Chapter 11.

I should have seen it coming when roses died
Should have seen the end of summer in your eyes
I should have listened when you said good night
You really meant good bye
Baby, ain't it funny, how you never ever learn to fall
You're really on your knees, when you think you're standing tall
But only fools are know it alls and I played that fool for you
I cried and I cried
There were nights that died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy, baby

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

Baby, I thought you and me would stand the test of time
Like we got away with the perfect crime
But we were just a legend in my mind
I guess that I was blind
Remember those nights dancing at the masquerade
The clowns wore smiles that wouldn't fade
You and I were the renegades, some things never change
It made me so mad 'cause I wanted it bad for us baby
Now it's so sad that whatever we had, ain't worth saving

If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I've cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yes I'm wrong, this ain't a love song
If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

I cried and I cried
There were nights that I died for you baby
I tried and I tried to deny that your love drove me crazy
If the love that I got for you is gone
If the river I cried ain't that long
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't no love song

If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song
If the pain that I'm feeling so strong
Is the reason that I'm holding on
Then I'm wrong, yeah I'm wrong, this ain't a love song
Yes, I'm wrong, yeah, I'm wrong, this ain't a love song

One more day and her house arrest/baby-sitting stint would be over. Logan glared through the control room viewing window down at Victor, watching him as he slashed holographic villains. She was tired of watching Victor fight the same simulation over and over again. Did the man have no creativity?

He'd taken to fighting in nothing but a pair of worn, tight jeans, and Logan suspected it was just another one of his attempts to rile her. It wasn't working. The last thing Logan cared about was Victor Creed's perfectly formed chest.

"Hey frail, wanna come down here and give me a real work out?" Victor leered up at her.

Logan decided not to dignify the question with a response.

"Aw, come on, darlin'. It just ain't the same fightin' with anyone else but you."

"I'm not your darlin'," Logan mouthed through the glass.

Victor blew her a kiss.

She flipped him off.

"Is that an offer?"

Logan rolled her eyes and went back to the book she was reading.

"You afraid to come down and fight me? Afraid I might get the better of you?"

Logan rolled her eyes. As if…

"Fine, stay up there. It would just be a waste of my time anyway. You'd never beat me just sparrin', frail. You have ta use those ginsu knives of yers to get anywhere with me."

Logan's head whipped around as she glared down at Victor. "Yer on!" she yelled, throwing her book down and running to the Danger Room.

Victor looked up and down her body as she walked into the room, grinning at her painted-on jeans and white tank top. "Nice outfit, frail. I always like something that shows yer rack."

Logan snarled, dropping into a fighting stance.

Victor grinned psychotically, crooking a finger at her. "Bring it on, darlin'."

"What have I told you about calling me that?"

Victor's grin grew longer. "Maybe I just need to make ya my darlin'."

"In your dreams, Creed."

He licked his lips. "And what sweet dreams they are."

Logan lunged at him, knocking him to the ground. Victor grinned. "I like this position, darlin'."

"Stop that!" Logan hissed, raising her hand to strike him.

Victor grabbed her hand, twisting it hard. She cried out and he flipped her, so their positions were reversed.

"Well look at what the big, bad kitty cat caught," he said, looking down at her. Logan struggled, but realized that Victor had her pinned. Normally, this is where she'd use her claws, but she couldn't this time. He'd challenged her…

She tried to break free, wriggling under him. Victor's eyes fogged over, and he growled low in his throat, the sound almost a purr. "Keep doin' that, frail. I like it."

Logan smelled the wave of lust that washed over Victor, and her eyes grew wide as she realized what she'd done. She grew stock-still.

Victor looked down with disappointment. "Aw, is that it?"

"Sorry, Creed, that's all the tease you're getting tonight."

Victor licked his lips. "Then maybe you should give me something other than a tease."

"Hell no."

Victor smirked. "I can smell yer heat, frail. You want me, too."

Logan did release her claws then, the hot metal slicing through Victor's hands. He howled, rearing up. She used the opportunity to get up, backing up from him.

Victor looked up from the floor, watching her through hooded eyes. He licked the blood from his hands and grinned. "Don't ya wanna play, frail?"

"No."

"Liar."

Victor lunged at her, grabbing her and pinning her to the wall, using one of his massive hands to hold her arms above her head. She looked back at him defiantly.

"I want you, Logan," he said, his voice suddenly more full of need than sarcasm.

Logan trembled, unable to speak.

"I know ya want me, too."

"Don't, Victor…"

"Don't what?"

He didn't let her answer. He kissed her, his fangs piercing her lip so he could taste her blood. Logan groaned.

Victor smiled against her lips as he realized she wasn't going to fight back. He reached out with his talons, bringing them down across her chest.

The tatters of her shirt fell to the ground.

Logan wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him flush against her body. Victor shivered.

This time it was Logan who kissed him, her teeth that bit through his lip. She kissed up his jaw, trailing his blood with her lips. "Let my hands go, Victor."

He did, and they went down, expertly undoing the clasp of his jeans. Victor sighed with relief. Logan looked down and smiled slightly.

"Like what you see, darlin'?"

Logan gave him a smile that Victor was pretty sure was the same damn look Eve had had when she gave Adam that apple. He ripped at the clasp of her jeans, growling when he couldn't get them to give. With a grunt of frustration, he ripped them from her body, leaving her naked to his eyes.

"You look even better than I imagined."

Logan reached up, running her fingers though his tawny mane. Victor purred. "I've wanted you for so long, Logan. So long…"

"Just shut up and do it, Victor."

Victor grinned. He liked his women feisty.

 

Logan slid away from Victor, picking up the tattered remains of her clothes. Victor reached out, touching her shoulder. "Darlin'…"

"I'm not your darlin'."

Victor pulled his hand back, as if he'd been burnt. "Oh."

"It's time for you to go back to your cell again, Creed."

"Logan, I…"

"Save it."

Victor picked up the sweatshirt he'd worn into the Danger Room. "Here."

Logan took it without question and slipped it over her head, the massive garment falling down to her knees.

They said nothing on the walk back to his cell. Victor stood outside the door, shifting uncomfortably in the awkward silence. "Logan, um…"

"Just get back in the cell where you belong, Creed."

Victor reared back, shock in his eyes. Even he wasn't that cold… "Yeah."

"Don't expect to see me tomorrow. I'm done playing nurse maid to you."

Victor nodded and walked back into the cell, sitting on the bed and waiting for Logan to shut the door.

When she did, it echoed in his cell long after she was gone.

 

Remy opened his door to see a sad-eyed Logan on the other side.  "What's wrong, chère?  Y'look like you jus' lost all your money in a crooked poker game." 

"Can I come in?"

"Me casa et su casa, chère."

Logan walked in a flopped on his bed, her face in her hands.  "Remy…I…"  She sighed.  "I did something really bad."  Remy's face paled.

"Oh merde, y'slept with Cyclops, didn' you?"  Logan looked up sharply.

"What?!  No!"  Remy sighed with relief. 

"Oh.  Good.  Well den, it can't be dat bad.  Why don' ya tell Remy all about it?"  He could have sworn Logan looked close to tears.

"I can't, Rem.  I…I just need someone to tell me it's okay."  She took in a shuddering breath.  Remy went to her and wrapped her up in a hug.  The last thing he wanted was his best friend crying.  He knew Logan's pride would never recover. 

"It'll be okay, chère.  Whatever it is, I'll still love ya."  He smiled. 

"I dunno about that," said Logan softly.  "I'm a bad person, Remy.  I'm no better than Creed."  Remy's face darkened.

"Don' say dat.  Don' you ever say dat, Logan.  You a million times better den dat animal could ever wish t'be."

"He's a person too, Remy.  We're alike." 

"Creed don' have a heart.  You do.  Whatever you did, y'could never be as bad as dat." 

"I'm not as far removed from that part of me as I want to be. It's always just a few steps behind, like a bloody shadow."

"Shhh," said Remy, holding her against him.  "It'll be okay, Logan.  I promise."

Logan wished she could believe him. 

 

Victor lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. In all his fantasies where he finally got Logan, it was never like this afterwards. She always wanted to stay.

For some reason, Victor had always held the idea that if he could just have Logan, things in his life would be better.

He had to laugh at his own naïveté. He, Victor Creed—Sabretooth—believed that some woman could make a real difference in his life.

He sat up, hitting the wall of his cell with a growl. The hard metal shattered his hand, but he didn't care. He relished the pain as long as it lasted. He could deal with physical pain over mental pain any day.

"Victor."

Sabretooth cursed under his breath. "I ain't in the mood fer a shrink right now, Chuck."

"I haven't come here to discuss your psychological issues, Victor. I have noticed that you have changed considerably since your…incident with Logan…"

Victor's eyes grew wide, until he realized that Xavier meant the deal with the claw in his brain. He relaxed again.

"I believe that it wouldn't be inadvisable to allow you more freedom to roam about the mansion. I have prepared a room for you that will be unlocked during most hours of the day. However, should you attempt to escape, you will be at the mercy of the security system of the mansion."

Victor nodded. "Don't worry, doc, I don't have any intentions of leavin' this popsicle stand." Creed decided not to add that leaving would bring him too far away from Logan.

"Very well. Come with me and I will show you to your room."

Victor followed the professor, realizing that it was all really quite absurd. An hour ago he'd been screwing Wolverine on the floor of the Danger Room. Now he was following Xavier around like one of his X-wearing lackeys.

Xavier took him up the elevator and through the upper levels of the mansion.  Victor noticed it was deserted.  "Kinda dead around here."

"I arranged for the X-Men to be elsewhere while you are transferred.  Too many mixed emotions come into play where you are involved, Victor."

"Ain't that a shame," said Victor.  Xavier rolled to a stop in front of a plain-looking wooden door. 

"These will be your quarters.  Your door will lock at 1 am sharp.  If you are not inside at that time, you will go straight back to your cell."  Victor smiled.

"Gee pop, can I have the car keys too?"  Xavier pursed his lips like a bald prune. 

"Do not take advantage of my hospitality, Victor.  You will be unpleasantly surprised."  Victor opened his door.

"Whatever, Chuck," he said before shutting it in the Professor's face. 

 

Logan pulled her bike up to the Auger Inn. It had been three months since she'd been able to leave the mansion, and she needed a place where she could get enough liquor to out-drink her healing factor.

"Logan! Long time no see!"

"Just shut up and keep 'em comin'," she growled to the bartender.

He frowned. "Rough night?"

"No, it's been all moonlight and roses. Now let me get drunk, dammit."

As many years as he'd been serving liquor to Logan, the bartender knew when to keep his mouth shut. "You got it."

Logan slammed back the shots as soon as he put them in front her. "Why don't you just give me the bottle?"

The bottle of Jack slammed down in front of her. She took a swig. The bartender walked off to deal with some of his more talkative patrons.

"Hey there, sexy."

Logan glared up from under the brim of her hat. A blond. She rolled her eyes. Just her damn luck. She turned away and went back to her drink.

"What's your name pretty lady?"

Logan continued to drink.

"Mine's Vic."

Logan stared at the bottle. Had she had too much to drink already? "Get the hell away from me," she growled.

The man stood up, deciding that maybe pursuing an intimate relationship with this woman was not the best of ideas.

Logan took a series of deep breaths. What was she doing? What had she done?

The jukebox played some sappy country love song, and Logan restrained herself from stopping it with her claws.

Even the bar was too much for her that night. She felt surrounded. She left, all but running to her bike. She didn't know where she was going, and she didn't care.

The sun was already rising before she made it back to the mansion. She slumped up to her room. She froze when she noticed Victor's sweatshirt was still in a wad on her bed. She picked it up, his scent surrounding her. She clung to it as she curled up in a ball and fell asleep.

 

Chapter 12.

Early one mornin' the sun was shinin',
I was layin' in bed
Wond'rin' if she'd changed at all
If her hair was still red.
Her folks they said our lives together
Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like Mama's homemade dress
Papa's bankbook wasn't big enough
And I was standin' on the side of the road
Rain fallin' on my shoes
Heading out for the East Coast
Lord knows I've paid some dues gettin' through,
Tangled up in blue

She was married when we first met
Soon to be divorced
I helped her out of a jam, I guess,
But I used a little too much force
We drove that car as far as we could
Abandoned it out West
Split up on a dark sad night
Both agreeing it was best.
She turned around to look at me
As I was walkin' away
I heard her say over my shoulder,
"We'll meet again someday on the avenue,"
Tangled up in blue

I had a job in the great north woods
Working as a cook for a spell
But I never did like it all that much
And one day the ax just fell.
So I drifted down to New Orleans
Where I happened to be employed
Workin' for a while on a fishin' boat
Right outside of Delacroix
But all the while I was alone
The past was close behind,
I seen a lot of women
But she never escaped my mind, and I just grew
Tangled up in blue

She was workin' in a topless place
And I stopped in for a beer,
I just kept lookin' at the side of her face
In the spotlight so clear
And later on as the crowd thinned out
I's just about to do the same,
She was standing there in back of my chair
Said to me, "Don't I know your name?"
I muttered somethin' underneath my breath,
She studied the lines on my face
I must admit I felt a little uneasy
When she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe,
Tangled up in blue

She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a pipe
"I thought you'd never say hello," she said
"You look like the silent type"
Then she opened up a book of poems
And handed it to me
Written by an Italian poet
From the thirteenth century.
And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin' coal
Pourin' off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you,
Tangled up in blue

I lived with them on Montague Street
In a basement down the stairs,
There was music in the cafes at night
And revolution in the air
Then he started into dealing with slaves
And something inside of him died
She had to sell everything she owned
And froze up inside
And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keepin' on like a bird that flew,
Tangled up in blue

She'd had to pawn her engagement ring to get out of Japan. She'd made her way back home, taking a flight to British Columbia.

She hitchhiked as far as Alberta, desperate to be back on her native soil.

She had nowhere to go, no money and nothing to cling too.  Logan ended up inside a smoky, run down bar where women wound themselves around poles for a bunch lumberjacks and truck drivers for money.  She went back for almost two weeks, until one of the girls ran off to get married.

Logan took her place.  Deep down, she knew that it was reprehensible and weak, but desperation kept her inner voice silent most of the time.  Besides, she was past giving a damn about herself or anyone else. 

She drifted from one bar to another, until they began to blur together.  She didn't know how much time had passed, but eventually the sharp edge of Makoto's death blunted against an endless stream of mostly nameless men.  She wasn't Wolverine any more, she wasn't even Logan.  'Patch' was her stage name, and she found another level of numbness in anonymity. 

 

I met a gin-soaked, bar-room queen in Memphis
She tried to take me upstairs for a ride
She had to heave me right across shoulder
'Cause I just can't seem to drink you off my mind

Normally, Victor Creed would've been perfectly content to spend the night hanging out in a strip club, but as it was, he was stuck focusing on his latest hit—not the woman currently straddling a pole.

Still, he allowed himself a glance. He couldn't see her too well, through the distance and the smoke, but at least he could tell she was all but naked.

She flipped back, and Victor caught a quick look at her face. He started. It couldn't be… But her features were all too familiar. They were the ones that had haunted his dreams for years.

Victor shook his head. He was just seeing her face on another woman—again.

It's the Honky Tonk Women
Gimme, gimme, gimme the honky tonk blues

Still, he had to admit, the resemblance was remarkable.  He tapped a local-looking customer on the shoulder.  "Who's the babe?"  The man looked back at him and grinned, the missing-a-few-teeth variety.

