Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel. They belong to Joss and his people. Don't sue me. It's rude. "Glycerine" is Bush. "Let it Rain" is Amanda Marshall.

Rating: NC-17 (strong language, mild violence, and sexual situations)

Summary: It's been five years since her last apocalypse, and Buffy has tried to move on with her life. But when Spike comes back into the picture, everything changes… (Six years after the end of Angel; Spike/Buffy)

Author's Note: Although I finished a couple of other stories before this one, it started out as my first Buffy fic, so some of the beginning might be a little rough. I had just started watching the show, so I'm not sure how well I did everything with this one.

Feedback and Archiving: Both are very nice. Positive feedback and constructive criticism are welcome. Flames are ignored. Please ask before archiving. Email: addie_logan@yahoo.com

Shameless Website Plug: I don't have any more Buffy fics at the moment, but I have lots of other stuff: https://www.angelfire.com/scifi/addielogan

 

After the End Has Come and Gone

By: Addie Logan

*** *** ***

It must be your skin that I'm sinking in
It must be for real 'cause now I can feel
And I didn't mind
It's not my kind, it's not my time to wonder why
Everything gone white
Everything's grey
Now you're here Now you're away
I don't want this
Remember that
I'll never forget where you're at

Don't let the days go by
Glycerine Glycerine

I'm never alone
I'm alone all the time
Are you at one, or do you lie
We live in a wheel where everyone steals
But when we rise it's like strawberry fields
I treated you bad, you bruise my face
I couldn't love you more, you've got a beautiful taste

Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
I couldn't change though I wanted to
It should have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine Glycerine

Don't let the days go by
Glycerine
Don't let the days go by....
Glycerine Glycerine
Glycerine Glycerine

Bad move white again
Bad move white again
As she falls around me
I needed you more when you wanted us less
I could not kiss, just regress
It might just be clear simple and plain
Well that's just fine that's just one of my names

Don't let the days go by
It could've been easier on you
Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine, Glycerine

*** *** ***

Angel had wanted to stop the Apocalypse.

Instead, he'd almost brought it down on them all, years before it was supposed to arrive.

Buffy Summers stood, surveying the wreckage. She felt numb. She had hoped that she'd finished this part of her life, that she could just start over in Rome and enjoy herself in a way she hadn't been able to since she'd been a young teenager. She'd saved the world more time than she could count. Didn't she deserve a break?

She leaned against the nearest standing wall and let out a ragged breath. She knew she should be doing something. Celebrating, crying, anything to let out the torrent of emotions that should be welling in her. She kept staring, as if willing it all to either disappear or actually become real to her.

"Buffy?"

Buffy held up her hand. "Not now, Angel."

"It's over, Buffy," Angel said, ignoring her request. "We stopped it."

"You started it," Buffy snapped.

Angel flinched. "Buffy, Wolfram and Hart…"

"Oh, you mean the law firm of evil that you were the CEO of?" Buffy cut him off.

Angel gaped for a moment at a loss for words. "Buffy, I was trying to do something good…"

"Yeah, and a lot of 'good' it did," Buffy said, pointing to the mess in front of her. In the last year, Los Angeles had become ground zero for an all out war between good and evil. In the end, not much had been left.

"We stopped it," Angel said. "We stopped the Senior Partners, and…"

"It shouldn't have been now, Angel. This was someone else's apocalypse. Not mine."

"Buffy…"

Buffy looked at him, fire in her eyes again. "Xander's dead, Angel. I kept him alive for seven years in Sunnydale, but here…" She looked down, her voice almost a whisper. "He's dead."

Angel tried to find something he could say to that. "I lost people, too," he said lamely.

"Yeah, well, whose fault is that?"

Angel looked down. He knew the answer to that question, but he didn't want to say it. "I didn't mean for this to happen, Buffy. I was trying… It was supposed to be different."

Buffy held up her hand. "I don't want to talk anymore, Angel. It's over now, and I'm…I'm tired." She sighed, running her hands through her messy hair. "I'm just so tired."

"Buffy…"

"Don't. I can't, not anymore." She looked at him one last time, a surprise flash of pain hitting her as she realized she could never again be the young girl who loved him with every thing she had and swore she always would. Anything that was left of that girl was buried along side her friends in the debris that surrounded them.

She turned, and Angel watched her walk away from him through the rubble and the blaze.

*** *** ***

Five Years Later…

Spike wasn't exactly sure where he was. He had ridden into Texas several days ago, so he assumed he was somewhere near the Mexican border. But other than that, he had no clue. And he didn't care.

He pulled his motorcycle up to a motel, the fizzling neon sign painting his platinum blond hair and pale skin an eerie pink and blue. The sun would be up soon, and he needed a place to stay until nightfall again. It was times like this that he regretted picking a motorcycle over a car. He was really too restless to stop, but he also wasn't quite in the mood to be fried by the early morning sun either. He longed for his old DeSoto, the blackened windows protecting him from becoming nothing more than a blazing pile of dust.

He slung his bag over his shoulder and walked in. A man Spike figured was in his late twenties or early thirties was behind the desk, a hat pulled down over his eyes as he slept. He tapped the bell a couple of times, and the man jumped a little, then looked up. "You need a room."

"Yes."

"Fer how long?"

"Just for the day," Spike replied.

The man stood, pushing a book towards Spike. "That'll be thirty-five. Sign here."

Spike reached into his pocket, handing the man a wad of bills before signing the book. The man counted the money before grabbing a key from the rack behind him and handing it to Spike. "Room 2E."

Spike nodded, taking the key. He walked back outside, then up the stairs to his room. He unlocked the door, opening it to find a room that looked almost identical to all the others he'd found himself in over the years. "Home sweet home," he muttered, dropping his bag by the small table by the window. He took off his duster, hanging it over the back of a chair before going over to make sure the thick curtains were pulled tightly closed. He then sat on the edge of the bed, taking off his boots before lying down, staring at the ceiling. Spike closed his eyes, willing himself to go to sleep.

After all, it was better than being awake.

*** *** ***

Spike trudged through the underground tunnels that he'd come to almost regard as home over the past few months. At least he could relax there. A little.

In over a century of existence, he'd never seen anything like this. What was left of Los Angeles's human population had retreated underground, fighting alongside the all-too-battle-hardened girls that comprised the Slayer Army.

When he'd agreed to go along with Angel's latest stop the Apocalypse plan, he'd never fathomed it would be like this. He'd expected one last good battle before he was dust. Instead, he'd ended up helping to command an all-out offensive against evil.

He'd been close to the end that first night. Angel fought his dragon, but it had all just kept coming. More demons than Spike had ever seen in one place, Hellmouth included. Eventually, he'd grown exhausted and collapsed, almost welcoming the demon that had perched on his chest, ready to take off his head.

He'd closed his eyes, made his peace with the end. But then it hadn't had come. The demon had screamed, dissolving into nothing. And then Spike had opened his eyes to the face of his salvation.

Buffy… At first he'd thought he'd died and gone to Heaven. Then he remembered they'd never let him in. She reached down, offering him her hand.

"The cavalry's here," she said, gesturing to the mass of Slayers who had entered the fray. "And remind me later to kick your ass for not telling me you've been alive all this time."

Spike smirked. Same old Buffy. "Undead, actually."

Buffy gave him a quick smile. "Whatever." She tossed him a sword. "Get to work."

Spike felt his second wind as he gripped the sword tightly. These demons were in for it now…

That had been six months ago, and the battle had only grown worse. Spike lit a cigarette, cursing it all. Riley Finn and his Initiative buddies had shown up early on, informing them that LA had been declared "under terrorist control" and closed off by the government. He'd tried to take charge of the situation, but Buffy hadn't let him. She told him that no matter what his military training had taught him, she was the Slayer, and leading the forces of goodness against the Apocalypse was her job, dammit. She'd welcomed Riley's help, but hadn't let him or anyone else try to push her down.

Spike smiled around his cigarette as he thought about just how tough his Buffy had proven herself to be. She'd kept them on the plus side of the battle, never let victory seem too impossible. She'd even improved her speeches a little.

He entered the command center that they'd scraped together as best they could, Buffy's scent leading him right to her. She was training, kicking and punching a bag with all her might. She was always dirty now. They all were. Her hair was shorter and brown now. No time for highlights when every moment could be your last. Still, she was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

She stopped when she saw him and gave him a quick look. "Go away."

Spike saw the pain in her eyes. He could almost feel it radiating off of her. He dropped his cigarette to the floor, grinding it out beneath his feet. "What happened, luv?"

"Nothing. Go." She punched the bag again, so hard that Spike was surprised she didn't bust it.

Spike walked over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder to still her. "Slayer, it's something. I can tell."

Buffy suddenly turned on him, pummeling him with her small fists. Spike grabbed them, trying to stop her. She pushed at him, knocking him on the ground before renewing her attack, hitting his chest hard. Suddenly she stopped, collapsing on him in tears. Spike wrapped his arms around her, stroking her back and whispering soothing words against her hair.

"It's Xander," she said finally. "He's…he's dead."

Spike froze. "I'm sorry."

"No you're not," Buffy said, trying to force herself to stop crying. "You always hated him."

"I am sorry, Buffy. We never got along, but… I'll miss him."

"You will?"

"Yeah, I will."

"So will I." Buffy looked up, meeting his eyes. She searched them for a moment before saying softly, "I need you."

"I'm right here, luv."

"No, I need you, Spike. Please, make the pain go away for a little while. The way you used to."

Spike sucked in an un-needed breath. "Pet…"

"Please."

Spike sighed. "Not here. Anyone could walk in…"

Buffy nodded, standing up. She reached her hand down to him, and Spike grasped it, letting her pull him to his feet. He walked with her back into her small make-shift bedroom, no more than a cot and a wash basin really. She lay back on the cot, holding her arms out to him. Spike wasted no time in moving into them. It had been so long, and he'd missed the feel of her holding him.

"Buffy…" he said softly, kissing her neck, "I love you."

"Shh…" Buffy said, reaching down to undo his belt. "Don't talk. Just touch me."

Spike nodded, running his hands under her shirt. Her skin felt so warm to his cool hands, and he shivered. Knowing her, she'd regret this as soon as it was over, but he wasn't going to stop. She needed comfort, and maybe for once he could give it to her.

Buffy sat up, straddling his hips. She smiled at him before pulling her shirt up, baring herself to Spike's heated gaze. He reached up, stroking her cheek. "So beautiful…"

Buffy moved his hand down, molding it over her breast. "Just touch."

Spike nodded, pulling her down to his mouth. Buffy threw her head back, moaning loudly, and Spike felt his entire world narrow to this girl, this moment. He bit his tongue to keep from telling her that he loved her again. That wasn't what she needed. She needed him to make her feel, and he could give her that.

He reached, taking hold of her zipper and sliding it down. Buffy gasped as he reached inside and found her, and Spike smiled. He still knew just how to touch her.

"No teasing, Spike…" Buffy panted. "Do it now."

Spike flipped her over, looking down to find her eyes full of desire. This was perfect. Even if it was just for a little while, it was all he wanted, needed.

Spike sat up with a start. For a split second his eyes darted in search of Buffy before he realized she'd never been there. It had been another dream, a memory of the times they'd comforted each other when the pressures and pains of battle became too much.

But it had been five years since he'd seen her. She had walked out of his life without so much as a good bye, and he'd given up on the hope of ever seeing her again, never mind actually getting to hold her in his arms.

He glanced over towards the window and noticed the only light seeping in around the curtains was of the street lamp variety. He checked the clock. After dark.

"Might as well find my way out of this town," Spike muttered. "Wherever the bloody hell it is."

He put his boots and duster back on, grabbed his bag and keys, and left the room.

Wouldn't be too long until he was back in a room just like it.

*** *** ***

Spike walked back to the office, stopping when he saw a woman leaning over the desk, talking to the same clerk that had been there the night before. "Clint, I told you I'd be working the night shift tonight."

"No, baby, you didn't."

"I did."

"You didn't."

"I so did."

Spike froze. That voice… It couldn't be, but it was one he'd know anywhere. He was sure that if his heart had been beating, it would've stopped right then.

"No, baby, you didn't. But no more arguin'. There's a guest here. Everything all right with your room, mister?"

Spike swallowed. The voice…the scene…his mind had to be playing tricks on him. The woman in front of him was going to turn around, and it was going to be a stranger. Not his…

She turned around and Spike froze. She gasped, and Spike wasn't quite sure how he kept from grabbing her and never letting her go. "Slayer…" he said after a moment.

"Spike?"

"You know this guy?" Clint said from behind the desk. "And why did he just call you Slayer?"

Buffy blinked, recovering quickly. "Uh, high school nickname. I, um, met Spike in high school."

"That she did," Spike said, still trying to recover from the shock of being in the same room as Buffy again. "And Slayer…well, she always had a way of 'slaying' all the boys."

Buffy felt herself grow crimson at Spike's tone. "That was a long time ago," Buffy said. "Um, Clint, this is Spike. Spike, this is my husband, Clint."

Husband? Spike didn't like the sound of that at all. "Nice to meet you, Clint," he said, not making the best attempt to hide the fact that he didn't mean it at all.

"You, too, Spike. And how exactly did you get that little name?"

"Well, you see, I used to torture people with railroad spikes."

Buffy blanched for a moment before she started laughing nervously. "He's kidding. You were always such a kidder, Spike." She turned back to Clint. "It's his hair. See—it's spikey."

Spike chuckled. "Yeah, it's the hair. I just like the look I get for the railroad spikes thing."

"See, what did I tell you—kidder." Buffy turned and gave Spike a look. He couldn't help but chuckle. It was the same look she'd always given him when she wanted him to shut up.

"Yeah, real funny guy," Clint said, eyeing Spike warily. "So did you need something?"

"Uh, yeah. See, I said last night that I was only going to be here for a day, but I've gone and changed my mind. I'd like to have the room for another night." He looked at Buffy.

Clint ground his teeth, not wanting the man that looked at his wife like that to stay any longer. "Fine. Give me your money then."

"What, no free lodgings for an old friend of the wife's?"

Buffy looked at Clint. "He has a point," she said.

Clint grumbled. "Fine. But I'm not reimbursing you for last night."

"Fair enough," Spike said, looking back at Buffy again. She made him ache. He was sure that sometime in the past five years, she'd gotten even more beautiful.

"Buffy, baby, didn't you have to get to work?"

Buffy blinked when Clint spoke, suddenly realizing that Spike had been staring at her—and she had been staring back. "Yeah, work. Um, nice to see you again, Spike."

"You, too, pet. Maybe we can catch up later?"

Buffy smiled. "You bet. Have a good night." She started towards the door, but then stopped. "You're not hungry, are you?"

Spike chuckled. "No. I'm fine."

"Good. I'll, um, talk to you later."

Buffy hurried out of the motel's small office. Seeing Spike again had thrown her off balance. One glance and she felt her world spinning. She'd tried so hard to rebuild her life, to try to forget about everything she'd gone through before she'd found her niche here. Tried to forget the year she'd spent in the hell that had once been L.A. But now, Spike was here, and everything rushed back to the surface. She took a deep, calming breath, then walked towards the truck stop where she worked.

After Buffy was gone, Spike looked over at Clint. "So you and Buffy…" Spike said.

"Yeah. Look, Mr…Spike. Despite what some people in these parts might say, I'm not a stupid man. I know somethin' happened between you and my Buffy." Clint watched as Spike's jaw clenched as he said "My Buffy," and knew his theory had been right. "But if you lay one hand on her, I'll make you sure as hell wish you hadn't. And the same goes if you ever call her 'pet' again. Got it?"

Spike narrowed his eyes, fighting the urge to let his demon face emerge and let Clint know exactly who the real big bad was. "Yeah, I got it. I'll be going back to my room now."

"Yeah, you do that."

Spike left the office and walked back towards his room. When he was sure Clint couldn't see him anymore, he doubled back, heading towards the truck stop he'd seen Buffy going to.

After five years without Buffy in his life, there was no way he was going to stay away from her now.

*** *** ***

"Damn. And it was just today that I was saying we never get any good lookin' men in this place. I stand corrected."

Buffy didn't look up from the coffee maker. "So go flirt or something, Cindy," she said to the other waitress. She hit the machine in front of her. "Damn piece of garbage. Never works."

"Turn around, Buffy. You have to see this guy. He's sin personified."

Buffy froze. Sin personified? If anyone fit that description… She groaned. He didn't… She turned around. He did. "Spike," she mumbled under her breath. "Didn't you ever learn stalking isn't attractive?"

He sat at one of the tables and waved at Buffy, his expression smug. Cindy frowned. "See this just ain't fair. You marry the only decent guy in town and you still get the hot travelers."

"It's not what you think," Buffy said. She looked at Spike, his sexy smirk making her body tingle in a way it hadn't in such a long time. "I know him."

Cindy raised an eyebrow. "Do you now?"

Buffy blushed. "Um, yeah. A long time ago. When I lived in California."

Cindy shook her head. "You lucky, lucky bitch."

"Not as lucky as you may think. I'm going to go over there and see what he wants."

Cindy snorted. "The way he's looking at you, I think I know what he wants."

"Well he's not getting that." Buffy wiggled her left ring finger. "Happily married woman." She walked over to Spike's table, her features set in grim determination. "And what do you want? We don't serve any of your usual meal of choice."

"Oh, I'm not hungry at all, pet. I just had a nice snack of a hotel clerk, and…"

Buffy paled. "You didn't. You wouldn't!"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Please. My soul's not as removable as some. You should know that's just teasin'"

"Teasing about eating someone's husband like that is not very funny, Spike," Buffy snapped.

"Aw, lighten up, Slayer. It's been years, and you're acting like you're not happy to see me."

"I'm not."

Spike blinked, but quickly moved to cover up the hurt her words had caused. He was an old expert at that after all. "Afraid I'll put a nasty crimp in your happy little domestic life?" Spike asked.

"No. There's nothing you could do to mess up what I have with Clint. I love him, and he loves me."

"How bloody touching."

"Look, I have to work, and there's really no point in you being here. Just go back to the hotel. We can talk later."

"Sure there's a point to me being here. Maybe I'm hungry."

"We don't serve blood," Buffy said with a glare.

"Don't want any. Maybe I want some of that apple pie you Americans are so fond of."

