Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure Part 13 New Earth: Post Colonial
Wasteland!
It was early dew in the morning
dripping with moisty sadness when Garfield awoke from long slumber. Where was
he? What was he doing?
"Where am I? What am I
doing?" Asked Garfield with confusion.
"You are on planet of New
Earth." A voiced said from behind a mystery curtain. From behind velvet
curtains came a talking Varren!
"Back beast I will crush
you with my boot with stamping strength!" Roared Garfield at the talking
Varren.
"Fear not brave Garfield
we are peaceful talking varren. Radiation gave us talking abilities."
Explained the Varren with information.
"What is this?"
Pointed Garfield to the world.
"This is New Earth. It was
a Human colony world but was abandoned and left a desert radiation wasteland.
Now it is world of danger and despair." Said the Talking Varren with sighs
of lost hope.
"WHERE IS MY CREW AND SHIP
DID YOU EAT THEM FOUL BEASTS?" Raged Garfield with vengeance in his eyes.
"No Garfield you fell from
space alone. Your Crew must be elsewhere on the planet." Said the Talking
Varren with truth.
"Very well talking
creature. I will go on and search for them with navigation like explorer."
Declared Garfield like brave frontiersman.
"First please stay for
dinner we are having lasagna and you need energy for trials." The talking
Varren offered with hospitality.
"Very well show me to your
lasagna strange creature." Demanded Garfield with orders.
Meanwhile in Odies Space
Fortress, Odie was sitting on his evil skull throne made of bones and spikes
plotting his evils. Kelly Chambers, Gabby Daniels and Dr. Chakwas were chained
to Odies throne with spiked collars and wearing tight leather bikinis. The rest
of the Normany crew were hanging in cages over space piranhas. Odie lounged and
relaxed with evil as he sipped baby's blood from a golden jeweled goblet with
one hand and held a whip with the other.
"Hahaha you ladies will
pleasure me and accept my seed into you." Menaced Odie with vile intents
as he whipped the ladies with his wicked whip.
"No you are wrong black
hearted beast we will never allow you to put your dread force into us."
Cried out Kelly Chambers with defiance.
"Oh no you are the one who
is being wrong. You will forget your man Garfield and love me like you loved
him." Laughed Odie with howling as his eye glared with red hot evil.
While Odie was doing his evil a
collector minion came in to report to Odie for evil plans.
"Lord Odie we are ready to
begin first stage of Project Galaxy Crusher." Reported the collector with
obedience.
"Very good soon we will
unleash dogs of war on the Galaxy and capture more females. I NEED more females
to spread my cursed seed." Declared Odie with villain speech as he
clenched his robotic fist.
Meanwhile back on New Earth
Garfield was sharing outdoor meal of lasagna over campfire with tribe of
talking Varren.
"Please all welcome our
honored guest Garfield. He is brave galactic hero." Declared the elder
Varren Chief with respectful dignity.
All of the Varren stood up and
clapped for Garfield. Garfield stood up and gave a manly salute.
"I am just one cat doing
his part to save galaxies." Said Garfield with humble heroism.
As everyone began to sit down
to enjoy Lasagna nutrition a BEAUTIFUL varren princess entered and sat down by
the fire. As he sat down she noticed Garfield and was captivated by his manly
good looks. Garfield noticed her and gave her flirty wink of approval as he
checked out her smooth tight body. Garfield then walked to the Varren Princess
with flirty swagger.
"What is a good looking
Varren princess doing in places like this?" Asked Garfield with sly smirk
on his chiseled face.
"Oh Garfield you make me
blush like ripe barrel of tomatoes." Said the Varren Princess with shy
mumblings.
"Come back to my tent and
I will make you ripe all over." Flirted Garfield with sparkle in his eyes.
"Garfield take me and make
me a woman." Said the Varren Princess as she went with Garfield to
Garfields tent for serious love making.
The BEAUTIFUL Varren princess
leaped on Garfield like a frog on the prowl and rode him like the stallion he
was. But a stallion is a bull and bulls cannot be tamed. Garfield gave her such
force of love that she flew off him like jack in the box. Garfield then leaped
on her and showed her what lovers can really do. Garfield made the Varren
princess howl to the moon with pleasure as they rocked the tent all night long.
That morning Garfield awoke with urgency as he prepared for journeys of heart
and soul.
"Must you leave my meaty
man?" Asked the Varren princess with heartbreak.