"That's Patch.  Ain't she somethin'?"  Victor agreed that she was.  He was about to make his way to the stage and see if "Patch" wanted to get a little more personal with him, but he saw his target moving towards the door.  Duty called.  Victor followed him out into the cold Canadian night. 

 

Logan leaned on the bar, having a drink after her last performance of the night. She saw a tall man walk in the room, and immediately picked up on how out of place he was. For starters, who the hell wore sunglasses in the middle of a dark bar?

He sat at a table, averting his eyes from the stage. Logan smirked. This guy had to be the worst undercover cop she'd ever seen.

She watched with morbid interest as he approached one of the guys in the bar. Just as she had suspected, it didn't take the narc long to piss someone off. Soon, he was surrounded by three of her worst-paying spectators. She sighed, slamming back the last of her drink. She better go save the guy. After all, he was sort of cute in a geeky way.

"You boys startin' trouble?"

The biggest of the three grinned down at her, showing off his lack of teeth. "Of course not, Miss Patch. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it."

"I'm sorry, but this 'pretty little head' can't help but worry. Why don't you walk away now and leave this boy alone."

Another of the guys frowned. "This is a man's business, babe. Run along now."

Logan sighed. Why did they always have to make is so difficult. She grabbed the guy, kneeing him hard, and then slamming her skull into his.

He fell to the ground, unconscious.

"That wasn't too nice, Ma'am," said one of the others.

"Yeah, whatcha gonna do about it, punk?"

The third man came up behind her, a knife in hand.

"Look out!" yelled the narc.

Logan spun around, claws extended. "I ain't impressed with that," she snarled.

"Holy shit!" the man said, dropping the knife to the ground. He and his friend back up, heading out of the bar as quickly as possible.

Logan looked up, the owner of the bar staring at her from a few feet away. She pulled her claws back in, and he glared at her.

"Get outta my bar, freak."

Logan pulled her hat down over her eyes, flipping the bar owner off as she walked out. Like she needed him and his greasy-fingered "patrons."

"Wait!"

"Flamin' hell," Logan muttered. The narc was following her out.

"You're a mutant aren't you?"

"Wow, it's Mr. Observant," Logan grumbled.

"I'm a mutant, too."

Logan spun around, looking at him from under the wide brim. "Great. Let's hug and go on Oprah."

The man stuck out his hand. "Scott Summers."

Logan shook his hand tentatively. This man wasn't exactly on her list of favorite people at the moment. He had just cost her her job… "Look, I need to be getting home…" she told him.

"Where's home?" he asked.

Logan pointed to a trailer hooked to the back of a Land Cruiser.

"Looks…cozy."

Logan gave him another glare.

"Um, look, I belong to a group of mutants in Upstate New York. It's like…a team. Are you interested in checking it out?"

Logan shuddered at the mention of the word "team." As if that had ever gone well before. "Sorry, bub, not interested."

"Scott, you comin' back to de car anytime soon?"

Scott sighed. "Just a minute, Remy!"

"Who's that?" Logan asked.

"Another…teammate."

Logan craned her neck, trying to see him. He made that a little easier by getting out of the car. "My, my who's dis pretty femme?"

"Names Logan, gumbo."

"Logan Gumbo…dat's an interesting name."

Logan smirked. She liked this guy.

"Remy!"

Remy sighed. "What, chère?"

"Why'd you get out of the dang car?"

"To see if Scott needed help."

"I'm sure Scott's fine! Get away from the strip club!"

Logan tried to suppress her laughter at the scene. She wasn't sure who these people were, but they were more screwed up than her. "So what's this team…Scott, was it?"

"We're a team of mutants who are fighting to prevent a war between humans and mutants."

Logan raised her eyebrow.

"Dere's free food."

Logan laughed. "Well, you've sold me then. I'll come give it a look."

 

Logan looked around the mansion that Remy, Scott, and Rogue had brought her to. It certainly wasn't like any place she'd ever been before.

"Hi!."

Logan turned at the perky voice. "Um, hi."

"I'm Katherine Pryde—but everyone calls me Kitty."

"I'm Logan—but everyone calls me Logan."

Kitty frowned. "A bit sarcastic I see."

"Just a tad."

"Well I'm glad you're here anyway. We X-Women need to stick together."

"I haven't signed up for your little outfit as anything but a temporary member yet, so don't be getting any big ideas," Logan said.

"I think you'll like it here," Kitty said. "We're like one big happy family."

"Great. Just what I need," Logan muttered.

"I was attempting sarcasm," Kitty said.

Logan smirked. "Try a little harder next time, kid."

"Hey, you wanna come down and eat lunch with me?"

Logan started to say no, but changed her mind. Maybe she should attempt to be a bit more social than she was on Alpha Flight. Maybe things would work out better that way…

"Yeah, okay."

"Great!" Kitty bounced out into the hallway with Logan close behind her.

"I tol' you, chère, I jus' fell asleep in the rec room!"

"I don't believe you, you lyin' swamp rat!"

"But it's de trut'! I was watchin' de Star Trek marat'on on de Sci-Fi Channel!"

"You don't expect me to actually believe that crap about you bein' a Trekkie, do ya?"

"But I am, chère! Cap'n Kirk changed my life!"

Kitty just walked right between Rogue and Gambit, not even giving them a glance. Logan followed her, but then stopped when Rogue hit Gambit into the nearest wall. "Shouldn't we help him?" Logan asked.

"Oh this happens all the time," Kitty said. "It's their substitute for sex."

Logan decided not to ask for an elaboration on that comment. "So is this place always this crazy?"

"Oh no. This is much too calm for a normal X-Day."

Logan smiled. Maybe she had found a place where she could belong…

 

"Logan, I'd like you to try and relax," said Professor Xavier.  Logan looked at the redheaded woman in front of her nervously. 

"This won't hurt a bit," she said. 

"No offense, but I'm not crazy about someone I barely know poking around in my head."  Xavier wheeled to her side. 

"Jean is my most skilled telepath, Logan.  You can trust her."  Jean reached out her hands, smiling, and placed them lightly on Logan's temples.  Logan fought the urge to jerk away. 

"Close your eyes, breath deeply," Jean instructed.  Her own green eyes closed.  Logan kept hers open, even though the professor frowned at her.  She felt an odd sensation creeping over her, an unpleasant tingle.  Jean's expression changed from one of serenity to worry, and then to panic.  She gasped and jerked away from Logan, her eyes flying open. 

"Jean?" said Xavier.  Jean looked at him with wide, panicky eyes.  "Jean," he said.  "Come back to me."  Jean blinked and took a deep breath.  Logan looked at her.

"What did you see?"  Jean pushed her hands through her hair and sat up straighter.

"Professor, we need to talk."  Xavier nodded.

"Thank you, Logan.  You may go."  Logan stood up and started for the door of his study.

"You have no memories," said Jean softly.  Logan snorted.

"Oh really?  I forgot."  She left. 

"Professor, I've never seen anything like her mind before," Jeans said. "It frightened me."

Xavier frowned. "What did you see?"

"It was dark. Pieces of it were missing—as if they were slashed away. What memories are left were shrouded in pain." Jean shuddered. "She's so angry, Professor."

Xavier stroked his chin. "Do you believe her to be dangerous to the rest of the team?"

Jean thought about the question. "Not at the moment, but I sensed a level of instability. She could snap, Professor—and then she would be a liability to the rest of the team."

"Then we'll have to see that that doesn't happen."

"Professor, I don't think it's wise to allow her to remain at the mansion. We don't know what she's capable of." She lowered her voice. "Scott said when he found her she was in…well, a less than savory place."

"It is not our policy to turn our backs on our fellow mutants," Xavier said. "Should Logan prove to be a problem, then yes, I would be forced to remove her. However, until that should become a reality and not a mere theory, then I want her to remain. If she is as troubled as you've said, then maybe we could help her."

"But what if she's beyond help?"

"Do you believe she is?"

Jean sighed. "No."

 

Outside the mansion, Logan paced across the grounds.  Whatever Jean had done to her had stirred up a flurry of dark thoughts that wouldn't quite come to the surface.  They made her feel nervous and jumpy.  She couldn't stand being inside the mansion another second. 

There was a rumble and Logan looked up.  Perfect.  It was going to rain on her.  However, the sky was clear, with only a few fluffy white clouds high above her.  The thunder was coming from the rose garden. 

Logan knew she'd probably regret it but she had to investigate.  She came around the hedgerow and saw a tall, elegant black woman with long white hair, maneuvering a small rain cloud around the opulent rose bushes.  Logan's eyebrows went up.  The woman sensed someone behind her and turned.

"Oh, hello."

"Hi," said Logan.  The woman came over, the cloud dissipating. 

"I don't believe we've met.  Are you Xavier's new recruit?" 

"Not sure I'm staying, but yes."  The woman shook her hand. 

"I'm Ororo, but most people call me Storm." 

"I'm Logan."  Ororo cocked her head.

"You look upset, Logan."  Logan scuffed the grass with a toe. 

"I just had to go through this mind-scanner thing with the redhead and the professor.  It was kinda weird."  Storm smiled. 

"Jean's beside manner is a little lacking.  And one's first experience with a telepath is always unsettling.  But Xavier insists all potential X-Men be scanned to make sure they are not a threat." 

"Well I guess it beats peeing in a cup."  Storm laughed. 

"Are you going to stay?"  Logan shrugged.

"You people seem sort of disorganized.  And there's a whole bunch of kids running around."

"Xavier also runs a school for mutant children," said Storm.  "A place where they can be accepted and learn to use their gifts for the benefit of humanity." 

"You guys all have the same line, don't you?" 

"I believe it," said Storm.  "For what it is worth, many troubled mutants have found a home here, Logan.  We are not quick to judge.  Perhaps you should give Xavier a chance."

"I'm really not a team player, Storm."  Storm smiled widely. 

"Neither was I.  But I adjusted.  You will too." 

"We'll see," said Logan, walking deeper into the woods. 

 

Logan knocked on the door to the professor's study. "You wanted to see me, Chuck?"

Xavier gave her a stern look. "My name is Professor Xavier—or if you must, Charles."

"Fine, Charlie. You wanted to see me?"

Xavier sighed. "Yes, come in."

Logan strolled into the room, sitting down in the chair across from him. "What's up, prof?"

"I have reviewed what information we were able to gather on you, and I have decided to extend you an offer to become an official member of the X-Men."

Logan thought for a moment. Did she really want to tie herself down to a team again? Bad memories of Alpha Flight came flooding back. But on the other hand, this place felt more like home than any other place ever had. She didn't want to go back to the life she'd been living in Canada. She wanted something real again.

"I'll do it—but under one condition."

"What's that, Logan?"

"You let me live my own life. I know you got your rules, and I'll try to follow the ones I think are important, but as far as my own time goes, it's mine. I can leave when I want, and I don't have to play any stupid little games."

"Fair enough. You're an adult. I can't impose the same sort of rules on you that I do on my younger students. As long as your behavior does not put the team in immediate danger, then I can allow you your freedom while you remain a member of the X-Men."

"Thanks, Chuck."

Xavier stuck his hand across the desk. "Welcome to the X-Men, Logan."

Logan took his hand.

 

Chapter 13.

Midnight gettin' uptight where are you
You said you'd meet me now it's quarter to two
I know I'm hangin' but I'm still wantin' you

Hey Jack it's a fact they're talkin' in town
I turn my back and you're messin' around
I'm not really jealous don't like lookin' like a clown

I think of you ev'ry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you
Can't break free from the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why
I hate myself for loving you

Daylight spent the night without you
But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do
I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through

Hey man bet you can treat me right
You just don't know what you was missin' last night
I wanna see your face and say forget it just from spite

I hate myself for loving you
Can't break free from the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you, that's why
I hate myself for loving you

I hate myself for loving you
Can't break free from the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why
I hate myself for loving you

I think of you ev'ry night and day
You took my heart then you took my pride away

I hate myself for loving you
Can't break free from the things that you do
I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why
I hate myself for loving you

Remy strolled past the rec room, whistling to himself. He stooped, his eyes growing wide. Was he hallucinating? He backed up slowly, his breath stopping as he looked in the door.

Victor Creed was sitting on the X-Men's couch, watching television in nothing but a pair of sleep pants, and eating a big bowl of Sugar Bombs. He looked up at Remy. "Hey, Cajun."

"What de hell are you doin' here?"

"Chuckie let me out. You wanna watch Universal Soldier?"

Remy backed up slowly. "Non."

"Why not? I figured you fer a Van Damme fan." Victor cocked his head to the side. "Y'know, if they ever made a movie outta this freak-show you people call I team, I can see Van Damme playin' you."

Remy backed up a little more, then ran down the hall. He banged on Logan's door.

"What the hell do you want, gumbo?" Logan growled.

"Creed!"

Logan's eyes grew wide. "Did he escape again?"

"Worse! De professor let him out! He's eatin' my Sugar Bombs!"

For a moment, Logan was speechless.  "You better not be joking, Remy."

"Would I joke about somet'in' like dis?"  Logan shook her head slowly.

"Why…?  Doesn't Xavier know what he is?"

"I t'ink Xavier's flipped his bald lid, chère."  Remy expected Logan to storm down to the professor's study and go on one of her frequent rants, but all she did was step back slowly into her room.

"I can't deal with this right now, Remy."  Remy looked worried. 

"You gonna be okay, chère?" 

"Are you?"

"I dunno." 

"Me either," said Logan quietly before shutting her door.

 

Victor opened the fridge, his eyes gleaming at a big package of roast beef. He wasn't much of a cook, but he made a mean sandwich.

He stopped. He knew that scent. It was one of his favorites… He closed the refrigerator door and went after her. "Hey, runt!"

Logan kept walking. She wasn't in the mood to see him.

"Logan! I wanna talk to you!"

She walked faster.

Victor bounded up to her, grabbing her by the shoulder and spinning her around to face him. "I said I wanna talk to you."

Logan pushed his hand off of her. "Well I don't want to talk to you."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I hate you, Creed," Logan growled. "You're the most despicable creature I have ever known. You make me sick."

Victor narrowed his eyes at her. "Come on, baby, you can't mean that now. Remember how I made you scream?" He winked at her.

Logan reeled. She didn't want to think about that. "Creed, don't…"

"Don't what?" he asked, grabbing her by the shoulders. "Remind you of the best damn fuck you ever had."

Logan glared at him. "You are so damn full of yourself."

"What are you afraid of, runt? Afraid you might like it too much? Afraid you might not be able to stop yourself from doin' it again?"

"I will never screw you again, Victor."

Victor grinned viciously at her, then descended on her mouth, kissing her with a mixture of lust and anger. Logan immediately responded, kissing him back with the same amount of fury.

Victor pulled back and dropped her down to the ground. "Never, huh?" He walked off, chuckling to himself.

"Fuck you, Creed!" Logan yelled, pulling herself to her feet.

"A little late fer that, runt!" he called back, leaving her alone in the hallway.

 

Alone in his room, Victor stopped smiling.  He had been almost sure Logan still wanted him, and now he had proved it, but for some reason he didn't feel any satisfaction.  She had hurt him and he had hurt her back. 