"Spike…"

"You're a waitress, and I'm a customer. Now be a good girl and bring me some apple pie."

Buffy was fuming. Five years and he still knew exactly how to get under her skin. "I'll bring that right out," she said through gritted teeth.

Spike watched her as she walked away. The shock of seeing her again was starting to wear off and be replaced by anger. Five years ago she had run out on him, and now she was acting like this. Well, fine. If that was the way she wanted to play it, Spike would go right along. Apparently the years and the marriage hadn't matured her one bit.

Spike wasn't surprised when the other waitress brought him out the pie. She batted her eyelashes sweetly at him, but Spike didn't notice. His anger was rising more by the moment. Buffy wasn't even looking at him now. He stood up, putting enough money on the table to pay for the pie. "Suddenly, I'm not so hungry," he said, storming out the restaurant with his duster swirling behind him,

Buffy didn't have to look behind her to know Spike was gone. She slumped forward, wishing it could all just go away.

*** *** ***

Spike paced angrily in his hotel room. Who did she think she was, treating him like he was nobody important to her? Hadn't he risked his life for her time and time again? "Hell, sod risk it," Spike said aloud. "I bloody gave it. Burned up closing the Hellmouth, I did. Not my fault I came back!"

Spike began to pace faster, gesturing as he spoke.  "And did I even let it end there? No. I risked my newly-corporalized arse to fight yet another apocalypse for her. And do I even get a 'thanks, Spike?' No! All I get is a few shags in the dark and then the snippy little bint walking out on me like I'm nothing." Spike stopped, forcing himself to stand a little taller. "Well no more of that. It's been five years. I'm not the Slayer's whipping boy anymore."

Spike grabbed his coat, heading for the door. It was time for him to find something to eat.

*** *** ***

Spike stood in the alley, his senses peaked as he searched for prey. A scent caught his nose and he grinned predatorily. "Here kitty, kitty," he said softly, his features changing. He pounced on the cat, making short work of it.

"I really need to find a butcher's shop," Spike said, wiping his mouth. He looked down at the cat laying at his feet and frowned. "You're pathetic, mate," he said to himself. "Wandering around like this, surviving off strays and rodents in back alleys. Talking to yourself… No wonder the Slayer hates you. Wanker."

Spike shook his head, changing back to his human visage as he walked out of the alley.

*** *** ***

Buffy stopped outside Spike's hotel room. She knew she should just walk away and hope he left the next day. She shouldn't have anything left to say to him. She'd made her feelings quite clear earlier.

At least she'd made her thoughts clear. She still wasn't quite clear on her feelings herself. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Maybe if she could just talk to him for a little while, she could get some closure on that part of her life.

Spike threw open the door. "Buffy1" He smiled for a second, then frowned. "Go away, Slayer. And since when did you bother to knock?"

"Would you rather I have just busted in?"

"I'd rather you didn't show up at all. Now go away. This is my room. I paid for it for the night."

"Actually, no, you didn't.  And I want to talk to you. Can I come in?"

Spike blocked the door. "No. And why do you want to talk? You never want to talk."

"I just…" Buffy stopped, frowning. "Are you drunk?"

Spike shrugged. "Of course."

Buffy rolled her eyes and pushed Spike out of the way. She gasped. "Spike, you trashed the room!"

"Not really," Spike said, shutting the door and leaning against it. "Just threw some stuff around, is all. I did break the mirror, but I didn't need it anyway."

"Well, the next guest might! Clint is going to be livid!"

"Oooh…don't want to upset the git of a husband."

"He's not a…" Buffy frowned. "A git. He's a wonderful man."

"Good on him. Although I never thought you'd be satisfied with a man that couldn't show you a little demon now and then." He leered at her, running his tongue over his teeth, behind his upper lip.

Buffy glared. "Go to Hell, Spike."

"Already been there. Don't you remember, pet? Climbed right down into the mouth of Hell for you, I did. You told me you loved me then." Spike walked to her, running his hand through her hair. "You remember that?"

Buffy felt her pulse quicken for a moment before she pushed him away. "Yes. And I also remember not meaning it—as you pointed out at the time."

Spike glared. "Why are you here then? I can make myself miserable on my own just fine, thank you. Don't need your help."

"True. You always were the master of self pity."

"'Scuse me?"

"Oh come on. 'Drusilla left me…there's a chip in my head…my soul hurts.' All you ever think about is your misery."

"Me? What about you, Slayer? 'I shagged my boyfriend's soul away...my little sis is a magical key…I died…'"

"Spike, those were legitimate problems. I mean, I died."

"Hey, I died, too. Still dead, as a matter of fact. Don't hear me complaining about it."

Buffy threw up her hands. "I'm leaving. I don't know why I thought I could have a conversation with you."

"Good! Didn't want you here in the first place."

Buffy stormed out, closing the door behind her with a satisfying slam. She had gotten only a few feet when she heard a crash in Spike's room. "Dammit, he's breaking things again," she muttered, turning around to save her husband's motel. She stopped short when she saw Spike sprawled on the floor with a chair over him. She rolled her eyes, going to him and lifting the chair. She knelt beside him and shook him. He didn't budge, so she shook him harder. Still nothing. Buffy sighed heavily, picking Spike up and carrying him over to the bed.

She started to leave after she had deposited him on top of the blankets, but stopped when she saw a light cut on his face with blood running down his cheek. "This is just so he doesn't stain the sheets," she mentally assured herself. Buffy got a washcloth from the bathroom, dampening it with warm water before going back to Spike, wiping the blood from his face.

Spike opened his eyes, smiling when he saw her. "Are you taking care of me, pet?"

"Don't think too much of it," Buffy said. "I didn't want you bleeding all over the bed. People get a little squeamish about staying at a motel with blood on the beds."

Spike chuckled a little. "Do you remember when you did this before, in your basement?" Buffy frowned, and Spike elaborated. "With the First. After…after I attacked Andrew."

"I remember."

"You said you believed in me." Spike's eyes closed, and he murmured sleepily, "Do you still believe in me?"

Buffy froze. She stared at him for a moment, but he didn't say anything else. "Spike?" He didn't answer, and Buffy figured he was asleep. She got up, rinsing the blood out of the washcloth at the sink before walking to the door. She stopped, turning around to watch Spike for a moment.

"I still believe in you," she whispered softly as she turned around and left the room.

*** *** ***

"Your shift was up well over an hour ago."

Buffy shut the door to the small apartment attached to the motel that she shared with her husband. "It's nice to see you, too."

"I've been waitin' up," Clint said. "Where have you been?"

Buffy considered lying to him, but decided against it. "I went to talk to Spike."

Clint narrowed his eyes. "At this time of night?"

"I figured he'd still be awake. He's sort of…an evening person."

"I want you staying away from him. I don't like you being alone with your ex in the middle of the night."

"Spike isn't my ex."

Clint raised his eyebrow. "What is he then?"

"He's…it's…it's complicated."

"Uncomplicate it then. Stay away from him. He'll be leaving tomorrow anyway."

"Clint, he's…"

Clint took Buffy by the shoulders, turning her to look at him. He lowered his gaze, meeting her eyes. "Stay away from him, Buffy. You don't even want him here."

Buffy blinked, then sighed. "You're right, Clint. I don't want him here. I'll stay away from him, all right?"

Clint smiled. "Good. Come on, baby. Let's go to bed."

"Let's. I'm tired."

Clint put his arm around her and walked with her to the bedroom. "Me, too."

*** *** ***

When Spike woke up again, the sun was beginning to sink over the horizon. He smiled to himself as he remembered the last thing he'd seen before he'd fallen asleep. Buffy… She'd put him to bed and cleaned off a cut he didn't even remember getting.

She'd told him she didn't want him around, but her actions said otherwise. Husband or no, he wasn't leaving until he got something from her, even if it was just an acknowledgement that he'd meant something to her in the past.

Spike waited for the sun to go down before going back to the truck stop, hoping he'd find Buffy there.

*** *** ***

Spike frowned as he surveyed the small restaurant. No Buffy. He frowned harder when he saw that other waitress from the night before coming towards him. He really was not in the mood for this.

"Can I help you, hon?" she asked, giving him a coy smile.

"Is Buffy working tonight, uh, Cindy?" Spike asked, reading her name tag.

"She's not supposed to come in until later."

"Later when?"

Cindy ran her fingers down Spike's arm. "Why does it matter? I'm here now."

Spike stepped back. "I really just wanted to talk to Buffy."

Cindy pouted. "She won't be in until ten."

"I'll come back then."

Cindy grabbed his shoulder. "Are you really sure you want to leave now, handsome. I got a break comin' up…"

Spike glared, pulling his arm away from her. "Yes." He pointed to a table of people. "Go back to work."

Cindy pouted. "Fine. But Buffy isn't interested. She told me so last night. Said she never cared one bit about you."

Spike started to give the woman a piece of his mind when he realized that that would probably lead to having to hear her talk more. He settled for giving her a warning look before leaving.

A brunette walked up behind Cindy, crossing her arms in front of her as she watched Spike leave. "He's proving to be rather troublesome."

Cindy nodded. "Clint said he would already be gone."

"Hopefully he will be soon. He can't be allowed to ruin everything."

"And if he doesn't leave?"

The brunette smiled slowly. "Then he can be…persuaded."

*** *** ***

"Evenin', pet."

Buffy jumped, turning around to see Spike leaning against the alley wall. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting for you. The blonde in there said your shift started at ten."

"Yeah, it does. I need to get inside."

"You still got a few minutes," Spike said. "Let me talk to you for a moment."

"I don't want to talk to you, Spike," Buffy said. "I don't want you here. I want to stay away from you."

Spike shrugged. "What's new? Look, I'm not here to try anything. It's just…it's been a long time, Buffy."

"I don't want you here. I want to stay away from you."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "You already said that."

Buffy turned away. "Please, just leave."

"Buffy, come on. Just talk to me for a moment. I want to know how you've been."

"I'm fine," Buffy said. "Happily married and everything."

"I noticed."

"Can I go to work now?"

Spike sighed. "Buffy… Look, I haven't seen you, or any of the Sunnydale gang for that matter, in five years, and contrary to what you might believe, I've wondered about you—all of you." Buffy stared at him for a moment, and Spike asked. "How's the nibblet?"

"Huh?"

"Dawn."

"Oh. Right. Dawn and I don't talk anymore."

Spike frowned. "You don't talk to your sister anymore? Since when?"

"Since Clint and I got married. He said he didn't want any family baggage messing up our life together, and I agree completely."

Spike didn't like the sound of that. Buffy had once thrown herself off a tower to save her sister, and now she wasn't talking to her because her husband said so? It didn't add up. "How long has it been since you talked to her?"

"Clint and I have been married almost a year now, so about that long."

"And you're never going to talk to her again?" Spike asked uncertainly.

"No. I'm not going to talk to any of them. They would distract from my new life. Look, Spike, it's been sort of nice to see you, but I don't want you here and…"

"You want to stay away from me," Spike finished for her. "Yeah, I got it. I'm gonna just…go back to the motel."

"And leave tonight?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"Maybe…" Spike said, backing away. Something wasn't right here, and he wasn't about to leave Buffy until he knew what it was. "See you around, pet."

"Good bye, Spike." Buffy walked into the building.

Spike headed back to the motel. He needed to come up with something that could help him get to the bottom of things.

*** *** ***

Spike went straight to the phone. He had to get in touch with some of Buffy's old friends, had to find out when the last time she'd spoken to any of them was. Maybe they could help him figure out what was going on.

He froze as he picked up the receiver. He had no clue how to reach a single one of them, not even Angel. He frowned, realizing he wasn't even sure what country any of them were in these days. Before the near-end-of-the-world in L.A., Dawn and Buffy had been living in Rome. Was Dawn there now?

Spike knew what he had to do. Buffy said she hadn't spoken to any of her friends in a year, but did that mean she'd gotten rid of anyway to contact them?

He'd noticed an add-on to the back of the motel that he assumed was where Buffy and her husband lived. If he could sneak back there, possibly he could find some way of getting in contact with someone who could shine some light on the current situation. He left the motel room, taking a quick glance to make sure that Clint was still at the front desk before going around to the back. Deciding to choose time over stealth, he broke a window, reaching in through the shattered pane to unlock the window and then push it open. If it turned out he was just paranoid, well, Buffy could beat him up for it later. He paused for a second, hoping it was still enough part of the hotel to let him bypass the invite. He stepped in easily, no barriers.

He didn't risk turning on a light, his vampiric senses allowing him to see well enough in the dark. He crept into the bedroom, going to a desk near the closet. He opened the drawers, searching for something that might tell him what he needed, possibly an address book.

"Care to tell me why you're snooping around my bedroom?"

Spike turned around, coming face to face with Clint. "Lookin' for a lighter?" he offered.

Clint glared. "How dumb do you think I am, punk?"

"Um, I was going with fairly, bordering on really. Thanks for asking."

"Look, I don't know what you're tryin' to pull, but Buffy is my woman now, so you best just stay away."

Spike groaned inwardly. Was this guy going to start beating his chest in a moment? What was with Buffy and the Cro-Magnon types? "Look, I'm not here for Buffy."

Clint crossed his arms. "Then why are you here, Stick was it?"

"Spike," Spike snapped. "I was here because…you wouldn't by any chance know how to contact Buffy's sister, Dawn, would you?"

"Buffy ain't got no sister."

"Uh, yes, she does. Bit taller than Buffy, long brown hair. Talks a lot. Dawn."

"I know who you mean, but she' ain't Buffy's sister. Not anymore. Buffy doesn't need anyone but me."

"Well, you're a right possessive bastard, now aren't you," Spike said, glaring at Clint. He didn't like the idea of someone taking Buffy away from Dawn. The bit had lost enough as it was.

Clint grabbed Spike by the collar, shoving him against the wall. "Yes, I am. And you stay the hell away from my wife, or I'll hurt you somethin' awful." Clint dropped Spike, then punched him hard in the stomach.

That was it for Spike. He switched to his game face, grabbing Clint and reversing their positions, holding him against the wall. "Look, you git, I know something's not right here, and I know you have something to do with it. What's happened to Buffy?"

Spike expected Clint to cower in fear at the sight of a vampire staring down at him. Instead, he just smirked, then reached up, grabbing Spike's arm and wrenching it behind his back almost hard enough to snap it. Spike called out in surprise and pain. He looked up to see Clint suddenly growing larger, her appearance changing to one decidedly demonic. Spike groaned. "Bloody hell…"

Suddenly, Spike felt a sharp blow to the back of his head and everything went black.

Clint fixed his demonic gaze on Spike's limp body for a moment before looking up at the brunette woman who stood over him. "What shall we do with the vampire?"

"Take him back to his room for now."

"What about the Slayer? He will tell her what has transpired here."

The brunette waved her hand. "She will not believe him. You will see to that."

"Yes, I will."

"The vampire will be gone soon," the brunette said. "And if not, well, I shall deal with it."

Clint nodded, then hoisted Spike over his shoulder and carried him out of the apartment.

*** *** ***

Spike woke with a pounding headache. He looked around his motel room to find it in disarray again, several empty Jack Daniels bottles scattered around. "I didn't drink last night…did I?" he said, surveying the room.

The previous night was a bit hazy, but he was fairly positive he remembered Buffy's new husband being a demon. He decided Clint must have arranged the room the way it was, tried to make it look like it had all been a drunken hallucination. But Spike knew better. He was well versed in the difference between the type of headache caused by a hangover and the kind caused by a sharp blow to the skull, and this was definitely the latter. He knew it was daylight, but he didn't care. He had to get to Buffy. She had to know what was going on before it was too late.

Spike ripped the comforter off the bed and ran out the motel room. He saw Clint dozing at the front desk and decided to look for Buffy in the apartment. He kicked the door without preamble, calling her name as he entered the small dwelling.

Buffy came out of the bedroom simultaneously rubbing her eyes and trying to smooth down her hair. "Spike! What are doing here?"

"We have to get out of here," Spike said, taking hold of her arms. "Clint…he's not what you think."

"Spike, what are you going on about?"

"He's a demon, Buffy. A right big ugly one, too."

"Spike, have you been drinking again?"

"No!"

"You smell like you have."

Spike sighed. "Look, when I woke up this morning there were empty bottles in the room, and I think some of it got poured on me, too. But I didn't drink it. I came here last night, ran into your husband, he turned into a demon, and someone clunked me on the head from behind. I came straight to you as soon as I could."

"Look, Spike, I know you're jealous, but this is ridiculous."

"I'm not bloody jealous!" Buffy raised an eyebrow, and Spike sighed. "Okay, maybe I am, but that's not why I'm saying this. I know what happened last night, Buffy!"

Buffy pulled away from him, putting her hands on her hips. "Yeah, and so do I. You got upset when I turned you away at my work, you got drunk—again—and passed out. Somewhere during all that you either hallucinated or fabricated this whole thing about Clint being a demon."

"No! Buffy, I swear, that isn't what happened! I was here, last night. You…you have a desk in your bedroom. Cherry wood, with a stack of bills on the left side and a green pen sitting by the lamp. And your sheets are purple with flowers on 'em."

"Spike, all that proves is you're still a stalker. A creepy, creepy stalker."

"Buffy, please, you have to believe me!"

"What's going on in here?"

Spike groaned as he heard Clint barge in. "Just havin' a little chat with the missus," he told Clint through gritted teeth.

"Get out of my apartment now," Clint yelled.

"Clint, honey, Spike was just leaving—weren't you Spike?"

"Buffy…" Spike said, pleading with her with his eyes.

"Leave, Spike."

Spike slumped in defeat. He knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with Buffy this way. He needed proof. He wrapped back in the comforter and went back to his room.

"Did he just put a blanket over his head?" Clint asked.

"He's, um, hung-over," Buffy said. "Makes the sun too bright for his eyes."

Clint frowned. "Oh. Baby, what was he saying to you?"

"It was nothing. He just drank too much last night and got some crazy ideas in his head. He's not exactly what you'd call a stable individual."

"He didn't try to hurt ya, did he?"

"No. He was just being an idiot." Buffy bit her bottom lip. "Clint, was Spike in our apartment last night."

