Howie
George said goodbye to everyone left awake (not many at all), and then we left to start the long walk downstairs and across the parking lot. George, of course, was happy as could be, which only annoyed me more. It was odd, usually I was such a happy drunk. I reasoned foggily that the night had driven me to it, although when I tried to pinpoint exactly what it was that had been so bad I drew a blank and made simply walking my main priority again.
“So did you have fun?” she asked. I shrugged. “Really? I did, I had such a good time. It was great to see all of them. Did you like my friends?”
“I guess.”
“You didn’t like them?”
“They’re OK.”
George pouted. “That makes me sad. You didn’t think they were nice at all?”
“Sure, they were nice. They were everything else you said they were too.”
“What do you mean?”
I counted things off on my fingers. “Loud, gossipy, drunk-”
George giggled. “Someone was drunk?” she asked as she unlocked the door into the apartment. I said nothing, just headed to the bathroom and then to Janie’s room where I was sleeping. Georgie followed me in there. “Howie, I’m sad.”
“Why?” I asked as I tried to search in my suitcase.
“Because you didn’t like my friends.”
“George, I don’t have to. They’re not my friends.”
She sat on the bed, still pouting. “But I want you to,” she said, looking up at me. I just rolled my eyes and looked away from her. “I don’t understand!”
“What!?” I was drunk, tired and not in the mood to discuss this.
“I thought they were all nice to you. Weren’t they?”
“Yes George, they were nice.”
“Then why don’t you like them?”
“I do, OK? I do. I love them.”
George’s pout turned to a glare. “Shut up, you’re lying.” I shrugged and leaned against the wall. It was quiet a moment. “Didn’t you like Marnie?”
“Sure.”
“What about Kyle?”
“Uh huh.”
“And Josh?”
I made a face. “You mean Of-Course-Josh?” I clarified. She looked confused.
“Huh?”
“Of -Course-Josh.”
“Why are you calling him that?”
“Because that’s how you introduced him - ‘This is blah, blah, blah, blah and of course Josh.”
“So you don’t like Josh.”
“I never said that.”
“But I can tell.”
“Really?”
George studied me harshly. “Josh was so nice to you, Howie. I don’t get it.”
“Yeah, he was nice to me. He was nice to you too,” I pointed out, probably bitterly.
“He’s my friend.”
“Uh huh.”
“What’s that all about?”
I shrugged. “Nothing. What’s up with 'Gia'?”
“It’s his nickname for me - like you calling me George,” she answered.
“Did you have fun on your walk?”
“Sure, it was nice. Why?”
I shrugged again. “Just curious.” A pause. “Was that all you did, walk?”
George again narrowed her eyes at me. “What are you trying to say, Howie?”
“Nothing. He was just all over you all night-”
“He was not,” she argued.
“He was too, so I just figured you went off with him and...”
“And what?” she challenged.
“Like you don’t know.”
“Nothing happened, we just talked.”
I nodded. “Oh right, so that’s what you’re calling that now.” This was so unlike me to freak out and say things like this. I sort of knew I was being a jerk and that I should probably stop, but I couldn’t. George’s jaw dropped.
“What?! What do you think I am? A whore? We just talked, Howard. That was it.”
“He didn’t come on to you?” I asked dubiously. George threw up her hands.
“No...I don’t know! Why are you acting like this?”
I ignored the last question. “How can you not know? How can it not be obvious to you that he likes you?”
“Because it’s not. I mean, maybe he does, I don’t know.”
“Oh, there’s no maybe about it,” I muttered.
“So what? So what if he does?”
I looked directly at her. “Why don’t you just hook up with him then? All night I watched you not flirt back with him. Why don’t you just go for him, Georgie? Huh?”
She met my stare and I watched her face tighten. It was completely silent a minute. “Like you don’t know,” she finally said slowly, then stormed from the room. I just stood there. She was right. I did know, deep down. I had known for years. It was then I fully realized what a true jerk I had been to her. A few minutes later, already forming an apology, I got up and started across the hall.