If he was honest with himself, Victor had never wanted to hurt Logan.  Sure, they had more bad blood between them than some Middle Eastern countries, but he didn't want to see her suffer.  It didn't bring him any satisfaction. 

In fact, it made him feel shitty.  Victor growled to himself, pacing the small bedroom like it was a steel cage.  He didn't do this—he didn't form attachments to anyone.  He didn't have a heart, as the runt had pointed out to him on numerous occasions.  Let the little weaklings deal with the lovey-dovey crap.  Sabretooth didn't need anyone.

But Victor needed Logan. 

 

Logan pounded a holographic Sabretooth into the floor, relishing the sterile nature of the Danger Room scenario. This Victor couldn't make her feel like she wasn't in control. He couldn't taunt her. He couldn't infuriate her.

He couldn't make her want him.

The scenario ended and Logan slumped. She glanced over at the wall, shivering the memory that flooded her mind. She could almost still smell him, could remember the way his skin felt against hers. She unsheathed her claws, running towards the wall, clawing the spot where'd they'd been.

Kitty watched from the control room. She leaned forward into the microphone. "Uh, Logan, the simulation's over. You're not hallucinating Creeds, are you?"

Logan jumped back, looking up. "No!" She stormed out of the room.

Kitty sighed, closing her abnormal psychology text book and going after her. "Hey, wait a sec!" she called. "Logan, you all right?"

"I'm fine, Kit."

"I guess Sabretooth being here is really messin' with you, huh?"

"Yeah."

"You know, sometimes I wonder how much between you and Victor is really hate, and how much it's something else."

Logan's gaze shot up. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Come on, Logan—have you ever stopped to think about the way you and Creed fight? You jump on top of each other and roll around on the ground, getting all sweaty. And what would Freud say about the whole sticking the claw in him thing."

"Fuck Freud," Logan growled. She shot Kitty a warning look. "You're walking on thin ice, Pryde."

"Just making an observation…"

"I have to go take a shower," Logan muttered.

"All right, talk to you later."

"Yeah."

 

Victor watched the clock's second hands tick slowly past midnight, and sighed.  Another hour until he was locked down in his plush little prison.  The mansion was silent.  The X-Men all seemed to go to bed at a disgustingly early hour, except for the Cajun, and he wasn't staying up in the mansion.  He wandered from the rec room into the kitchen, stopping when he saw the refrigerator light on.  Logan was standing in front of the door staring at the contents.  Victor cleared his throat uncomfortably.  She turned her head a little towards him.

"Hey, Creed."

"Hey."  She shut the door without taking anything out. 

"Can't sleep?"

"Nah.  You?"  She shook her head.  "Logan…" he started.

"I don't wanna talk about it, Victor.  As far as I'm concerned, it never happened."  His blond brows drew together. 

"You and I both know that's bullshit, Logan."  She stood in the center of the tile floor, barefoot, wearing ratty boxers and an oversized hockey jersey. 

"It would never work out, Creed."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."  Victor fought the urge to reach out and take her.  She was so beautiful, even with messy hair and pajamas—she'd been beautiful since he first laid eyes on her.  But she couldn't stand him. 

"You keep thinkin' that then, runt," was all he said.  "Denial seems to be a good way of copin' for ya.  Hope it works out."  He turned on his heel and went to bed. 

 

Chapter 14.

We both lie silently still

In the dead of the night

Although we both lie close together

We feel miles apart inside

 

Was it something I said or something I did

Did my words not come out right

Though I tried not to hurt you

Though I tried

But I guess that’s why they say

 

 Every rose has it’s thorn

Just like every night has it’s dawn

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

Every rose has it’s thorn

 

Yeah it does

 

I listen to our favorite song

Playing on the radio

Hear the DJ say loves a game of easy come and easy go

But I wonder does he know

Has he ever felt like this

And I know that you’d be here right now

If I could have let you know somehow

I guess

 

Every rose has it’s thorn

Just like every night has it’s dawn

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

Every rose has it’s thorn

 

Though it’s been a while now

I can still feel so much pain

Like a knife that cuts you the wound heals

But the scar, that scar remains

 

I know I could have saved a love that night

If I’d known what to say

Instead of makin’ love

We both made our separate ways

 

But now I hear you found somebody new

And that I never meant that much to you

To hear that tears me up inside

And to see you cuts me like a knife

I guess

 

Every rose has it’s thorn

Just like every night has it’s dawn

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

Every rose has it’s thorn

 

"BIRDY!!!"

Victor waited a moment. No answer. He growled. "BIRDY, get yer skinny ass in here!"

Birdy's blonde head poked in through the door. "Yes, boss?"

"Get me somethin' ta drink, woman. Somethin' strong."

"Make your own damn drink," Birdy snapped.

Victor stood to his full height. "I said get me a drink!"

Birdy scurried from the room.

Victor slammed his hand down on his desk. He felt like he was stuck in a rut. The damn bloodlust had gotten too much for him, and now he had his little "assistant" make them go away.

She was an asset when he needed the Glow. Beyond that…

Victor growled. He needed to go out. He needed fresh air and bloodshed.

"Here's your drink, boss."

Victor knocked it out of Birdy's hand. "I don't want it." He started for the door.

"Where ya goin', boss?"

"Out. Just be ready to give me the Glow when I get back."

"Yes, boss," Birdy said, her voice holding a tinge of sarcasm.

She sat down on the couch and began reading the latest issue of Vogue.

 

"Whatcha got, Rogue?"  Rogue grinned at Logan.

"Read 'em and weep, gals."  She set down a straight.  Kitty and Storm grumbled and threw their cards down.  Logan just grinned right back and put down a straight flush of hearts.  "Gosh darn it!"  Rogue threw her hand at Logan. 

"Now now, there's no call for that kind of language," said Kitty in a smarmy tone that eerily mimicked Jean's.  The other three women at the card table burst out laughing. 

"Who's deal is it?" Logan asked.  Storm took the deck and began to shuffle.  Logan took a sip of her beer and fiddled with her chips.

"Hey," said Kitty, who had the smallest pile.  "Have you guys every played truth or dare poker?"

"We're not seventeen, Kitty," said Rogue.  Kitty shot her a look.

"Fine then, you can go join the AARP while we play."  Logan snickered. 

"I think maybe you've had enough beer, Kit." 

"What is truth or dare poker?" said Storm, dealing. 

"Losers tell the truth or take a dare from the winner," said Kitty.  She picked up her cards.  "So are you in?"

"Sure, what the hell," said Logan. 

Kitty grinned. "Deal us in, 'Ro."

 

Logan couldn't believe of all her dumb luck, this would've been the time she got nothing better than a pair of deuces. And the gleam in Kitty's eyes made Logan nervous.

She turned to Logan first. "All right, Wolvie, truth or dare?"

Logan pondered the question for a moment. She had a sudden mental montage of all the possible dares Kitty could come up with. She decided a truth would be safer. Maybe it would be something that would let her claim amnesia.

"Truth."

Kitty's grin made her look like the Cheshire Cat. "If you could do any man in the mansion, who would it be?"

Logan balked. Rogue and Storm gasped. "Can I take a pass?"

"Nope. You took the truth. Or do you want me to tell Remy who really put those extra miles on his precious baby?"

"You wouldn't!"

"Try me."

"I'm not answerin' the question, Pryde." 

"You are such a wuss," said Kitty.  "Fine…I'll just go down the list, and you say yes or no." 

"This should be interesting…" said Storm.  Logan glared at her before turning back to Kitty.

"I'm gonna get you for this, Shadowcat." 

"Whatever, Logan.  Bobby?"

"Uh…he's a little immature for me, Kitty." 

"Beast?"

"God, no.  You're a freak, Pryde."  Kitty rolled her eyes.

"You should talk.  Remy?"  Logan saw Rogue's suddenly homicidal look and quickly averted her eyes.

"Nope."  Kitty's mouth dropped open.

"Ohmigod.  Scott?!"  Logan didn't reply, but the redness creeping into her cheeks answered for her.  "Oh my god!" Kitty shrieked again.  "I don't believe it!"

"I didn't say yes!"

"You didn't have to, sugah," said Rogue, giggling.  "You're turnin' reddern' a maple leaf."  Even Storm was struggling not to laugh.

"Well…I suppose there are worse choices, Logan."

"Shut up, Ororo!" 

"D'you know what Jean would do to you if she knew?" said Rogue.

"Never mind Logan—what about poor Cyclops?" said Kitty.  Logan put her head in her hands.

"If you guys tell anyone I'll kill you."  Storm patted her hand.

"Your secret is safe with us, Logan." 

"Yeah, we won't tell on ya," Rogue assured her.  "Scott needs t'cut loose."  She grinned wickedly.  "Maybe you can help him." 

Logan wished she had taken the dare.

 

Unaware of the secrets being divulged a floor above their heads, the males of the X-Men gathered in the rec room, watching a football game. The Saints were playing. Remy was happy, albeit a bit in denial, believing being behind 21 points in the last two minutes of the fourth quarter wasn't the kiss of death.

"I'm surprised Jean hasn't come to fetch you yet, Scott," Bobby said, leaning back on the couch. "Usually by now she'll come down and tell you it's passed your bedtime."

Even with his glasses, it was apparent Scott was glaring at Bobby. "Just because she wants me with her when she goes to sleep doesn't make her some sort of shrew, Drake."

"Whatever, man." Bobby smirked. "You know who I'd like with me when I sleep? Logan."

Remy looked over at him. "I t'ought you loved Kitty. Five minutes ago she was de woman of your dreams."

"Yeah, but Logan's really, really hot. I mean, have you seen her ass in her uniform? Makes it really hard to concentrate in battle."

"You shouldn't talk about Wolverine that way," Scott scolded. "She's your teammate and deserves respect."

"Like you aren't thinking it, too," Bobby said. "I've seen you try to look down her shirt in training sims."

Scott's face began to match his glasses. "I do not!"

The game over, Remy focused on the conversation. "Y'know, mon ami, it's pretty obvious. You t'ink we believe it's 'accidental' all dose time you brush up against her?"

"I wouldn't do that to Logan!"

Beast looked up from his newspaper. "You did with Jean back in the early days of the team. Maybe it is a behavior pattern with you, Scott."

"You're not against me, too, Hank?!"

Hank shrugged. "I'm just stating the obvious, my friend."

"C'mon, Scottie, admit it," Bobby said, a gleam in his eye. "You think Logan's one hot mama."

"You are so immature, Drake."

"LOGAN AND SCOTTIE SITTING IN A TREE…"

"Knock it off, Drake!" Scott said in his Fearless Leader Voice.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G! FIRST COMES…"

"All right, fine! I think she's cute! Just be quiet about it already."

The four men in the rec room turned when someone in the hallway cleared her throat. Scott felt his stomach drop. "Uh, hey, Jean."

"Scott, can I talk to you in our room?" she asked crisply.

"Yeah." Scott stood up. "Night, guys."

"Night," the others replied in unison.

"Man, I wouldn't want to be him tonight," Bobby said when Scott and Jean were gone.

"I wouldn't want to be you," Hank said.

"Why not?"

"Because," Remy replied, "What would you do to de guy who made you get in trouble wit your fiancée if you were Scott?"

Bobby sighed and put his chin in his hands.

"Well, I guess I better get ready for some six a.m. Danger Room sessions."

 

Birdy glared at Victor as she picked up his bloody clothes from the floor of his bedroom, where he had dropped them.  He grinned back at her.  "Waitin' on ya, Birdy," he drawled.  Birdy shoved his suit into the closet and padded to the foot of the bed, preparing to give him the Glow.

"Not there," he said.  Birdy sighed.

"I need to be able to work, Mr. Creed."  He growled.

"You do what I tell ya, Birdy—or did you forget that already?"  He patted a spot on the bed next to his naked body.  "C'mere, frail."  Birdy sniffed and sat primly on the spot.  If she hadn't been sure he'd break her jaw if she said 'no', she would have told him to fuck off and find his own damn Glow.  She took a deep breath, and hit him with it.

Inside Victor's mind, she bypassed the usual bloody images from his latest hit and went to the pulsating source of his rage and lust to kill.  She had to soothe it, like an angry wound, or Victor wouldn't rest until he'd killed again.  Birdy looked at what was in front of her.  A cabin, surrounded by tall, forbidding evergreen trees.  Birdy stepped forward, making herself a part of the scene.

Immediately, she found herself indoors, poised over a handsome man with dark skin and long black hair.  Bloody claw marks ran down his face, and Birdy was nearly overcome by the sense of hatred that raged around this particular part of Creed's mind.  It wasn't his usual base bloodlust—Victor had well and truly despised this man. 

Using all her telepathic strength, Birdy forced the image back into the recesses of Victor's subconscious.  It was harder than ever before, and she felt her own skull nearly splitting with the effort.  Dimly, she heard Victor moan and knew she was making progress.  She pushed again, using the last of her strength, and the image faded almost wholly.  She hadn't gotten all of it, but it would hold him.  She'd just have to book a new hit ASAP. 

Birdy came back to reality, shuddering in a ball on the floor of Creed's room.  She'd fallen off the bed.  He could have cared less.

"Get outta here," he said.  "You did good."  Birdy made her way out of the room on shaky legs and collapsed on her own bed, wondering in spite of herself who the man in Victor's head had been, and why he had merited such hatred. 

 

Birdy looked behind her to see if Victor was in the hallway, then put down her feather duster. She hated doing Creed's housework, but at least it gave her the occasional chance to snoop. She was hopelessly curious.

She opened a drawer in his desk and found it filled with old pictures, papers, and small trinkets. Most of it looked older than Birdy's parents. She picked up the picture on the top. It was an old, dog-eared, black and white photo, set in jungle scenery that Birdy figured was Vietnam. Victor was standing, heavily loaded with artillery, next to a woman similarly outfitted. He had his arm around her, and they both were smiling. She was surprised to see it was a genuine smile on Victor's face, not his usual maniacal grin.

"Didn't ya ever hear what curiosity did to the cat—or rather what the cat did to the curious…"

Birdy jumped in the air, dropping the picture to the ground. Victor snatched it off the ground. "Boss!"

Victor hit her, knocking her to the ground. "That's private, Birdy."

Birdy rubbed her jaw, shakily pulling herself to her feet. "Who is she, boss?"

"None of yer goddam business."

"You two look really happy…"

Victor's eyes grew dark, and he lunged at Birdy, picking her up and throwing her in the hallway. "You don't know nothin' about that!" he yelled at her, slamming and locking the door.

Birdy got up, dusted herself off, and went down the hall.

 

Birdy knew as soon as Victor came in the room, he was mad. She looked up, trying to smile. "You need something, boss."

"Just strip and shut up."

Birdy decided not to argue. She wasn't even sure she wanted to.

"Turn around. I don't want to look at yer face."

"You're such a romantic, Mr. Creed."

Victor growled low in his throat. "Don't make me wanna gut yer sarcastic little ass."

"Yes, boss," Birdy said with a sigh.

Victor undid his fly as he watched her undress. He wished her hair wasn't so damn blonde. The woman he wanted now had black hair. But he didn't have the energy to find a suitable replacement for the woman of his fantasies. Besides, Birdy was the one who'd gotten him in this state anyway, pulling out that old picture from his Team X days.

She'd help him push back a different kind of urge now, something that couldn't be driven away by the Glow.

 

Logan cursed as she dropped her wrench and it slid away from her. She stood up.

