Edgar opened his window and growled at the kids he saw below. His Hair was in tangles and he was
wearing his little teddy bear pajamas. “You kids! Stop throwing whatever your throwing at m---“ Edgar
was interrupted by a boot thrown in his face.
“BLECH!!” he cried and threw the boot back at the huddled adolescents. “Damned teenagers! When I
was your age, I was chasing women!! Go do the same!” At that, he slammed his window shutters shut
and growled again.
Edgar returned to the bathroom mirror and gazed at himself admiringly. “You handsome thing… you
even look good in the morning!” he cooed to himself. Taking out a brush encrusted with some rare
jewels, he started to brush his hair…
*Rip* *Tangle* *Snarl*
Edgar screamed. “AHHHHHHH IT HURTS IT HURTS!!” He started running blindly around the
bathroom screaming at the immense pain his trying to brush out his tangles had caused.
~* ‘*’ *~
“That’s it, I get my hair trimmed next Tuesday, and that’s FINAL!” Edgar cried, brushing out a few
strands of his hair to form bangs.
Sabin laughed and placed his hands on his hips. “That’s what you said LAST month, bro.”
Edgar grumbled to himself and pulled the rest of his hair back into his signature ponytail. “Yes, well, at
least I keep my hair looking decent… YOURS looks like you were in a wrestling match with a
lawnmower…”
Sabin’s grin faded. “What? My hair is cool…”
Edgar secretly rolled his eyes. “Oh yeah… REAL cool... women LOVE the ‘backyard’ look.”
“Huh?”
“It means…” Edgar paused to fasten on his cape at the neck. “That you’re hair looks like grass or
overgrown weeds.”
“Whoa, girls really dig that?” Sabin beamed.
“…oh, yeah…. They think it’s oh so groovy.”
Sabin blushed and put a hand behind his head. “Wow! I wonder if they’ll start coming up to me and
asking for my phone number, soon!” He laughed and tightened his belt. Then, he headed for the door.
“Hey, bro, we’re gonna be late, hurry it up, twinkle toes.”
“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Edgar groaned from the bathroom. “My hair looks all funky!”
Sabin rolled his eyes, and headed out the door.
“Oh, oh, oh wait for meee!” Edgar cried and went running out the door, still carting a hairbrush, heading
for the FINAL FANTASY III (VI in Japan) REUNION!!!!
~ * ‘*’ * ~
Cloud sat up in bed and smashed his alarm clock. “SHUT UP, I KNOW!” He growled, quite irritated at
his rude awakening. He stood up and scratched his head, yawning. Shuffling over to his dresser, he
checked his calendar for something. His eyes widened at what it said under the date of April 24th, which
was the current day. He yelled a curse, and ran to the door, snatching up the Ultima Weapon, and a
jacket on the way out.
Meanwhile, Tifa was up and at ‘em, brushing out her hair, and humming to ‘Wannabe’ by the Spice
Girls. She was considering singing, but what if someone heard her? She’d be a laughing stock! Suddenly,
there came a knock at the Seventh Heaven Bar door. She smiled and gingerly went to answer it. She
opened the door and her mouth to say something cheery, but was suddenly shoved out of the way by a
mob of her FFVII friends.
“Okay, where’s the free food that was mentioned on the invitation?!” Yuffie asked, mouth watering. Tifa
sighed and shrugged. “Oh well…”
~ * ‘*’ * ~
“Hmm… life’s a bitch… then you die…” Kefka muttered, scrubbing away more residue from the Devil’s
floor with his toothbrush. “THEN you die and go to hell, and the AFTERLIFE’s a bitch!! Wha ha ha!!”
Suddenly he heard a smooth, emotionless voice behind him speak up.
“Kefka, you moron,” Sephiroth brushed a long, silver hair out of his face. “Get back to work, or next
we’ll be scraping the floor with our tongues…” Sephiroth rolled his eyes, and returned to hands and
knees, working away with his Miss Piggy toothbrush.
Kefka sighed, thinking Sephie quite the drag, and went right back to philosophizing. “Hm… if it weren’t
for those miserable little rats and there coming up to my tower, I’d still be ruling the world.”
“Same here, Kefka. That Strife guy cleaned my clock…”
“Yes! And we would have won, too! If not for… heroes… AND heroines, and I don’t mean the drug!
Though I sure would like to drug all of them sick!! WHA HA HA---what the…?” Suddenly, a small
bluish portal opened before Sephiroth and Kefka.