“Look, Georgie, I’m sorry,” I began before going in her room without knocking, “I’ve been an asshole...” Then I stopped. The room was only lit by moonlight, and George stood at the window silhouetted in silver, wearing only her bra and shorts. I almost left, but then she turned and looked at me, crossing her arms over her chest. The faint light showed a tear slipping down each cheek. My heart started to hurt in a way it never had before. “I’m sorry,” I repeated softly.
“It’s OK,” she said, looking down.
“No, it’s not OK. I was being a complete jerk.”
“It’s fine.” She turned back to the window. I came into the room a little more. I thought she’d grab for a shirt but she just stood there. I picked up her shirt from the floor and walked over to her, holding it out.
“Here.” George didn’t turn, so I set the shirt back down and rested my hands on her shoulders and started to massage. “I’m so sorry, Georgie. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad.”
“Why won’t you face me then?”
“I’m embarrassed. And I’m not wearing a shirt.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I noticed.” She laughed a little too and finally turned around. I almost had to catch my breath. George was a cute girl, really pretty when she tried, but at that moment she looked beautiful. It was weird. It wasn’t like I fell in love with her - I already loved her, as a friend - it was like I was realizing she was a girl.
George looked up into my eyes. “OK. I’m turned around,” she said, still smiling a little.
“Can we hug and make up?”
She looked down at herself for a second and I did too. Then she nodded. “OK.”
“OK.” I stepped closer and my arms went to encircle her waist. She smelled like vanilla - the scent completely surrounded me. I meant to pull her into my arms for a hug but somewhere in those split seconds things got confused. My hands rested on her hips instead and my head dipped down, and just like that I was kissing her. I was kissing my best friend. A second later her hands tentatively lit on my shoulders. After a moment I pulled back and looked at her. Her eyes were still closed so I touched her cheek. Slowly her eyes opened and found mine.
“What was that?” she asked quietly. I shook my head.
“I’m not sure,” I said. Rather than stepping back I stayed where I was and started tracing her face, then collarbone with my finger. This was insane, but I was so physically attracted to her that I just couldn’t stop touching her. Her eyes closed again so I did the only thing I could - I kissed her again. This time it was longer and much deeper. My hands drifted over her sides, then stroked her back. George wasn’t skinny but she wasn’t fat either. She was comfortable. As my tongue touched hers and I chanced touching the sides of her breasts, I knew with all my heart what I wanted to happen. Whether or not it was a good idea, whether or not I loved her, whether or not we were too drunk to be doing this, none of that mattered. The physical need, the ultimate desire to be as close to her as I could was taking over. Her hands were in my hair when we finally had to part to breathe.
“Oh my God,” she breathed, but before either of us could say more - before I could think - I put my mouth on hers again. She didn’t pull away. I knew she wouldn’t. Slowly I started walking her backwards towards her bed. When the backs of Georgie’s legs met with the mattress we stopped for a minute. Her eyes were asking, ‘What now?’ I smiled and put her hands on the buttons of my shirt. Biting her lip but still smiling lightly she slowly unbuttoned my shirt. While she did my hands played in her short, deep red hair. She finished and I took it off, then climbed onto the bed. On my knees I held out my hand for her and she joined me, kneeling in front of me. I tucked a finger under her bra strap and asked her without speaking if what I was about to do was all right. She nodded and so I reached around her and unhooked it, then slipped it off her shoulders. She took it off, then wrapped her arms around my neck again. As I kissed her I laid her back gently. After I left her lips I trailed down her jawbone to her neck, shoulders and when I finally reached her chest I heard her let out a tiny sigh. Her hands travelled over my shoulder blades, her nails just barely scratching me. The more she touched me and I touched her the more I realized I wasn’t going to be able to wait much longer. As my tongue drew tiny circles I reached down and rested my hand on the button of her shorts. George let out a gasp and I looked up. She was looking down at me.
“Howie...”
“Is this OK?”
I saw the debate in her. Georgie was a virgin. But she also loved me. “I...I don’t know. Is it?”
I came back up to her level. “I think so. You tell me.”
I knew there were a million things she wanted to ask me before this happened. She was wondering why this was happening, why now, why her. For years nothing had ever happened between us. I saw all those things going through her mind as I held my breath and waited, hoping she wouldn't ask me questions I was far from having the answers to. Finally she nodded and smiled a little.
“OK. Yeah. This is OK.”
Chapter 5