"Yes salty slacks I must
go find ship and crew in this wasteland world." Garfield said as he put
cigarette in his mouth and lit with masculinity.
"Garfield you will die in
wastelands! New Earth is death hole!" Cried out the Varren princess with
pleading tongue.
"No planet can kill me. I
tear planet inside and out with my rampaging fists and knock it into black
hole." Declared Garfield as he began to walking into horizon.
"Take care sweet sexy
princess. Remember times we had and lasagna we shared." Said Garfield with
manly calmness as he walked off into blinding red suns.
"What a man." Thought
the BEAUTIFUL Varren princess as she saw Garfield walking way into horizon,
knowing she would not meet such man or be satisfied in such ways as long as she
lived.
Garfield walked many miles and
trekked many kilometers in dry sand. Desert winds blew through his manly orange
hair and the red sun blazed on him with burning rage. Garfield looked at the sun
and spat at it.
"I do not fear you sun!
Come down and fight me like real man!" Roared Garfield with challenge over
the desert sands.
The sun remained silent out of
fear and soon night came. Garfield scoffed at the pitiful suns and walked
further into the desert with courage in his heart. After more traveling in the
distance Garfield saw what looked like roaring flames! Garfield rushed forward
with speed of porcupine to see what madness was this.
"HEEEELP." Screamed
poor defenseless villager.
"What is matter poor
weakling villager?" Asked Garfield with heroic questions.
"We are being attacked by
mutant biker gang!" Cried the villager in desperate tears.
Garfield saw biker mutants
ravaging villages and terrorizing towns peoples. Garfields eyes filled with rage
as he saw the injustices.
"You have ridden your last
ride biker fiends!" Bellowed Garfield as he prepared for combat.
Garfield took his combat knife
with custom lasagna engraving hidden in his boot and threw it at one biker
mutant with force of 1000 megatons. The knife soared through air like a tuna
leaping in triumph and tore through bikers mutants body and impaled him on wall
like shishkabob shrimp.
"I am the knife salesmen,
here is a free sample." Quipped Garfield with hilarity.
After Garfields funny quip he
saw more Biker Mutants performing terror. Garfield took his Desert Eagle out
and aimed with hawks eye and fired shooting four biker mutants with one bullet.
"Like killing birds with
stones." Garfield said with witty humor.
The last Biker mutant than
charged Garfield with smashing in mind. Garfield looked at the fool with fiery
eyes and grabbed stupid biker mutant by the neck and pulled him off the bike
and held him high by the throat.
"Please Garfield let me
live I have family to support." Pleaded the mutant biker with begging.
"You can support your
family as ghost in the mines of hell!" Said Garfield with hot blooded fury
as he crushed the biker mutants neck with his mighty grip making his eyes pop
out of his head.
After disposing of the biker
scum an Asari woman came out to greet Garfield with thanks.
"Thank you Garfield for
saving our village from the Biker mutants. I am Liara T'Snoni." Said the
Asari woman with gratitude.
"Ah yes I have heard you
woman. What are you doing on this place?" Asked Garfield with inquisition.
"I have heard of you too
Garfield. You are mighty galactic warrior of truth and justice. I am searching
for shadow broker on this planet but so far I have no clues." Answered
Liara T'Soni with great admiration and respect of Garfield.
"Yes this is truth. But
where did those biker mutants come from? What is source of this evil?"
Asked Garfield with curious words.
"It is most tragic tale. I
am afraid to say leader of those biker mutants is our old friend Garrus. The
Desert sun has driven him to madness. He now rules biker gangs with iron fist
and terrorizes the land." Liara T'Soni answered with sadness in her heart.
"YOU ARE WOMAN OF LIES.
GARRUS IS COMRADE IN ARMS AND WOULD NOT FALL TO EVIL." Roared Garfield
with disbelief.
"It is sadness but truth.
Garrus has lost his senses. If you must see then go north to their lair of
madness." Liara T'Soni said pointing north to the horizon.
"I will go and prove you
wrong. I will make you eat your words like fresh lasagna being rammed in your
face." Garfield declared with booming voice filled with righteousness as
he walked backed into the desert to prove the innocence of his comrade and find
truth for all.
"God speed Garfield. Only
you can save Garrus from the madness." Whispered Liara T'Soni to herself
as she saw Garfield walk into desert winds with iron will.
To be continued…