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31.10.-01 Uuh. I don't know. The athmosphere will get lighter, and two suns ready to shine just for you you. I'm not too sure. I don't know is something wrong or is everything ok. Honestly. I'm not sure. I'm just hanging around, sort of waiting. I don't really want to be here. I just wish to be somewhere else. It's not enjoyable here. Am I too antisocial? It kills me. 22.09.-01 You know what I danced today. Kid a. It was funny. Not graceful. It was refreshing. The idea that there doesn't necessarily have to be grace in every move. It was childish. And stupid. And I loved it. 18.09.-01 Uhm. I don't want a one minute-man either but at least I don't have to sing about it. 16.09.-01 Finally my word. On a rooftop in Brooklyn. One in the morning. Watching the lightflash. In Manhattan. 10.09.-01 Uh. Too much crying and despair. I'm asking someone to come and tell me that it's just the autumn. Thank you. 18.08-01 I am so ugly. 13.08.-01 Here I am. experienced a year more in my life. I sincerely want this next winter to be as the last one. I want to jump around a snowy field, not giving a shit. Am I growing too old for that? 12.08.-01 I feel now like I was engaged to something. Like I couldn't use this sort of thing. Strongly I feel someone just touched my heart. I'm so irritating. If someone, god. Today, it's hard to think. Few minutes it has been hard to breathe. Funny. I miss someone I shouldn't miss. everthing for me. 08.08.-01 Now I'm saying, oki what ever. Last night I was crying for a shoulder. Now, what ever. I'm [these mistakes are all mine]won't manage. I'm not gonna even try. I am stuck today. I'm jealous to every single person. I always find something to be jealous about. Something's wrong. 07.08.-01 Even me, I don't have nothing to say. These feelings hit me and I am by myself, hearing nothing. I miss everyone. I miss every single person. I want to look good, And I want to be thin. I want to hear from somebody. I need to feel important. 25.07.-01 For a change. I can't believe. Idioteque. I want to be more intelligent I want to be less stupid. *grin* AU. Piano. In the house. I'm not bothered. Fuck love. Do you hate it. God do you hate it. Makes you jump. Your heart beat. Makes you feel insecure. Who the fuck needs love, who the fuck? Au. Au. *childish grin* I don't. *another* 03.06.-01 Good morning. Nice day, today. Breathing, I have been thinking about breathing. It happens in every humanbeing. How amazing. In and out. If we don't let it bother it will take care of itself, but if we listen. The beauty bursts your heart. And all you can do is smile. 02.05.-01 Bloody hell. This time. I have no hands to catch. Or I'm frightened. Maybe both. I'm not fond of this feeling or maybe I am. Look at me there's a girl too afraid to really be. 27.04.01 Just for me. This is all just for me. I wonder around the house. It's not even sunny. I'm not smiling, not smiling at all. No more sorry. 21.04.-01 I'm unwilling to understand. I'm not even interested. But it feels stupid to find out that you don't really know are we going to a better direction or a worse one. I make hundred million reasons how god would exist. You know. Maybe god is angry, maybe bored, maybe bitter, maybe vain, maybe frustrated, maybe playing, maybe. And hundred million more... 15.04.01 I start to forget which day is which. Or I do know it is sunday now. But I wrote here yesterday and it feel like maybe three days has passed. Inside walls. Inside walls whose amount I could not count. I think that would be my place. Eller hur? 14.04.-01 Looks amazing out there. I'm thinking about sitting on the rooftop. 11.04.-01 Don't say life's boring. Life is quite exiting. I think. What's gonna happen next. You can choose when to move you left hand. And what to eat. What to eat. And when to stop walking. When to sit. You can guess who will you talk to next. You can try to guess when does the next car pass you. Or in here you can. And you can imagine something without something. You can imagine that carrots would taste like onions and vice versa. You know. You wouldn't know anymore which was which and which it tasted like. Someone will tell. I know. So don't ever ever ever think this life is boring. If this is as exiting as it gets, then it's helluva exiting. 