Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure Part 13 New Earth: Post Colonial Wasteland!

It was early dew in the morning dripping with moisty sadness when Garfield awoke from long slumber. Where was he? What was he doing?

"Where am I? What am I doing?" Asked Garfield with confusion.

"You are on planet of New Earth." A voiced said from behind a mystery curtain. From behind velvet curtains came a talking Varren!

"Back beast I will crush you with my boot with stamping strength!" Roared Garfield at the talking Varren.

"Fear not brave Garfield we are peaceful talking varren. Radiation gave us talking abilities." Explained the Varren with information.

"What is this?" Pointed Garfield to the world.

"This is New Earth. It was a Human colony world but was abandoned and left a desert radiation wasteland. Now it is world of danger and despair." Said the Talking Varren with sighs of lost hope.

"WHERE IS MY CREW AND SHIP DID YOU EAT THEM FOUL BEASTS?" Raged Garfield with vengeance in his eyes.

"No Garfield you fell from space alone. Your Crew must be elsewhere on the planet." Said the Talking Varren with truth.

"Very well talking creature. I will go on and search for them with navigation like explorer." Declared Garfield like brave frontiersman.

"First please stay for dinner we are having lasagna and you need energy for trials." The talking Varren offered with hospitality.

"Very well show me to your lasagna strange creature." Demanded Garfield with orders.

Meanwhile in Odies Space Fortress, Odie was sitting on his evil skull throne made of bones and spikes plotting his evils. Kelly Chambers, Gabby Daniels and Dr. Chakwas were chained to Odies throne with spiked collars and wearing tight leather bikinis. The rest of the Normany crew were hanging in cages over space piranhas. Odie lounged and relaxed with evil as he sipped baby's blood from a golden jeweled goblet with one hand and held a whip with the other.

"Hahaha you ladies will pleasure me and accept my seed into you." Menaced Odie with vile intents as he whipped the ladies with his wicked whip.

"No you are wrong black hearted beast we will never allow you to put your dread force into us." Cried out Kelly Chambers with defiance.

"Oh no you are the one who is being wrong. You will forget your man Garfield and love me like you loved him." Laughed Odie with howling as his eye glared with red hot evil.

While Odie was doing his evil a collector minion came in to report to Odie for evil plans.

"Lord Odie we are ready to begin first stage of Project Galaxy Crusher." Reported the collector with obedience.

"Very good soon we will unleash dogs of war on the Galaxy and capture more females. I NEED more females to spread my cursed seed." Declared Odie with villain speech as he clenched his robotic fist.

Meanwhile back on New Earth Garfield was sharing outdoor meal of lasagna over campfire with tribe of talking Varren.

"Please all welcome our honored guest Garfield. He is brave galactic hero." Declared the elder Varren Chief with respectful dignity.

All of the Varren stood up and clapped for Garfield. Garfield stood up and gave a manly salute.

"I am just one cat doing his part to save galaxies." Said Garfield with humble heroism.

As everyone began to sit down to enjoy Lasagna nutrition a BEAUTIFUL varren princess entered and sat down by the fire. As he sat down she noticed Garfield and was captivated by his manly good looks. Garfield noticed her and gave her flirty wink of approval as he checked out her smooth tight body. Garfield then walked to the Varren Princess with flirty swagger.

"What is a good looking Varren princess doing in places like this?" Asked Garfield with sly smirk on his chiseled face.

"Oh Garfield you make me blush like ripe barrel of tomatoes." Said the Varren Princess with shy mumblings.

"Come back to my tent and I will make you ripe all over." Flirted Garfield with sparkle in his eyes.

"Garfield take me and make me a woman." Said the Varren Princess as she went with Garfield to Garfields tent for serious love making.

The BEAUTIFUL Varren princess leaped on Garfield like a frog on the prowl and rode him like the stallion he was. But a stallion is a bull and bulls cannot be tamed. Garfield gave her such force of love that she flew off him like jack in the box. Garfield then leaped on her and showed her what lovers can really do. Garfield made the Varren princess howl to the moon with pleasure as they rocked the tent all night long. That morning Garfield awoke with urgency as he prepared for journeys of heart and soul.

"Must you leave my meaty man?" Asked the Varren princess with heartbreak.