"I wasn't gonna say nothin'," Clint said with a sigh. "Didn't want you worryin' that pretty little head of yours. But yeah, caught him snoopin' last night. We had a few words, and then he left."

"What happened exactly?" Buffy asked.

Clint moved closer to her, tilting her head so he could look down into her eyes. "It was nothing. You don't want to know any more about it."

Buffy blinked. "Yeah, nothing. I don't want to know any more about it."

Clint kissed her forehead. "That's my girl. Now why don't you go on and get some more rest. These late nights workin' really take it outta you."

Buffy kissed him. "All right. I'll see you this afternoon?"

"You bet. Love you, babydoll."

"Love you, too."

*** *** ***

Spike paced in his hotel room. Why didn't Buffy believe him? She was the Slayer, she was supposed to always be on the lookout for things like this. If anything, she should expect them. Seemed like nothing in her life came without a demon or two.

Spike sat on the edge of the bed, trying to piece together what was happening. It had to be some sort of spell, something that was making her accept what was around her without question. He needed to get her out of this town, away from whatever was affecting her like this. Then she'd be able to see things clearly again. Spike made up his mind. As soon as the sun set he was taking Buffy away no matter how much she fought him over it. It was for her own good, after all.

He frowned, trying to decide exactly how he was going to accomplish that task. All things considered, Buffy was still the Slayer. She was going to put up a fight. Spike knew one thing for sure, he was going to have to separate her from Clint. She'd be hard enough to deal with without adding her redneck demon husband to the mix.

Suddenly, Spike froze. He heard something rustling outside his door. He sniffed the air and frowned. Whatever it was, it wasn't human. He stood up, ready to fight. He heard a key click in the door, and the handle turned. The door flew open, and Spike jumped back to avoid the column of sunlight that came into the room.

Spike glared at the brunette woman who walked into the room, slamming the door behind her. "What do you want?"

"It's time for check out," she replied with a cruel smile.

"I'm not going anywhere without Buffy."

"The Slayer is not leaving with you."

"Is that a fact?" Spike came towards the brunette, reading for a punch. She grabbed his fist with inhuman speed, wrenching his arm behind his back. Spike yelled in pain and surprise, struggling to get free.

"As I said, the Slayer is not going anywhere with you," the brunette repeated, pushing Spike down to his knees. She changed suddenly, her appearance now like that of Clint's the night before. "You, however, are coming with me."

"I don't think so," Spike said through gritted teeth.

"I didn't ask you," the demon growled, hauling him to his feet. She drug Spike over to the bed, pushing it aside with one hand. Below it was a staircase leading down into darkness.

"Funny I didn't notice that…" Spike said.

The demon snarled at him. "Down."

"Um, how about no?" Spike struggled to get free, hitting the demon as hard as he could.

The blow barely registered. "You are a stupid creature, vampire." The demon grabbed Spike, throwing him hard against the wall. Spike slumped down, unconscious. The demon picked him up, threw him over her shoulder, and brought him down the stairs.

Another demon stood at the bottom. "You didn't kill the vampire?"

"No. We can use him. Keeping the Slayer here has drained too much of our power. He can strengthen us again." She threw Spike to the other demon. "Restrain him. We will perform the ritual at sunset."

"Yes, my mistress," the second demon said, carrying Spike away.

The first demon changed again into the brunette human woman, then walked back up the stairs.

*** *** ***

Buffy woke up, looking over at the clock. 4:43. Buffy frowned. She'd slept a lot later than she normally did. She got out of bed, stretching her arms and yawning. She walked around the bed, heading for the bathroom when she stopped short, noticing something on the floor. She bent down, touching it lightly. It had dried, but there was no mistaking what it was. Blood.

Buffy felt a sudden wave of panic. Something was wrong here. Her Slayer instincts began screaming. Clint had told her that Spike had been there the night before. Had there been a fight? Was that what this blood was from? Buffy stood, dressing quickly. She had to figure out what had happened.

Clint was at the front desk. Buffy stood in front of it, her arms crossed. "Where's Spike?"

Clint looked up at her. "He left. He didn't tell you?"

Buffy looked up, the sun still bright in the sky. "He left? Now?"

"A couple of hours ago." Clint shrugged. "I guess he figured he couldn't compete with the love we have."

"Clint, Spike wouldn't leave now."

Clint looked up, locking his eyes with Buffy. "He left. He doesn't care about you at all."

"Spike left. He doesn't…" Buffy stopped, shaking her head. "Spike does care about me, Clint."

Clint got up, leaning closer to Buffy. "He does not care about you."

Buffy pulled back. "I have to go." Buffy ran out of the office.

"Buffy!" Clint called. When she didn't turn around, Clint picked up the phone, dialing a number quickly. "We have a situation. It's the Slayer."

*** *** ***

Spike groaned, coming to slowly. He blinked, taking in his surroundings. It was dark, the only light coming from torches attached to the wall. There was a group of demons kneeling in one part of the room, chanting and bowing to the center of a circle.

"Things like this are never good," Spike mumbled, trying to move. He realized then that he was chained to the wall with bonds strong enough to keep him in place. "Bloody hell. Why does this always happen to me?"

"I see you've awakened, vampire."

Spike glared at the brunette woman in front of him. "Sod off."

She smiled sadistically. "Is that anyway to talk to someone who has your pathetic little unlife in the palm of her hand?"

"Seeing as your not holding any sharp, pointy pieces of wood, I'm not really all that afraid of you," Spike replied.

The woman laughed. "I'd take that as insolence if you weren't so foolish." She walked up to Spike, running her finger down his cheek. "Soon it will be more than a stake through the heart that can kill you. Too bad we won't be able to explore all the ways…"

Spike turned away from her touch. "Where's Buffy?"

"The Slayer is not your concern."

"She's always my concern."

"How…touching." The woman stepped back. "I hope you've seen all you planned to of this earth. You won't be on it for much longer."

Spike just glared at her as she walked away.

*** *** ***

Buffy opened the door to Spike's room. She glanced around, almost immediately spying something black hanging over one of the chairs. "His coat," Buffy said out loud. Her mouth set in a grim line. Now she knew for sure he wasn't gone.

Buffy started to go back and demand Clint tell her what was really going on when she noticed something else. The bed was pulled slightly away from the wall and was at an angle. She pushed it aside, gasping when she saw the staircase below it. She took a deep breath and started towards it.

"Where are you goin', babydoll?"

Startled, Buffy turned around to face Clint. "What's going on here?"

"Nothin'. Now how about you just put the bed back, and we forget this whole thing?"

Buffy's mouth set in grim determination. "Where is Spike?"

"I told you he left. There ain't nothing else you need to know."

"You're lying. Tell me right now what's going on."

Clint went to Buffy, grabbing her by the arms and staring into her eyes. "There's nothing going on, Buffy. Let's just go back to our home."

Buffy shook her head. "What are you trying to do to me?"

"Nothing. There's nothing going on at all. Let's go…"

Buffy pushed him away. "Where. Is. Spike?" she asked, carefully enunciating every word.

"Buffy…" Clint went for her again, but she reacted faster, punching him hard enough to knock him on his back. She straddled his waist, pulling him up roughly by the collar.

"Where is he, Clint. Tell me…now."

"I…he…um…"

"Why don't we just show her?"

Buffy turned around, blinking at the brunette woman now standing in front of the staircase. "Rebecca?"

"Not quite," she replied, assuming her demon form once again.

Buffy got to her feet, staring in horror. "Spike…he was telling the truth."

Clint stood, quickly reverting to his true self again. "Yes, he was."

Buffy glared. "What have you done with him?"

Rebecca walked slowly over to Buffy. "Nothing yet, Slayer. But soon, he will bring us strength enough to have you under our power again."

"If you hurt him, so help me, I will…"

"What will you do?" Clint asked, sneering at Buffy. "You gonna kill me, babydoll?"

Buffy looked at the creature she'd thought was her husband for almost a year with revulsion. "Don't think I won't."

"Grab her," Rebecca ordered. "Take her downstairs. We can make her one of us again."

Clint lunged for Buffy. She tried to evade him, but he grabbed her anyway, pinning her arms to her sides. "Don't worry," he whispered in her ear. "Soon everything will be fine, and you will be my happy wife again."

"I am not your wife."

Clint snarled as he started carrying Buffy down the stairs. "You will always be mine."

Buffy struggled futilely as Clint brought her down into the dark. Her eyes widened when she noticed one of the walls. "Spike!"

Spike looked up sharply. "Buffy!" He fought against his bonds, snarling at Clint. "You get your bloody hands off of her!"

Clint smirked. "Jealous, vampire?"

Spike's face changed as he growled, trying desperately to break free. Clint merely laughed as he brought Buffy over to a cage, locking her inside. "Don't worry, babydoll. Soon we'll have more power, and we can make you feel like you belong again."

Buffy pulled at the bars of the cage. "Let me out of here so I can kill you," she said sweetly.

"Sedate her," Rebecca ordered. "I don't want to have to hear her rambling before it's time to place her under our control again."

Another demon approached Buffy, grabbing her arm through the bars and injecting a blue liquid into her with syringe. Buffy tried to struggle, but she felt the effects almost immediately, slumping into the corner of the cage.

"Buffy!" Spike yelled, trying again to break loose.

Rebecca laughed. "You have much more to worry about than the Slayer, vampire. Soon it will be sunset, and you will be no more."

"Whatever you do to me, it doesn't matter. Buffy will kill you. And she'll make it hurt."

Clint sneered, approaching Spike and leaning into his face. "Not if she loves me."

Spike spit, hitting Clint squarely in the eye. Clint roared, hitting Spike hard enough to throw him back against the wall he was chained to.

"Now, now," Rebecca said, placing her hand on Clint's shoulder. "It is not the time for playing. We need all his strength."

Clint stepped back, wiping his eye. He glared at Spike one more time before he and Rebecca went back up the stairs.

Spike slumped in his chains, searching his mind desperately for a way out of this mess.

*** *** ***

"The sun has set, vampire."

Spike glared at the demon beside him. "I think you got things a bit backwards there. For us vampires, the sun setting is a good thing."

The demon grinned. "Not for you. Not tonight."

Another demon, wearing a long cloak approached Spike, brandishing a large knife. "Hey, put that away," Spike said nervously, fighting desperately to break his chains.

The demon said nothing, simply taking the knife and slashing Spike across the chest, letting the vampire's blood drip onto the blade. Spike hissed in pain. The demon then went to the circle where another group was still chanting, holding the knife in the air and letting the drops of blood fall down to the ground. He chanted in a language Spike didn't recognize, then finished with one sentence he did:

"Let that which powers him now power us."

A dark cloud flew from the circle to Spike and engulfed him.

*** *** ***

Buffy woke to the sound of inhuman screams of pain.

Any bit of grogginess she was feeling went away the moment she realized the screams were coming from Spike.

Buffy snapped to attention, watching for a moment in horror as some thing seemed to be pulling at Spike, bringing with it what appeared to be a light coming from inside him. Quickly she reached outside the cage, snapping off the lock and then kicking the door open. The demons didn't notice her, all of them too distracted with whatever it was they were doing to Spike. Buffy saw that the force that was hurting Spike was coming from a circle in the middle of the room. She wished she had Willow there to tell her what sort of magicks were in use, but she figured she'd just have to wing it. Spike didn't look like he had much left in him.

Buffy ran to the circle, knocking over the demon that stood in the center. He fell into two of the demons forming the circle, the knife slipping from his grip. As the circle broke, Spike let out one last yell, and the force assaulting him faded into nothingness. Buffy started to go to him but was stopped by a demon that stepped in front of her. The demon suddenly changed, and Buffy found herself face to face with Clint.

"Where ya goin', babydoll?"

"Get away from me," Buffy said.

"What's the hurry?" Clint smiled at her, looking down into her eyes. "None of this is real, baby. You're just dreamin'."

"The only thing not real here is the life I've been living for the past year. Get away from me before I kill you."

Clint stroked her cheek. "You don't want to kill me. You love me."

"I do not love you. I'm taking Spike, and we're leaving."

"Buffy, please…you love me, babydoll."

"You disgust me."

Clint sneered. "If that's the way you feel about it…" He turned back to his demon form, lunging at Buffy.

Buffy jumped out of the way. She saw the knife that had cut Spike earlier laying on the ground and rolled for it. When Clint came at her again, she thrust, plunging it deep in his stomach. He looked at her in surprise, returning to his human form for one last gasp of breath. Buffy pulled the knife out, and Clint slumped dead to the ground, a demon again. Buffy stared at his lifeless body for a moment, swallowing hard.

The demons who had earlier been in the circle rushed Buffy then, and she lashed out, fighting with a blind fury against those that had taken away a year of her life. She hated them all for tricking her, for making her believe she'd found what she'd been searching for for so long. Obviously not the members of the group that usually engaged in combat, they fought weakly, but Buffy showed them no mercy. She didn't stop until they were all dead.

"Very good, Buffy. I guess the stories I've heard of the greatest of Slayers weren't false after all."

Buffy turned to see Rebecca standing beside Spike, her long brown hair falling around her shoulders. Spike stirred, groaning slightly. "Let him go."

Rebecca pouted. "But Buffy, you didn't let us finish…"

Buffy pointed the knife at Rebecca. "And I'm not planning to. Unchain him now, and I might consider letting you live."

"Buffy, darling, I can see the lie in your eyes. But still, if you want him down that badly…" Rebecca pulled a key from her pocket and released Spike from his manacles. He slumped to the ground, hitting the stone floor hard. Rebecca smirked, kicking him hard in the side.

"Stop it," Buffy ordered.

"Oh, but it's fun. He's so…fragile now."

Buffy lunged at Rebecca, pinning her to the wall with the knife at her throat. "What have you been doing here? What did you do to me?"

"What did I do to you? You were the one who ruined everything, you stupid little bitch," Rebecca snapped. All we wanted to was to live a calm life here, and you had to show up with your petty desires to destroy all the demons."

Buffy blinked, the real reason behind her original arrival in Texas coming back to her. "You were performing ritual human sacrifices."

Rebecca shrugged as best she could in her current position. "It's what we do."

"Not anymore." Buffy brought the blade down then stepped back as the now-decapitated demon fell to the ground. She stepped over the body and ran to Spike, shaking him gently. "Spike?"

Spike groaned. "Buffy…I feel…not right…"

"They did something to you," Buffy said, smoothing his hair back. "But I stopped it. You'll be okay."

Spike gave her a weak smile. "Thanks, pet."

"Can you stand at all?"

"I…I think so… You're gonna have to help me walk."

"I can do that," Buffy said, guiding Spike to and up the stairs.

As they got back into the hotel room, Spike started shaking. Buffy frowned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm…I'm cold…" Spike managed.

"Cold?" Buffy asked in surprise.

Spike nodded. Buffy frowned again, wondering what exactly they had done to him. She grabbed his duster and helped him put it on. "That better?"

Spike pulled it closed around him. "Yeah…"

"Come on, let's get to my car. We have to get out of here."

Spike looked at her askew. "You can drive?"

Buffy chuckled. "Yeah. I learned a couple of years ago."

"Wonders never cease."

Buffy smirked, leading him to the car. She opened the door to the backseat, helping Spike in. He lay down, wincing a little. "Are you going to be okay?" Buffy asked.

Spike nodded, closing his eyes. "I just need to rest a bit. Get us out of here, pet. I'll be fine."

Buffy closed the door and got in on the driver's side. She started the engine and drove away as quickly as she could.

*** *** ***

When it started nearing daylight, Buffy looked for a place to stop. She didn't have anything to cover her car windows with, and she didn't want to have a pile of Spike ashes in her backseat.

She got off the highway at the next exit then pulled into the parking lot of the first motel she saw. Spike opened his eyes. "Where are we?"

"New Mexico, I think. I've just been driving, haven't been paying much attention. I'm going to go in here and get us a room before the sun comes up."

"Good idea."

Buffy got out of the car. "Be right back," she said before closing the door.

True to her word, Buffy was back a few minutes later. She helped Spike out of the car and to his feet. "Come on. Let's get going before that sun decides to rise." Spike nodded, letting Buffy help him to the room she'd rented. She brought him inside. "The bed's over here. You still need to rest."

Spike didn't move. His body was rigid, and he stared ahead of him. "Buffy, look…" he said, pointing.

Buffy looked across the hotel room to the sink area on the other side. "What, I…" Buffy stopped, her mouth dropping. "Spike, it's…it's your reflection."

Spike stepped away from Buffy, walking slowly over to the mirror. He touched it tentatively, as if checking to see if it was real or if it would fade away in front of him. Buffy came up behind him, putting her hand on his shoulder. "Spike, what's going on?"

"I don't know…I…" Spike reached up, placing his hand over his chest. His eyes grew wide, and he grabbed Buffy's hand, putting it where his had been a moment before. Buffy's face gained the same look of incredulity that Spike's had.

"You're heart…it's beating," Buffy said softly.

"I know."

"Are you…alive?"

Spike stared forward at his reflection. "I don't know." He stumbled a little, bracing himself on the sink. "I don't feel right, Buffy. I need sleep."

Buffy felt tears forming in her eyes. "But Spike, if you're alive, then…"

Spike cut her off by walking away. "I just want to sleep." He went to one of the two double beds in the room, lying down on his back. Buffy went over to him, but he rolled away, facing the wall.

Buffy switched off the light and silently got in the other bed.

*** *** ***

When Buffy woke the next morning, Spike was gone. Her initial response was panic, a hundred terrible thing that could've happened to him running through her head. She forced herself to calm down, getting out of the bed and walking outside the motel room.

She found Spike sitting on the curb, staring up at the blue sky. She paused at the sight of him covered in sunlight. "No flames, I see," she said after a moment.

Spike jumped, then turned around. "No. But I think I'm a little burnt." He gestured to a slightly red arm.

Buffy frowned. "How long have you been out here?"

"Not long. I guess it's just been so long since my skin's seen the sun…" He looked away from her, staring down at the asphalt beneath his feet.

"Come back inside, Spike. You're pretty red as it is, and trust me, a bad sunburn is not a pleasant thing."

"William."

"Huh?"

"William. I'm William."

"Spike, what…"

Spike turned to look at her again, his eyes narrow slits. "I told you, it's William. Stop bleedin' calling me Spike!"

