“Hey there cousin,” I greeted Lily on the phone a few days later in my best Southern accent.
“Hey yourself! I was just thinking about calling you.”
“Suuure you were, Lil.”
“No really!” she objected, laughing. “How are you?”
“Just great, I‘m on my lunch break,” I answered. “I was calling to invite you over sometime this week.”
“Really? Let me just check what Jase’s schedule is-”
“No, no Jason, just us girls,” I requested, adding mentally, ‘almost.’ “Just like at the family reunions.”
“Sounds excellent,” Lily agreed. We set up a time for two days from then and said goodbye. After I hung up I started for Brian’s. The more time I gave him to prepare the more he could work to calm himself. Or work himself up.
I felt strange standing at his back door, suddenly remembering that I‘d never really just stopped by before. A young woman let me in and led me to a huge den area, where Brian sat strumming a guitar. He looked up in surprise as I entered, then grinned.
“Hey you! Come on in, have a seat. How are you?”
I did as he offered. “Just fine. I had no idea you could play,” I said, then felt stupid. Why would I know? I wasn’t a Backstreet Boys fan and I barely knew anything about him aside from what applied to Lily. He nodded and set the guitar down.
“Yeah, I can play a little. It’s more a hobby than anything, helps with songwriting.” He grinned again. “So what’s up?”
“Well, I just got off the phone with Lily,” I began. He tried to remain neutral as he scratched his cheek.
“Really? What’d she have to say?”
“Not a whole lot. She’s coming over in two days, around four or so. Is that all right?” I asked.
“I think so. I don’t remember having anything planned.” His casual act was failing horribly. Nick had already told me that Brian had purposely kept the next week and a half free and clear. He wouldn’t even make a flexible basketball date with Nick. Even had I not known that, though, it was clear that the gears were already turning in his head, churning out lists of what had to be done. We chatted for a few minutes about this and that, heading outside as we did. During a quiet moment Brian nodded across the yard.
“Do you have a lawnmower, Carra?” he questioned.
“It’s unreliable, but yeah, I do.” I looked at him. “Why?”
He shrugged. “Just curious.” It was a weird thing to be curious about, but I had already stopped putting anything past him. We talked a few minutes more before I had to head back to work. When I returned home a few hours later, I glanced out my back door into the yard and was shocked to see the same guy that had brought my dress over from Brian’s kneeling in my garden, planting. From the looks of things he had been there awhile as the majority of the circle was filled in with all different (new), plants.
“Um, hi,” I said slowly, walking out onto the back porch. He turned and smiled at me.
“Hi. I come bearing the gift of flowers.”
“I see that. Let me guess - Mr. Littrell sent you over?”
He nodded. “What’s a good time to run the lawnmower tomorrow?”
“He asked you to mow my lawn too?” I asked incredulously. He nodded. “Um, well, I leave for work at eight, so I guess anytime after that?”
“Sounds good.”
I started for the house again. Not only did his house have to be impressive, mine did too? This was insane. I laughed to myself and Jordan looked at me. “This is nuts,” I told her. “What am I getting myself into?”
* * * * * *
I’m glad I was off the whole day Lily was set to come over, because had I not been I would have had a time trying to haul in everything that was delivered. Brian had ordered flowers to decorate my place, and after the fourth arrangement arrived I was starting to wonder where Lily and I would sit. After a huge dessert tray came over (which wouldn’t fool anyone, Lily was well aware I was a horrible cook), I called up Nick.
“Hello?”
“Your friend is crazy,” I stated in greeting. He laughed.
“Why now?”
“Because he’s had my lawn mowed, my garden planted, dessert delivered and I look like I’m living in an FTD shop rather than a house.”
“That’s Brian for you.”
“I can’t believe this is all for my cousin. She’s just a girl.”
“Not in his eyes.”
“Doesn’t anything I tell you about him surprise you?” I wondered.
“Honestly, after hearing him talk about her as much as I have for years, no.”