Out of it, a caped figure fell out, stumbling to his feet and shaking a fist at the closing portal. “Worthless
guru, where have you sent me?!" Suddenly, the figure turned around, revealing himself to be a
pointy-eared, blue haired man of elven origin.
Kefka cocked an eyebrow, and Sephiroth shrugged and went back to scrubbing.
“Hey, where am I?” inquired the infamous Magus of Chrono Trigger.
“Okay, no matter how many times I say this, it’s too fun… WELCOME TO HELL! We don’t do
room-service!” Kefka cried out, following his pun with a string of maniacal laughter. Sephiroth stood and
whacked Kefka across the back of the head.
“Ignore him, he’s always like that.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I’ve known greater idiots. Try living with a fat green booger, a fish-man and a
transvestite for a few years,” Magus replied waving a gloved hand absent-mindedly.
It was then that among the floor scrubbing all of these ‘villains’ began talking of their past and their
troubles with heroes and heroines. And, while they were talking, Kefka scrubbed the shelves with all the
devil’s knick-knacks on them, only to find a small glowing orb…
“Hmm… what’s this?” he wondered aloud. “Oh well, looks worthless.” And with an evil cackle, Kefka
threw the orb to the ground, shattering it. Suddenly, the room darkened, and a small swirling pool of red
appeared in the floor.
“Kefka, did you miss a spot?!” Sephiroth demanded.
“Huh? No! Not me not me, must have been you, gray-hairs!!”
A great bolt of crimson thunder from the portal shut them both up. It was then that Kefka looked back to
the shelf where he had found this little hell-ball, and saw a small dusty paper. “Son of a submariner,
what’s that?” He plucked up the paper and read it over. “Hmm… instructions…?” he murmured. He
read it over carefully, and found out than when shattered, the orb become a teleporting devise, which
could take him, and anyone else in the universe he liked, to where he chose. And Kefka knew exactly
who he wanted in the same dimension with him to destroy them.
But he decided, maybe Magus and Sephiroth would like some revenge, too…
~ * ‘*’ * ~
Marle was tugging Crono violently by the sleeve. “Ooooooooooh c’mon, Crono! Just ONE dance at the
Millennial Fair, just one?” Crono pulled his arm away.
“...” he argued.
“Oooooooooooooooooooooh coooome on!! Even Lucca and Glenn are dancing!!” Marle pleaded.
Crono just rolled his eyes. "...”
Marle was genuinely hurt. Ever since Crono’s mom had died, he seemed so depressed. She hoped some
day he would be the same. Suddenly, she saw a small red portal open up in front of her. She seriously
mistook the opening, though…
“It must be the Guru!” she cried, excitedly. “Come on, let’s go in, you guys!!”
Crono turned to look, as did Lucca and Glenn.
“I do not see why thou should wish to see the guru, m’lady,” Glenn said, brushing a green strand of hair
from his eyes.
“C’mon, Glenn, it’ll be fun!” Lucca said, grinning.
The knight of ancient Guardia gave in, and as a foursome they entered the portal, ignorant of what laid
ahead…
~ * ‘*’ * ~
Locke tightened his bandana, visibly frustrated with the lack of people that showed up for the FFIII/VI
reunion. “Yeesh, you know, you’d think after saving the world, we’d be delighted to come see each
other again!” he snapped, folding his arms.
“Yeah… tell me ‘bout it,” Sabin agreed.
Celes sighed, and dealt out another game of solitaire for herself. How could she girltalk if Terra and Relm
weren’t there? And with Relm 12 now, she thought she might like boys by now. Oh, well.
“Hey! Anyone up for Go-fish?” she asked, smiling.
“I… would play ANYTHING with you, Celes…” Edgar said smiling. But the smile turned into a pained
howl, followed by falling to the floor as Locke took the hilt of Atma Weapon and drove it into Edgar’s
head.
“I… would kill you with ANYTHING in my power if you continue hitting on Celes,” Locke said,
resheathing Atma. Gau cracked up laughing, and Mog joined in the laughter. Cyan just sat there, looking
polite.
“Locke like Celes!! Locke like Celes!!” Gau cried, dancing around.
“…he’s quick…” Sabin observed.
Locke and Celes blushed.
Suddenly, a blood color gate opened in front of Celes’s card table.
“Huh?”
Gau’s eyes widened, and his face lit up. “Gau go in big scary hole in wall!!” he announced. And before
anyone could say a word, he hopped into the warp.