Buffy blinked. "Okay, William… What's wrong?"

"What's wrong? What's wrong? Are you daft?"

"But you're human now. That's good, right?"

"Honestly? I don't know."

"Spi…er, William, come on inside, okay? You're toasted enough as it is."

William stood. "If it'll get you off my case, fine."

Buffy was a bit surprised at how much his harsh tone stung. "I was only trying to be helpful."

"Well, you've helped enough."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you should've just let whatever that was finish me off."

"But then you'd be gone completely! Being human might take some getting used to, but at least you're still here."

William gave her a snide look. "And let me guess, you're not ready for me not to be here yet."

Buffy didn't like the way he threw the words she'd used so long ago back in her face. "Why are you doing this to me? I'm trying to be as supportive as I can."

"Oh, there's a first."

"Dammit, I am so not in the mood for this," Buffy snapped. "I've spent the past year under some freaky demon brainwash that kept me away from everyone I care about. I do not need you throwing a fit on top of it."

"Throwing a fit? Is that what you think I'm doing? Bloody hell, Slayer, I've just been through a rather unpleasant life-changing experience here. I'm sorry if I can't just suck it up and help you through your problems until you're tired of me again."

"I didn't ask you for any help."

"Good, because I'm not going to give it." William sighed. "Look, there's really no point in us hanging around each other anymore. Why don't you just call whoever can come and get you, and then I'll just leave you be like you asked me to five years ago."

"You can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Spike…" She sighed heavily at the look he gave her. "William, something made you human. We don't know what exactly, and we don't know how stable it is. The Watchers Council can take a look at you and…"

"Oh, who? Andrew? I don't fancy your little friends pokin' an proddin' me any, all right. I'd rather just go my own way."

Buffy placed her hands on her hips. "No."

"No? You can't tell me what to do."

"I can make you stay."

"And how exactly do you plan to do that?"

Buffy grabbed William by the arm, dragging him back inside the motel. "Like this."

"Get off me, Slayer," William snapped, pushing her away. Buffy flew backwards, landing on her back in the parking lot. William looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry…I didn't realize I was still that strong."

Buffy stood, rubbing her sore back. "Apparently, you're not as human as it looks." Her brows knitted in worry. "You need to come back with me. We don't know what happened to you."

As much as he hated to admit it, William knew she was right. "Fine. But as soon as we figure it out, I'm gone again."

"Fair enough."

William walked behind Buffy into the room, sitting down on the bed. Buffy started towards the phone when she heard him speak softly.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Buffy turned, looking at him. "What do you mean?"

William looked up, and the helpless expression on his face tugged at her heart. "I don't remember how to be human, Buffy. In the past five years, I guess I got used to the whole souled vampire bit." He swallowed. "Remember when you said that I couldn't be a human and I couldn't be a vampire?"

Buffy blushed a little, remembering exactly which night it had been that she had said that. "Yeah."

"Well, vampire with a soul I could do. There's only one other one, so I wasn't really supposed to fit any sort of mold, y'know? And I could have that spark of humanity, but not really have to be human. After I got used to it, it just made sense."

Buffy sat down beside him. "But you wanted to be human again. You told me. Back in LA, you told me about the Shanshu prophecy, and how you wanted it to be about you and not Angel."

"That was then." William sighed. "I didn't really want to be human, Buffy. I wanted to take what Angel wanted. And I wanted you."

"And now?"

"Just make your phone calls," William replied, turning away from her.

Buffy decided not to push him anymore. She went to the phone, dialing a number she knew from memory.

"Giles, it's Buffy."

*** *** ***

"Buffy! I thought you'd never talk to me again!"

Buffy hugged her younger sister tightly. "Nothing could keep me away from you forever, Dawn."

"Not even brainwashing demon cults?"

Buffy smirked. "Nope, not even that."

"Hey, nibblet. You've grown."

Dawn looked up, a huge grin spreading across her face. She ran to Spike, embracing him almost as tightly as she did her sister. "Didn't expect to ever see you again either, Spike," she said softly.

"Guess I'm like one of those annoying house guests you just can't ever get rid of. And it's William now."

Dawn pulled away. "Giles said that Buffy told him you're human now."

William shrugged. "More or less. We've figured out that I'm still stronger than the average bloke, and my senses, while not as acute as they were, aren't as dull as they could be either. But I'm reflective, sun-proof, and no longer require blood to live." He frowned. "Well, other than that pumping in my veins as we speak that is."

Dawn smiled. "That's great. You can live a totally normal life now."

"Yeah, totally normal. Listen, bit, your sis and I have to meet with Giles and some of the new Watchers and figure out what happened to me. Catch up later?"

"You bet." She hugged him again. "It's so good to see you again."

"You, too."

"I'll come by and talk to you later, too," Buffy said to her sister. "Despite all the creepy demonic brainwashing, I did miss you."

Dawn chuckled. "Good to know."

Buffy gave her sister one more hug before leading William to the Watchers.

*** *** ***

"Could you describe this ritual again? With more detail perhaps?"

William sighed heavily. "Sorry, Rupert, but with all the being chained to the wall and having my demon ripped out of me, I didn't tend to file much away for later use."

"I saw a little," Buffy said, trying to get the attention away from William. She could tell from the look in his eyes that all this attention from the Watchers was really just making him want to bolt. "The demons were in a circle, with one on the center. He had the knife with Spike's blood, and he was letting it drip to the ground. When I broke the circle, whatever was happening to Spike stopped."

"Did you hear anything that they said?" Giles asked.

Buffy shook her head. "I was knocked out for most of it."

"I heard one thing," William said quietly. "Let that which powers him, power us."

Giles took off his glasses, rubbing them with a handkerchief. "And you say you retained your strength and enhanced senses?"

"Some of it, yeah."

Giles placed his glasses back on his nose. "This is a good start. The Council and I will do research, try to determine what was done to you."

"And reverse it?"

Giles took off his glasses again, looking at William with surprise. "You wish to become a vampire again?"

"I want to be what I was."

"The Council is not in the habit of creating more vampires," one of the other Watchers replied.

William glared at him. "I'm not in the habit of sitting around with a bunch of Council wankers, but I'm making an exception."

Buffy could see Giles about to comment and decided to preempt any further argument. "William and I have both been through a lot these past few days. Why don't we just call it a day, and you can start on that research?"

"I trust you can show Spike to one of the guest rooms?" Giles asked.

Buffy noticed the way William bristled at Giles's use of his other name. She didn't understand why being called Spike suddenly bothered him so much, but she decided to placate him rather than argue the point. "Yes, I can show William to one of the guest rooms." Buffy could tell by the way that Giles resumed his lens cleaning that he had gotten her point. She placed her hand on William's arm. "Let's go."

William pulled away from her. "Okay."

*** *** ***

William sighed when he heard the knock at his door. He wasn't in the mood for company, but after several increasingly louder knocks, he figured whoever it was wasn't going away. He opened the door, relieved to find it wasn't one of the Watchers. "Hey, nibblet."

"Hiya, William. You mind if I come in for a bit?"

William shrugged. "Might as well. Not like I have much else to do."

Dawn walked in, sitting on the couch on the far side of the room. "Looks like they set you up in one of the nicer guest suites."

William shrugged. "Beats the places I've been staying in. So why are you hear instead of with your sister? You haven't seen her in a year."

"And I haven't seen you in five." Dawn patted the spot beside her on the couch. "Come on. Sit down and tell me all the exciting things you've done since LA."

William sat. "Not much to tell, really. Just wandered a lot, trying to find a place where maybe I could settle for a while."

"And yet you ended up back here with us."

"I'm not staying here, bit. This is just until the Wanker Council figures out what happened to me."

"You know, the Watchers aren't so bad anymore. Giles has worked hard to keep the same problems the last Council had from resurfacing. I'm studying to be one."

William looked at her askew. "You? I figured you could do something more with your life than be a bleedin' Watcher."

"But it's what I want."

"And I guess it makes big sis happy."

"Buffy knows we need all the Watchers we can get, especially since the Chosen One has become the Chosen Army…"

"How many Slayers do you have running around these days?"

Dawn shrugged. "We have a couple hundred here, but there's others around. Some are stationed in specific areas around the world, and some girls chose to just stay home, try to lead a normal life. Buffy wanted to give them that option. She doesn't want anyone to ever be saddled with the weight of the world again, the way she was."

"Yeah, I remember hearing a lot of her complaining about that."

The were silent for a moment before Dawn spoke again. "So what about you? How are you liking the whole human thing?"

"I'm not."

Dawn looked at him with surprise. "Why not? Having problems dealing with the prospect of mortality?"

"Not really. I've died twice. It's not so bad. It's just…" William sighed. "It's nothing."

"No, it's something. What is it, Spike?"

"Please, nibblet, don't call me that."

"Buffy said you didn't want anyone calling you Spike anymore," Dawn said with a frown. "Why? Is it because you feel guilty about torturing people with railroad spikes and don't want to be reminded?"

William chuckled. "Actually, no. The bloke I did that to had it coming anyway." He smirked. "No, it's just, well, I'm not Spike anymore."

"You look like Spike."

"Yeah. Maybe I should lay off the peroxide."

"No! I mean, um, your hair's really cool. You should totally keep it."

"Well, if it makes you happy…"

Dawn could tell he was trying to change the subject. "But what did you mean when you said you weren't Spike anymore?"

"I don't know, it's just, well, Spike was who I became after I was turned. Now that I'm not a vampire anymore, I'm just plain old boring William."

"You are so not boring," Dawn said. "And even if you're not a vampire anymore, you're still not the man you were before you were turned. I mean, you have over a century more of experience."

"You didn't know William. He…I…I was pathetic."

"You don't have to be who you used to be. All you can be is who you are right now." Dawn gave him a small smile. "You don't see me trying to stick myself into locks these days, do you?" That got her a laugh from him, which is what she had hoped for. "But seriously, you don't have to be that William. And…and you don't have to be Spike either if you don't want to be. Just give it time. You'll find who you are now."

"Where did you get so insightful, bit?"

"College, I think."

William gave her a smile. "I'll think about it. I've got a lot going through my mind right now."

"Understandable." Dawn stood up. "I have to go. I'm supposed to meeting with Giles in a few. Just wanted to stop by and see how you're doing."

"Thanks. I appreciate it."

"Can you do me a favor later?"

"Depends. What is it?"

"Go talk to Buffy. She's worried about you, but she isn't sure if you want to see her. She thinks you're upset with her."

"I'm not upset with her, I'm just…" William stopped, unsure of what it was he was feeling. "If you see her tell her she can come by and talk to me if she wants. I don't really fancy wandering around this place. Might run into someone irritating."

"Andrew keeps looking for you."

"Case in point."

Dawn giggled. Then she walked over to William, hugging him tightly. "You'll be okay, Will.
And talk to Buffy. She's missed you, you know."

"Yeah, she tends to say things like that sometimes."

"William, Buffy…"

William held his hand up. "Don't. Your sister and I, we're complicated. It's one of those things you can't really understand unless you're in it, and even then it's confusing."

Dawn nodded. "I understand. I have to get going before Giles gets all twitchy. I'll see you later."

William ruffled her hair. "See you, bit."

*** *** ***

Buffy stood outside William's door, her hand poised to knock. She dropped it again, sighing. She wanted to see Spike, but at the same time, she had no idea what to say to him. So much had changed in the past five years, for her and, obviously, for him as well. They couldn't go back to what they had been, and Buffy wasn't even sure if she wanted to. She was too old, too tired to start those games over again.

Suddenly, the door flew open, bringing Buffy back to the present. "Are you going to stand there all bloody day? I could hear you fidgeting, and it was driving me up the wall."

"I'm sorry," Buffy said. "Can I come in?"

"Might as well."

Buffy stood nervously in the room, not sure of what to do. She'd never felt this unsettled around Spike before. Even during their less than healthy relationship, she'd known basically what to expect from him. Now, when she looked at him, it was almost as if he was a stranger. "How are you feeling?"

"Not dead."

"You're the only person I've ever talked to who makes that sound like a bad thing."

William chuckled. "For me, I guess it is. There's so much about being human I'd forgotten."

"Like what?"

"Just the little things that make you alive."

Buffy realized then what made him look so different to him. He looked lost. None of the cocky self-assuredness she'd come to associate with Spike. He hadn't looked like this since she found him in the basement of the high school, trying to claw his new soul out. "Hey, it's getting sort of late in the day. Do you want to get something to eat?"

"Buffy Anne Summers, are you asking me out on a date?" His tone was teasing, but Buffy could see the nervousness written all over his face.

"Just a couple of old friends catching up over dinner," Buffy said with a smile. "Come on. I know a place that has those fried onion things."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were trying to bribe me."

"Maybe I am."

"Well, if you are, it's working."

"So are you ready to go then?"

"Yeah. Not like I have an unlimited amount of time to wait around these days."

Buffy just nodded, not wanting to push that subject. "Let's go then."

*** *** ***

William held a fried onion petal in his hand, studying it. "You know, I haven't really thought about food in a long time. I mean, there were things I liked to eat, but I didn't need them. It wasn't like if I went any length of time without real food I was going to starve. But now, eating isn't just for pleasure anymore. I have to." He popped the onion in his mouth.

"Does it take the fun out of it?" Buffy asked.

William swallowed. "No. Actually, food tastes better now. I mean, I thought these things were good before, but wow. I was missing out on at least half of the flavor."

"I know it was a totally different situation, but I remember what it was like, when I was first alive again. I didn't want to be. Even in that short period of time, it was like I'd gotten used to being dead, and then suddenly, I was part of the world of the living again. It felt wrong, like I didn't know how to live anymore. But then I realized life just is what it is." She gave him a warm smile, echoing the words he'd sung to her years before. "It's living."

William smirked. "Easier said than done, pet."

Buffy could see that he was still unsure of himself, but around just her, he was starting to relax. She smiled, hoping that he could soon snap out of the funk he'd slipped into when he'd become human again. Despite everything that had gone on between them over the years, the last thing she really wanted was for him to be unhappy. "There's so many things you can do now that you never would've had a chance to do before," she pointed out.

"Like what?"

Buffy's brow knitted as she tried to think of something. "Well, you can probably father children now."

William's face managed to grow a shade paler. "Bloody wonderful. Really, Buffy, can you imagine little mes running around? I don't think the world could handle it."

Buffy laughed at the sudden image of bleach blond toddlers in leather coats that popped into her mind. "Maybe they'll have a mother with strong enough DNA to cancel you out."

"Gee, thanks."

"But seriously, you can go in the sunlight, walk into people's homes completely uninvited—hell, you could start breaking into people's houses in the middle of the afternoon now."

William looked at her for a moment before laughing. "And I could always take up fence building now. No more fear of tripping and staking myself."

"See! There ya go. A million opportunities are opening up for you."

William reached across the table, squeezing her hand. "Thank you, Buffy."

"For what?"

"For trying."

"Is it working?"

"Not really, but I do appreciate it."

Buffy stroked his hand with her thumb. "Your skin is warm, and I can feel your pulse," she said, her voice almost a whisper.

"It's still all so strange to me. At times I have to remind myself that I really do need to keep breathing."

"You can do this, you know. It'll take some getting used to, but you will. And you're welcome to stay here as long as you need to until you sort everything out."

"Thanks for the offer, kitten, but I think I'd like to leave sooner rather than later."

"You keep saying that, but where are you going to go?"

"I've lived without your help just fine for years."

"But you're not a vampire anymore. You can't live the way you used to."

"No, now I don't have to worry about being in before daybreak."

Buffy pulled her hand away from his. "I'm serious. We really don't know anything about what happened to you. For all we know, you could start deteriorating or something."

"Well, thanks for that happy image. But I didn't say I was leaving now. I can stick around until I have a more solid picture of what those wankers did to me. But after that, there's no reason for me to be here. I've done my part for the whole Slayer Army thing."

"But we could use you around," Buffy said. "You're a good fighter, and you've proven yourself useful time and time again."

"Funny, five years ago you couldn't wait to get rid of me."

"I was wrong."

"What? Run that one by me again, Slayer, because I could've sworn you just said you were wrong about something."

"No need to be a jerk about it," Buffy muttered. "Yes, I was wrong. Everything was just so emotional then, it was a mess. Being around you confuses me, throws my life completely out of balance. I thought it would be easier if we went our separate ways."

"But it wasn't?" William asked hesitantly.

"No. I…I missed you. A lot. In some ways it was even worse than when I thought I lost you in the Hellmouth. I knew you were somewhere, but I couldn't get to you. And I knew that I'd pushed you away."

"You abandoned me," William said, his voice hard, but tinged with pain. "You threw away any chance we had and just walked away. And you couldn't even tell me yourself. You had Angel tell me you were gone and not to come after you. Angel! Do you know how badly that hurt, girl?"

"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought it would be better."

"Being without you is never better. Yeah, it hurts like hell being with you, but I'd rather ache in your arms than ache alone."

Buffy looked up at him, her eyes wide and slightly damp. "And yet you want to leave again."

"Do you love me, Buffy? Did you ever love me?"

"Spike…William, you were in my heart, are in my heart, and you always will be, it's just that…"

William held up his hand. "Don't. That's answer enough."

Buffy stared down at her plate. She'd meant to have a nice dinner with an old friend, maybe cheer him up a little. She should've known with the two of them, that would never be possible.

They ate the rest of their meal in silence.

*** *** ***

Buffy and William stood outside the large manor where the new Watchers Council had their central headquarters. They'd barely said anything to each other since they'd left the restaurant, and now neither one knew what to do.

"I guess we should just go in…" Buffy said, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah, I guess."

Buffy wasn't sure what made her do what she did next. She reached up, kissing William gently on the cheek. When she pulled away, he looked at her, clearly surprised. "Buffy…"

Buffy could almost still feel his skin against her lips. He'd never been warm to the touch before. Suddenly, she wanted to know what it was like to kiss his lips, to feel his breath mingle with hers. Unable to push down her curiosity, Buffy kissed him, her lips hard and desperate against his. William hesitated only for a second before wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her flush against him.

Buffy knew she was repeating her same mistakes with him all over again, but at the moment she didn't care. Her body remembered everything he'd ever done to her, and she found herself craving it. "I want you," she whispered into his ear.

