[datum 01.02.01]
Odd way that date looks now.
So, as soon as I get to school I find out that Alana and etc. saw I got a ride home from Bobbi. I didn't hear the end of this all day. First and second hour are normal - I did a lot better on that test than I thought! I only missed half a point! Go me. Third hour sucked, like normal. At lunch I got teased about the Bobbi thing some more. During fourth hour I did too, my oh my - Bobbi must enjoy embarrassing me and turning me on, since Megan mentioned all the things that the group said we did, and Bobbi didn't deny any of them. I wish that there would have been reason behind not denying them tho, hehe... I wonder if she's a virgin, hrm... not a question you just ask out of the blue though. Anyway, I'm getting a hard-on from thinking about this, so time to change the subject. I left during the majority of 4th hour, there was an LCC assembly, I didn't quite attend though, I spent the majority of the time with Rick trying to fuxor this guy's computer, I couldn't remember the dll call I needed, so I wasn't able to, suck. Fifth hour suxored. Sixth hour was okay, I'm never pleased with that class though. I wrote the essay that's due tomorrow in Mr. Hick's class in a grand total of an hour, go me. Damn I'm using that a lot lately, ever since I got rid of Merissa I've been happier it seems, for the best, always for the best. Does anyone read this anymore? Not that it matters, I'll still write and do shit, coz I can and so forth. I rule.
[datum 05.02.01]
Yes, I know, I'm sorry. I missed a few days, but that's okay. I'm here now! I was told today (by Alana) that I had 3 girls that liked me. I'm like holy shit. Who could it be anyway? Bobbi maybe? That would be, wow... and Megan? Nah, there's no way, I'd be "stoked" if she was though. But the third I have no idea, I'm so very lost in that one. I swear, if she was telling the truth then I'd so very be the happiest man ever... 3 girls to choose from? Well, it sounds cool anyway, if I had to chose I have no idea though. Bobbi is great, really she is, and Megan is too. I could kinda see myself with Megan more, but as far as I know I don't have much in common with either of them. That is important too, we'd have to have something to talk about! I don't know, then there's even a third that I have no idea about, so I'm very lost in that. Hell, I'm not even sure at all about Bobbi and Megan, but they'd be the most sensible. I've been talking to them more lately and all. I also feel like I've got to start figuring out music, really. I want to start making my own, I feel like I should. I'm not wonderful though. Hrm. Maybe I could just sing for Zach's band, why not? I could do rap, wouldn't like it, but I could. I can also sing, though I can't yell much, not my strong point. I also admitted to Bobbi that I masturbate, no worries from me though, maybe I can get her to start... that'd give me nice mental pictures for a few days. Hell, I've already got mental pictures...
[datum 11.02.01]
Holy mother of cod I should be shot. I've been neglecting! Six days! How could you people let me go that long? Oh well... anyway, not a whole ton went on. I'm supposedly doomed to no sexual pleasure for 8 months due to bowling. I have an eternal hatred of 5 pins now. I tripped at school that day too, on three. Very odd, and I'm not going to be doing it again. It's impossible to concentrate on anything enough to learn! I'm doing fine though. My self-esteem seems to have dropped a bit the past few days however. I'm pretty sure Megan isn't interested in me, and Bobbi either. I'm fine, but I liked it more when I seemed to have a fan base er whatever. I'm sure there'll be a chick around somewhere for me though. There's gotta be.
[datum 12.02.01]
An okay day, nothing much went on. I made pancakes when I got home. Go me. DIY and Today are tied for my favorite KMFDM song now. I found out about a studio cut of Adios, some of the tracks have longer lengths, it's cool. I'm on the top of the world lately, I don't know why, but I feel good. If only I had more money, and a girlfriend the world would be perfect, it's okay now though.
[datum 13.02.01]
Basically a normal day. Megan laid her head on my shoulder, which I'm sure was nothing to her, or anyone else, but it's warranting that she at the least doesn't not like me (aren't double negatives a bitch, haha). I'd be up for hooking up with Megan, it'd still be weird, her being older than me, but I'm sure I'd get used to it. Of course that's a long way off, if it's even a possibility. Tomorrow is Valentines Day, I'm betting I won't have anyone giving me one, well maybe Rick, but that doesn't count! I'm okay, I'll survive, I always do. I rise above!