Confused looks were exchanged, and then seeing that there was nothing else to do (except Go-fish) they
hopped in after Gau.
~ * ‘*’ * ~
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (I’ve always wanted to write that!!) Cloud, Yuffie, Vincent, Cid, Barret
and Aeris were raiding the fridge of the Seventh Heaven. Cloud had found a big jar of pickles, Yuffie had
found leftover Chinese food, namely foil-wrapped chicken and some eggrolls, Vincent had found
strawberry yogurt, Cid and Barret were fighting over a large leg of ham, and Aeris was eating away at
some cheesecake. Tifa was staring dreamily at Cloud and Vincent.
Suddenly, low and behold, there was a portal again! Yuffie poked at the crimson opening, and was
suddenly sucked in, eggrolls and all. Vincent, a little suspicious, threw in the yogurt (which he hated
anyway.) When it disappeared, Vincent decided “Hmm… anything that destroys yogurt is a-ok with me.”
And he ran into the warp, disappearing too. Eventually, everyone agreed they HAD to go save Yuffie and
Vincent. So together they all went in… but not without Cid and Barret cussing at each other for the
“mother &*!#&@% ham”…
~ * ‘*’ * ~
All of a sudden, Crono, Marle, Glenn, Lucca, Cloud, Aeris, Tifa, Vincent, Yuffie, Cid, Barret, Edgar,
Sabin, Locke, Celes, Gau, Cyan, Mog AND Yuffie’s Chinese food appeared in a darkened cavern.
“What the…” marveled Cloud.
Suddenly a faint red light lit up the room, only to reveal bare walls, and three chairs set in the middle of
the area. Tifa instantly saw Sabin and Edgar, and hearts came into her eyes. In less than two seconds she
had herself wrapped around Edgar’s left arm and Sabin’s right.
“Hiya, boys!” she grinned. “Are you HOT, or what?! Sure you ARE! And just because of that you can
come on to my place ANY time, and I’m not kidding!!”
The writer, the wonderful and wise A-chan, conveniently crossed out the some of Tifa's words as follows: Hiya, boys! Are you HOT, or what?! Sure you ARE! And just because of that you can
come on to my place ANY time, and I’m not kidding!!”
That made her say “Are you HOT, because I’m not.” Tifa growled and cursed the writer. Then
suddenly, Yuffie picked up her Chinese food and started to scarf away at it. Sephiroth saw this and
laughed.
“Don’t get too fat there, ninja chick,” he said, smirking.
Yuffie dropped the food. “Excuse me?” she said, an evil look appearing in her eyes. “Did you just call
me ‘fat’ and ‘chick’ in the same sentence?” Yuffie was fuming.
Kefka saw the Chinese food and started to drool. Magus rolled his eyes and cleaned his scythe while
Kefka snatched away some eggrolls and started to eat hungrily at them.
This pushed Yuffie over the edge.
Suddenly, she whipped out her shuriken and started slashing wildly at Kefka, Sephiroth and even Magus
who had not even DONE anything. Eventually all that was left was a huge pile of limbs that were
smothered in what looked like raspberry jell-o. Yuffie scoffed, and then picked up her Chinese food,
beginning to eat again.
Everyone stood wide-eyed.
“Whaf? I bo fumthin inferesthting?” Yuffie said through a mouthful of chicken. Just then, three different
portals opened, each leading back to everyone’s own dimension.
The Chrono Trigger gang was first to depart, because they wanted to be back at the fair. This was too
weird for them. Then, after peeling Tifa from Edgar and Sabin’s arms, the FFIII group left, glad to lead a
boring ‘We Saved The World’ life. Lastly, after giving Yuffie a stare like she was God (or the devil) the
FFVII people left for home.
~ * ‘*’ * ~
Back in Figaro castle, Edgar was walking around the halls, hair unbrushed and his clothes completely
unchecked. Sabin walked up to him, wondering what he thought he was doing.
“Edgar?! Why aren’t you decked out and woman-searching!?” Sabin cried.
“Because… after that full-chested, long-legged, dark-haired girl clutched my arm like that… I realized
something.”
Sabin gasped a little. “What? You aren’t attracted to girls?!”
Edgar laughed and shook his unkept headful of hair. “Nah, not at all. It’s just that… I’d like my future
girl to have some class.”
Sabin didn’t understand at all. “But you look so… nonclassy…”
Edgar made two good points after that. “If she has class enough to talk to a dirty looking scab, she must
be a great woman. And ‘nonclassy’ is not a word.”
