Thank you for calling the Mental Health Hotline

* if you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. * if you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you. * if you are a multiple personality, press 3,4,5, and 6. * if you are paranoid and delusional, we already know what you want and who you are. Just stay on the line and we will trace your call. * if you are schizophrenic, please hold, and a little voice will tell you what to press. * if you are depressed, it probably doesn’t matter what you press, it won’t do you any good anyway.

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