"Yes salty slacks I must go find ship and crew in this wasteland world." Garfield said as he put cigarette in his mouth and lit with masculinity.

"Garfield you will die in wastelands! New Earth is death hole!" Cried out the Varren princess with pleading tongue.

"No planet can kill me. I tear planet inside and out with my rampaging fists and knock it into black hole." Declared Garfield as he began to walking into horizon.

"Take care sweet sexy princess. Remember times we had and lasagna we shared." Said Garfield with manly calmness as he walked off into blinding red suns.

"What a man." Thought the BEAUTIFUL Varren princess as she saw Garfield walking way into horizon, knowing she would not meet such man or be satisfied in such ways as long as she lived.

Garfield walked many miles and trekked many kilometers in dry sand. Desert winds blew through his manly orange hair and the red sun blazed on him with burning rage. Garfield looked at the sun and spat at it.

"I do not fear you sun! Come down and fight me like real man!" Roared Garfield with challenge over the desert sands.

The sun remained silent out of fear and soon night came. Garfield scoffed at the pitiful suns and walked further into the desert with courage in his heart. After more traveling in the distance Garfield saw what looked like roaring flames! Garfield rushed forward with speed of porcupine to see what madness was this.

"HEEEELP." Screamed poor defenseless villager.

"What is matter poor weakling villager?" Asked Garfield with heroic questions.

"We are being attacked by mutant biker gang!" Cried the villager in desperate tears.

Garfield saw biker mutants ravaging villages and terrorizing towns peoples. Garfields eyes filled with rage as he saw the injustices.

"You have ridden your last ride biker fiends!" Bellowed Garfield as he prepared for combat.

Garfield took his combat knife with custom lasagna engraving hidden in his boot and threw it at one biker mutant with force of 1000 megatons. The knife soared through air like a tuna leaping in triumph and tore through bikers mutants body and impaled him on wall like shishkabob shrimp.

"I am the knife salesmen, here is a free sample." Quipped Garfield with hilarity.

After Garfields funny quip he saw more Biker Mutants performing terror. Garfield took his Desert Eagle out and aimed with hawks eye and fired shooting four biker mutants with one bullet.

"Like killing birds with stones." Garfield said with witty humor.

The last Biker mutant than charged Garfield with smashing in mind. Garfield looked at the fool with fiery eyes and grabbed stupid biker mutant by the neck and pulled him off the bike and held him high by the throat.

"Please Garfield let me live I have family to support." Pleaded the mutant biker with begging.

"You can support your family as ghost in the mines of hell!" Said Garfield with hot blooded fury as he crushed the biker mutants neck with his mighty grip making his eyes pop out of his head.

After disposing of the biker scum an Asari woman came out to greet Garfield with thanks.

"Thank you Garfield for saving our village from the Biker mutants. I am Liara T'Snoni." Said the Asari woman with gratitude.

"Ah yes I have heard you woman. What are you doing on this place?" Asked Garfield with inquisition.

"I have heard of you too Garfield. You are mighty galactic warrior of truth and justice. I am searching for shadow broker on this planet but so far I have no clues." Answered Liara T'Soni with great admiration and respect of Garfield.

"Yes this is truth. But where did those biker mutants come from? What is source of this evil?" Asked Garfield with curious words.

"It is most tragic tale. I am afraid to say leader of those biker mutants is our old friend Garrus. The Desert sun has driven him to madness. He now rules biker gangs with iron fist and terrorizes the land." Liara T'Soni answered with sadness in her heart.

"YOU ARE WOMAN OF LIES. GARRUS IS COMRADE IN ARMS AND WOULD NOT FALL TO EVIL." Roared Garfield with disbelief.

"It is sadness but truth. Garrus has lost his senses. If you must see then go north to their lair of madness." Liara T'Soni said pointing north to the horizon.

"I will go and prove you wrong. I will make you eat your words like fresh lasagna being rammed in your face." Garfield declared with booming voice filled with righteousness as he walked backed into the desert to prove the innocence of his comrade and find truth for all.

"God speed Garfield. Only you can save Garrus from the madness." Whispered Liara T'Soni to herself as she saw Garfield walk into desert winds with iron will.

To be continued…