[datum 18.02.01]
It's been a few days, time to check in again! On Friday I had been invited to go bowling with Megan, Monica, and a few others, but I couldn't go - very disappointing too. More than one reason as well - mainly I couldn't go because mom wasn't home, and didn't get home for another hour, but I also had no money. Due to this being a recognizable problem, I've decided to take a break from acid for a while. At least until I amass a nice amount of money, like $80 or so. This should be around two months, though it could be more or less than that. I know Megan doesn't like it, and if I hope to have anything with her (still just a vague fantasy of mine, possibly shattered by not going bowling :( ) then I'll have to either slow up a lot, or stop altogether. Either that or get her to do it with me sometime, though I wouldn't want to pressure her into it, and I'd probably have to to get her to do it - therefore that way would be a no go, maybe I'll ask though, I'm not sure. She left a little note in my locker, to show she could stalk me, as I'd requested before. I'm not sure if it was her intent, but it turned me on a good deal, and because of the designs she put on it (kisses, hearts, and flowers) I'm wondering if there's more to her than meets the eye. I'm hoping so too..
I'll dictate the letter here, for future reference.
Someone's watching YouNow, I'm not at all sure about this - does she want me to do it to her? If so, why'd she say she doesn't like it at the end? What type of "not so good stuff" could she have found about me? I keep nothing from anyone, hell I've got a public journal... I'm going to have to ask about that. I mean, if I hope of a relationship, I'll have to be able to communicate with her.
I just noticed that this month seems very long, odd.
Today was race day - the Daytona 500 that is. My dad's work does betting every time, and this was no exception. My dad put up for a car for my mom, himself, and my sister and I. My sister and my car, Rusty Wallace, got third place. There is a circumstance, however. At the last lap, Rusty Wallace was in about 5th (it happened quickly) Dale Earnhardt and another driver crashed during the last lap, killing Dale Earnhardt and putting Rusty into third place. Therefore, I'm profiting off of the death of many people's hero. It doesn't really bug me, but it's an odd way of things. I'm not sure how much I get, supposedly five has to go to my sister, so if it's like $25 like I'm expecting, then I'll get $20, which isn't at all bad considering it's free. Add the $5 Steve still owes me, and I'll have $25 just of winnings. I should be a betting man. I have enough to pay Pierre now, he'll be happy I'm sure. Getting that VAC "Fun With Drugs" t-shirt will be great, it's a cool shirt to say the least, and it's got neat artwork. Maybe I'll be able to pick up some ^^g0th^^ or Kr0n chicks with it, something's better than nothing. Rather have Megan, just because, but I'm not sure about that yet. She's got troubles. I'm sure I don't even know the half (or quarter for that matter) of it. I didn't really even talk to her till the beginning of this semester, and now we're talking daily, and sitting next to each other (whether coz she wants to sit next to me, or just by default I'm not sure). She is really cool though, and I'd be proud to call her my girl.
[datum 20.02.01]
Whoo. I'm doing okay, school is still quite easy, I'm pleased. I've decided to take up a profession, selling drugs. A drug, anyway. DXM, the stuff that's in Robotussin Maximum Cough and such, at high doses can cause hallucinations. I found a place online that I can get powder from, it's a pretty good deal, and I'll be able to sell it for as much as, or less (if I need to) than acid is going for. DXM is legal to own, buy, and sell - so I'm set for that much, and as long as I sell it for non-consumption then I shouldn't have to worry about breaking any laws. This is a good thing. I probably won't do much myself, not because I don't trust it, but just because I'd rather stick with one hallucinogen for awhile before branching out. It'd certainly be cheaper to do DXM though.
Aside from this nonsense, Megan was rather close to me today at lunch, again probably meaning nothing, but hey it meant something to me, lol. I forgot to ask what she meant about before with that thing about finding stuff out about me, hmm... another thing, if I do have a chance with Megan, I'll probably have to give up all forms of drugs, she doesn't like them at all... it'd be hard to do so soon, but Megan seems to be the type of person that would make it worth it.
[datum 21.02.01]
Nothing much happened today it was boring. Megan and I had more interaction today, and she leaned on my shoulder again. I know I'm reading into this too much, but I don't care I'll enjoy it while I can. Holli West was on this compatibility list our school did, she's quite hot so that surprised me. Monica and Jessie were on it too, that was cool. Megan wasn't, that was depressing. I mentioned something about her being depressed that I wasn't on it, and she shrugged it off, Uriah did too, then she attacked him with a marker. HAHA! Maybe she does have somewhat of a affinity for me, maybe, a little, or it was just synchronicity. That is a damn cool word too... "synchronicity" that and "masticate" are my two favorite words, for now anyway. I found a bunch of troubles with the getting of the DXM, so that's depressing, I've got to find someone to get me a money order, and someone that would let me have it dropped of at their house, and I've got to do an oral disclaimer for them. That sucks, but nothing I can do about it. I'm still hoping on doing this.
[datum 22.02.01]
Nothing much happened today, basic boring day like always. I've got a plan on getting that DXM, so that should be taken care of.