Buffy could feel William shiver at her words. "I want you, too. I always want you, Slayer…" William bent down, kissing and licking right below her ear, and any cautionary thoughts Buffy still had went out the proverbial window.

"Let's go inside."

William nodded, forcing himself to pull away from Buffy long enough for her to open the door. He wasn't sure where tonight was going to lead or even why she was suddenly throwing herself at him, but he didn't want to analyze it. Where Buffy was concerned, he found he was never quite able to say no. "Where to, pet?" William asked once they were inside.

"Your room. I'm in one of the cottages outside the main building, and I really don't think I can make it that far." Buffy wrapped her arms around him, pulling him to her again. She kissed him hard, and William wondered if he'd even be able to make it as far as up the stairs.

Buffy pulled away, her breath coming in short pants. "Let's get up there before anyone sees us."

William nodded. Buffy had always been one for secrecy where their relationship was concerned, and he hadn't expected her to have changed any now. He walked up the stairs with Buffy close behind him. As soon as they were in his room and the door was shut and locked, Buffy was on him again, tearing at his clothes in near-desperation. William felt himself grow nervous, and he couldn't quite place his finger on why. Then, it came to him.

He pushed Buffy back a little, but kept his hand resting gently on her arm, letting her know he wasn't stopping things. "I've never…I've never done this as a human," he admitted.

Buffy's eyes widened. "Seriously? I mean, before you were turned you never…"

He shook his head. "No. I wasn't exactly popular with the ladies, so to speak."

Buffy reached up, running her hands through his hair. "So in a way, this is almost like your first time."

William chuckled. "Something like that."

Buffy winked. "I'll be gentle."

William grabbed her around the waist, pulling her hard against him. "Don't you dare." He kissed her roughly again, his nervousness fading as he was bombarded with her soft scent and the feel of having her in his arms again. This is what he dreamt of every night, what he yearned for. Even if he was sure she'd run off as soon as it was over, William didn't care. He still wanted her as much as he ever had.

Buffy backed away slowly towards the bed, unbuttoning her shirt as she went. William watched, his breathing growing ragged. He could feel his skin warming, his heart beating heavier in his chest. Buffy dropped her shirt to the ground as she reached the end of the bed, then bent down, removing her shoes before standing straight again, her hair flipping as she did. She unbuttoned her pants and slipped slowly out of them. William felt his mouth grow dry just as his palms dampened. His body was reacting in ways it never had before in all the years he'd lived as a dead man.

Buffy lay back on the bed, dressed in nothing but a white lace bra and a matching thong. Though it had been five years since he'd last seen her like this, William thought she looked as beautiful as ever. She propped herself up on her elbows, giving him a seductive look. "Aren't you going to join me?"

William smirked at her, running his tongue behind his teeth. He pulled his own shirt off over his head, then walked to the bed like a cat stalking its prey, climbing up to her from the foot in the bed. He stopped at the apex of her legs, reverently pulling down her thong. He paused for a moment, taking her in with new, human eyes. He bent down, unable to keep from tasting her. Buffy moaned, digging her fingernails into his shoulder. He hissed, his body more aware of the pain of those shallow cuts than it ever had been before. He relished it, the intensity of everything he was experiencing making him feel more alive than he had since he'd first become human.

"Please…I need you inside me now."

William looked up, briefly examining the expression of torturous ecstasy on Buffy's face. He stood to remove his boots and jeans and felt suddenly cold, despite the raise in his own body temperature. His body rebelled against the loss of Buffy's heat.

As soon as he'd stripped, Buffy held her arms up to him, and William felt his heart beat faster. He moved quickly, wasting no time slipping into her arms or into her. Buffy cried out when he entered her, holding him against her tightly. William's eyes widened and he gasped, the pleasure that was assaulting him more exquisite than he'd ever felt before. His entire body was on fire, and all he could do was plunge into her over and over again.

William could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest, and he knew instinctively that it was beating in time with hers. His overheated body was covered in a light sheen of sweat, and he had trouble regulating his breathing. The feel, the taste of her was the most familiar thing in the world to him, and yet he was experiencing it all as if it were brand new. He heard Buffy's breath hitch, and then she cried out, gripping his shoulders with bruising force. William let himself go then, giving into the new sensations until they pulled him over the edge.

William rolled with her, cradling her against his chest. Shakily, he kissed the top of her head as he tried to get his breathing to go back to normal. Buffy said nothing, just resting against his chest, staring forward.

"What are you thinking, pet?" he asked after a moment, fearing the worst kind of answer.

"I'm just listening to your heart beat," Buffy replied. "It was beating really fast, but it's slowing down now." William reached down and took her hand in his, and Buffy entwined their fingers. "Was it different for you this time?" she asked.

"Yeah. I thought it was good before, but…I really felt alive, Buffy."

"Well, you are."

"I know."

Buffy gave him a lazy smile. "Starting to think it's not so bad?"

"Maybe not," William replied with a smirk. He looked down into her eyes and felt his heart skip. He knew then that he still loved her just as much as he ever had. He fought back the urge to tell her, not wanting to spook her. She was in his arms now, and he wasn't going to ruin it. "There is one drawback, though," he said. "I'm tired now."

Buffy laughed. "I knew one of these days I'd wear you out."

"I guess I'll have to drink more milk, or eat more green veggies, or something."

Buffy smirked. "Possibly. But I'm okay with you being tired right now. I'm tired, too."

"Are you staying?"

"For now, yeah. I don't think my legs are working."

William frowned a little. He wanted her to tell him that yes, of course she was staying, because where else did she belong but in his arms? But he'd known Buffy long enough to know better. He reached down, pulling a sheet over the two of them. Buffy cuddled closer to him, a contented sigh escaping her lips. William ran his fingers through her hair, deciding to do what he'd always done with Buffy, and just be happy with what he had.

*** *** ***

When William woke again, Buffy was scrambling around the dark room trying to find her clothes. He was surprised at how much it hurt to see her sneaking out without saying anything to him. He knew he should be used to it, but a small part of him had been hoping that maybe, this time would be different. Any hope of that was squashed now.

"Taking off already, kitten?"

Buffy turned, startled. "William! I didn't know you were awake."

"You kept bumping into things. Kinda hard to sleep through that, pet."

"It's dark. I can't see."

"Why didn't you turn on the light?"

"I didn't want to wake you up."

"Well, there's a bit of irony for you."

Buffy laughed a little. "I didn't think it was a good idea for me to stay the night. Someone might see me coming out of your room in the morning."

"So it's back to that then."

"William, I…"

"It's all right. Not like I actually thought this was going to turn into anything. I wised up as far as that goes a long time ago." He propped himself up on an elbow, watching her as she tried to dress herself in the dark. "Turn on the light, Buffy. You can't see what you're doing."

"I don't want to."

William didn't think this could possibly hurt any more. He was wrong. Knowing that she couldn't even stand to look at him made the aching increase tenfold. He repressed the urge to beg her to stay, just a little longer. He couldn't go down that road, not again. "Right. So I guess I'll see you around then."

"We can talk tomorrow."

"There's nothing to talk about, Buffy," William said bitterly. "We had sex again—and again it was a mistake."

Buffy felt as if his words had physically hit her. "William…"

"What? Don't want me taking your lines?" William felt his hurt being quickly replaced by anger. It was easier that way. Anger was something he could deal with.

"No, it's…"

"Don't. I'm so sick of hearing you rationalizing this away. Just get your clothes on and go."

Buffy felt her lip quiver for a moment, but she pushed the tears back. "Fine," she snapped, finishing dressing. "And just so you know, this is the last time I make this 'mistake.'"

"Good!" William snapped back. "I'm tired of you anyway!"

"Well, that's just fine because I'm tired of you!"

Buffy stormed out of the room, only forgoing the slamming of the door because she didn't want to bring anyone out into the hallway to see what was going on. She started to go back home, but decided to head down to the kitchen instead. Her fridge was nearly empty, and she needed something comforting.

She found ice cream in the freezer with a post-it note reading "ANDREW'S!" in huge print. She pulled it off without a second thought, tossing it in the trash bin and sitting down with the ice cream in a spoon.

Buffy sat up straight when she saw the kitchen door open, then relaxed when she saw who it was. "Willow, hey. I'm glad it's you."

Willow looked over at her best friend and smirked. "Afraid I was Andrew come to reclaim his ice cream? You know, I don't know why he still bothers to put post-its on things. Not once in seven years has anyone ever stopped because he put his name on something."

Buffy took another bite of ice cream. "Well, by now it's just tradition, I think. So what are you doing in here? You're usually out of the main building by now."

"I was in here watching television on the big television in the rec room, and I fell asleep. But then I woke up hungry and figured I'd come in here and scavenge."

"Grab a spoon, and you can join me," Buffy offered.

Willow took her up on it, sitting across from Buffy at the island in the middle of the large kitchen. Buffy handed her the ice cream. "So what's up with Spike being here?" Willow asked as she took a bite.

Buffy looked down. "Can't we talk about something else?"

Willow frowned. "Buffy, is something wrong?"

Buffy looked up again, and Willow could tell she was about to cry. "Will, I think I did something really stupid."

"What?"

"I slept with him."

"Already?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I figured you would, I just gave it at least a couple of weeks. Kennedy said within twenty-four hours of him getting here. Damn, guess I lost." Another bite of ice cream.

Buffy took the carton back. "This is serious, you know. I mean, I want him so badly I don't know what to do. When I was leaving his room earlier I couldn't even turn the light on, because I knew as soon as I saw him I'd just get right back in the bed."

"So why didn't you?" Willow asked, reclaiming the ice cream. "I mean, if you want to, you might as well. You're both adults, and it's not like you have that whole vampire/slayer problem anymore. There's not really anything standing in your way."

"But things are still complicated," Buffy said with a sigh. "Last week I thought I was married. And those feelings I had for Clint, they seemed so real, Willow. They made me think I was happy. And now, I'm just confused."

"I guess Spike being back doesn't exactly help with you trying to sort through all that, huh?" Willow handed the ice cream back to Buffy.

"No. Now not only do I have to figure all that out, but I have to figure him out as well." She took a bite of ice cream, then set it down, letting out a deep breath. "Willow, it was amazing. It's totally different, being with him now that he's alive. It was always good, but this time, well, it was perfect. I'm not sure I can handle that right now."

"You can't handle perfect sex?"

"No. Like you said, there's nothing standing between us now, not really anyway. It's scary."

"It's more than just what happened to you in Texas that makes you afraid to jump into anything with Spike, isn't it Buffy?" Willow reached for the ice cream.

Buffy looked down a little. "Yes. When I'm with him, I know I could fall for him. Hard." She looked up, meeting Willow's eyes. "Like I fell for Angel kind of hard. So in love I'd crumble without him. I can't ever afford to do that again, Will."

"Buffy, love is about taking chances. After I lost Tara, I was afraid to get really serious with Kennedy. But I did. And it was the best decision I ever made."

"I don't know if it would be with him. I'm not sure we could ever make it work. I mean, yeah, I feel something for Spike, something very strong, but we've never really had a relationship built on anything but sex before. I'm not sure we could have anything else."

"You don't know until you've tried."

"I know, but…"

Willow cut her off. "Buffy, I can't say I understand what you have with Spike. But I do know there's something real there. I don't know why you keep fighting it, but as things stand, there's no point. Maybe a relationship between the two of you wouldn't work. But maybe it would. Throwing away anything the two of you possibly could have without giving it a try is a mistake."

"I don't want to get hurt."

"Look me in the eye and tell me that watching him walk out of your life again wouldn't hurt."

Buffy reclaimed the ice cream. "Why'd you have to go and make things all rational?"

"Because that's what best friends do. So are you going to make a go at it?"

"I'm not sure if he wants to. He called tonight a mistake."

"Buffy, honestly, it's Spike. Do you think he'd seriously turn down a chance to actually be with you?"

"He seemed pretty fed up with me earlier…"

"Pift. Just talk to him tomorrow. Tell him you have feelings for him, but you want to take things slow, see what happens."

"Willow, it's just not that simple."

"Why not? Why can't it be that simple?"

"Because it never has been! We'll just end up hurting each other all over again."

"It's been six years, Buffy. Things may have changed."

Buffy stirred the melting ice cream around with her spoon. "Things will never change with us. Spike and I, we just don't work."

"No, you're right. You and Spike don't work." Buffy started to say something, and Willow added quickly. "But maybe you and William do."

Buffy stood up. "No, we wouldn't. I can't…I can't do this. It's just all too much. I have to go to bed."

"Buffy."

"Good night, Willow."

Willow frowned as she watched her best friend leave the kitchen. "Good night."

*** *** ***

Once back in her own bed, Buffy couldn't sleep. The rational part of her brain kept telling her that being with Spike was dangerous. What they had couldn't be anything lasting, anything real. It was the kind of passion that burned hot, but quickly consumed until all you had left were ashes. She'd gone down that path with him too many times before. But another part of her was telling her to throw away her inhibitions over this and finally really give herself to him. She kept going back to what Willow had said, about how maybe she'd be able to find something with William that she never had with Spike. Could things be different now that he was different?

Still, Buffy knew that part of William had always been in Spike. She acknowledged now what she couldn't before—that he'd kept a spark of humanity even when he didn't have a soul. It was that spark that had drawn her to him time and time again, and, if she was being honest with herself, what made her love him. It had scared her, the way he'd looked at her with so much love in his eyes. He should've been a thing, evil and soulless, but in the furthest recesses of her mind, she'd known something else was there. She'd known it from the beginning, felt it when she'd seen the panic he'd felt the first time she'd threatened to stake Drusilla. Part of the man he'd been had never left, and Buffy had found it all too easy to fall for him, to want to pull that man away from the monster and hold him until the world fell away.

I have given, I have given and got none
Still I'm driven by something I can't explain
It's not a cross, it is a choice
I cannot help but hear his voice
I only wish that I could listen without shame

Let it rain, let it rain on me
Let it rain, oh let it rain
Let it rain on me

William lay in bed after Buffy left, staring at the ceiling. He could still smell Buffy all around him, their scents still mingled on his sheets. He could almost still feel her touching his skin, but every caress was soured by the memory of how quick she'd been to run away again. It seemed that even when he was human, he wasn't good enough for her. William got out of the bed, unable to stand being surrounded by her anymore. He ripped the sheets off the bed, tossing them across the room and as far away from him as possible. William felt like a fool to think that he'd ever be what Buffy wanted. He'd gone half way around the world to get a soul for her, and still, she hadn't loved him. Why would him being human make any difference?

William went into the bathroom, needing to wash her off of him. His entire body was stained by her touch, her smell, and he couldn't stand it. He stopped at the sink, catching a glimpse of his reflection. The face that looked back seemed to be mocking him, taunting him with all he wasn't. He was just William. Pathetic, weak, and useless. For so long his reflection had been hidden from him, and now he was faced with the stark reality of it all. Underneath the loud music, leather coats, and bleached hair he would never be more than William, the Bloody Awful Poet. He hated what he saw. No wonder, Buffy doesn't want you, you miserable git. William reached up, smashing the mirror with his fist. But his reflection kept staring back at him, broken but still taunting.

I have been a witness to the perfect crime
I Wipe the grin off of my face to hide the blame
It isn't worth the tears you cry
To have a perfect alibi
Now I'm beaten at the hands of my own game

Let it rain, let it rain on me
Let it rain, oh let it rain
Let it rain on me

Buffy couldn't have what she wanted. She never let herself get that close, instead only allowing herself a taste of what he was, never allowing for gentle reminders that he was still human somewhere, deep inside. She told herself over and over that he was just a vampire, nothing better than those she would slay every night. But now, the monster was gone, leaving only the man in its place. Those soft, vulnerable eyes she'd caught looking at her for fleeting moments were there all the time now, begging her to finally accept and acknowledge what it was between them. Begging her to love him.

Buffy had told Angel once that she was "cookie dough," not finished baking. She'd told him that maybe, someday, she'd be ready for a real relationship. That had been before she'd become the mentor to a thousand slayers. She'd thought that once she'd begun to share her power, her burden, with so many that her life would be her own. But it hadn't happened that way. If anything, it was worse now, her every waking moment dedicated to making every one of those girls strong enough to face the darkness. Before, she'd been the center, the Chosen One. Now, she had to hold herself up for every other slayer, her status as the only slayer left who had ever been that One pushing her to the position of role model and leader for all the rest. She was like a general, with her army counting on her to bring them home safely. Even with the war that had raged in LA over, there was still so much fighting left to do.

It isn't easy to be kind
With all these demons in my mind
I only hope one day I'll be free…

Blood ran down William's fist and arm, dripping into the sink. The sight of it did nothing for him, and while he could still recognize the scent, it didn't call to him like it once had. He touched the cuts, then brought the finger to his mouth, tentatively licking the blood. The taste was metallic, a little salty, but nothing like it had once been. He could remember what blood had been to him before, how it had tasted better than anything else he could ever imagine. Now it was nothing, just like the rest of him.

William looked at the broken mirror again and laughed, a bit deliriously. He remembered only a few days ago that he'd broken the mirror in the hotel room, hating it for refusing to show his reflection and reminding him of what he'd then thought was why he could never be with Buffy. Now he knew the true reason why he could never have her. It had never been that he didn't have a soul or that he was a vampire, but just that Buffy didn't want him. She didn't want William. He thought back to years before, when she'd walked away from him in his crypt, using his real name to him for the first time. She'd known the man inside him then, had called him by name, and still he wasn't good enough. He understood that now. Like she'd said to him in the alley after he'd told her how he'd killed the other two slayers, he was beneath her.

I do my best not to complain
My face is dirty from the strain
I only hope one day I'll come clean

Buffy knew it would never stop. As long as there was breath in her body, she still had her duties as a slayer, and she couldn't let anything distract her from that, not even piercing blue eyes, revealing to her a haunted soul.

Rain, let it rain on me
Let it rain, oh let it rain
Let it rain on me

William sank down to the ground, letting himself cry for what he knew he could never have.

Let it rain…

*** *** ***

Dawn walked into her sister's house without knocking. "Buffy! Buffy, are you in here? Where are you?"

Buffy came out of the kitchen. "I was just making myself some breakfast. And don't you know how to knock?"