"Drop this?"

She gave Scott a half smile and took the wrench. "Thanks, Cyke."

"Working on your bike again?"

"Yeah. Here to work on your car?"

"Yeah."

"You know, you were in here working on it yesterday, and it was running just fine."

Scott sighed. "I know. It just calms me, you know. You put the parts in a car, and it works. No complications, no shades of gray."

"You and Jean having problems?"

"No. Well, not really. I'm sorta in the doghouse, but it's no big deal."

"Wanna talk about it?"

Logan could've sword she saw Scott blush a little. "No."

"All right." Logan went back to her motorcycle, and Scott to his car. It was an unspoken agreement between the two of them. In the garage, they'd put any tension from the team behind them, neither upsetting the sense of zen the fine art of mechanics gave them.

 

Birdy noticed something different in Creed that night. It was like he was in another world. She was in his arms physically, but not mentally.

"Are you all right, boss."

Victor growled as he re-zipped his pants. He wasn't in the mood for Birdy to be mouthy.

"I'm just asking 'cause you weren't acting like you usually do tonight. Is it because of that girl in the picture?"

"You don't know when to shut yer yap, do ya, girlie?"

"You didn't act like you were with me tonight, Mr. Creed. It was like you were with someone else. Was it her?"

Victor didn't even have the energy to take his anger out on her. "Yer stupid, frail. One of these days, it's gonna get ya in trouble."

"Mr. Creed…"

"Shut it if ya wanna keep it, Birdy!" Victor yelled as he left the room.

Birdy slumped in a chair and pouted.

 

"Boss, after this job is over, can we go shopping?"

"No, Birdy."

"But you promised!"

"Well, I fuckin' lied to ya then." 

Birdy wondered why she bothered with Victor Creed. He took her to New York, made her wander through sewers, and she couldn't even have a good shopping spree at Bloomingdale's or Saks.

She looked over at him, taking in his rippling muscles. Suddenly, she remembered why she stuck around.

 

"Why you so nervous, Cajun?"

Remy's eyes shifted from shadow to shadow. "I don' like sewers, Wolverine chère. Bad mem'ries."

"Everyone quiet," hissed Scott.  "We don't want to be detected by the enemy."

"And who is that, exactly?" asked Kitty. 

"We don't know that, Katherine," said Jean imperiously.  "The Professor didn't relay that information."  Logan stopped and sniffed.

"Someone in this tunnel here.  Two of them, actually."  Scott pointed at Shadowcat. 

"Go check it out, Kitty."  Kitty nodded and phased silently through the tunnel wall.  Jean put a hand to her forehead. 

"I sense a strong mental signal from one of them, Scott—one with blocks in place."  Scott frowned.

"Everyone be ready."  He turned up the setting on his visor and Remy gave his staff a twirl. 

"Ohmigod," said Kitty, phasing back through the wall.  "It's Sabretooth!"  Scott glowered from under his visor.

"Great."

"What's he doing here?" Jean demanded.  Kitty spread her hands. 

"Don't ask me, Phoenix.  He's up the tunnel with a blond chick."  Logan turned to Remy.

"Who's Sabretooth?"  It was a little hard to tell in the dim light, but she thought Remy had gone paler than usual.

"Uh…I dunno, chère.  Ain't been wit' de team long enough to memorize de rogue's gallery."  Cyclops motioned his team into various shadows.  

"Be ready at my signal," he whispered.  Logan pressed herself back against the curving tunnel wall, ready to unsheathe her claws if something nasty should come around the corner.  Somehow she didn't think a guy named Sabretooth would be the most pleasant person on earth. 

Voices approached from down the tunnel, a male's and a female's.  The woman seemed to be complaining about something, and he was telling her to shut the hell up. 

As soon as the tall, blond man stepped into view, Logan froze.  Her memories didn't return very often but now was one was rushing back and it wasn't pleasant.  If she could just think…  The man also stopped short, sniffing the air.

"Smells like X-geek in here, Birdy."  The blonde clung closer to him.

"Whaddaya mean, Mr. Creed?" 

Creed.

"Creed!" said Scott sharply, stepping out in front of the man.  "I should have guessed we'd find you down here."  The other X-Men also showed themselves, surrounding their two foes.  Creed heaved a mock-frustrated sigh.

"Well shit, ya got me."  He turned slowly, regarding the other mutants.  "Looks like the gang's all here, huh Cyclops?"  He leered at Jean.  "Howya doin', red?"  She narrowed her eyes.

"Why did you come back to the tunnels, Creed?"

"That's fer me ta know and you to find out, gorgeous."  Logan shivered at his gravelly voice—he was so familiar and yet she didn't know why.  It was enough to drive her crazy.  "Well well, looks like some new blood," he said, looking down at Kitty.  "Aren’t you kinda small ta be playin' with the big kids, girlie?"

"Bite me," snapped Kitty. 

"Leave her alone, homme, or I'm gonna burn off dat ugly face," said Remy, stepping in front of Kitty.  Creed grinned wider.

"Hell, Remy.  Haven't seen you in a dog's age."  He frowned.  "Since when are you playin' fer the angel's team?"

"You better shut de hell up, Creed."  Jean and Scott were watching the exchanged with puzzled expressions. 

"You won't get the drop on me this time, bayou boy," Creed snarled at Remy, making a move towards him.

"Touch him and pull back a stump," Logan growled, stepping to Remy's shoulder.  She didn't really expect the man to stop—someone that big always had a false sense of superiority—but to her great surprise he did, almost rearing back.  The shock quickly faded, and he started to laugh. 

"I'll be damned.  Not one but two of my dear old friends."  He smiled at her, in what Logan could have sworn was an affectionate manner.  "Howya doin', Wolverine?" 

Suddenly, like she'd been hit by a city bus, Logan remembered.

They call me Sabretooth.

They call me Wolverine.

Aren't those little snarly things that run around the Canadian wilderness?

They can rip a man apart.

So can I, frail. 

Sabretooth…blood…blood on his claws, blood from Silver Fox staining the floor and the walls.  Silver Fox was dead.  Creed had killed him.  All because…

"Creed," Logan snarled, her claws popping out.  "I remember you!" she shouted as she leapt at him.  Sabretooth never had a chance to defend—Logan's attack caught him completely off guard.  He hit the ground with Logan on top, her claws bent on ripping him to shreds. 

"Merde!" Remy shouted, jumping out of the way. 

"Wolverine, stand down!" Scott ordered her.  Logan heard neither of them.  She was back in the red place, the part of her that she tried to hard to keep hidden and buried.  The last time it had surfaced she had killed Shingen Yashida.

And now she was going to kill Creed. 

Logan's head rang as he batted her off him and into a wall, claw marks down her cheek already healing.

"Guess you're still a little ticked with me, huh runt?" he chuckled as he advanced on her.  Logan prepared to assault him again, but Cyclops hit Sabretooth with an optic beam, knocking him flat. 

"Boss!" the blonde screamed, whipping out an oversized gun.  Jean grabbed it with her telekinesis while Remy pinned the woman's arms behind her back.  "Boss!" she shrieked again.  Sabretooth had already shaken off the blast and now he turned on Remy, fangs beared.

"Let her go, Gumbo."  Remy charged a card and held it to Birdy's throat.

"I ain't doin' not'in' like dat, Creed."  Creed growled, and then suddenly spun, a massive hand reaching out and snagging Jean by her neck. 

"Then I'll gut yer frail while you singe mine.  Fair?" 

"Jean!" Scott shouted.  "Don't hurt her," he said to Sabretooth.

"Well, frankly I'd like that, Scottie, but you give me back what's mine and I'll let yer woman go."  Scott turned to Remy.

"Let her go!"

"No way, homme," said Remy tightly, his eyes still on Victor. 

"DO IT!" Scott bellowed, his visor flaring.  Remy's eyes also flashed red, but then he dropped the card to the damp tunnel floor, where it sizzled out.  The blonde backed quickly away from him.

"Dickhead."  Sabretooth tossed Jean aside and grabbed her by the arm.

"Yer an idiot, Birdy!  Come on!"  The two of them moved quickly into the shadows before any of the X-Men could react.

 

"Logan, why didn't you mention your past with Sabretooth?" Jean asked once they were on the Blackbird.

Remy sunk lower in his seat, hoping he wasn't asked the same question. Logan narrowed her eyes. "I don't remember my past, red."

"You seemed to know him back there in the Morlock tunnels."

"Well it all came flooding back!"

"What did, exactly?"

Scott looked over at his wife from the pilot's seat. "Jean, Logan looks a little upset right now. Why don't you let her breathe a little? We can discus all this later."

Jean gave Scott a less than pleasant look, but stopped the line of questions.

When the Blackbird landed at the mansion, Logan remained in her seat, letting the other X-Men file out without her. Remy stopped, but she looked away quickly, and he got the message.

A few minutes later, Logan heard Scott's voice.

"Uh, sorry, I didn't know you were still on the Blackbird."

Logan looked up. "Yeah, felt like being alone for a while."

"I was going to run a few checks on the plane, make sure it's last flight didn't cause any damage, but it can wait."

"No, I'll just go. I have my own room to mope around in." Logan got up, and started to walk off the plane.

Scott put a hand on her shoulder. "I know you like to be somewhat of a loner, but the X-Men are your family now. We're here if you need us."

"Thanks, Scott."

Scott patted her shoulder, almost nervously. He was stiff and uncertain, like a teenaged boy. Logan founded it surprisingly endearing.

She wasn't sure why she did what she did next, although later she'd explain it by saying that Creed's reemergence in her life had clouded her judgment. She raised herself up on her toes, gently kissing Scott on the lips.

Scott looked at her, his expression conveying his shock. "Logan, what was that for?"

Logan backed up. "Scott, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

Scott silenced her, kissing her with a passion that surprised Logan, seeing as where it was coming from. He picked her up off the ground, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, clinging to him desperately.

After a moment, Scott put her back down. He struggled to catch his breath. "Logan, I can't. I love Jean."

Logan gave him a sad smile. She was glad Scott was the man she thought he was, even if the rejection hurt. He wasn't like Mac—he was someone she could still respect. "Jean's a lucky woman."

Scott tucked a stray piece of hair behind Logan's ear. "I'm still here if you need anyone to talk to."

"I know. Thank you."

Scott kissed her chastely on the forehead, then left the Blackbird.

Logan leaned against the wall of the plane, grateful she hadn't made the same mistake she had on Alpha Flight.

 

"Hey, boss, that girl back in New York, that was that girl from that picture, wasn't she."

Victor glared down at his blonde companion. "Yeah, she was."

"She seemed like she didn't like you too much, boss."

Victor didn't say anything.

"Did you do something to make her mad, boss?"

Victor tried to tune her out. Otherwise, he was afraid he might hurt her, and he didn't want to lose the Glow.

"Were you in love with her?"

Victor had enough then. He pushed Birdy out of the way and stormed into his office, locking the door behind him.

 

"BIRDY!"

Birdy rolled over in her bed. She wasn't in the mood for this now. She was too tired.

"BIRDY!"

She groaned. Didn't the man ever sleep?

"BIRDY, NOW! BEFORE I GUT YA!"

Birdy sighed and pushed herself off the bed, shuffling into Victor's room. She opened his door. "Yes, boss?"

"Give me the Glow, Birdy. I need it now."

Birdy caught the look in Victor's eyes, and decided this wouldn't be the best time to voice her resentment—that he was all caught up in his old flame, and didn't even care that some psycho had threatened to kill her. Instead, she just did what he asked. She did what assured her that he'd never let her go like his other women.

She gave him the Glow.

 

Chapter 15.

Come ’ere baby

 

You know you drive me up the wall

The way you make good for all the nasty tricks you pull

Seems like we’re makin’ up more than we’re makin’ love

And it always seems you’ve got something on your mind

Other than me

Girl, you gotta change your crazy ways, you hear me

 

Say you’re leavin’ on the seven thirty train

And that you’re heading out to Hollywood

Girl, you’ve been givin’ me that line so many times

It kinda gets that feelin’ bad looks good

 

That kinda lovin’ turns a man to a slave

That kinda lovin’ sends a man right to his grave

 

I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy

You turn it on - then you’re gone

Yeah you drive me crazy, crazy, crazy for you baby

What can I do, honey

I feel like the color blue

 

You’re packin’ up your stuff

And and talkin’ like it’s tough

And tryin’ to tell me

That it’s time to go

But I know you ain’t wearin’ nothin’ underneath that

Overcoat and that it’s all a show

 

That kinda lovin’ makes me wanna pull down the shade,

That kinda lovin’ yeah, now I’m never gonna be the same

 

I’m losing my mind

Girl, ’cause I’m goin’ crazy

 

I need your love, honey, yeah

I need your love

"Hey, Gumbo, can I talk to ya?"

Remy's eyes grew wide. "Non! You just stay 'way from me, Creed."

"I don't wanna fight, Remy, okay? I need to ask you something."

Remy sighed, but made sure he was as far from Sabretooth as possible. "Make it quick."

"What does Logan think of me?"

Remy looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "She t'inks de same t'ing about you dat de rest of de world does, homme. She hates your guts."

"You know why?"

"Gee, let me t'ink. You make de femme's life hell from de day she met you, Victor. And you kill dat boy of hers."

"She still mad about that?"

"Non. Dat's one of dose t'ings you get over. And I heard you had some brains in dat big blond head of yours."

Victor glared. "Thanks, Cajun."

"Yeah, whatever."

 

"So, are you holding up okay with Creed being here, Logan?"  Logan didn’t look at Scott.

"I guess."

"I haven't heard you having any homicidal rage sessions in the Danger Room lately, so you must be okay."  Scott saw Logan's cheeks go bright pink.  "Logan?"

"What?!"  Scott raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing.  How's the ordnance inventory coming?"  Logan let out a breath when Scott dropped the subject.

"Fine.  How's your end?"

Scott looked at his clipboard.  "Boring.  Jean is obsessive-compulsive about keeping Cerebro's archives in order."

"Isn't that Kitty's job?"

"Logan, it's Kitty."

"Good point.  Guess that's what happens when you're the Fearless Leader, huh Cyke?"  She put the last of the weapons the X-Men had confiscated from various foes over the years back into their lockers.  "Done." 

"Wish I was," Scott sighed.  Logan sat in a chair next to him. 

"I'll keep you company."

"You don't have to," Scott said.  "I'm sure you have something you'd rather be doing than hanging out with a dork like me." 

"Aw, is our self-esteem a little low today, Scooter?"  Scott glared at her.

"I am not Scooter."  Logan didn't make a retort as he had expected.  She had been quiet the entire time they had been together.  Almost reserved.  For Logan, that was kind of creepy.  "Logan, are you okay?"  Her shoulders hunched a little.

"Yeah, fine." 

"I don't believe you," said Scott simply. 

"Maybe…maybe I did something I shouldn't have," she said after a long pause.  Scott put his clipboard down and took her shoulders gently.

"What is it?  You can tell me." 

"Trust me, Scott, you don't wanna hear this."  He nodded.

"Yes, I do.  I'm your teammate Logan, and your friend.  Nothing you did can change that."

"I already had this conversation with Remy, okay Scott?"  He looked down and dropped his hands.

"Yeah, sorry.  I guess I'm not as easy to talk to as he is."  Logan half-smiled. 

"You're a good guy, Scott." 

