or get harassed to quit?” I added knowingly. She took a long drag.

“That too.”

I gestured towards her notebook. “Whatcha writin’?”

She looked down as if she had forgotten it was there, then closed it. “Oh, this is nothing. Just a journal.”

My interest was already piqued. “Had a lot to write about today, I’ll bet,” I ventured lightly. She sighed as she laid back.

“You have no idea.”

So apparently seeing Howie had shook her as much as the opposite. Interesting...but why? I laid back too. “So you really had no idea Howie was in the group?”

“I knew he was in a group. No idea it was this one.”

“Brian never mentioned his name even once?” I was amazed.

“Alex, Brian rarely talks about anything having to do with the group - weird, I know, but true. He may have mentioned you or Howie once or twice, but it was as AJ and D, and that doesn’t ring any bells. The only names I know I’ve heard are Kevin’s, cuz I met him, and Nick, cuz he and Brian are so close. More often than not I just hear ‘the fellas’ and I don’t ask any questions.”

“Huh. D told me you guys haven’t talked in almost two years?”

A pause. “That’s right.”

“You don’t hear about him through mutual friends?”

“No.”

“Is that by choice?”

A longer pause. “Yes,” she said softly.

We finished our cigarettes in relative silence, then lit seconds - at least without more mention of Brian and Howie. I decided I liked Georgianna. She was easy to talk to and funny too. I could see why she was so important to both those guys. I was also really curious to find out the back story on her and Howie. Howie would eventually tell me, yes, but I wasn’t known for patience. Plus I had a feeling there was a lot going on with her that Howie didn’t know either. What to do?

Long after we finished our seconds Georgianna stretched and looked at her watch. “We should probably get back inside so I can catch at a couple hours of sleep,” she said. I nodded, climbed to my feet and held out a hand for her. Smiling, she took it and pulled herself up. We headed back in and up the elevator. Once we got to Brian’s door we stopped and suddenly she threw her arms around me.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

“No problem,” I said, then pulled away a little. “Um, for what?”

Georgianna smiled again. “For taking my mind off things for awhile.” She held up her journal. “You saved me one hell of a hand cramp.”

Maybe this would have occurred to someone else a lot sooner, but suddenly that lightbulb clicked on as I glanced at that notebook. “Oh. Well then it is no problem.” I smiled for her.

“Goodnight, Ale-- sorry, AJ.”

I waved a hand of dismissal. “You can call me Alex, it’s cool. But...uh...”

She cocked her head a little. “Yeah?”

“What do I call you? I mean, do you prefer George or Annie?” I questioned.

She was quiet a long minute, looking as if her answer would decide the fate of the world. Poor girl - this was hard on her. “Um, either one is fine,” she finally ruled. I nodded.

“OK. Or maybe I’ll just have to come up with my own little nickname for you.”

She laughed. “Deal.” With a wave she disappeared into her room as I let myself back into mine. I was so intrigued by this secret drama that it was killing me not to go get that journal on my own. But then something else crossed my mind as I looked over at Howie sleeping. Maybe if I let him be the one that discovered that stuff he’d be more willing to share information with me. It was so, so wrong, and I’d be killing any chance of a friendship with Georgianna if she found out, but damnit...I had to know!