"Technically. Hey, I need to borrow a dress."

"A dress?"

"Yeah. I have a…" Dawn stopped. "Buffy, you look awful."

"Gee, thanks."

"Sorry, it's just that you look a little haggard. Rough night?"

Buffy shrugged. "I guess. I just didn't sleep very well."

Dawn frowned. "Still upset over what happened to you in Texas?"

"Yeah." Buffy smiled, not wanting Dawn to worry. "But I'll be back to my old self in no time, I'm sure."

"Have you talked to William at all? He seemed pretty down, too. Maybe the two of you could cheer each other up or something."

Buffy gave Dawn a stern look. "Come on. When have Spike and I ever cheered each other up?" Dawn started to say something, but Buffy cut her off. "So what's this about needing a dress?"

"Yeah, that. I need something nice, and I don't really have anything that fits the bill. I thought maybe you would."

"What's it for?" Buffy asked. Dawn looked away and mumbled. "Could you repeat that? I didn't quite hear you…"

Dawn sighed and looked up at Buffy. "Fine, it's for a date."

"A date, huh? What's with all the mumbliness? I know you date. Heck, I've even accepted the fact that you've most likely had sex—thought I don't ever, ever want to hear about it."

"It's just, well, I really like this guy, and, um, I'm not sure you'll approve."

"I won't approve? What's wrong with him?" Buffy gave Dawn a mock-stern look. "He's not a vampire is he, because like I said that Halloween…"

Dawn cut her off with a laugh. "No. I'll leave the vampire dating up to the older Summers sister, thank you. No, it's just, well, it's someone you know, and, um… Oh fine, it's Andrew."

Buffy stared, her eyes bugging. "Andrew? Andrew? As in Tucker's brother?"

"He really hates it when you guys call him that. You know him a lot better than you ever knew Tucker."

"I know, I, um… Isn't he gay?"

Dawn rolled her eyes. "No." She looked back at Buffy, a slow smile crossing her lips. "I can tell you he is definitely not gay."

Buffy held up her hands. "Okay, this is one of those things I don't want to hear about. I'll lend you a dress on one condition."

"And what would that be?"

"You make sure it's thoroughly disinfected before you bring it back."

"Buffy!"

"What?" Buffy sighed dramatically. "Fine, I'll be nice about this." She gave Dawn a sideways glance. "You really like him?"

"I love him, Buffy."

Buffy blinked. "Love? Dawn, are you sure, I mean…"

"Yes, I'm sure. Look, I wanted to tell you, but you were gone, and then when you came back, things were sort of hectic, and I didn't know the right time. But I guess now is as good a time as any. And I really need a nice dress since tonight," Dawn smiled, "well, it may be the night, Buffy."

"The night?"

"Yes." Dawn smile grew. "I have it on fairly good authority that he plans to propose."

Buffy sputtered. "Propose?" She started to say the first thought that came into her head, but at the look on her younger sister's face, she changed her mind. "That's great, Dawnie! I'm happy for you."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Buffy hugged Dawn. "You just tell me if he does anything to hurt you. I've kicked his ass before, and I can do it again."

Dawn giggled. "I will. So about that dress…"

"Hey, you can be proposed to in a borrowed dress. How much time until you're supposed to leave?"

"Oh, we're not going out until eight. I have tons of time."

"Then let's go shopping. I'll help you pick something out."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. It's been ages since we've spent any quality sister time."

"You don't have too much Slayer stuff to catch up on after being gone so long."

"Nah. You guys ran the show just fine without me. Give me, say, an hour to shower and change, and we'll head out."

"Sounds great," Dawn said, her smile huge. "I'll come back here in an hour."

Dawn left, and Buffy walked towards her bedroom, pondering how exactly her sister had ended up with Andrew Wells of all people. At least thinking about that took her mind of William…

*** *** ***

Buffy looked at Dawn from across the table outside the small café. "So how long has this thing with Andrew been going on?" Buffy asked, taking a bite of her salad.

"About eight months," Dawn replied. "Officially, anyway. I think we were moving towards it for a while, though."

Buffy blinked. "Really? I didn't notice. I mean, I knew you guys had starting being pretty good friends in Italy—nothing was going on in Italy, was it?"

"What, when you were busy doing god knows what with 'the Immortal?" Dawn rolled her eyes at the mention of Buffy's old flame.

Buffy groaned. "Please, don't ever mention his name. I have no idea what convinced me that little tryst was a good idea."

"I do," Dawn replied.

"Oh, really? Share your wisdom with me, oh enlightened one."

"Spike."

"Come again?"

"You were having a hard time getting over his sacrifice. You were grateful for what he did, knew it couldn't have been any other way, but you missed him. And it hurt—more than you wanted it to. So you let yourself get pulled into a relationship where you could have fun, loose yourself for a while. Granted, you didn't exactly pick the best guy for that, but hey, we all make mistakes." Dawn gave Buffy a small smile. "And as for Andrew and me back then, no. We were friends, yeah, but nothing more. It wasn't until I really started working with the Council that things…changed."

Buffy decided to let the conversation slip back to Andrew and away from the Immortal, although part of her was still mulling over what Dawn had said about her relationship with the Immortal really being about her trying to get over Spike. "When did things change? I mean, call me dense here, but I never exactly pegged you and Andrew for couple material."

"I'm not really sure when they changed myself," Dawn said. "It was just, well, one night, we were working late, trying to sort out the details on finding a new Slayer that had been identified. Anyway, we were sitting on the floor of my office eating dinner, when I looked at him, and I just knew—you know? All of the sudden, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I loved him."

"All of the sudden? Are you sure it's not…"

"A spell?"

"Yeah."

Dawn gave her sister a stern look. "No, it's not a spell. I've been under a love spell before—remember R.J.?"

"How could I forget him and his oh so dreamy letter jacket," Buffy said with a smirk. "But seriously, Andrew's been known to do some pretty crazy stuff in the past. And I like him too, these days, but…"

Dawn cut Buffy off. "In the past, Buffy. People change. None of us are the same as we were back then. And Andrew, he's a good guy. I love him." Dawn smirked. "And as for the spell, Willow insisted she check me out to make sure no one had been working any love mojo on me, even though I knew it felt too real to be anything else. She was just as shocked as you were when I told her."

"And you came out spell free?"

"Yes, Buffy."

"Well, as long as you're happy…"

"I totally am. Look, I know it seems weird, but Andrew and I, we just work. I don't know why, I don't know how, but we do." Dawn smiled knowingly. "Love doesn't always make sense. Sometimes you meet someone that at first glance doesn't seem like the person your friends would pick for you, or even who you'd pick for yourself, but when you stop and look at it, it's just right. Love is about who speaks to your heart."

Buffy met Dawn's eyes, and for a second, Buffy wondered if her sister was still talking about her relationship with Andrew or something else entirely. Could Dawn know? "I'm, um, glad you've found someone who speaks to your heart, Dawn. So are you about done with your lunch? We still haven't found a dress."

Dawn sighed inwardly, wishing her older sister wasn't so difficult. "Almost."

*** *** ***

Dawn turned around, letting Buffy get a glimpse of her from every angle. "So, how do I look?"

"Great," Buffy said, smiling warmly. "Andrew's gonna love it."

"He better, with that price tag," Dawn replied. She softly patted her hair. "It's all still in place, right?"

"Yes. You look perfect."

Dawn could hardly contain her nervous excitement. "I can't believe that by this time tomorrow I'll probably be engaged." Dawn jumped a little, letting out a happy squeal. Buffy smiled, the gleam in Dawn's eyes reminding her of the little girl her sister used to be.

Buffy hugged Dawn. "I'm really glad to see you so happy, Dawnie," she said. "You having a good life is the most important thing in the world to me."

Dawn pulled away. "I want you to be happy, too, Buffy."

"I am."

"Buffy, I know you probably don't want to talk about him, but William…"

"Am I interrupting anything?"

Buffy and Dawn turned around, seeing Andrew coming into the main hall where they stood. Dawn's entire face seemed to light up, and Buffy no longer doubted that her sister was truly in love. "No," Buffy said, grateful for the distraction from the subject Dawn was about to bring up. "You're not interrupting anything."

Dawn decided she could talk to Buffy about the former vampire some other time. "Are you ready to go?" she asked Andrew.

"Ready when you are," he said, returning Dawn's bright smile. He walked up to her, taking her hand. "You look…wow—you're beautiful."

Dawn straightened Andrew's tie. "You look pretty good yourself." Andrew blushed slightly under Dawn's attention.

Buffy gave the couple a mock-stern look, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "Don't you keep her out too late, mister," she said to Andrew shaking her finger. "And behave yourself."

Dawn rolled her eyes. "Sure, Buffy, we'll be good."

Buffy smirked. "Somehow, I don't believe you when you use that tone. Have a good time, you two."

"Thanks, Buffy," Dawn said, linking her arm with Andrew's. "Good night."

"Good night," Buffy replied as Dawn and Andrew walked off. Buffy watched as the young couple walked away, their love obvious to anyone who cared to look. Buffy felt a twinge of guilt as she realized she was jealous of her sister.

Buffy walked back to her house alone.

*** *** ***

Giles sat across from William, fidgeting uncomfortably. "So you think you know what did this to me?" William asked after a moment, breaking the uneasy silence.

"Yes," Giles said, predictably taking off his glasses and giving them a vigorous rubbing. "From the descriptions you and Buffy gave of both the demons and the ritual, I believe they were Vrognash demons."

"Never heard of 'em."

"Well, they're rare in this dimension. I'm not entirely sure why they were even here, other than that it appears that they were trying to establish some sort of community for themselves in Texas. They could've been refugees from their dimension, or the first wave of an apocalyptic attack. I have no idea, or any way of knowing."

"Can't we just go back there and beat it out of them?" William asked.

The glasses came off again. "I'm afraid not. The Council dispatched a small group of Slayers to survey the area shortly after you and Buffy arrived. They found nothing, no trace a town had ever even been there."

William slumped in his chair. "I guess that means there's no chance of them turning me back then."

Giles had almost replaced his glasses, but resumed his cleaning at William's statement. "Spike, even if they were still there, I believe returning you to the state you were before the ritual would be impossible. From what I have read, the Vrognash gain power by essentially draining it from other demons. In your case, they drained that power from the demon that resided in your body and made you a vampire. Presumably, that should've killed you, since without the demon, your body would've essentially been, well, a corpse. I can only assume that when Buffy ended the ritual prematurely, there was just enough demon left in you to keep you alive, yet not enough to allow you to remain a vampire."

"How human am I, Rupert? I know you ran a few tests when I first got here."

"From what I can tell, you are very much human, aside from the enhanced strength and senses. I have no reason to believe that you will be unable to live a normal, human life from here on out. Or, um, as normal as one can live under the circumstances."

"So there's no chance of me becoming what I was?"

"No."

"Bloody wonderful," William muttered under his breath. He stood up. "Been great chatting with you, Rupes, but I think I need to be on my own for a bit."

"Of course. Although I did want to ask you what your intentions are. Do you plan to stay here or…"

"Don't worry. I'll be out of your hair soon enough. You don't have to worry about me reassigning myself the position of Buffy's personal stalker or some such."

Giles chuckled slightly, but William could tell it was forced. "Good to hear. That you don't plan to stalk Buffy of course. As for you leaving, you're welcome…"

"Save it. I know what your feelings concerning me are. You don't have to claim otherwise."

"Spike, our past notwithstanding, you have done a lot of good over the years, and…"

"Yeah, good. Look, I'm not in the mood for a chat. I'll see you around."

William hurried out of Giles's office and back to his own quarters. In the back of his mind he'd been holding on to the small hope that the demons in Texas—the Vrognosh—could somehow change him back to the way he'd been. But they were gone, along with his only chance at being restored.

No...not your only chance…  A voice in the back of his mind reminded William that there were other ways of becoming what he had been. He could…

"No," William said aloud. "I won't do that. I won't become that again."

William glanced wildly around the room. He could see his shards of his reflection in the shattered mirror, his own terror echoed back through the image. He hurried out of the room, hoping maybe some fresh air could help calm him. If he could feel the sunlight on him, then maybe it could remind him there were things worth living for…

Buffy came down the hall, almost running directly into William. She froze, staring up at him. They hadn't had a chance to talk since she'd left his room that night, and now she didn't know what to say.

William looked down at her, his eyes pleading. "Buffy…"

Buffy felt a sudden wave of fear. She couldn't let her defenses down with him again. She had too much relying on her to be anything but strong. "William, I have a training session I'm supposed to be in in five minutes."

"Buffy, please," William said softly. "I just need you to…"

"To what?" Buffy snapped. "I can't do anything for you, can't give you anything. Whatever we had, it's over, okay? The other night was a mistake. We need to just go on with our lives." She looked up at him and repeated the words she'd said to him years ago. "You have to move on."

William blinked. Buffy expected him to yell at her, or at the very least make some sort of sarcastic comment. But he didn't. He just nodded. "I understand."

His lack of response affected Buffy more than she ever realized it would. "O…okay then. I'll, um, see you."

William gave a terse nod and kept walking. He wasn't sure what he'd expected from Buffy. But he knew now. She never would love him. If he stayed as he was now, he'd simply rot away like any human, die cold and alone. He couldn't do that, couldn't face that emptiness.

"Where are you going?"

William froze, turning around slowly. Dawn. She was the one person he didn't want to face right now. "Out."

"Alone?"

"Yeah."

"Can I come with you? I wanted to talk to you."

"No!" William's sharp tone made Dawn step back a little, and he immediately regretted it. "Sorry, nibblet, it's just…where I'm going I need to be alone."

Dawn frowned. "Where are you going?"

"I can't say."

"You're not…you're not coming back are you?"

"Probably not."

Dawn fought back tears. Even before Spike had his soul, Dawn had seen him as her protector, her Champion. Seeing him like this, empty and broken, made her hurt. "William, let me help you."

"No. You…you can't. Only she can…"

"Who? Buffy?"

"No. Not Buffy. Only…" He stopped. "I have to go."

"Only who? Who are you…" Dawn stopped, her eyes growing wide as realization hit her. "You mean… William, no. Don't do it. I know this has been hard for you, but please. Please, don't do this." Dawn felt began to cry.

"I have to!" William replied. "You…you don't understand. This is too hard. I can't take it anymore. Buffy…Buffy she hates me."

"Buffy does not hate you. She's just…confused."

"I'm all alone like this, bit," William said, his voice sounding rough as if he was about to cry as well.

"No, you're not. You…you have me…"

William regarded her sadly for a moment. "You have your life to live, Dawn." He pointed to the diamond ring she now wore on her left hand. "Looks like you have another man in your life now."

Dawn shook her head, her tears making it hard for her to talk. "Please, William, don't do this. It's just all new. Give it time."

"I'm sorry," William replied. "I'm just not strong enough. Not anymore." He kissed the top of her head.

"No…" Dawn whispered, watching as he walked away. Dawn stood there for a moment before running up to the training room, bursting in. "Buffy!"

Buffy stopped in the middle of the instruction she was giving one of the newest Slayers. "Dawn, what are you doing? I'm working…"

"Buffy, it's important. It's William."

"What about him?"

"I think he's going to try to find Drusilla, have her sire him again."

Buffy paled. "Are you sure? Did he say…"

"He didn't say it exactly, but I could tell. Buffy, he looked…desperate."

Buffy turned to the woman beside her. "Kennedy, I need you to take over the class."

"Yeah, of course," Kennedy replied before focusing on the class, getting them to snap back to attention after the distraction.

Buffy left the room with Dawn. "What happened?"

"I saw him leaving. He was really upset, and he said something about 'her' being the only one who could help him now. I asked if he meant you, and he said no. The only person left, especially in his current state would be…"

"Drusilla," Buffy finished.

"Buffy, if he lets her make him a vampire again, he'll be just like he was before—no soul."

"I know," Buffy replied. She remembered how she'd treated him in the hallway and felt cold inside. He'd needed her then, and she'd only thought of herself. But hadn't that always been the way it was with them? Buffy felt sick, all the times she'd mistreated Spike suddenly rushing into her mind with blinding clarity. She had to find him, had to make things right. "Do you know where he was going?"

"No. He just…left."

"I'll…I'll find Willow, have her do a locator spell and try to pinpoint him. Drusilla could be anywhere. It'll take him a while to find her—if ever."

Dawn nodded. "Find him, Buffy. And when you do, don't hurt him again. You've put him through enough."

Buffy jumped a little at the menacing tone in her sister's voice. "I know. I'll…I'll make it up to him."

"I don't know if you can," Dawn replied. "Some damage isn't possible to repair."

Buffy looked down, not wanting Dawn to see the shame in her eyes. "I know."

"Go find him now," Dawn said. "If he goes through with what he's planning, I'll never forgive you."

Buffy didn't respond as she went to find Willow. She didn't need to. She'd never forgive herself either.

*** *** ***

William lay on a hotel bed, staring up at the ceiling. He hadn't wanted to stop—definitely hadn't wanted to stay in a hotel—but he had to. His human body got worn out too easily. He needed rest.

As tired as he was, he still couldn't sleep. Part of him was questioning the plans he'd made. He was taking the coward's way out, giving up before he even tried. But he didn't care. He'd told Buffy once that he'd come to redefine pain and suffering since he'd fallen in love with her, and that had never felt more true to him that it did right then. Ever since the chip, he'd changed, slowly becoming the pathetic shell he was now. If he could just go back, be what he was before he ever came to Sunnydale, then maybe it could all stop hurting…

William sat up abruptly when he heard a knock at his door. It was late, and he doubted it could be anything good, but he didn't care. Maybe whoever it was would just shoot him and end his torment. William blinked when he saw Buffy standing there.

"Can I come in?" Buffy asked.

William gave her a half smile. "Isn't that my line? Or it used to be at least… Yeah, come in."

Buffy stepped into the hotel room, and William shut and locked the door behind her. "I talked to Dawn," Buffy said.

"So what, you've come to try to talk me out of it to clear your conscience?"

"No. I've come to talk you out of it because I don't want you to do it."

"It's not your decision to make, Slayer."

"Don't you realize what you're doing? If Drusilla sires you again, you'll loose your soul. You worked so hard to get it…"

"Yeah, and a bloody lot of good it did me, too."