"Sometimes I think I'm too good."  Logan stood.

"Well, there's always room for improvement." 

"Not when you're married to Jean Grey," Scott muttered.  Logan left, deciding she'd pretend she hadn't heard that. 

In her room, she sank onto her bed, curling on her side.  She reached for Victor's sweatshirt almost automatically, even though his scent was almost gone.  What she had done was eating her up inside—she'd betrayed the X-Men on the most basic level.  She knew she couldn't deal with it anymore, that she had to get away and clear her head. 

Logan stood and pulled her duffle bag out of her closet, tossing clothes in at random.  She had done something unforgivable, but time alone would put enough mental distance between her and Creed that she'd be able to carry on as an X-Woman.  It was impossible to live under the same roof with him.  He was so close, such a large presence all the time. 

She wanted him so much.  Logan threw the bag full of clothes across the room.  She didn't care, at the core, about what she'd done.  Victor filled a basic need within her, something she'd been looking for since she'd woken up in the Hudson's cabin all that time ago.  He was right.

They were the same.

The knock on her door was unmistakable. No one else would knock so heavy, so sure.  She stared at the door, her eyes wide like a deer.

"I know yer in there, runt."

Logan took a deep breath. She could handle Creed. She could get him out of her way so she could go somewhere else. Somewhere where she could forget the one thing she didn't really want to.

"Open the damn door or I'll bust it open!"

Logan flung the door open, glaring at Victor. "What the fuck do you want, Creed?"

Victor smirked. "You, darlin'."

"You are such a fucking bastard."

"Damn skippy."

Logan just looked at him, suddenly at a loss for words. "Go away."

"No. I have something I have to say."

"Then say it," Logan said, crossing her arms in front of her. Victor was silent. "Well?"

"Oh, sorry. When you do that it pushes up your boobs."

Logan started to slam the door, but Victor stepped in, holding it open. "Wait! Just hear me out, okay? Yer so damn touchy."

Logan continued to glare. "Spit it out, Creed."

"I'm sorry."

Logan blinked. "For what?"

"The…the thing with Silver Fox."

Logan stumbled back. "I…" Her voice got almost silent. "Why'd you do it, Victor?"

"Because…because I loved you."

Logan pushed the initial shock away, replacing it with anger. "Oh yeah, 'cause nothing says I love you like hacking up the competition."

Victor reached out a hand. "I didn't mean it, Logan. I didn't want to hurt you—I never have wanted to hurt you. I don't know, it's just…" He growled, swiping at the wall. "Dammit, woman, what is it you do to me!"

"Victor…"

He looked at her, his eyes wild like a frightened animal. "What can I do, Logan? What can I do about this? I need you. I never need anything, but I need you."

Logan felt herself being ripped in two. Part of her said it was wrong to betray the X-Men, while the other half said it was wrong to betray Victor. Even with everything dark in their past, he had been the one constant, the one thing she could never forget. "I need you, too."

Victor came into the room, shutting the door behind him. He walked slowly to her, touching her tentatively at first, barely running his fingers through her hair. Logan smiled shyly at him, suddenly feeling as if she were a novice at this.

Maybe she was. With Victor, it was something different…

He kissed her, but it wasn't like what he'd shown her in the Danger Room. It was gentle, as if he were tasting her. He cupped the back of her head, kissing her slowly and thoroughly. Logan felt her knees buckle.

"Havin' trouble standin', darlin'?"

Logan blushed. "Uh…yeah…"

Victor smiled, picking her up and holding her against his chest. Logan buried her head against him, taking in his scent.

Victor set her so softly on the bed, as if she was something delicate, not a woman with a healing factor and adamantium bones. He sat beside her, looking down at her. "Damn, yer hot."

Logan laughed. "You're pretty hot yourself, you know."

He winked at her. "Damn skippy."

"I can't believe you just said that two times in a ten minute time span."

Victor smirked. "I'm full of surprises, darlin'."

Logan gave him a look that made Victor's blood rush. "Care to show me some of those surprises, tiger?"

"Oh yeah."

Victor descended on her, kissing down her neck. Logan clutched his hair. "And on a bed and everything this time."

"Don't get used to it, frail."

She laughed, feeling suddenly free. Nothing mattered, not the X-Men, not her shrouded past—just Victor, and what he made her feel.

 

Victor lay naked in Logan's bed, grinning up at her ceiling. "Wow, yer amazing," he said in a sleepy drawl. "That thing you did with yer tongue…"

Logan giggled, running her toes up his leg. "You're not too bad yourself there."

Victor looked at her with hooded eyes. "I'm the best, babe."

"Well you're certainly the best I've ever had."

"That cinches it then, since I have quite a few to compete with."

Logan punched his arm hard. "Asshole."

Victor pouted. "What, you don't like me anymore?"

She rolled her eyes. "You're horrible."

"Wanna punish me?" He wagged his eyebrows up and down.

*KNOCK KNOCK*

Logan and Victor both jumped off the bed, their eyes wide. "The closet," Logan mouthed.

Victor nodded, running to hide. Logan started to go to the door, but then realized she was still naked. She looked behind her and saw Victor's hand extend from the closet, her kimono draped over a claw.

She took it and kissed his hand. She wrapped the kimono around her, kicked Victor's clothes under the bed, and flung open the door. "What?"

"Geez, growly much, Logan?"

Logan gave Bobby a dirty look. "Whaddaya want, ice boy?"

"Uh, nobody can find Creed."

"Shit," Logan thought. "Does the professor think he's left the mansion?" she asked, smoothing her hair back in place.

"No. He can still sense his presence somewhere on the grounds, he just can't pin-point where. Victor's mind is hard for him to center on, or something like that."

"Well he probably just went for a walk. Go away."

Bobby frowned. "Did I interrupt something?"

"I was meditating, now get out!" She slammed the door.

Bobby thought she seemed a little tense for meditation, but he just shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

Creed walked out of the closet, looking down at his toes. "I guess I should make an appearance before someone smarter than Drake comes lookin' fer me."

"Yeah."

He walked to her, cupping her cheek in his hand. "So where does this leave us, Logan?"

"Let's take it slow, all right?"

"Yeah."

"See ya around, Vic."

Victor got his clothes from under her bed and started dressing. He kissed her one more time, softly on the lips. "Don't stay mad at me, okay?"

"I'll do my best."

He opened the door and looked down the hall, making sure the coast was clear before sneaking away.

 

Victor lay awake in his bed, finding it impossible to sleep. He hated his stupid curfew. Xavier didn't even leave him with a television. Cruel and unusual punishment.

The door opened, and Victor sat up. Who the hell was bothering him at this hour? He sniffed and smiled. "Hey, darlin'."

Logan went silently to his bed and crawled in beside him.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked, laying down and pulling her up against his bare chest.

"No," she said softly.

Victor kissed the top of her head. "Me either."

"Victor, what is this?" she asked.

"I don't know." He paused. "I like it though. And not just because of the sex."

"Me, too. That scares me a little."

"It scares me, too, Logan."

Logan looked up at him. "I didn't think you got scared, Victor. I thought you were something beyond fear."

"I'm just a man, Logan."

Logan bristled in his arm for a moment, and then relaxed, melting into his warm embrace. "I just want to sleep, Victor."

He kissed her. "Good night."

"Good night."

 

It had been an odd night for Kitty and Bobby.  They, along with Logan and Creed, were the only ones in the mansion, and to Kitty's amazement everyone was sitting in the rec room watching television with nary a word.  She looked at Bobby.  He looked back and raised his eyebrows.

"Is this weirding you out, Kitty?" he whispered.  Kitty nodded.

"Majorly," she whispered back. 

Logan heard Kitty and Bobby gossiping and looked over at Victor.  He was sprawled in the recliner with a beer, looking as content as a six-foot-six assassin could look. 

"Creed," she snarled.  "Get your feet off the table."  He looked over at her with an almost amused expression.

"What are you, my mommy?"  Logan was silent for a moment.

"I'll make you want your mommy if you don't get your feet off!" she blurted.  He smiled slowly, revealing his teeth.

"Ooo, ya gonna spank me, runt?"  Kitty and Bobby were watching them like a tennis match.  Logan stood.

"I don't have to put up with this—I'm going to my room!" she huffed.

"Don't let the door hit yer cute ass!" Creed called after her. 

"You make such a cute couple," said Kitty sarcastically.  Creed grinned at her. 

"Yeah, I know.  I'm too cute fer words."  Kitty rolled her eyes and looked back at the TV. 

Creed got up and followed Logan to her room.

 

"Look. Chuck, no disrespect to yer beautiful home an' all, but I've had about my fill of this place."

Xavier scrutinized Victor. "Well, you have been cured of your blood lust."

"Yep. No more of that blood lust crap. I'm a better man."

"Still, I worry that if I release you back into the world, you may kill again."

Victor shifted uncomfortably. "I don't want to kill anymore, Professor. I look back on that part of my life, and I feel so dark and guilty. I want to make a better life for myself."

Xavier frowned, not sure if he could take Victor's words as the truth. Still, he had shown significant improvement since he'd recovered from Logan's home lobotomy. Xavier had always believed that everyone deserved a second chance—even killers like Victor Creed. He folded his hands in his lap.

"I will allow you to return to wherever it is you call home, but I will be keeping an eye on you. Should you continue to show a propensity towards violence, I will send my people after you."

Victor forced himself not to laugh at that threat. "You won't have to do that, professor. I'll be a model citizen—you'll see."

Xavier frowned. "We'll see, Creed."

 

"You're just letting him go!"

"I'm sorry, Scott, but there's nothing I can really do. Sabretooth is cured; there's no reason that he shouldn't be released back into society."

"What, other than the fact that he's a sociopathic killer?"

"Cyclops, it's not your place to question my decision like this."

Scott stood up straight. "Yes, professor."

Xavier wheeled from the room.

 

"Uh, babe, can I talk to ya for a moment?"

"Watchin' hockey, Victor."

"I know how much you like ta watch grown men beat up on each other with sticks, but this is important."

Logan put the television on mute and looked up at Creed. "What is it?"

"Xavier said I can go. I booked a flight back to Seattle for tomorrow morning."

Logan felt suddenly winded. "Just like that?"

"That's where I live, darlin'."

"Don't you darlin' me!" Logan yelled, jumping to her feet "You tricked me into thinking you cared, and now you're just running out on me! I thought you were different, Victor, but you're just like all the rest!"

Victor held out his hands in defense. "Whoa, whoa, I never said anything about leavin' you, frail. I just need to get back home. I have a life out there."

Logan looked sad. "I thought I was part of your life now, Victor?"

"Logan, you are. You always have been. But you didn't actually expect me to stay on the team, did ya?" Victor saw Logan's reaction, and realized she did. "Logan, the X-Men aren't the beat all and end all."

"They're my life."

"Then I guess we're in two different places now."

Logan forced herself not to cry. She wouldn't. Not over him. "Fine, just go. See if I care."

Victor sighed. "I don't want this to be it for us, Logan. I do like you, and I like being with you. I just can't be here, and you apparently can't always be there. But you leave the team enough. Come up and visit me sometimes."

"I want more than that, Victor."

"Logan, sweetheart, I am not X-Men material. I can't join this little geek-squad and fight by yer side, okay? This ain't Team X. Just tell me this ain't it, okay?"

"If you leave, Victor Creed, it is. You walk out that door, and I never want to see you again."

"I'm sorry you feel that way, but I have to go. I'll go crazy here."

"You already are crazy, you messed up fuck."

Victor sighed. "There ya go again, striking out at me when you don't want to admit yer hurtin'. You've been doin' it fer thirty fuckin' years, Logan. It's gettin' a little old."

"Get out, Victor," Logan growled. "If you're gonna leave me, just go ahead and do it."

"If that's the way you feel…"

"It is."

"Yeah. See ya around, runt."

 

Chapter 16.

I’m down a one way street

With a one night stand

With a one track mind

Out in no man’s land

(the punishment sometimes don’t seem to fit the crime)

 

Yeah there’s a hole in my soul

But one thing I’ve learned

For every love letter written

There’s another one burned

(so tell me how it’s gonna be this time)

 

Is it over

Is it over

Is it over

’cause I’m blowin’ out the flame

 

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find there’s nothing there girl

Yeah I swear, I’m telling you girl yeah ’cause

There’s a hole in my soul that’s been killing me forever

It’s a place where a garden never grows

There’s a hole in my soul, yeah I should have known better

’cause your love’s like a thorn without a rose

 

I’m as dry as a seven year drought

I got dust for tears

Yeah I’m all tapped out

(sometimes I feel broken and can’t get fixed)

 

I know there’s been all kinds of shoes underneath your bed

Now I sleep with my boots on but you’re still in my head

(and something tells me this time I’m down to my last licks)

’cause if it’s over

Then it’s over

And it’s driving me insane

 

Is it over

Yeah it’s over

And I’m blowin’ out the flame

 

Take a walk outside your mind

Tell me how it feels to be

The one who turns the knife inside of me

Take a look and you will find

There’s nothing there girl, yeah, I swear

I’m telling you girl yeah ’cause there’s a hole in my soul

That’s been killing me forever

It’s a place where a garden never grows there’s a hole in my soul,

Yeah I should have known better

’cause your love’s like a thorn
Without a rose

 

Kitty sighed as she sat at Cerebro's console, scrolling slowly through a backlog of security tapes that had accumulated over the last month.  She hated this job with a passion, but Cyclops had threatened to cut off her computer access if she didn't clean out the files.  She looked to her right—on the console next to her was a six-pack of Coke and a bag of cheese puffs.  Geek food was essential to a boring night like the one ahead. 

Bobby was also in the room, killing zombies on another console while he kept her company.  "Oh fuck!" he exclaimed as the game loaded the next level.  "Skeletons!  I hate skeletons!" 

"Kill the skeleton lord and they'll go away," Kitty told him.  She opened the Danger Room log files and began to fast forward through the tapes.  She stopped when she saw Victor enter the Danger Room and turn on her "Lots O' Ninjas" scenario.  She wondered how he would handle it.  And he was shirtless.  Kitty didn't like Victor, but she was breathing. 

Victor tore through the session and then stopped, speaking to someone in the control room, whom Kitty assumed was Logan.  Sure enough, after a minute Logan came storming on camera, pointing her finger at Creed and saying something angrily.  The two began to spar, Creed with his semi-permanent taunting smile on his face.  Kitty watched, interested to see how the fight would turn out.

She was totally unprepared for the actual outcome.  She blinked, making sure her eyes weren't playing tricks and the fact she was seeing Wolverine and Sabretooth tear each other's clothes off wasn't just a caffeine-induced hallucination. 

"Bobby," she breathed.  "Get over here!"  He leaned over her shoulder.  Kitty heard him take in a sharp breath.

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed.  He cocked his head.  "Could a person actually live through that?"

"They both have healing factors, Bobby."

"Damn." 

"Kitty, how are things coming with Cere…" Jean stopped mid-sentence. "Oh my dear Lord."

Bobby and Kitty both turned around. "We didn't mean to find it, honest!" Bobby exclaimed.

Jean couldn't tear her eyes away from the screen. "That isn't natural…" she said.

"Yeah…Damn Creed. And I thought I hated him before," Bobby muttered.

Jean turned on her heel and started out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Kitty asked.

"To inform the professor."