07.04.-01 I feel small. I feel happy. I feel I would like to dance so that my dance would just be a shadow, there would be not me for all to see. I feel that shadow is beautiful. I feel shadow is more simple that I am. Light is good. Shadows. Electric shocks 04.04.-01 Hmm. This is me smiling stupidly. Should study religion. Goah. Religion. It gets me quite furious. But not as much as it would have year ago. I also have considered to melt all the snow. When I had done that, I would quite like it. But I'm busy doing other things. Like noticing it's impossible to get away from the woods with out wet trousers. Spring is the fountain of happiness. 31.03.-01 I did all the things I always do today. And some I love. Danced. Played piano (ours isn't a piano, but saying that sounds good) made food and rolls to my family. cried. teased my brother. watched tv. didn't go to the woods as I promised before (and promised that I would go tomorrow, when the blue moment comes.).had bad moments. had good ones also. enjoyed, i guess. And wished I would be more happier tomorrow, but not lazy. 18.03.-01 Today I really want everyone to read Einar Már Guðmundsson's Angels of the universe in icelandic, Englar alheimsins. (looks and sounds very good, as everything else) Book I should read again, but I always forget. It's worth wondering, is Iceland something really divine, 'cause people in there know how to create beauty. I envy. 16.03.-01 "Soft as snow (but warm inside)" Says Mbv. Snow isn't soft. Not here. After warm weathers. I was completely stuck at my piano lesson. I head wasn't really working. I guess I'm still bit sick. And to mention my happiness everyday. Yup. I'm happy. 15.03.-01 Hmm. I sit here. My hair's all dirty. My toes are cold. But I feel the light. It's worth everything. Yup. 13.03.-01 Eh. Gore olisi voittanut. eh. Tämä päivä. Semmoinen lämmin. mutta tuulinen. sillä tavalla kylmä. En pääse sigurin messu boardille. siitä voi syntyä vitutus. jos on syntyäkseen. Nämä housut. Näitä pitää nykiä kokoajan alaspäin että nämä ois edes hetkittäisesti Groove. isin vanhat fashion 2000 housut. Kyllä on ennen ollu meno miljoona kertaa laadukkaampaa. Että kestää housutkin ja kaikki. JA Rokkipaidat ja kaikki. OO. 11.03.-01 I wanna get rid of my hair. I'm exited. I wanna know is it even possible to dance to sigur rós. 09.03.-01 Elämä voi olla ahdistavaa. Joka päivä olen ahdistunut siitä miten paljon ruokaa ihmisillä on muka oikeus heittää roskiin. Pyh. Ihan kun minun pitäisikin, kun ei tarvitse kenenkään muunkaan. Öh. Eilinen. Kuu ja pilvet. Ja minun piti odottaa. Minä olen itseni mielestä uskomaton. Minä olen itseni mielestä erittäin rasistinen. Itsekeskeinen. Naurettava. Merkityksettömyyksiin sortuva. 04.03.-01 Olin laskettelemassa. Luin buddhalaisuudesta. Heräsin aamulla. Oli kuin tulivuori olisi ollut sisälläni. pulputtamassa laavaa. Lämmintä ja tärkeää. Häiritsee kun hetket on vain hetkiä. nytkin tapellaan vessan väreistä. Ihmisestä voi tulla niin köyhä. 25.02.-01 Min otan lapsen. Ja sanon sille ettei raha ole kaikki. Sitten hymyilen ja laulan sille. Pidän sylissä kun se itkee. Sanon sille ettei raha ole kaikki. Ja minun päässäni surisee. Raha ei ole kaikki. sanahelinää. Voi pientä. Lapsi sen tajuaa. minä en. joskus oli hauskaa yhden ihmisen kanssa jutella: min: "En ole ikinä elämäni aikana halunnut osata lentää, kaikki haluavat, minen" hän: "Mitä järkeä on ajatella että haluaako lentää, kun ei kuitenkaan voi" Äh. Tuo voi kuvata minua. 23.01.-01 Tämä viikko olikin inhottava viikko. Ikinä ollut näin väsynyt. Tai kai, mutta aika vain kultaa muistot. Minä menen ihmisistä yhä kauemmas. Heh. Se on mukavaa. sitten minun masennukseni aste on tämmöinen: borderline clinical depression kaikkea sitä kuulee |