"Please," Buffy begged. "You've worked so hard to get to this point, defied your own nature and the odds to go from one of the most feared vampires in history to one of the most wonderful men I've ever known. Don't do this. Don't give up like this."

"Why shouldn't I?" William asked. "What does life have to offer me?"

"Love."

"What?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "I love you, William."

"No…no you don't…" William started to walk away.

Buffy grabbed him by the arms. "Yes, I do. Look at me. I love you. I meant it in the Hellmouth, and I mean it now. I love you. I love you so much…"

William looked at her, his eyes wide and tear-filled. Buffy felt her heart clench. "How can you love this, Buffy?"

"I just do. I tried to ignore this, tried not to accept how whole you made me feel, but I can't anymore. You were my soulmate before you even had a soul."

William let out a choked sob. He crumpled to his knees, and Buffy followed him down, holding him and murmuring soft words as she stroked the curls in his hair. "I'm sorry," William said after a while. "For…for what I was going to do."

Buffy pressed her lips softly against his temple. "It's okay. It's my fault for…for treating you the way I did. Come on. You need to rest."

William nodded, letting Buffy lead him to the bed. They slipped under the covers and into each other's arms, William holding her as if he was afraid she'd fade away.

Buffy smiled at his whispered "I love you, too," before drifting off to sleep.

*** *** ***

Buffy woke up wrapped in William's arms. He was awake, looking at her, apprehension in his eyes. "Good morning," Buffy said softly.

"Good morning."

"Are you wondering if I'm going to run off?"

"A little…" William said with a timid smile.

"You're not getting off that easily, mister," Buffy replied, moving closer to him. William let out a deep breath and kissed the top of her head.

"I was a little afraid you wouldn't be here when I woke up—that last night was just a dream."

"I'm here."

"I know. I can feel you. It's, well, bloody wonderful is what it is."

"Yes it is." Buffy was silent for a moment before saying quietly, "I missed you. All these years when we were apart, I missed you."

William almost pointed out that it was her fault for sending him away in the first place, but he bit his tongue. He wanted to leave his past with Buffy there, in the past. She loved him, and he was human. They could make a future. "I missed you, too, pet. I never felt deader than I did without you."

Buffy looked startled for a second before she began to cry. William frowned. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I didn't mean to make you cry. I…"

"No, I'm sorry," Buffy replied. "Yesterday, when Willow was trying to find you, I just kept going through all the things I'd done to you in the past, and I felt so guilty. You were the one who didn't have a soul, and I was the one who acted like a monster."

"I wasn't exactly a saint, pet. I did some fairly awful things to you as well."

"I drove you to them."

"No, you didn't. Besides, you were right—I was just an evil, soulless thing."

"No, I wasn't. And you weren't." Buffy noticed at some point during their conversation, William's gaze had wandered away from her face. "William, look at me. Please." William looked up hesitantly, his eyes holding the same uncertainty that seemed to have taken up permanent residence since he'd been made human. "You weren't just a thing. I…I wanted you to be, but you weren't."

"You wanted me to be?"

"Yes. The things you did, like protecting Dawn, and the way you loved me, I knew it had nothing to do with the chip, and part of me resented you for it, for being stronger than the demon inside you."

"Why?"

"Angel."

William stiffened at the mention of his grandsire. "What about the great poofter?"

"I…I used to wonder why if you could love me without a soul, why couldn't he? Even after you could hurt me without the chip going off, you didn't—not really. As soon as Angel lost his soul, Angelus came right for me, tormenting me, hurting everyone I cared about."

"I'm not like him, Buffy. I never have been. He was a git when he was human, and he's a git now."

"It's just, well, sometimes it felt like if you could love me with or without a soul, then maybe it meant that Angel never really loved me at all."

"Maybe he didn't."

Buffy looked at him in surprise. "What?"

"Look, I'm sure he loves you in his special Angel way, but, well, he's not exactly one for realism. He put you on a pedestal, made you into the ultimate reward for him once he'd managed to earn redemption, or some such rot. He loved the idea of you, the fairytale of the Slayer and the vampire with a soul. He never let himself really know you enough to love the real Buffy. He didn't know every part of you, pet—the dark along with the light. I did. I do. I love you all the more for it. And not some idealized sort of love either. What I feel for you is real. It's raw, and sometimes it stings a bit, but it's real. And that's why it could never go away. It's beyond fairytales and dreams of redemption. It's beyond having a soul or not. It's real."

Buffy stared at him, not sure what to say. "Angel…Angel loved me," she said after a moment.

"He loved the idea of you."

"There was more to it than that. You don't know what you're talking about."

William pulled back. "And what, Angel left you because he loved you?"

"Yes! He didn't want to hold me back. And the curse…"

"Bollocks! Angel left because if he could love you from afar, then he never had to love the real you. He could keep an image of you in his mind and just love that without any of the messy entanglements that come from a real relationship. You were unattainable. Made you safe for him to love. And then when you got too hard to be around, he put some distance between you so you'd keep being a safe bet."

"You don't have to belittle what I had with Angel out of jealousy or something."

"I'm not! Just stating what I thought was the obvious. But yes, I am jealous of Angel, jealous of how no matter what he does, you'll always defend him. Jealous of how even when he rips your heart out and tosses it at your feet, you look at him like he hung the bloody moon! I gave you everything I had, and you threw it back in my face. He breaks your heart a thousand times, and you just hand it back to him and ask for more."

"That is not true. Look, can't we just talk about something else?"

"Fine. We should head back anyway." William got up.

"We don't have to run off just yet," Buffy said. "We could spend some time here together."

William found his shoes, sat down on the bed, and started to pull them on. "I'm not in the mood."

Buffy scooted over so she was sitting behind him, wrapping her arms around his shoulder. "William, I'm sorry we started this morning off wrong. I don't want to fight with you, especially over this. Angel and I, we're the past. Whatever it was, it's not important anymore. You're who I want to be with, okay?"

"So if Angel walked through that door right now suddenly all curseless and wanting you, you wouldn't jump at the chance?"

"No! God, how could you ask that? Do you think I'd be here with you now if Angel was who I really wanted? I love you now. What I had with him is long over."

William turned around. "Buffy, I'm…"

Buffy got off the bed. "I want to go home now."

"Fine. Let's go."

The two of them walked out of the hotel, each getting into their separate cars and driving away.

*** *** ***

William was waiting for Buffy by her front door when she got home. He looked at her, his blond-tipped curls falling in front of expressive blue eyes. "I'm sorry, pet," he said softly. "I don't want to fight with you. Can…can we forget about that back at the hotel? Please? I just got you back. I don't want to lose you now."

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, resting her head against his chest. She felt William immediately return the embrace, his hold on her almost crushing. "You're not going to lose me. I've spent enough of my life without you."

"I love you, Buffy," he said, kissing the top of her head. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too." After a moment, Buffy pulled away. "Come on, let's go in."

William nodded and followed her inside.

*** *** ***

William stood in Buffy's living room, looking around, surveying the home she had made for herself. He'd never seen the place before, but it still seemed familiar, little touches reminding him of her.

Buffy walked in, stopping just past the doorframe and watching William. He looked up, smiling at her. "Nice home you have here, pet."

"Thank you," Buffy looked down, her good mood shifting to nervousness. "It could be your home, too. If…if you wanted."

William stared at her for a moment, unsure if he'd actually heard her right. "You want me to move in with you?"

"Uh huh."

"Are you sure? I mean, with our past…"

Buffy looked up sharply. "Don't you want to live with me?"

"Of course I do. I just want to be sure it's what you really want, too."

"It is. I love you. I want us to make a real life together, starting right now."

"I want that, too, Buffy—so bloody much."

Buffy went to him, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his chest. William's arms immediately went around her as he breathed in her scent. After a few minutes, Buffy looked up at him, her eyes shining. "Take me to our bed."

William smiled at her last two words. He'd never thought the day would come with Buffy would truly share anything with him, especially her bed. He picked her up, cradling her in his arms. "Which way, pet?"

"It's the room at the end of the hall, to the left," Buffy replied, nuzzling her face against him.

William carried Buffy into the bedroom, lying her down on top of the bed. She looked up at him, her green eyes hooded by heavy eyelids, and William didn't think he could possibly want her anymore than he did at that moment. Then she spoke.

"Make love to me, William."

William knelt beside her on the bed, gazing down at her. He couldn't believe that this was real, that he wouldn't wake up any moment to find himself alone. "I love you, Buffy."

"I love you, too."

Buffy's words filled him with emotion, and for a moment he felt like he would weep. He ran his hands down her body, then back up, stopping at the buttons of her blouse. He knelt down, placing a kiss on each bit of skin he revealed with every undone button. Buffy sighed, running her fingers through his hair. He sat up a little, slipping the blouse off her arms and pulling it from behind her before going down to remove her jeans, stopping only to take off her shoes before leaving her lying before him nothing but an emerald green silk bra and panties set. William stared at her, his gaze raising the temperature of her already overheated body.

"What are you looking at?" Buffy asked, her voice pertaining a husky tone.

"You. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."

"You're just now figuring that out?" Buffy teased with a wink.

William chuckled. "I've always known. Just reminding myself, is all."

"So do I get to see you, or are you gonna have all the fun?"

William smirked, pulling back up to his knees again. "I'm right here, luv. You wanna see me…" He trailed off, wagging his eye brows.

Buffy sat up, kneeling in front of him. She pulled his t-shirt over his head, then kissed her way down his chest, mimicking what he'd done earlier when he'd unbuttoned her blouse. William trembled, the heat he'd felt the last time he'd been with Buffy rising in his body once more. She then pushed him back down on the bed, taking off his shoes and socks before slowly pulling off his jeans. She smiled at him. "Still not big on the underwear, I see."

William looked down at her, the desire Buffy saw in his eyes making her tremble. "Guess old habits die hard. Touch me, Buffy."

Buffy reached out, her hand shaking. Her fingers closed around him, and she heard William's sharp intake of breath. He was hot and pulsing against her palm, and Buffy found it strange to associate those sensations with him in her mind. But she'd have to now. He was alive now.

Heart beating…breathing…warm…

"Buffy…please…" William thrust his hips slightly, and Buffy realized that she become lost in her own thoughts for a moment. She leaned down and licked him lightly. His taste had changed too. Slightly, but enough for her brain to register he wasn't the same as before. She watched him as she slid her mouth on to him, his whole body tensing to keep from thrusting up the way he wanted to.

It had been years since Buffy had done this for him, yet she remembered everything he liked vividly. It wasn't long until his hips were moving, his hands tangled in her hair. With him, that had never upset her. She liked how easily she could make him lose control.

Suddenly, William was pushing her away. She looked up, confused. She could tell he'd been close, and she was more than willing to have taken things to their conclusion. "I don't recover like I used to, pet," William said, his words rough with passion. "Need to be inside you."

Buffy nodded. She needed that, too. "Want you, William," she whispered, lying back on the pillows. "Want you so bad."

William slipped off her panties, leaning down to kiss her softly between her legs. He moved back up her body, pausing to remove her bra as well. Buffy moaned as he pressed his lips once gently against each of her nipples. "William…please…" she begged.

"Anything for you, kitten," he whispered, lowering himself over her. He positioned himself against her entrance, looking down at her until her eyes opened. When her gaze was locked with hers, he thrust inside as he told her, "I love you, Buffy."

Buffy cried out, her hips rising up instinctually to meet his. "I love you, too," she whispered.

William made love to her slowly, wanting to express his feelings for her in a way she'd never really let him before. In the past, this act between them had almost always been just about the sex, but this time there was more. He smiled at her gentle touches and her soft words of love. This is what he'd always wanted, want he'd needed. For the first time since he'd become human, he was genuinely happy about it. Nothing could come between them now, he knew. They were in love, and now he could give her the one thing he never could have before. Something not even Angel could give her. He was someone she could grow old with.

Buffy smiled as she lay wrapped in William's arms. "This feels nice," she said, snuggling closer.  "Nice and warm."

William kissed her brow softly. "My pensive Buffy! thy soft cheek reclined, Thus on mine arm, most soothing sweet it is."

Buffy looked up at him. "Did you write that?"

"I wish. It's Coleridge. And it's actually to Sara, but I figured now wasn't the time to be calling you someone else's name."

Buffy laughed. "No. It isn't."

William absent-mindedly stroked her hair. "Are we for real this time, Buffy?"

"Yeah. This time we're for real."

*** *** ***

"Buffy! I was wondering when you were going to come out and face the light of day." Dawn stood in front of her sister, giving her a knowing smile.

"Don't look at me like that," Buffy said, trying unsuccessfully not to blush. "William and I just had…some things to sort out."

"Uh huh. So you wanna gush?"

Buffy broke out in a grin. "Oh Dawnie, I don't think I've ever been so happy! Being with William makes me happier than I've been in so long. I love him so much."

"You know, you could've figured that out years ago and saved yourself a lot of heartache."

Buffy blinked. "Dawn…"

Dawn held up her hands. "Not trying to be a bitch. I'm just saying…"

"The past is, well, the past," Buffy said. "I can't undo anything I did before. Besides, William's not the same as he was before. I mean, he's human. I don't know how happy I would've been before—especially when he didn't have a soul."

"Buffy, you and I both know how much he loved you, even then."

Buffy looked down. "I don't want to think about any of that." She looked back up, smiling again. "I just want to be happy about now. Things are perfect."

"Perfect, huh?"

"Yep. It's been such a wonderful couple of days. I feel like I'm living some sort of wonderful dream, and I don't ever want to wake up."

Dawn smirked. "Sounds great."

"It is. And like I said, everything is perfect. So perfect in fact, that I think, just this once, nothing could ruin my happiness."

"Buffy?"

Buffy froze. That was a voice she'd never forget, but… Her smile faltered for a moment, then she forced it back, turning around. "Angel."

*** *** ***

"Hey, Spike, you in here?"

William looked up sharply. "Andrew? What do you want? And for the record, it's William now."

"Yeah, uh huh. Look, I just figured I better warn you."

"Warn me? Of what?"

"There's a certain old, um, friend of ours that's just arrived. Word is he's looking for Buffy."

William felt his stomach flip. "This 'friend' wouldn't happen to have a rather prominent brow, would he?"

"I take it you know of whom I speak," Andrew said with a nod.

"Yeah. Why is he here?"

"I don't know," Andrew shrugged. "It could be nothing. He's stopped by a few times over the years—y'know, to check in on things, make sure the Slayer Army doesn't need his help with anything. I just figured I should give you a heads up, so Buffy doesn't come in all 'I talked to Angel' and throw you off guard, cause that could get nasty, and I'd hate to see you two crazy kids get all messed up now."

William shoved his hands in his pockets. "Thanks for coming to tell me, but I'm sure it's no big deal. Buffy and I—we're happy now."

Andrew could see the nervousness in William's expression and body language, despite his self-assured words. "All right. Like I said—just wanted to give you a heads up. Look out for you and all. I mean, if you and Buffy are getting serious, then, well, we're practically brothers."

"What?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess with the whole you running off thing, followed by the fact you and Buffy haven't left her house in like two days, no one filled you in. Dawn and I are getting married."

Andrew would've laughed at the expression William got on his face if he wasn't sure that, vampire or no, he could still kill him with his bare hands. "You're the guy Dawn's marrying? No wonder I'm human, and Buffy loves me. This is Bizzaro World."

"You can give me a big-brother style 'if you hurt her' speech if you want, but you don't have to. If I ever did anything to hurt Dawn, I'd kill myself, so you wouldn't have to worry about it."

William chuckled a little, trying to force his brain to accept the fact that Dawn and Andrew were actually a couple. It wasn't easy. "There's something about those Summers women. Once they've captured your heart, that's it for you, mate."

"So I've noticed." Andrew smiled. "But I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't know what I did to get so lucky, but I'm certainly not going to turn my back on it. Dawn makes me feel like no other person I've ever been with ever has."

William ruffled Andrew's hair. "Well, I guess as long as you promise to never ever give me any sort of details that would disturb me, you two have my blessing. Oh, and consider that 'big-brother style' speech given." William punctuated his last sentence with a warning glare.

Andrew nodded. "Thanks. And you might want to tell Dawn that, too. She's been nervous about telling you—afraid you'd go all wookiee on me and rip my arms from the sockets."

"Tempting as that may be at times, I promise your arms are safe."

"That's nice to know," Andrew said with a tiny grin. His expression sobered again. "Hey, I should get going. I'm supposed to be helping Giles catalog Watcher files."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah. The kind of fun that makes you want to kill yourself. See you around, Spike. Or William. Or whatever."

"See you, Andrew. And thanks for telling me about Angel."

Andrew nodded, then left.

*** *** ***

"Hello, Buffy."

Buffy stood, staring at her former lover in shock. After spending the last couple of days in William's arms, Angel was the last person she expected to see. "Angel! What are you doing here?"

"You don't seem happy to see me."

"It's not that, it's just…" Buffy let out a deep breath. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Seems like quite a few 'unexpected' things have been going on around here," Angel replied. Dawn cleared her throat, and both Angel and Buffy whipped around, making it obvious that they'd forgotten Dawn was even there. Angel gave her a small smile. "Uh, hi, Dawn."

"Hello. I would say it's nice to see you again, but honestly, it's not."

"Dawn!" Buffy said, looking at her sister in surprise.

Angel held up a hand. "No, Buffy, it's all right. I know I've never really given Dawn a reason to like me."

"There's the understatement of the year," Dawn muttered.

"Dawn, could you maybe let Angel and I talk in private?" Buffy asked.

Dawn looked at her sister, skeptically. "Buffy…"

"Dawn, please." Buffy said, rubbing her forehead.

"Fine," Dawn replied. "I'll see you later, Buffy." Dawn gave a warning glare to Angel before walking off.

"I don't think she ever got over the betrayal of me becoming Angelus," Angel said quietly.

"I don't think a lot of people did."

Angel looked up sharply at Buffy. "Buffy, I…"

"Look, you didn't come here to drag that up," Buffy said, cutting him off. "What's the deal, Angel?"

"Spike. I hear he's human."

"Wow, news travels fast."