"You can't do that!" Kitty exclaimed.

"This is Logan's business, not yours," Bobby said.

"Logan has compromised this team by…sleeping with the enemy. The professor needs to know."

"She was in that bad Julia Roberts movie?" Bobby asked.

Jean gave him the Look. "The professor needs to know. Logan could become a liability to the team."

"But Logan would never do anything to betray us!" Kitty said.

"You saw the tape, Katherine," Jean said sternly. "She already has."

Kitty sighed, glancing back at the scene playing on the monitor.

 

"Logan, could you step into my office?"  Logan looked up from her book. 

"Sure, Charles."  He looked at her with a frown.

"Professor, Logan."  Logan followed him down the hall to his study, surprised to see Scott and Jean already in the room.  She sighed.

"What'd I do now?" 

"As if you didn't know," said Jean.  Xavier held up a hand.

"Jean, please let me handle this."  He regarded Logan with cold eyes.  "Wolverine, it has come to my attention that you have been…ah…intimate with Sabretooth during his tenure at the mansion."

Logan felt her heart drop to the floor.  How had he found out? 

"Obviously," said Xavier.  "This is the most serious breach of protocol imaginable, something that cannot be countenanced."  Jean frowned at her prissily.

"We're very disappointed in you, Logan.  You had every chance to be a part of the X-Men, but you've become a liability, just as I always thought."  Logan turned on Jean with a growl.

"You better shut the fuck up, red, while you still got a mouth to do it with."  Jean smiled, as if she'd been proven right in the face of great adversity. 

"I'm afraid," Xavier interjected, "that this behavior is something that I cannot tolerate in a member of the X-Men."  He wheeled in front of Logan.  "If you do not cease this relationship with Victor immediately, you will be asked to leave."  Logan looked past him to Scott.

"You know this isn't right, Scott…" she started.  He frowned at her.

"I'm sorry, Logan, but the professor's right.  Your association with Creed has compromised the X-Men family."  Logan looked at him as if he'd slapped her in the face.

"Oh, that's right, that's what we are," she snarled.  "One big happy fuckin' family.  Wouldn't want to do anything to tarnish that perfect image, would we?" 

"Logan, there is no call for this," said Xavier.  "Simply stop seeing Sabretooth and we will forget that this…indiscretion ever happened."  Logan's mouth set.  She didn't speak.  Xavier raised an eyebrow.  "Logan?"

"Fuck you, Xavier," Logan snapped.  "You told me when I joined the X-Men that I could live my life, my way.  I guess you just meant as long as "my way" didn't keep me from being a good little flunky, right?" 

"Wolverine, stop it!" Scott ordered.  Logan turned to him.

"And you, Summers—you're no better than him.  You don't even have the guts to speak up for your 'friend', your 'teammate'.  You're nothing but a spineless little worm."

"Logan, be quiet and do as I tell you!" Xavier thundered.  Logan advanced on him, with a steely, predatory gaze.  She popped her claws directly in front of his face.  Both Jean and Scott started for her, but Logan simply retracted the outer two, leaving her middle claw gleaming in the soft light of the study.

"That's what I think of this family, Chuck," she said with a smile. 

 

"Chère?"

Logan stopped her packing. "Yeah, Rem?"

"Why'd ya do it, Logan?"

Logan turned around, the betrayal in Remy's eyes cutting her to the quick. "I'm sorry, Remy…I didn't think about how this would affect you."

"Apparently not," Remy grumbled. "Why you not jus' tell de professor you won't see Creed no more, huh Logan? Remy don' want you t'leave."

"It's not just Victor, Rem. I can't stay here if Chuck's gonna try to control my life. I've lived that way before, and I can't anymore. My feelings for Victor notwithstanding, I need to leave. There's no place for me here."

"What are your feelings for Creed?"

Logan blinked. "I'm not…I'm not sure."

"Is it jus' sex?"

Logan knew she needed to be honest with Remy and herself. "No."

"Dis hurt me, Logan—hurt me deep. But you still my amie. You need Remy, you know where t'find him."

"Thanks, Remy. That means a lot."

"An' if Creed hurts you, I'll beat de ever livin' shit outta him."

Logan smirked. "I'll keep that in mind."

Remy approached her, wrapping her in a bear hug. "I'm gonna miss you, chère."

"Yeah," Logan said softly. "I'm gonna miss you, too."

 

Chapter 17.

I think I’ve already lost you

I think you’re already gone

I think I’m finally scared now

You think I’m weak, but I think you’re wrong

I think you’re already leaving

Feels like your hand is on the door

I thought this place was an empire

But now I’m relaxed,  I can’t be sure

 

I think you’re so mean, I think we should try

I think I could need, this in my life

I think I’m just scared, I think too much

I know this is wrong it’s a problem I’m dealing

 

If you’re gone, maybe it’s time to go home

There’s an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you’re gone, baby you need to come home

'Cause there’s a little bit of something me

In everything in you

 

I bet you’re hard to get over

I bet the room just won’t shine

I bet my hands I can stay here

I bet you need, more than you mind

 

I think you’re so mean, I think we should try

I think I could need, this in my life

I think I’m just scared, that I know too much

I can’t relate and that’s a problem I’m feeling

 

If you’re gone, maybe it’s time to go home

There’s an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you’re gone, baby you need to come home

'Cause there’s a little bit of something me

In everything in you

 

I think you’re so mean, I think we should try

I think I could need, this in my life

I think I’m just scared, do I talk too much

I know this is wrong it’s a problem I’m dealing

 

If you’re gone - maybe it’s time to go home

There’s an awful lot of breathing room

But I can hardly move

If you’re gone - baby you need to come home

'Cause there’s a little bit of something me

In everything in you

Logan stood nervously in front of Victor's massive security gate. She could still leave.

What if Creed was still upset about how she'd reacted to the news that he was leaving? What if he'd gotten over whatever infatuation he'd had for her in Westchester, and was now back to hating her. What if there was another woman. What if…

"Can I help you, miss?"

Logan looked down at a very small, rather creepy man in a brown suit. "Uh, I'm looking for Victor Creed. Is this his house?"

"Maybe. Who's asking?"

"Logan."

"Don't know you."

"Creed does."

"Creed knows a lot of women, miss."

Logan looked down at the little man. "Oh does he now?" She unsheathed her claws, pointing them in the man's face. "Well I think he'll know me for sure."

The man grew pale. "Uh, yes. Right this way Miss…Logan, was it?"

"Yeah."

Logan was lead into the huge mansion. She was surprised to find that Victor actually had a sense for decorating. Or at least knew someone who did.

"Mr. Creed! Visitor!"

Logan heard Victor's voice boom down from the top of the stairs. "Who is it, Larry?"

"She says her name's Logan! She was very insistent that I let her in!"

Victor bounded down the stairs, all but running to Logan. He stopped a few feet in front of her, deciding at the last moment to cut down on the enthusiasm.

"I thought you weren't visiting me. Loyalty to the X-Geeks and all."

"Well, about that…"

Victor began to laugh. "They kicked you out, didn't they?"

"It's not funny, Victor! The X-Men were my life!"

"Then you should be glad they kicked you out, 'cause that's damn pathetic, babe."

She blinked, but didn't respond to that. "I'm sorry to just show up on your doorstep like this, but I didn't know where else to go. Can I stay here?" Victor was silent, and Logan wondered if maybe she really had miscalculated.

Suddenly, Victor picked her up, slinging her over his shoulder. "Larry, hold my phone calls."

"Yes, sir," Larry said, smirking as he listened to Logan scream her protests to Victor's "caveman behavior" all the way up to his room.

 

"Woman, get yer hot little ass in here!"

Logan sighed, not turning away from the television. An hour ago, they'd been at each other's throats, screaming about the latest problem of the day. Now he was calling her as if she were his dog.

"C'mon, darlin'! I need ya in here!"

Logan upped the volume on the television. She'd known that living with Victor Creed was going to be difficult but this was ridiculous. Everything was a battle between them. Deciding what movie to watch the night before had all but set off World War III. She had figured that seeing Victor as something other than a constant adversary would be an adjustment, but it wasn't going as smoothly as she'd hoped.

He just made everything so damn difficult.

Victor stalked into the room, leaning against the doorframe in nothing but a pair of faded jeans. Logan rolled her eyes and kept watching the show. If he thought that was going to work on her this time, he had another thing coming.

"You still mad about this mornin'?"

Logan turned the volume up even more.

"Aw, frail, it wasn't that big of a deal. What do you want from me, an apology?"

Logan turned around, narrowing her dark blue eyes. "Might be nice, Creed."

"I don't apologize to no one, girlie."

"Then I hope you enjoy your cold bed."

Victor smirked. "You can't resist me, Logan. Now that you know what I can do, you could never tell me no again."

"You are so damn full of yourself."

Victor went over to the couch and grabbed her to her feet, pulling her off the ground and to his mouth so he could kiss her. He waited until she stopped struggling, then threw her back on the couch.

Logan's eyes were dark, almost black, and her breathing was heavy and unsteady. Victor smirked. Resist him, his ass. He covered her body with his, pressing her into the couch with his massive weight. Logan just grabbed him, holding him to her.

Victor bit up her neck to her ear. "I knew ya still wanted me. Ya always do."

"I always have," Logan moaned. "Always, Victor… I love you."

Victor paused. He'd had his theories, but he hadn't expected her to say it. What did he do now? Women didn't love him, they just wanted him. He looked at her, his breath catching. She was beautiful, and she loved him. Maybe his life wasn't as crappy as it seemed.

 

Logan sat on the end of the couch, her knees at her chin. She couldn't believe she'd told Creed she loved him. She hadn't meant to, hadn't even realized it until then. She'd just said it. She wished she could take it back, but she couldn't. It was the truth, even if she didn't want it to be.

Victor got up, slipping his pants back on. "That was a good one, frail."

Logan stared at her toes. "Yeah. Great."

Victor took her face in his hand. "You didn't like it?" he asked, startled. Women always liked it with him.

"It was wonderful, Victor. There's nothing like being ravished by the king of virility."

Victor caught her sarcasm. "Gee, thanks, babe."

"What is this, Victor?" Logan asked.

Victor's eyes grew wide. It was that "talk" women wanted to have when they decided that the relationship called for more than sex. Victor hated that talk. It usually precluded his exit. "It's great sex," he said.

Logan snorted, getting off the couch. She dressed mechanically, not looking at him. Victor walked over, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, we got a lot between us, Logan. That makes this…" he gritted his teeth "mean somethin'."

"What does it mean, Victor?"

"Means I let ya sleep in my bed insteada kickin' ya to the guest room."

"Gee, I feel so honored," Logan snapped. "Maybe I should move into the guest room, leave your bed open for someone else."

Victor grabbed her by the shoulders. "Yer my woman, dammit."

Logan pushed him off. "I'm not your goddam property." She walked haughtily out of the room.

Victor sighed. "But I'm yer man, too," he said, softly.

 

Logan was in Victor's massive kitchen making a drink when she smelled him come in.  He had kept his distance since that tense afternoon, which wasn't hard in his enormous house.  Logan sighed.

"What do you want, Victor?"  He frowned at her. 

"I thought maybe you were over whatever was buggin' ya."

"Well, I'm not," said Logan shortly, putting the cap back on his Jack Daniels bottle. 

"Jesus, Logan, you are such a woman sometimes."  Logan looked at him with a cocked eyebrow.

"I thought you enjoyed that fact."  Victor growled.

"Stop turnin' everything I say against me, woman." 

"You better not start that shit again, Creed."  Victor moved in, towering over her, an expression of real anger in his eyes. 

"Yer mine," he said dangerously.  "And that makes you my woman!"  Logan stood on tiptoe, pushing her heart-shaped face into his. 

"Fuck you, Victor!" she responded.

"I think I've exhausted my supply of witty comebacks to that one, frail," he smirked. 

"Not surprising, considering you couldn't even say 'I love you' back to me," said Logan quietly.  She picked up her drink and started to leave. 

Victor grabbed her arm. "Don't you even think about leavin', frail. I'm so damn sick of you stormin' off every time somethin' gets heated between the two of us. Stop runnin' from yer damn feelings."

"I'm running from my feelings? What about you, Victor? You can't even tell me how you fucking feel about me!"

"Dammit, Logan, why does it matter? We're together. Why do I have to start gettin' all poetic with the hearts and flowers bullshit?"

"Maybe it isn't bullshit to me, Victor. Maybe it's important."

"Then get over it! I ain't Mr. Romantic."

"No, you're not," Logan said, her eyes steely. "Guess your father beat the love out of you a long time ago."

Victor snarled, striking out hard. He backhanded her cheek, knocking her backwards and her drink from her hand. It shattered as it hit the hard tile, and Logan reeled, touching her bruised face in shock. "You…you hit me…"

"You need to learn when you should shut yer mouth, frail."

Logan's eyes lit angrily, and she punched him, her fist making contact with his nose with an audible klunk. Victor stumbled, his hand going to cover his smashed, bloodied nose.

Logan fled the room.

 

"Mr. Creed?"  Larry poked his head into the kitchen, seeing Victor sitting at the table with his head in his hands.  A small pool of blood had dripped onto the table beneath him. 

"Go 'way, Larry."  Larry came closer.

"Are you okay, sir?"  Victor growled.

"What the fuck do you want, Larry?"

"What happened to your nose, sir?"  Victor heaved a sigh and took his hand away.  Larry took a step back at the bloody, pulverized mess in the middle of Victor's face.  It was healing, but slowly, and it looked indescribably painful to Larry's eyes.

"The woman hit me," he muttered. 

"I guessed you two had a fight, sir…"

"I smacked her around too," Victor admitted.  "Damn adamantium."  He looked up at Larry.  "What do you mean you guessed?"

"She left, sir."  Victor jumped up, knocking his chair over.

"When?!"

"About twenty minutes ago, sir.  She said something along the lines of "I'm never coming back to this lunatic asylum again"."  Victor grabbed Larry by his lapels.

"Where did she go?!"  Larry looked slightly uncomfortable.

"She didn't say, Mr. Creed." 

"Shit…" Victor muttered.  "This can't be happening…"

"Mr. Creed?"

"Huh?"

"Could you let go of me, please?"  Victor released him.  Larry had seen his boss go through the entire spectrum of mood swings, but this was a new state for him.  He looked pathetic, helpless.  Defeated. 

"Thirty years," Victor muttered.  "It took me thirty years to get her and I've already lost her."

"Sir?"

"Leave me alone, Larry."  Larry knew enough to leave Victor alone when he said to.  The phone rang before he could get out.  Victor grabbed the receiver off the handle and listened, not breathing.

"Victor?"

"Dammit, Logan, where are you?" he said, letting his body slump against the kitchen walls. 

"The airport." 

"Why?"

"I'm leaving, Victor.  I can’t live with you.  I'm going home to Canada."

"I need you here, dammit!"

"No, Victor.  We're over.  You proved that tonight.  I made a mistake." 

"Logan…" it was almost a whimper. 

"Goodbye, Victor."  The dial tone sounded in his ear. 

 

Logan hung up the pay phone, tears glistening in her eyes. She brushed them away angrily. Victor Creed wasn't worth it. He hadn't been able to give her any more than any of the other men she'd loved. She'd wanted something solid, something she could hold on to and rely on.

She'd finally accepted that she'd have to give up on that dream.