We talked for a few minutes longer then said goodbye. I went on a cleaning spree (all those flowers looked silly in a cluttered house), then glanced at the clock. Three forty-five. Just then I heard a knock at my door. Brian stood there, holding flowers and looking...miserable.
“No more flowers,” I said automatically, holding the door for him. He shook his head and he handed them to me.
“Not from me.”
I glanced at the card.
Carra,
Heard you needed something to perk up the house...
Love,
Nick
“Smartass,” I muttered, smiling, and deposited them in my room. When I came back Brian was sitting in an easy chair in the living room, still looking as if he were in great pain and staring off into space. He was dressed formally for a “spontaneous visit” - he had on a crisp white shirt, gray pants and a tie colored with subdued metallic tones that he kept smoothing. It was his only movement. “What’s the matter?”
His head jerked up. “Huh?”
I took a seat. “You look so upset.”
“I’m fine.” He looked at the clock. “She’s not coming,” he ruled. I had to laugh.
“She still has almost five minutes, plus she’s notoriously late.”
“I know,” he sighed, then peered at me. “You didn’t tell her about me, did you?”
“No, I didn’t say anything about you.”
“You sure?”
I tried not to roll my eyes. “I’m sure,” I said patiently. We were quiet.
“She’s not coming,” he repeated. I wondered if he almost hoped she wasn’t. Before I could respond we heard a car pulling up. His eyes opened wide. I smiled at him.
“Duck out the back door,” I instructed as I went for the front one. “No, wait!” He turned, panicked. I plucked Jordan from the floor and took her to Brian. “Take her.” He gave me a strange look. “She can be your excuse for ‘dropping by’,” I explained. He nodded and we again headed for our doors, me silently praying that in his absentmindedness he wouldn’t accidentally let the cat go and run off into traffic.
When I opened the door Lily grinned at me. “And may I ask who these are from?” she teased, holding out yet another arrangement. I smiled.
“Long story. Come on in.”
“Long story? Those are my favorite kinds of stories! C’mon, tell me, who’re they from?” she persisted.
“Soon,” I promised, leading her to the living room. She sighed.
“Fine. Is this absolutely where you live, Car?”
“Absolutely.”
“It’s so adorable!” Lily exclaimed, laughing. I laughed too.
“Thanks, I try.” We kept up small talk, which was kind of difficult because most of my attention was focused on listening for Brian. The seconds ticked by slowly, turning to minutes, then eventually a half hour. I was looking at the clock repeatedly by that point, which Lily finally noticed.
“Carra?”
“Yeah?”
She smiled. “Are you waiting on something?” she asked. I reflexively tucked my hair behind my ear.
“No, I’m not waiting on anything, why?”
“You just keep looking at the clock,” she pointed out, one corner of her mouth still tucked up in a grin. I grinned too.
“I’m anal about time sometimes, I guess.” With that lacking explanation came the knock at the door, so light I almost missed it. Jordan’s cry was what assured me I, in fact, had. Like a shot I was on my feet. “Oh, hey, someone’s at the door,” I reported. Lily cocked a blonde eyebrow but I went for the door, not attempting to diffuse her skepticism. There Brian stood, mechanically holding my cat and still looking like death warmed over. Even Jordan seemed to sense something was the matter with him but was going along with things. “Well hi,” I said rather loudly, stepping back and allowing him in.
“Hi,” he said, not nearly as loudly.
“Come in, come in,” I invited, “and try and look at least a little happy,” I whispered, patting his shoulder. He nodded and I went back down the hall to where Lily sat.
“Who was it?” Lily asked when I entered. I glanced behind me - Brian was still in the kitchen.
“It’s my neighbor. You can come in the living room,” I called down the hall, widening my eyes for effect. Brian nodded again and slowly - agonizingly slowly - he began his journey. I turned back to Lily, who was watching with mildly amused interest. When he finally made it into the room I took a step aside and nodded in his direction. “Brian, this is Lily, my cousin. Lily, Brian.”
There was a gasp - I wasn’t sure from who - then silence.
