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The Redesignation of Pluto

By Devon Smith



Rating: Humorous(though PG would fit too)

Author's Note: This story came to me as I heard that the International

Astronomer Union was going to decide whether to reclassify the planet Pluto.

Pluto would lose its Planet status to become either a "minor planet" or a

Trans-Neptunian object.



It was a sunny day in California as the International Astronomers Union had

a meeting of great importance. In the large conference hall, all sorts of

Astronomers from around the world sat at tables waiting for the big event.



A rather distinguished looking gentleman approached the lectern at the front

of the hall and addressed the audience.



"As you know," he said, "later this month we will decide whether or not to

declassify Pluto as a Planet and redesignate it as something else. Someone

who has a stake in this matter has asked to address our Union, and we have

given her that courtesy. I present to you all, Sailor Pluto."



The announcer pointed at the lovely Sailor Pluto who now approached the

lectern. The distinguished gentleman took his seat. "Thank you, sir," said

Sailor Pluto in a dignified matter. "As you all know, I am Sailor Pluto and

as you can surmise, I am a senshi of the planet Pluto. At least, I will be

until you redesignate Pluto."



One of the crowd stood up and yelled, "I don't see how you have any bearing

on what designation we give any heavenly body."



Sailor Pluto gave the heckler a gaze like daggers. Intimidated, the heckler

sat down. "I have lived for thousands of years. Pluto had at one time

sustained a colony. That fact alone should alone it to keep its planetary

status."



Another person from the crowd stood up. "We could establish colonies on the

moon. Does that make it a planet? Besides, how do you account for Pluto's

eccentric orbit. It is better that we classify it as a Trans-Neptunian

object."



"Uranus is better suited to be a Trans-Neptunian object," said Sailor Pluto

with a wry smile on her face. The entire hall looked confused at this

statement. Sailor Pluto turned back to the matter at hand. "Pluto, as you

may know it or not, has a rich history that you will disdain by calling it a

Trans-Neptunian Object or a Minor Planet."



Another astronomer stood up. "Giving Pluto a designation of Minor Planet

10,000 would be a great honour. Besides, it would have a nice round number."



Now, Sailor Pluto's face was turning a visible shade of red. The astronomer

meekly took his seat. "Have you all completely missed the point?" she yelled

to them all. "Then I'll show you."



Pluto's time key instantly materialized in her hand. She raised the key

above her head and the room started to dim, fading from view. The conference

hall soon changed into some location outside. The astronomers looked up to

find themselves enclosed in a huge dome. The sun was in the sky, but it was

hardly the bright and massive dominator of the sky that it was on Earth.

They were obviously on Pluto. The astronomers looked around, most picking

out Pluto's satellite Charon, but they also observed the extensive

agricultural activity that was going on the planet. Men and women were out

tending the fields, growing a variety of wondrous and alien crops.



Five minutes after observing this world, it faded from view to be replaced

with the conference hall.



"Do you now understand?" asked Sailor Pluto.



The astronomers nodded to each other. One astronomer got up and said, "You

are right, Sailor Pluto, the designation of Trans-Neptunian or Minor Planet

is wrong for Pluto." Sailor Pluto nodded, happy that someone had

acknowledged the truth. "We should form a new designation of Minor

Colonizationable Bodies. Pluto could be the first."



Pluto had enough of this, so she decided to do the world a favour. "Dead

Scream," she said in a even voice. The conference hall was destroyed in the

temporal storm that followed killing all of the astronomers.



And so, peace was restored to the world, all thanks to the efforts of Sailor

Pluto.



"You're making fun of me."



Huh? What was that?



"It's me, Sailor Pluto. I am not that reckless."



Hey, wait a minute, you're not supposed to hear me, I am the author. I am

omnipotent.



"You tangle with forces you can't possibly understand. When you try to bend

time and space to your will, it will snap back."



So, when I tampered with time and space, I created an awareness of me...in

you?



"Your characterization of me is way off. Trans-Neptunian, indeed, I wouldn't

make jokes like that."



You gotta admit, it's funny.



"It is not funny, it's just sick. It's time I take over this story."



You can't take over. It's my story. Watch this.



Pluto was about to take over the story but got caught in a temporal

disturbance.



"Is that the best you can do?



"Since Sailor Pluto is the master of time and space, you avoids the temporal

disturbance, sending it deftly back at the author."



What, you can't do that....Aieeeee.



"The author is swallowed never to be seen from again.



"The End.



"Disclaimer: Sailor Pluto is property of me. If you try to use my person in

your fanfic, you better consult me first. As to the other characters in this

fanfic, since the author is dead, you can use them all you want.



"If you belong to the International Astronomers Union, you better think

twice before renaming Pluto. I won't let you rename me as Sailor

Trans-Neptunian Object 1."



--- The End ---



Disclaimer: Sailor Pluto belongs to a variety of company and people whose

names I can't remember at the moment.



Comments, criticisms, conjecture, condemnation, critiques, compliments,

complaints, capitalist or communist manifesto are all welcome at

devons@direct.ca.