She picked up her bag and walked to her gate.

 

Victor allowed himself a good ten minutes to sulk before he formulated a plan. He'd come too far with Logan to let her just walk out of his life. Didn't she realize she was his woman—his mate?

"LARRY!"

Larry slunk back in the room. "Yes, Mr. Creed?"

"What sorta flowers are you supposed to give angry women?"

"Um, sir, I don't know if flowers…"

"Answer the damn question, Larry."

"Roses, sir."

"Right, roses. Where do I get those?"

"Florist, sir."

"Take me to one of those, and then to the airport. And step on it, Larry."

Larry held in a sigh. "Yes, Mr. Creed."

 

"What do you mean the damn flight is delayed?"

The stewardess gave Logan her best fuck you smile. "Ma'am, there's a big snow storm in Calgary. The pilot couldn't see to fly."

"Don't you have some sort of jet with infrared sensors?"

"No, ma'am, I'm afraid all we have are the standard-issue passenger jets. Now please, sit down and I'll inform you and the rest of the passengers when conditions improve."

Logan sulked back to the waiting area. She'd had enough of Seattle. It was Victor's town, and therefore tainted with his memory. As long as she was there, she wouldn't be able to get him off her mind. She needed to go to Canada and lick her wounds. It was safe territory there.

 

"Sir, I don't care how narrow you make your eyes, I'm not letting you past that gate without a ticket."

"But I don't want to get on any of the damn planes—I just want to find my woman!"

"Sir, again, for security reasons, I cannot allow you in the boarding area without a ticket."

Victor growled in frustration, pulling a wad of one-hundred dollar bill from his pocket. "Then give me a goddam ticket."

"To where, sir?"

"I don't give a flyin' fuck, just anywhere!"

The woman booked him a flight to Hoboken. "Here ya go, sir."

Victor snatched the ticket from her hands. "Gee, thanks."

She smiled. "And will you be checking any baggage?"

"No!" Victor snapped, storming over to the security checkpoint.

 

"I didn't tell you ya could leave me, frail."

The hair on the back of Logan's neck stood on end. "Creed…"

He walked around in front of her, crouching down so he was almost on eye level with her when she was sitting. He thrust the flowers at her. "I bought you roses."

"And I'm supposed to be impressed?"

"Hey, I've never done this before!" Victor ran a shaky hand though his hair, suddenly at a complete loss for words—even a sarcastic comment. "Darlin', I'm sorry."

Logan took the roses from him, playing with the petals of one. "Victor, we just aren't working out."

"I can try harder, I swear."

"But how much improvement are you capable of?"

"Look, I can't promise you I'll become a model boyfriend by any chance, but I can give you all that I am, Logan—and I can accept what you are in return. I like ya the way you are, Logan. I can take the good with the bad. You said you loved me—if there was any truth to that, you'd do the same fer me."

Logan opened her mouth, then shut it again. What could she say to that? "Victor…"

He reached up, wiping her eye. "Yer leakin' there, frail."

Logan laughed. "Victor, I want to go home."

He smiled from ear to ear and picked her up, spinning her around as he kissed her.

 

Chapter 18.

I know all about

Yeah, about your reputation

And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation

But I can't help it if I'm helpless everytime that I'm where you are

You walk in and my strength walks out the door

Say my name and I can't fight it anymore

Oh I know, I should go

But I need your touch just too damn much

Loving you

Yeah, isn't really something I should do

Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah

I should try to be strong

But baby you're the right kinda wrong

Yeah baby you're the right kinda wrong

It might be a mistake

A mistake I'm making

But what you're giving I am happy to be taking

'Cause no one's ever made me feel the way I feel when I'm in your arms

They say you're something I should do without

They don't know what goes on when the lights go out

There's no way to explain

All the pleasure is worth all the pain

Loving you

Yeah, isn't really something I should do (yeah...)

Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you

I should try to be strong

But baby you're the right kinda wrong

Yeah baby you're the right kinda wrong

I should try to run

But I just can't seem to

'Cause everytime I run you're the one I've run to

I can't do without

What you do to me

I don't care if I'm in too deep (yeah...)

I know all about

Yeah, about your reputation

And now it's bound to be a heartbreak situation

But I can't help it if I'm helpless everytime that I'm where you are

You walk in and my strength walks out the door

Say my name and I can't fight it anymore

Oh I know, I should go

But I need your touch just too damn much

Loving you

Yeah, isn't really something I should do

Shouldn't wanna spend my time with you, yeah

I should try to be strong ( I should try to be strong)

But baby you're the right kinda wrong (right kinda wrong)

Baby you're the right kinda wrong (baby you're the right kinda wrong)

But baby you're the right kinda wrong

Logan woke to the sound of Victor attempting to sneak in after a job. She smiled to herself, thinking how cute it was that he tried not to wake her up even though he knew her heightened senses made that impossible.

She turned on the bedside lamp, making Victor stop in mid-creep. "Hey there, sexy."

Victor chuckled. "Hey there, yourself."

Logan held her arms up to him. "Come here. I missed you."

Victor got in the bed beside her, crushing her to his chest. "Missed you, too."

Logan sniffed. "You smell like another woman."

"Sorry, darlin'. The guy I whacked had a girlfriend runnin' around."

"Nothin' happened with her, right?"

Victor kissed her forehead, amused by her jealousy. "'Course not. Yer more than enough woman fer me, runt."

Logan curled up against him, already drifting back to sleep.  "Goodnight, Victor."

"Night, runt."

 

Logan awoke to feel Victor's talons running gently up and down her stomach while he nibbled on her neck.  She moaned and rolled over to face him.

"Sorry," he grinned.  "Did I wake ya up?"  Logan slid an arm around his neck. 

"Maybe."  He continued his trail up her neck, reaching her ear. 

"Good," he purred, his hands reaching for her waistband.  Logan stopped him. 

"Now is not a good time for that, Creed."  He growled in frustration.

"Why the hell not?" 

"Just trust me," said Logan, placing his hands further north. 

"I've been away from you for three days," said Victor, resuming his removal of her clothes.  "I'm not waitin' any more."  Logan grabbed his wrists and held them between their bodies.

"Let me put it this way, handsome—if we do that right now, there will be little Sabretooths running around here."  Victor's green eyes went wide as quarters. 

"Oh," was all he said.  Logan released him. 

"It's not that I don't want to," she purred, her own hands beginning to explore.  Victor groaned. 

"Don't do this t'me, Logan," he pleaded.  Logan looked up at him with hooded eyes. 

"But I thought you liked it when I did this to you," she teased him.  Victor smirked at her.

"Then you better not start somethin' you can't finish, frail." 

 

Logan wandered around Victor's study, looking at the exotic and sometimes downright weird artifacts that were placed there.  He looked up from his computer.  "See anything ya like?"

"Where did you get this stuff?" said Logan.  "Unless you spend all your spare time on eBay." 

"Jobs, mostly.  I see something interestin', I take it."  Logan raised an eyebrow.

"You rob your hits?" 

"They're fuckin' dead," Victor explained patiently.  "Not like they need it any more."  Logan shrugged.

"I guess you're right."  She sat in one of his desk chairs and pulled her legs under her.  "Victor?"

"Hmph?"

"What's in that room over there?"  He barely looked up.

"What room?"  Logan rolled her eyes. 

"That one there, the one with the big lock on the door.  I've been here for two months and it's the only room I haven't been in." 

"Oh, that room."

"Yeah."  Logan waited patiently.  "So?  What's in there?"  She grinned.  "The bodies of all your former wives?"  Victor heaved a sigh.

"You wanna see?  Fine."  He got up and went over to the small door, unlocking it with a code.  Logan followed him inside.  They were in pitch darkness for a moment, and then Victor hit a switch and illuminated the walls.  Logan's jaw dropped as she saw what was hanging there.

"Creed, you got severed heads on your walls."  He ran a hand through his hair, looking almost ashamed.

"Yeah.  They're my hits—well, the ones I'm ah, proud of."  Logan turned slowly, examining the dead faces that stared back.

"How did you do this?"

"Larry dabbles in taxidermy."  Logan went closer to one trophy. 

"I know this guy.  Well, knew him."  She turned back to Victor.  "Pretty impressive, Creed."  She smiled.

"Yer not disgusted by my animal ways?"  Logan laughed.

"Nope.  It's kind of…I dunno, sexy."  Victor grinned widely. 

"I love you."   Logan's expression went soft. 

"Really?" 

"No, I'm just sayin' that to get in yer pants," said Victor sardonically.  "Yes, Logan, I love ya.  Just accept it and don't do that woman thing."  Logan came over and wrapped her arms around him.

"I can handle that, I think."  Victor looked down at her. 

"So the trophy room doesn't freak ya out?"  Logan shook her head.

"Nah.  Besides, I've killed ten times as many people as are in here.  I don't really have any room to talk."  Victor led her out and shut the door. 

"You're my kinda woman, Logan."

"Damn skippy, Victor." 

 

"Babe, I don't know why we have ta get into this again."  Logan crossed her arms in an expression Victor was becoming very familiar with.  It was the 'you better do what I say or else' expression. 

"I never see you, Victor.  I understand that you have your work, but it's not always camping out in the middle of the South American jungle.  You kill people in nice places all the time.  I've seen your airline tickets."  Victor grumbled.

"Look, Logan, if you want me to be perfectly honest—I'd rather not have you around on hits."  Logan rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, because I'm so frail and delicate and might get in the way.  I used to be an assassin for the CIA, Victor." 

"I know that, darlin', but…"  He sighed.  "I just…don't want ya to see that side of me, okay?" 

"Oh please, Creed.  I've seen nothing but that side of you for the last thirty years." He came over and put his hands on her shoulders. 

"But you're my woman now.  I don't wanna mix up that part of my life with you."  Logan didn't back down.

"Victor, I don't care that you're a hitman.  I wanna get out of this house and go somewhere with you."  She looked up at him with big eyes.  "I miss you."  Victor growled.

"Dammit, I can't think when ya look at me like that."  Logan grinned victoriously.

"I know."  

"Yer an evil woman."  Logan stood on tiptoe and kissed his cheek.

"Yeah, but I'm your woman."

 

Logan liked Monte Carlo. She lay down on the large, opulent bed and sighed happily, pulling the silk robe tighter around her. Life with Victor wasn't what she was used to, but she was getting to like it. There was something to be said for the finer things in life.

Victor had gone on his hit, and she was waiting up for him. She couldn't help but feel a little nervous. Usually, he stopped by one of his safehouses before coming home, but he'd made it clear to her earlier that this time, he'd have to just come straight back to the hotel. What would he be like fresh off a job?

Victor came in, barely illuminated by the light streaming in from the window. "How'd it go?" Logan asked.

"I'm sorta a mess right now, darlin'. This one was a bleeder. I'll talk to ya when I get out of the bath."

Logan sniffed, her pupils dilating. "Victor, come here."

"Darlin', I'm a mess, really. All gross and bloody."

"You smell good," Logan said, walking over to him. She wasn't sure what it was about him then. Maybe the thrill of the hunt had made him produce more pheromones than usual. She didn't know, and she didn't care. She ran her hands down his chest, licking his neck. "Aren't you hot, Victor?"

"You like me bloody, frail?"

Logan grinned. "I want you so bad right now."

Victor lifted her up, throwing her on the bed.

 

Victor did finally get a bath, only he took Logan with him. She leaned back in the large tub, sighing happily. "That was the best ever."

"Tell me about it," Victor said with a dopey grin. "Too bad we have to leave tomorrow. I've been enjoyin' this little trip."

"Why do we have to go tomorrow?"

"'Cause I got a hit back in the states on the 23^rd of this month."

Logan paused for a second. "What day is it, Victor?"

"Twenty-first." Victor frowned at Logan's expression. "Somethin' wrong, darlin'?"

"Um, no. I'm fine. Just…tired. You wore me out, you big stud you."

Victor smirked. "C'mere, frail."

Logan looked over at him, wondering if she should chance it. But if the nagging voice in the back of her head was right, the damage would've already been done anyway.

She moved into Victor's arms.

 

Chapter 19.

If you could see inside my heart
Then you 'd understand
I'd never mean to hurt you
Baby I'm not that kind of man

I might not say I'm sorry
Yeah, I might talk rough sometimes
And I might forget the little things
Or keep you hanging on the line

In a world that don't know Romeo and Juliet
Boy meets girl and promises we can't forget
We are cast from Eden's gate with no regrets
Into the fire we cry

I'd die for you
I'd cry for you
I'd do anything
I'd lie for you
You know it's true
Baby I'd die for you
I'd die for you
I'd cry for you
If it came right down to me and you
You know it's true, Baby I'd die for you

I might not be a savior
And I'll never be a king
I might not send you roses
Or buy you diamond rings

But if I could see inside you
Maybe I'd know just who we are
'Cause our love is like a hunger
Without it we would starve

In a world that don't know Romeo and Juliet
Boy meets girl and promises we can't forget
We are cast from Eden's gate with no regrets
Into the fire we cry

 

Five little blue lines. Damn. She'd hoped she get one that came out negative, so she could further her denial. But no. Blue every fucking time.

"Uh, Logan, you okay? You've been in there a while…"

"I'm fine, Victor! Go away!"

Victor walked off, mumbling something about never being able to understand women.

Logan slumped down, leaning against the counter. What was she going to do? She and Victor couldn't raise a baby. What sort of parents would they be?

She rubbed her hand over her stomach, trying to imagine it as something other than flat. She couldn't. She couldn't picture herself as pregnant, never mind someone's mother. She could imagine the juvenile delinquent rap sheet now.

She stood up with a sigh. She knew she had to tell Victor.

She opened the bathroom door, straightening herself out. Here went nothing…

 

Victor stared at her. "Repeat that last part, Logan."

"I'm pregnant, Vic. With child. In a family way. Got a bun in the oven."

Victor held his hand up. "I got it, I got it. How'd it happen? I thought you told me you were makin' sure we only did it, um, when the time was okay."

"I think it was Monte Carlo. I, um, sorta lost my head there."

"Dammit, woman, why'd you go and do a thing like that for!"

Logan glared at him. "You were there, too Victor!"

"Goddamit, Logan!" Victor growled, slamming his hand down on his desk. "What the fuck are we gonna do with a brat?"

"I don't know, put it on the lawn at Christmas time as an elf?" She got quiet. "I don't have to have it, Victor."

Victor's head snapped up. He crossed the room in two strides, grabbing her by the shoulders. "You ain't killin' my kid, frail."

"Well what if I don't want to have it?"

"Then too fuckin' bad. I knocked you up, yer keepin' it."

Logan glared at him. "It's my body, you know."

"What are you afraid of? Yer healin' factor won't take care of saggin' boobs?"

"You're so damn sensitive, Victor."

Victor let her go. "We can handle it, Logan."

"How? Victor, we're not exactly stable individuals."

"I can be a father, Logan. Sure, I may not win any awards fer Dad of the Year, but I can love my kid." He looked away, his voice growing uncharacteristically soft. "I wouldn't do what my father did to me."

Logan wrapped her arms around him gently. "I know, Vic. I know."

He placed his hand on her belly. "So there's someone in there, huh?"

"Yeah."

He smiled, looking down. "Hey, son."

Logan laughed. "How do you know it's a boy?"

"Cause it's my manly sperm."

Logan rolled her eyes. "Yes, Victor, you're such a manimal."