“And, um, he brought - ah, found - my cat.” I took her from Brian, who was frozen.
More silence.
“Jordan,” I said softly, unnecessarily.
I was afraid to look at either of them for more than a moment. The whole room felt on the verge of flying to pieces; too much emotion was bottled in such a tiny space. I wanted to back into a corner - I was an intruder, an outsider. I hadn’t been there when, as teenagers, these two had plotted the rest of their lives together, imagining theirs to be a tale more spectacular than Romeo and Juliet. All I knew was the summary of the love and heart break that had brought them to that very instant. All I was was the missing link.
“Oh,” Lily finally murmured, putting a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were huge, shining with tears.
“We know each other...from a long way back,” Brian broke his silence. His voice was hoarse and his blue, blue eyes were wide too, not with shock but admiration.
“Yeah,” I said, to save him from having to explain.
“In Kentucky...in high school,” he continued anyway, his voice growing stronger. Lily tipped her head, still gazing up at him.
“Brian,” she said softly. He nodded. “My God. Brian.”
I ducked my head and left the room, no doubt completely unnoticed. I debated stopping in the kitchen but went for the porch instead. I sat and watched the birds that were flitting around in the tree. When they left I strolled around to the back yard and studied my garden. It was all in the attempt to kill time. I knew I was by no means the reason they couldn’t even form full sentences, but I hoped that my absence would help some. When my garden grew boring I went back in through the front door, making as much noise in the kitchen as I could to let them know I had come back in - who knew what just walking in could have interrupted. Finally I reentered my living room. Lily was still in the same place. Brian was now seated, but across from her. Each of them watched the other, smiling and looking ten years younger. Lily turned to me as soon as I walked in.
“Carra! Where were you?” She was beaming.
“Outside,” I said simply, smiling too. Brian looked lost in a dream.
“Oh. Well.” She looked at Brian again, who hadn’t taken his eyes off of her. It was quiet again, but this time the silence was comfortable, as if, for a few minutes, I was basking in the “happily ever after” scene of some romantic movie. Finally Brian’s trance broke and he looked to me.
“Do you think we should go next door?” he asked.
“What’s next door?” Lily questioned. My jaw nearly dropped - they hadn’t even covered that?
“My house,” Brian told her, grinning.
Lily popped up and Brian jumped, looking surprised she could move. “Your house? You live next door?” she gushed. Apparently my introduction had gone completely unnoticed.
Brian laughed at her enthusiasm. “Yes!”
“Well let’s go then!” She laughed too and I joined in. I was about to take a seat, ready and willing to let them have their own time, but Lily took my arm before I could. “Have you been to the house yet?”
“Once or twice.”
“Oh! Oh, I’m jealous,” she said, giving Brian reason to laugh again. Everything Lily said was magic to him. We paraded over to the house together, Lily being charming and Brian enraptured at every word. I laughed too, but more at the situation than Lily herself.
You would have thought Lily had never seen wealth the way she toured through Brian’s home. Anything not met with the most enthusiastic of reactions was quickly played down - Brian would blame its presence on a random designer or a choice based on a bad advisement from a friend (poor Nick took a lot of the blame). I took note of these things in my head, wanting to make bets with Nick later that they’d be gone as soon as Lily was gone. The last stop on the tour was Brian’s suite - the only place that I thought looked lived-in at all. Lily took a seat on an armchair and looked around in awe.
“You know what this reminds me of?” she asked. Brian sat on the windowsill across from her.
“What?”
“That hotel suite that we went to after Homecoming our junior year, for that party that...I can’t remember who threw it,” Lily faltered, thinking.
“Kip?” Brian volunteered and Lily pointed excitedly.
“Kip, yes, Kip Springer. That’s it. That’s what this reminds me of.”
“You think so?” Brian asked, glancing around too. Lily nodded.
