Life for me begins at 11:30 pm Sometimes I go for days without using the phone Thinking that Leno, Bill Mahr, and Conan are my only friends I start to talk to them and get mixed up in a TV world Where suits are the best attire and a commercial break can sace you from pure embarrassment At times I wish I could be on television I hate my TV It controls my life, my mind, and the way everything is To get away from it is heaven When I watch it, it is hell Yet I flock to it, every day Like millions of others Perhaps smashing them is the answer But I paid so much for mine Seems to be a waste to smash it Like a waste to rip the phone out of the wall I cringe every time it rings Praying it's not for me I hate being alone yet I hate the phone Almost as much as the computer Which beckons to me morning, noon, and night I cannot get away from these evil appliances Which control my life, causing extreme boredom Yet I love my CD player, as odd as it is It is like Superman, which given the chance, would fight my other appliances to the death Becoming the most powerufl machine in my room Using the lava lamp as its sidekick, like Robin I see it now, the two fighting crime Walking the town, keeping it safe Against other appliances My very own superheroes in my own room Perhaps I'm staying up too late Drinking roo much soda Starting to hallucinate But it doesn't matter, it's all in good fun I normally don't rhyme By the way, why's it called a pun? I mean, if it's a "play in words" Shouldn't it be called a pon? I think I'll write a book on this And go sell it at Wal-Mart But that's where all the evil started Where some of my appliances came from And where that horrid soda machine stands It steals my dollar every time I put one in Yet I keep going back to it Like the television that haunts me And the phone that makes me cringe Kill your electricity, a voice whispers in my ear But I can't,I cry Because there's nothing else to do here
6/29/00