"I'm a what?"

"A manimal."

"What the hell is that?"

"Something Kitty called you once—not quite a man, not quite an animal.  Hence, a manimal."

Victor laughed hard. "Manimal, huh?" He growled. "C'mere, baby—let's mate."

 

Logan was on her knees in Victor's master bathroom, retching into the toilet while he held her long hair back.  "Doesn't yer healin' factor do anything for this?" he asked.

"No," Logan groaned, sitting up.  Victor handed her a wet washcloth so she could clean off her face.  "I hate this so much," said Logan.  "I haven't kept anything down in days."  Victor grinned down at her.

"I know a way to take yer mind off it."  Logan rubbed her temples.

"No offense, Vic, but I'm not a hundred percent right now."  He crouched down, his hands reaching out.

"You won't have ta move much."  Logan gave him a look of utter contempt.

"Oh yeah, knocking boots on the bathroom floor.  That makes me wanna jump all over you, Victor."  He sighed in frustration.

"Dammit, woman, I have needs too."

"Yeah, and I'm pregnant!"  He frowned.

"What's that supposed ta mean?"

"It means that my needs are a little more important than yours right now, okay?"  He stood up. 

"If that's the way you're gonna be…"  He turned and left.  Logan started to yell something after him, but instead she threw up again.

 

"Victor!"  Victor sighed.  How had it gotten to this point?  When he had found out Logan was pregnant, he had been happy, almost contented.  But now…

"Victor!" 

"Comin', darlin'!" he shouted back.  Logan was curled on the sofa in the TV room, one hand on her softly swelling stomach.  It was barely noticeable, but it was there.  Victor softened.  "Whaddaya need, babe?"

"Larry told me you were going on a job tonight."  Victor nodded.

"Yep.  Places to go and people to kill."  Logan glowered at him.

"He said you were gonna be gone for a week."

"It's complicated, babe."  He went behind the sofa and started kneading her shoulders with his strong hands.  Logan swatted him away.  Victor's lip curled.  He knew pregnant women were supposed to be cranky, but Logan went beyond even his expectations. 

"Why do you always leave?" she demanded. 

"Not this again!" Victor snapped.  "I told you, Logan—I'll always be here for you, but there are things I gotta do.  I can't just disappear off the face of the earth for nine months."

"I think you just don't want to be around me."

"That's fuckin' stupid, Logan.  Even you know that."  She stood up and faced him.

"Well, think about it Victor—I get pregnant and can't be your fuck toy anymore, so what good am I really, right?"  Victor flinched as if she had stuck her claws in him.

"After all this time…you still think that's all ya are to me?"  Logan saw anger blossom on his face.  "If that's how you feel, Logan, you are one cold bitch.  You think I'd put up with all this, you think I'd chase you for so long, just for a romp in the sack?"

"Men have been known to do that." 

"Fuck you, Logan!  I don't say 'I love you' ta just anyone, ya know!"  Logan, having pushed him into fighting with her, looked almost pleased.

"I don't have to put up with this.  I'm out of here."  Victor snorted.

"You'll be back."  Logan raised her chin.

"I don't think so.  I don't think I could raise my son in this sort of environment."  Victor growled, starting for her, but then he stopped and turned away.

"You know what?  Fine!  You go ahead, frail, and you go live your little life all on yer own!"  He stormed to the door before turning.  "It's been nice knowin' ya."

Victor left.

 

Logan was in Victor's bedroom packing her things when Larry knocked.  "Go away," Logan told him. 

"Do you need any help packing, ma'am?"  Logan shook her head.

"I just need some peace and quiet, Larry."  Larry nodded and started to leave.  He stopped and came back to face her.

"You know, ma'am, I've never seen Mr. Creed like he is around you."  Logan stopped with a handful of her underwear in her hand.

"Oh really."

"Yes.  He's…you make him happy.  And not in the way the other women do—the ones he had sex with before.  Around you, he's different."  Logan didn't want to hear this—she didn't want to hear anything that would change her mind, increase the doubts that were already there.  "He even let you stay in his room," Larry said.

Logan felt like she'd been punched in the gut.  "What?"

"Mr. Creed never let anyone sleep in his bed before you.  He always threw them out."  He smiled wryly.  "Lots of calling cabs for pissed off women in the middle of the night." 

"Are you serious?" said Logan softly.  Larry nodded.

"Yes ma'am."  He drew himself up to his full height, which brought him about to Logan's nose.  "Don't leave Mr. Creed.  He doesn't deserve it.  I've seen him with you.  He loves you.  A lot."  Logan set her panties down.

"You're a good friend to him, Larry."

"I try to be, ma'am."

"He needs one."

"Yes, ma'am.  And he needs you too."  Logan's mouth quirked.

"Larry?"

"Ma'am?"

"You can call me Logan." 

 

Victor's shoulders slumped as soon as he got home. The past week had been enough to keep his mind of his domestic problems, but now he had the prospect of coming home to an empty house.

Logan wasn't the type to threaten to run off and not follow through. She was too skittish. When she made up her mind to take off again, she did. He might be able to find her, but she could hide well. It could take another thirty years.

Victor cursed as he walked up to his door. What if he didn't get to see his son grow up?

He threw his bag on the floor. "Larry, there's a body in the trunk of the Rolls!" he called. "Go do somethin' with it."

From somewhere in the house, Larry grumbled. "I'll be right on it, Mr. Creed."

Victor went up to his room, wondering why he hadn't just followed his usual habit of finding some dark haired woman to take Logan's place when she was gone.

He didn't want anyone else. He wanted her and only her. And that bothered him.

Victor opened his bedroom door and blinked. Logan was stretched out on his bed, wearing a red teddy. "Welcome home, stud."

A grin broke out across Victor's face as he ran to the bed, picking Logan up and spinning around with her. "You're here!"

"Well, yeah, where else would I be?" Logan asked as he put her back down.

"You said you were leaving me."

"I changed my mind."

"So yer still my woman?" Victor asked.

"Still your woman."

Victor sat on the bed, pulling Logan into his lap and burying his face in her hair. "I was so afraid you were gone, baby. I couldn't stand the thought…"

"I won't leave you," Logan said, kissing his cheek.

"I don't mean to hurt ya, Logan. I…"

"Shh…" Logan said, putting a finger to his lips. "We both hurt each other, Victor. But it's all right."

Victor laid her back on the bed. "I love you, Logan."

"I know, Victor. Show me."

 

Chapter 20.

Is love so fragile and the heart so hollow
Shatter with words impossible to follow
You're saying I'm fragile I try not to be
I search only for something I can't see

I have my own life
And I am stronger than you know
But I carry this feeling
When you walked into my house
That you won't be walking out the door

Lovers forever, face to face
My city or mountain
Stay with me stay
I need you to love me
I need you today
Give to me your leather
Take from me my lace

You in the moonlight
With your sleepy eyes
Could you ever love a man like me
And you were right
When I walked into your house
I knew I'd never want to leave

Sometimes I'm a strong man
Sometimes cold and scared
And sometimes I cry
But that time I saw you
I knew with you to light my nights
Somehow I'd get by…

Logan woke up suddenly. Something wasn't right. She sniffed, but didn't smell anything but Victor's scent, close and comforting.

Suddenly, she knew why she'd woken up. A sharp pain shot through her stomach. She sat up. "FUCK!"

Victor's eyes shot open. "Logan?!" He saw her sitting up in the bed, doubled over in pain. "Darlin', what's wrong?"

Logan winced. "I think…I think I'm in labor."

Victor jumped up out of the bed, running to the closet and grabbing the bag Logan had packed for the hospital. He ran out of the room, only to turn back around and go to the bed, picking Logan up. "Sorry."

"LARRY!" Victor hollered. "Larry, get out here."

Larry poked a head out from his door, his hair a mess. He rubbed his bleary eyes. "Yes, Mr. Creed."

"Get the car, Larry. Logan's about ta pop."

"You make me sound like a balloon."

Victor looked down at her. "Well, ya do kinda look like one."

Logan was about to chew him out, when another contraction hit. Victor's face filled with concern. "Darlin', are you gonna be all right?"

"Yeah, sure. Women do this every day. OH FUCK!"

"Dammit, Larry, hurry up!"

Victor took Logan downstairs, putting her gently into the car. He sat beside her in the backseat, holding her hand. "It's gonna be okay. Just squeeze my hand if the pain's too much, okay?"

Logan nodded, taking Victor's hand.

"I love you, Logan," he said, looking down at her soft face.

"I know. I love you, too."

 

Victor carried Logan into the hospital and up to the front desk. "My woman's about to have a baby. Do something."

The woman behind the counter smiled to herself. "Okay, Mr…"

"Creed. And this is Logan."

"Okay." A nurse rolled a wheelchair around, and Victor hesitantly put Logan in it. "The maternity ward is on floor three. Mr. Creed, let me get some information from you, and then you can go up there with your wife."

Victor's eyes grew wide. "I can't leave her! She's hurtin'!"

Larry stepped up. "I can take care of this, sir. You go with Logan."

The woman from behind the desk looked at Larry. "And who are you?"

"I'm the, um, butler. But trust me, you don't want to separate Mr. Creed and Logan."

The woman decided that the strange little man might have a point. "Right. You can go with your wife, Mr. Creed."

Victor ran to catch up with Logan and the nurse. She cried out in pain again, and Logan looked up at the nurse. "Can't you give her something fer the pain?"

Logan looked up, her face white. "It wouldn't do any good, Victor."

Victor cursed. She was right. Damn healing factor.

The nurse brought Logan into one of the birthing rooms and helped her into the bed. "The doctor with be in just a minute."

Victor set beside Logan's bed, stroking her hair. She looked up at him, smiling a little. "We're going to be parents, Victor."

"Yer gonna be a great mom, Logan. I know it."

Another contraction hit, and she cried out. Victor hated the feeling of helplessness it gave him. His woman was in pain and there was nothing he could do about it. He held on to her hand, wishing it would go by quickly.

 

"You're almost there, Ms. Logan. I have the head. Push."

Logan squeezed Victor's hand, almost tight enough to break the bones. He winced, but didn't say anything. She was hurting more than he was. She pushed as hard as she could.

The room was silent for a second, and then a piercing wail broke through the air. "It's a boy," the doctor announced.

Victor grinned dumbly. His son… He looked down at Logan. "Ya did it, runt."

She smiled, three hours of labor having taken their toll.

"Would you like to cut the umbilical cord, Mr. Creed?"

"Um, that's okay, you can handle that part," Victor said to the doctor.

The doctor and the nurse washed and swaddled the baby, handing him to his mother. Logan reached up and stroked his face with a finger. "He's beautiful like you, Victor."

He kissed her on the top of the head. "You're the beautiful one, babe."

She handed the baby up to Victor, letting him hold the screaming bundle. Logan closed her eyes, taking a deep breath, then opened them and looked up at her family.

 

"Mrs. Creed, would you like to feed your son?"  Logan looked at the nurse in the doorway of her room, holding her baby.  She had given up on trying to tell the hospital workers she wasn't a Mrs. anything. 

"Yes, I would."  The nurse put the baby in her arms and left.  She passed Victor on her way out. 

"Hello there, Mr. Creed!" she chirped.  "Your wife and son are waiting for you."  Victor grinned at Logan.

"Yer my wife, huh?"

"Drop it, Creed."  He sat on the edge of the bed while the baby nursed. 

"Ya know, we need to name the little sucker."  Logan nodded. 

"I've been thinking about that too.  You have any ideas?" 

"Victor Creed, Jr.," said Victor as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  Logan shook her head.

"No.  I am not naming my child that."

"What's wrong with my name, dammit?"

"It's yours, Victor." 

"Hey," he looked offended, "what's that supposed ta mean?" 

"I mean the kid has less chance of turning out to be a mass murdering psychotic if we name him something else, alright?"  Victor grumbled.

"I guess yer right," he said finally.  "Maybe we should give the kid a fresh start."  He reached for the baby, who snarled at him with a tiny, toothless mouth.  Victor drew back.  "Damn, he's a vicious little thing already." 

His eyes lit up and he turned to Logan.  "Hey…"  Logan looked worried.

"What now?" 

"That's it!" Victor exclaimed.  "Vicious Creed!"  Logan dropped her head into her hands.

"Victor…"

"We can shorten it to Vic!" Victor exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear as if he were the smartest man in the world.  Logan could tell there would be no changing his mind—even if the kid was legally named something else, he'd always be Vicious to his father. 

"Okay," she said finally.  "I guess there are worse names.  Like, ya know, Mac or Scott or something…" 

"Vicious…" said Victor happily, looking down at his son.  Vicious gave his attempt at a growl, looking up at his father with his huge deep blue eyes. 

"He's got yer eyes, runt.  Yer hair too, for that matter."  He gave her an evil look.  "Ya sure the kid's mine?"  Logan punched him in the shoulder.

"Guess your manly DNA let you down in the looks department, Creed." 

"Hey, not while I'm holdin' our brat," he chuckled.  Logan smiled back.  Vicious began to cry, having been away from his mother for too long.  Victor handed him back. 

"You scream louder than yer mom, kiddo."  Logan gave him another one of her looks.  Victor fled the hospital room before she could hit him again.

 

Logan looked up at Victor's huge mansion as Larry pulled the car into the driveway. Her initial opinion of Victor's house had been that it appeared dark and foreboding, but in the months she'd spent living there, her opinion had changed. Like Victor himself, the house appeared hard and unapproachable on the outside, but once you got past the walls, you realized there was a warmth inside.

Larry parked the car, and Victor walked around to the other side of the car, helping Logan and Vicious out. The three of them walked up to the door, coming home together as a family for the first time.

Logan felt an unfamiliar feeling rush over her, and it took her a moment to place it. Contentment. She had what she'd always searched for, what she'd longed for since a time she couldn't remember. She laughed to herself, realizing she'd found it in the unlikely place of Victor Creed.

She looked over at Victor, noticing the pleasant look on his face as he watched his lover and son, and realized that he felt the same thing she did. For the first time in her life, Logan didn't want to run. She wanted to stay, put down roots.

She'd found a home, and she'd never leave it.

 

*** *** ***

 

Logan and Victor's Luv Mix:

"The River and the Highway"

Pam Tillis

 

"She Talks to Angels"

Black Crowes

 

"Somebody to Love"

Jefferson Airplane

 

"Piece of My Heart"

Janis Joplin

"Make Me Bad"

Korn

 

"I Still Miss Someone"

Johnny Cash

 

"Welcome to The Jungle"

Guns N' Roses

 

"A Case of You"

Joni Mitchell

 

"Time After Time"

Cyndi Lauper

 

"Freebird"

Lynyrd Skynyrd

 

"Till I Gain Control Again"

Emmylou Harris

 

"This Ain't a Love Song"

Bon Jovi

 

"Tangled Up in Blue"

Bob Dylan

 

"Honky Tonk Women"

Rolling Stones

 

"I Hate Myself for Loving You"

Joan Jett

 

"Every Rose Has Its Thorn"

Poison

 

"Crazy"

Aerosmith

 

"Hole in my Soul"

Aerosmith

 

"If You're Gone"

Matchbox 20

"Right Kinda Wrong"

LeAnn Rimes

 

"I'd Die for You"

Bon Jovi

 

"Leather and Lace"

Stevie Nicks and Don Henley