Torn Apart The thunder crashes outside my window. I shiver, not from the cold but from my mind.. I look around the room, the things that once brought me the greatest joy, now only remind me of him. The starlight locket shines as brightly as ever. It mocks me. Mocks me of the love I can no longer have. I look at the other empty spot on bed. That’s where my ray of sunshine once was. Not anymore. Mamo-chan and ChibiUsa. The Locket clasp unhinges itself, and the melody I once treasured above all, brings another wave of a dying soul’s tears down my already sore cheek. I want to scream in pain, but I can’t. Not that anyone would hear me, oh no, but because I can’t stand not knowing why. Why it happened to me. Luna I had watch over Ami-chan. I didn’t want her to see me like this. My family has already left me. I wish my ray of hope was here to comfort me. ChibiUsa, my little spore. You were a pain, but I felt ‘right’ with you. I know much we argued, but I liked it. I remember how you made Mamo-chan smile. I remember the way Mamo-chan’s eyes lit up when you were around. I remember how I wanted to be like you, how I wanted the special quality that you had. I remember how much I wanted to make him smile. Not anymore. I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want that sweet touching quality poisoned by whatever it was in me that Mamo-chan loathed so much, to poison your sweet self. When I recall your sweet face, I almost have to smile. I don’t smile anymore. All I do is cry. The scene of last night replays itself over and over in my mind. I see over and over how I killed you my Usa. That stupid attack. I see it again and again. It was supposed to hit Rubius. Not you. I see it fly right past him again and again. I see it slowly fly past his head, over and over. I see your face twisted in fear and anguish. I hear your pathetic wail as your body collapsed. I remember the screams of anguish. I cannot decide which was worse the actual knowledge of being the one to strike you down, or the fact my soul is gone. You had a piece of my soul ChibiUsa. You did. I remember the way Tuxedo Kamen and I raced over to you. I remember his cold words. ‘I can’t love you Usa. I never will again. You took away my ChibiUsa! Leave my sight. Everyone you touch is cursed.’ I remember lifting your limp body in my arms. I remember it ChibiUsa. I don’t know if you knew this, but I loved you as much as Mamo-chan. Forgive me ChibiUsa. A streak of bright lightning cuts through the dark sky. Thunder crashes, but I am not scared. Thunder doesn’t effect me anymore. I remember how I used to need someone when a storm passed through. Now I don’t need anyone. I am glad I am alone, because I don’t think I could handle the company of anyone. I know they all blame me, but I don’t mind. They blame Usagi-chan. I don’t care that they hate me. I am dying. Mamo-chan. My soul. I miss you most of all. I wish I knew what was wrong with me. I wish I could see it. 1000 years ago you and I loved each other very much. Enough to die for each other. Then when we are brought back, we don’t like each other. Then when we get your memories back, you love meagain. Then you die and Beryl enslaves you. Then when you get your memories back we die again. We come back you don’t like me much. Now you got your memories back and we can love each other again. Only now you say you don’t love me anymore. I guess you found something in me that was so terrible it ruined your love for me. I poisoned you. I spoiled the glory in you. Without you I am nothing. When you are Endymion, I was Selenity. When you were Tuxedo Mask I was Sailor Moon. I am nothing without you. I am nothing without you and ChibiUsa. The locket shimmers and the music still lingers. I wish I would die. I reach over and absent mindedly stroke an old object my father once had. As I cry, I realize that the answer is still there. I pick up the gun. I grab a piece of paper and a pen. I write this on my paper. "For Luna so she can guard a more able senshi. Take the locket I transform with to remember me by. I do this for Ami-chan so she can study and love Urawa without worrying about me. For Rei so she can try to love my Mamo-chan as much as I did. For Mako-chan, go ahead and try to go after Motoki. He deserves a woman like you. For Minako, I do this so you can lead the senshi once more. Artemis I do it so you can help the leader of the senshi. For ChibiUsa so you don’t have to die alone. Most of all for my Mamo-chan. Now you won’t have to live with whatever you hated in me. I love you all. Most of all you, My Mamo-chan. You are always with me. I will be with you, should you ever need me, I am watching over you. Protect Naru as well. Keep the world safe. I loved you with all my heart Mamo-chan. I was nothing without you all. Mamo-chan I love you. All my Love, Usagi" I checked the gun. One bullet. I put the safety off. I touched my locket. It still mocks me. I placed the gun in my mouth. I pulled the trigger. I felt my blood trickled and flow out of me. As I die my, our song plays. "I love you Mamo-chan." In the dark alone I die. ------------------------------------ AUTHOR’S NOTES I wrote this to express the grief I felt for Usagi. I will come out with a sequel, which will explain what happened. It will be just as dark as this one. Okay don’t send pointless flames. Constructive critism is fine. I don’t care if you praise me or not. Oh, if you like Cape-boy, er Tuxedo Mask I don’t need you telling me how great he is. I just don’t like him. He treats Usagi terrible so please don’t defend me around him. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------