I forgot to do this before - "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US !!"
if anyone knows what that means, then that means you are with it, otherwise you suck.
Megan is cool, I would so be for hooking up with her, I've still got to find out what she meant by finding out things about me, I always forget, or can't find opportune times.
Bobbi started calling me "fuzzy bunny." This is bad. She's not quoting me right anyway, I said something to the effect of "I like my animals furry, but my bunnies shaved." and now she's all using it against me... but not correctly... bleh... I wonder if Megan shaves... only one way to find out, but I'll wait on that... yeah... right... so, "You have no chance to survive make your time !!"
[datum 24.02.01]
Today was boring as a High Holy Motherfuck (tm & c). I spent the majority of the day downloading music, and porn. While listening to music (in alphabetical order) and finishing up "The Illuminatus! Trilogy" very good book, I recommend it to everyone, especially if you like hallucinogens and sex. But who doesn't!
I also did a good deal of work on the Advanced Biology project, Steve will sooo be destroyed if he doesn't do it.
I miss Megan a bit, but I'll be okay
Mom and dad went to the casino in Mount Pleasant for the night, I'm hoping they'll win a good deal and I'll get a good deal from that. It's doubtful though.
[datum 25.02.01]
Nothing happened today, suckage. I'm bored, I did finish "The Illuminatus! Trilogy" though, as said before I recommend it to everyone. No you can't borrow my copy, two other people have already asked to! Mom and dad won a total of $10 big fucking deal... oh well... I've got $73 right now, which will soon be $37 odd how that worked out if you ask me. $37 is still a good deal of money for me to have lately. Though I've really got to get that money to Pierre for the VAC shirt, so that would leave me with $24. Not too bad anyway. I've got a good deal of reading to do tonight, as well as algebra2, but I'm not at all worried about that I've got that class tied around my finger and shoved in my ear (that is to say, the answer is in my head!) very simple. I hope to get some girls on DXM, not addicted, DXM isn't addictive, but just have them try it. And not the usual "junkies" at my school, bleh I can't stand girls who smoke mj, or cigarettes for that matter. Dirty, disgusting habbit! Psychedelics aren't though, hell LSD is distributed on candy here, how much cooler can you get. I'm thinking about telling people to just swallow the plastic bag with the DXM in it, since I've read so much about it being so very terrible tasting, even when mixed with a coke or whatever. Icky, but I'm sure I'll figure out something - I already know I've got to find a way to measure it out, as I can't find my dad's scale anywhere.
[datum 26.02.01]
The main thing that happened today was that I kinda said something to Megan that I maybe shouldn't have said. Basically that I wanted her to turn me on, implying that I like her. I guess it's all forward from here, I can't say I love her yet - that takes time, or something really overwhelming to occur which hasn't yet, but right now she seems like someone I'd enjoy being with.
They were talking about this phys. ed. teacher on Boston Public that could be a lesi, she was kinda cute too, cool. Yeah, this doesn't mean a damn thing, but so what.
5MeO-DIPT sounds cool, it's more expensive, DPT sounds kinda interesting too. Chemical drugs are the way to go. I'm going to lay off for awhile from acid, only do it once this month. Then I'll only do the DXM a couple times after I get it, sell the rest. I'm not addicted to anything, it's just a way for me to let go of everything and ignore the real world for a bit, not to say that I'm "escaping" anything, I've got it easy in real life, and I know that - it's more of a spiritual thing. I'm thinking about taking up meditating, or at least try it. Many people that do drugs are just doing it for fun, I'm actually thinking about this like a character strengthening thing. I don't have high self esteem, and never really have - but one thing is for certain, as I get older I've become better and better at handling things. When I was younger, 3rd or 4th grade, I'd often get into fights, and then go nuts and end up beating the hell out of people. Starting in 5th grade I stopped altogether, unless strongly provoked. At the beginning of 6th grade, I altogether, 100% stopped. No rage at all, and only one fight for the entire year. In 8th grade I perfected my maturity, and had no trouble with fights, anger, aggression of any sort. Throughout 9th grade I slowly got better at peer relationships, and was able to talk to girls without going all butterflys. Big jump for me! Throughout this year, I've slowly started to develop an abilitude of get-along-ability and I've now actually got a few female friends (that I haven't managed to accidentally chase away). In a few years I may actually be able to make a move on a girl, go me. I'm thinking that perhaps some drugs may get me to loosen up a bit. Like how some people get a bit of alcohol in them and then are more social - I don't like beer, and it's too hard for me to get ahold of anyway, but various drugs, no troubles.
See, I've rambled... bleh! Oh well, anyway, I'm quite finished for the night thanks. Dosvidanija!