"How'd it happen?" Angel asked. "Was it the…"

"Shanshu Prophecy?" Buffy finished. "I don't know. You know how vague those prophecies can be. But it wasn't some mystical whammy from the Powers that Be if that's what you're asking. He had most of his demon sucked out by some other demons, and it made him human—more or less."

"Most of? More or less?"

Buffy sighed. She wasn't in the mood to have this conversation with Angel, but she knew he wouldn't just let it go. "He still has some remnants of his vampiric abilities. Strength, speed, agility, heightened senses. Not to the degree he once did, but still better than the average human. But he also has a reflection, doesn't drink blood, can touch a cross, and is perfectly free to get a tan if he wanted. We haven't tested the holy water, but I'm pretty sure he's good there, too."

"And you're all just accepting this?"

Buffy blinked. "What?"

"He's not a vampire, but he's still something more than human. How do you know these demons didn't replace his old demon with something new? He could pose a threat, Buffy."

"William isn't a threat to me, or to anyone else here."

"You can't know that for certain. And 'William?'"

"Yes I can." Buffy crossed her arms in front of her. "And it's his name."

"I don't like this, Buffy. If there's one thing I've learned in over two centuries of existence, it's never take anything at face value. For all you know, there could be some sort of horrible demon getting ready to take him over, or hatch, or something."

"Angel, that's ridiculous. We were held captive by Vrognash demons, who happen to ritualistically suck power out of other demons. They started doing it to Spike, and I stopped it before it killed him, but after he had too little demon in him to be a vampire. End of story."

"That's too simple, Buffy."

"You weren't there, Angel. Fighting those demons, saving Spike, it wasn't simple." Buffy looked down. "I spent a year being brainwashed by them, made to think I was part of this little town they had set up for themselves. There was nothing 'simple' about that at all."

"They're brainwashing demons? All the more reason not to trust what's happened to Spike, Buffy."

"Look, I've spent a lot of time with Spike—William—since the change, and…"

"Oh, have you?" Angel cut her off, looking down at her sternly. Buffy shifted uncomfortably.

"He felt really lost after, after what happened," Buffy said. "I wanted to be there for him." She winced inwardly, knowing she was avoiding telling Angel the truth. She wasn't sure she could look her first love on the eye and tell him she was with Spike now.

"There for him like you've been in the past?"

"It's none of your business, Angel," Buffy said softly.

Angel sighed. "Look, Buffy, I'm sorry I'm being so harsh about this. It's just—well, I worry about you. A vampire being turned human again isn't one of those things that happens every day. Sure, it could just be that Spike got lucky, but it could be something bad, too."

Buffy bit her bottom lip. "I know."

Angel reached up, cupping Buffy's cheek in his hand. "I'm going to stick around here for a bit, just in case…"

"Angel, that's not…"

Angel spoke louder, causing Buffy to grow silent again "Just in case things do get bad. Odds are they won't, but I want to be satisfied that everything's okay before I leave you in a potentially dangerous situation."

Buffy knew she should tell him that she didn't need his help; that she could handle things just fine, and there was nothing wrong with William. "Okay."

Angel smiled at her as he dropped his hand. "Thanks. I know I'm probably being overly paranoid, but I'll just feel a lot better seeing everything for myself."

"I understand."

Angel surprised Buffy by enveloping her in a tight embrace. "I've missed you, Buffy."

Buffy froze before returning the gesture. "I've missed you, too."

*** *** ***

William was sitting on the couch when Buffy came home. "So did you talk to Peaches?"

Buffy looked at him, startled. "How did you…"

"This place is full of gossips," William replied. He frowned. "Buffy, is everything all right? He didn't cause a scene about us, did he?"

"I, um, actually didn't tell him about that."

"Oh." William was silent for a moment before asking, "Didn't have a chance to?"

"No. I did, I just…"

"Didn't."

"Yeah."

"But you're going to?"

"Maybe. Probably. Later."

"Buffy…"

Buffy sighed, sitting down on the other end of the couch. "William, it's not that I'm ashamed of us, or anything like that. It's just, well, Angel's wigging on the whole you being human thing. He thinks that the Vrognash could have put something evil in you."

"Yeah, because replacing a demon with something evil, that makes sense," William snapped. "Please tell me you told him to sod off."

"Not exactly…"

William looked at her, wounded. "Do you think he's right?"

"No! God, William, I swear I don't. Please, don't think that. It's just, well, you know Angel and how stubborn he can be. He said he wants to stick around for a bit, make sure for himself that nothing bad has come from you being human again."

"And let me guess, you threw open the door to the guest room for him."

Buffy looked down at her hands. "Once he sees that everything's okay, he'll be satisfied and leave."

William took a deep breath, preparing to ask the question he needed the answer for, but didn't want to voice at the same time. "And while he's here, what about us?"

Buffy didn't look up. "I was thinking we'd play things down for a bit. Maybe you should, um, postpone officially moving in with me."

William said nothing, only standing and walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Buffy called after him.

"To go stay away from you like a good little boy until daddy goes home," William snapped.

"Dammit, Spike, don't do this."

William wheeled around at her use of his former nickname. "What do you want me to do, Buffy? Pretend I'm thrilled at the fact that you don't want to be with me while your precious Angel is around?"

"That isn't it! I just don't want any more complications with him than there are already."

"What about loving me, Buffy? 'Soulmate before you had a soul.' What was that? Just a something pretty to say to keep me from running off to find Drusilla?"

Buffy jumped up. "No! I love you! I just…" Buffy sighed. "Please, can you just do this for me?"

William closed his eyes, clenching and unclenching his fists once. "Fine."

"I'll make it up to you after he's gone, I promise."

"Whatever." William turned to walk out again.

"Are you mad at me?" Buffy asked softly.

"What do you think?"

"I don't want you to be mad at me."

"One of us is going to be mad at you, Slayer—either me or Angel. You made your choice of who you want it to be."

"William…"

The only response Buffy got was the slamming of the door. She went back to the couch, flopping down.

"Well, shit."

*** *** ***

It was the first time since he'd become human that William felt anything like Spike again.

And he wanted to hurt something.

Preferably a certain prominently-browed vampire.

William sat down on a bench outside, hoping he could find some comfort in the sunlight coming down on him. At least that was something his grandsire would never have. But that small victory was a hollow one. What did it matter if he could sit in the sunshine if he couldn't share it with Buffy?

William didn't know why exactly it surprised him that Buffy had pushed him away so quickly when Angel had showed up. If anything, he felt like an idiot for believing things would actually be good between them.

What kind of fool had he been to believe that Buffy would actually be happy with him now? Had he honestly thought that being human would make a difference to her? Nothing ever had in the past. He'd tried to change. He'd gotten a soul. It had never been good enough.

Now Angel, he could get away with anything. He could do things worse than Spike could even dream off, and Buffy would just forget about it; brush it off as if Angel and Angelus weren't the same person.

But with Spike, it never made a difference. Soul or no soul, vampire or human, everything he'd ever done was unforgivable. Angel could put Angelus behind him, but Spike would always be nothing more than the vampire who'd rolled into Sunnydale years ago hell-bent on killing his third Slayer.

He wondered if he should just leave then. Concede to the better man and let Buffy live her life without him. After all, Angel was the Champion—Buffy's first and truest love.

That thought made Spike jerk up. What was he doing? Ever since he'd become human, he'd let himself fall right back into the same thought patterns that had made William the Bloody Awful Poet so pathetic. What made Angel better than him? Nothing. So he'd had a soul first. What did that matter? He'd been cursed for inflicting unspeakable horrors on a young girl. That made him somehow worthy? And on top of that, he'd spent the first part of his soulful existence living in filthy alleys feeding off rats. Spike had helped advert two Apocalypses before the soul, and two shortly there afterwards. And his soul had never been a curse. It had been a choice—one he made for love. Angelus certainly couldn't claim that.

Spike stood, walking back towards Buffy's house. Human or not, it was time for the Big Bad to make his presence known once again.

*** *** ***

Buffy jumped up when the door to her house flew open. She gasped as the peroxide blond former vampire strode in, all sexuality and swagger. "Spike?" she squeaked, her voice barely able to function.

"We need to have a little chat, Summers."

Buffy felt her stomach flip. What had happened to the timid, sweet William who'd been in her bed for the past couple of days? This wasn't him. This was the man who'd fucked her until a building had come down around them. This was her Spike. She tried to force herself into an easy stance, though she could tell from the glint in his eye that he could still sense her nervousness. "So talk."

"I'm through with this."

Buffy's eyes widened, and for a second she wasn't sure she could breathe. "What?"

"I've had enough. From the beginning, I've been nothing more than your loyal dog, yappin' at your heels, desperate for a scrap. Well, I'm done. Your games, your lies, I'm sick of it all. You wanna hide whatever it is we had from Peaches, fine. Go ahead and be ashamed, Slayer. It's your problem, not mine. Not anymore."

"Spike, wait, I…"

"No. I don't want to hear anything you have to say. I've always been your dark secret, Buffy, and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to love you in the dark and then let you treat me like the dirt beneath your feet in the day. I'm a man now—not a monster. And if you really want to be honest about it, I've always been better than your precious Angel. But it doesn't matter anymore, cause I'm done."

Buffy didn't know whether to yell at him or burst into tears. She settled for both. "Fine! Go then!"

She expected something more from Spike. A sneer, a quip, anything. She didn't get it. Instead, he just turned, walking out her front door. Buffy fell to her floor in a heap, sobbing.

*** *** ***

Buffy was still crying when Dawn found her an hour later. Dawn stood in the doorway, hands on her hips. "Let me guess—you did something stupid and chased William off—again."

"Spike," Buffy whimpered.

"And it's Spike again. That man really needs to make up his mind on what he wants to be called."

Buffy shook her head. "He didn't tell me to start calling him Spike again, it's just, well, that's who he was when he came in here. He…he was so mad, Dawnie. And…and he left me!" The last sentence was punctuated with a wail as the sobbing began anew.

"Oh for the love of all things holy…" Dawn muttered. "And I'm the younger one here. Buffy, what happened?

"I…I told him I didn't want Angel to know about our relationship. He…he left, and then he came back and told me he was tired of being my dirty secret, and it was over. I didn't mean it like that, I just, I didn't want to have to put up with Angel being a jerk about the whole thing. He can be so difficult sometimes, and it wasn't something I felt like handling."

"And did you consider Spike's feelings in all this?"

Buffy looked down. "No."

"Now, seeing as I apparently got all the brains in the family, I'll tell you where you went wrong. Spike, William, whoever he is this week, is still hurt from how you used him before. Therefore, you telling him that Angel—Angel of all people—couldn't know about the two of you was like rubbing salt in the wound. He's insecure about this, and you just basically screamed that all that insecurity was validated."

Buffy traced a swirl in a panel of wood on her floor. "Oh."

Dawn rolled her eyes. Her sister could be so pathetic sometimes. "Do you get it now?"

"I think so."

"What are you going to do?"

Buffy looked up timidly. "Let Spike know I love him, and I'm not ashamed of him?"

"And?"

"And?"

"Yes, and."

A sigh. "And tell Angel that I'm with Spike now."

Dawn clapped slowly. "Very good. Now get up before Spike gets away—again."

Buffy rose shakily to her feet. "Do you think he'll forgive me? He was really mad…"

"Do you know him at all?" Dawn asked. "That Big Bad thing, it's all talk. You convince him that it's worth it this time, and he'll be your hot little love slave in no time flat."

"Dawn!" Buffy exclaimed. "Don't say things like that!"

"What, 'hot little love slave?' Come on, Buffy, I'm a grown woman. I have sex all the time." She gave her sister a wicked grin. "With Andrew. Hell, just last night…"

"Ahh! Stop! This is your way of making me hurry out of here, isn't it?"

"Is it working?"

"Big time."

Dawn smiled. "Then shoo. You got some major groveling to do."

Buffy started out the door, before turning around, giving her sister a hug. "Thank you. For finally making me see the light."

Dawn hugged back. "I just gave you the final nudge. Probably wouldn't have taken so long to sink in if you didn't have the hardest head in the world."

"Hard head, huh? Must be a Summers trait."

"Stop stalling and go get your man. Unless you want to here about what I did in the utility closet on the third floor…"

"NO! I'm going!"

Dawn smiled as she watched her sister run off. "Maybe those two will work it out after all," she said with a chuckle before going to the kitchen to see if Buffy's fridge had anything worth raiding.

*** *** ***

Spike groaned as he walked into the garage, finding Angel looking over the fleet of cars the Watchers had acquired. "Shoulda known you'd be in here, Peaches. You've always been a sucker for a shiny ride."

Angel didn't turn to look at the other man. "Spike."

"You know, you could show a little more courtesy. Doesn't helping you save the world at least grant me some civility?"

"This is civility."

"No, it's you acting like a big spoiled baby because Spike's human now and you're not."

Angel and Spike both whipped around as Buffy walked into the garage. "Buffy?" Angel asked in surprise.

"Yep. Look, Angel, we need to talk."

Spike felt a whole new wave of pain hit him. Was Buffy going to tell Angel she still had feelings for him while Spike stood right there and watched? "I'll…I'll just be going," Spike said.

"No, you won't," Buffy said, grabbing Spike's arm. "You need to hear this."

"I really don't want to."

"Yes, you do. Trust me." She slipped her hand from his arm down to link her fingers with his. Spike looked at her in surprise.

Angel glared at the blond couple's entwined fingers. "Buffy, what is this?"

"I'm in love with Spike. And before you say anything, I want you to listen. No, it's not just because he's human now, and yes, I know what I'm doing. I've loved him for a very long time, and the only thing that kept us apart was stubbornness and stupidity. But I've done some growing up since then, and I've realized exactly what he means to me. Spike is the one man in my life who has stood by me no matter what, and one of the few people to truly love me unconditionally." Buffy smiled, recalling something Spike had said to her years ago. "He's seen the best and the worst of me, and he knows who I am. He loves me—all of me—in a way no one else ever has, not even you. And I love him, too. I look at him now, and all I can think is how proud I am of all he's done to get where he is today. He's the only person I can imagine spending the rest of my life with."

Angel stared, his mouth falling open and closing several times before he spoke. "You're…you're serious about this? You actually love Spike? You do realize who you're talking about, don't you?"

"Yes, Angel, I do," Buffy snapped. "I know exactly who Spike is. You're the one who needs to learn a few things about him."

"Buffy…"

"No. I'm not sixteen anymore. You're not part of my world. I've grown up, and I've outgrown the love I felt for you. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is."

Angel scowled. "Fine. But don't expect me to help you patch things up when you find out what he really is."

"What, you mean if he suddenly goes psycho and starts trying to kill all my friends and their pet goldfish? Oh, wait—that was you."

Angel looked at Buffy with hurt shock for a moment before the scowl returned. "I hope you two are very happy together," he spat before going back inside the main building.

Spike looked down at Buffy, her hand still in his. "Did…did you actually mean that?"

"Well, yeah. Sorry for being such a bitch earlier. What I was asking of you was completely out of line and unfair to you. I made a snap decision to keep myself from having to deal with something potentially difficult, and I didn't consider your feelings in the process. That was wrong of me, and I'm sorry."

Spike pulled his gaze from her, and began to glance frantically around the garage, as if searching for something. "What are you doing?" Buffy asked.

"Looking for pods."

Buffy smacked his arm. "Stop it. This is the real Buffy." She winked. "I'm not even robot Buffy."

Spike groaned. "Please, don't go there."

"What, don't want to be reminded of some of the lamer wild and wacky adventures of Spike?"

"Not really."

Buffy giggled. "You're cute when you're sulky."

"I'm not sulky."

Buffy smiled. "Yes you are." She reached up, stroking his face. "I love you."

"I'm not sure I can believe that, Buffy…"

"Oh no, we are so not going there again. Do you have any idea how much your little stunt in the Hellmouth pissed me off? 'No you don't but thanks for sayin' it.' Grr. You wait how long for me to finally say that, and when I do you can't even believe it? You're infuriating, you know that, don't you?"

Spike smiled slightly at that. "I'm only infuriating 'cause you are."

"See, there you go again."

Spike moved closer to her, wrapping his arms around her hips. "So you love me, huh?"

"Yep."

"Why?"

"'Cause you're the one."

"I thought you were the one."

"You're the one for me," Buffy said softly. "Sorry it took me so long to realize it."

"Better late than never, I guess. So no more keeping this in the shadows?"

"Nope. I'll stand on the rooftops and scream it to the world. Wear a shirt that says 'Spike's Girl.' Anything to prove to you I mean this."

"How about kiss me?"

Buffy grinned as she stood on tip toe and captured his lips. That was something she could definitely do…

*** *** ***

Epilogue

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
To never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way,
You always walked a step behind.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look, luv?"

Buffy smiled, resting her head on Spike's chest as they slowly moved to the music. "Several times, actually, but you can say it again."

"You look beautiful," he purred in her ear. "You've made me the happiest man alive."

So I was the one with all the glory,
While you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name—for so long,
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

"I'm happy, too, William," Buffy said, feeling tears forming in her eyes. This moment was perfect. She'd never want it to end, except for the fact that she knew they had many more wonderful moments to share together in the future. "I never thought I could have this."

"I'd give you this and more, pet."

"I know."

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
And everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'Cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Spike tilted her head, wiping her eyes with his thumb. "So those are happy tears then."

Buffy laughed. "Yes. They're very happy tears. Being here with you now, it makes everything seem right."

"Took us a long time to get here," Spike replied. "And it was the scenic route at that."

"But it was worth it."

Spike gave her a lopsided grin. "Yeah, it was."

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
But I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it,
I would be nothing with out you.

"So where do we go from here?" Buffy asked, resting her head on Spike's chest again.

"I don't know about you, but I plan on spending every day trying to make my wife as happy as she is right now."

Buffy giggled, pressing a small kiss to his collarbone. "We're still going to fight, y'know."

Spike chuckled, raising her chin to look into her eyes again. "Wouldn't have it any other way."

Fly, fly, fly away,
You let me fly so high.
Oh, fly, fly,
So high against the sky, so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you, thank God for you,
The wind beneath my wings.

*** *** ***

There. Two months after starting what was supposed to be my first Buffy fic, it's actually finished. Don't know why that one was such a struggle, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Reviews are greatly appreciated.

And, of course, "Wind Beneath my Wings" is Bette Midler.