“Yes, completely.” She turned to me. “The most posh hotel in Kentucky, Car. Without question,” she explained, rising so she could further explore. I studied Brian after she made that remark. He looked rather proud that she had made the comparison, like that truly had been what he was shooting for when he had designed this suite. The implications blew my mind, but I didn’t have much time to think about it.
“What’s this?” we heard her ask from Brian’s bedroom. He hurried in and I followed. Lily was seated on his bed with what looked like a photo album in her lap. She had already opened it and was flipping through the first pages.
“Oh, uh,” Brian began, slowing his pace as he neared the bed. “It’s a...a scrapbook, I guess.”
“It’s of high school!” I drew closer and stood over the book, watching the pages flip by upside-down. Brian reached behind his head and rubbed his neck, looking nervous.
“Sort of...”
“Look, there we are at Homecoming...your bouteniere flower...oh, a rose from my corsage too...a note I wrote you...us at your locker...more notes...a card from me...here’s the Christmas Dance...” Lily paused and looked up at Brian. “It’s a scrapbook of us,” she marvelled. Brian wore a helpless look. Lily went back to the book and narrated the passing of more pictures and tokens of their relationship. She paused a long time at the page that held a pressed lily and her going-away card. Every letter she’d written him while he was in Florida was there, too. After the letters ended the newspaper clippings began.
“How did you get these?“ Lily asked. Articles from their local Kentucky paper were pasted in that had anything to do with Lily - stories of her swim meets and volunteer work with various groups, her achievement of valedictorian.
“My mom used to send me the paper. For some reason it helped with homesickness,” he replied, smiling sadly. No one had to mention the fact that the articles began after Lily’s letters stopped. The last page held her and Jason’s engagement announcement. She stared hard at that, too, then softly closed the book.
“You have it all here,” she almost-whispered.
“Not all of it, Lil.” She looked to him but he was already striding across the room towards his huge closet. Throwing the doors wide open, he turned and grinned at us. “Come here and see this,” he invited. Lily and I joined him.
“You have more clothes than any woman I know,” I said jealously, amazed at rack after rack, “and your closet’s bigger than my whole house.” Brian chuckled. Lily walked into the closet and spun around.
“I love it! I’ll take it!” she declared, then started flipping through the clothes. “Have you even worn all these?”
“Yeah, but most of them only once. They’re from photo shoots or awards shows...we can’t be seen wearing the same thing once or twice for planned public stuff,” he explained as he entered the closet. He paused momentarily, then stepped up closely behind Lily. “See...this suit’s from the Video Music Awards in...1998, I think...this is from the American Music Awards the next year...these are from photo shoots promoting the Millennium CD...”
“How about this?” Lily asked, pointing.
“Um...World Music Awards, nineteen- no, 2000.”
“This?”
Brian put a hand to his chin, rubbing as he thought. “MTV Europe Awards, ’97?” he guessed. Lily took a seat on a long bench off to the side, smiling.
“Keep talking.”
Brian smiled too. “Well, here we have the ensemble from the VMA’s in 1999.” He pulled out and tossed it on Lily’s lap, making her giggle. “This here is a little ditty I wore to the Grammys when we performed with Sir Elton John.” He looked around quickly then pumped his fist, hissing a “Yes!”, then tossed it again to Lily. Lily and I laughed as he continued as if nothing happened. “Men Strike Back outfit, Kids’ Choice Awards, Black and Blue promo clothes...” All ended up on Lily’s lap, but as Brian talked I realized Lily was no longer listening. Her head was bowed as she fingered the material of one of his shirts. She let out a small sniffle and with that Brian froze and turned to her.
“They’re such beautiful clothes,” she said, her voice quaking heavily. “You have such-” she paused for a sob, “-beautiful clothes.”
With that she began to cry, holding the shirt to her face. Brian watched her momentarily, then took trembling steps to the bench. Sitting down next to her, he first raised his hand as if to touch her face, then slid a little closer and wrapped his arms around her gently instead. She turned into him, resting her weight against him. His face took on a look of utter serenity and as he rested his head against hers I silently took my leave.
Chapter 6
