Disclaimer: The ‘Dis’ is misleading.
By CheeseWeasel(LemoN)
RCOTIC 15:
Part B
Ry’la died. It was congestive heart failure. It was all over the news. Boss Lord Pig needed a new second in command. Ry’la was a top student all those months ago at the Dark Mage Academy, she came from a submarine royal family and they mightn’t be too happy now. In fact they aren’t happy. In fact this may be what the chapter is about.
But that’s really enough facts, Last issue we left Majorine pinned to a wall. And she shall remain there for several more paragraphs. Because Vlad and Leslie have reached a consensus with Sven and Doris that something will happen and it may be bad, so they go off to gather the legion of aging Vikings and amazons. In a misjudgment, they leave Castrati Bob 2 alone in their haste. Trati, his mind full of vengeance for his father and over-romanticized tales from the high seas, goes to seek out a ship. He comes to an establishment, he bellows, “I seek a ship for extralegal ventures.” “Here, Here,” a resonant voice booms. “What is your name, sir?” Asks the ‘Trati. “Arr, they call me DeepThroat the Pirate, for my love of seafaring at the expense of governmental mores and my unusual vocal cavity. What be ye called?” a white man with a bandana and mild facial hair explains. “My name is Trati and that’s all you need to know.” “That’s fine with me.”
Elsewhere, specifically Das Bowl Bowling Alley, Shadow and Maggott are playing Air Hockey. A little old man, called Odd-Looking Old Man watches their game pensively.
The Fire-breathing Ducks lurk lurkingly in the shadows of the firm of Anders, Burke, and Leroy. It is at this time that Anders Alberts walks from the front door to her car, she is the last to leave the building. She pushes the door, and doesn’t notice as it refuses to shut. The Eye-Patch Duck nods at Norton, the human member of the fire breathing ducks. Eye-Patch Duck knew there would be a time when opposable thumbs came in handy. They sneaked sneakingly around the building until they came to the office of Leroy, the armadillo. “Qua qua, qua-qua-quac-qua” quacks the libel duck.
It is at this time that Leroy receives a call, it is Inez. “Hello, Leroy. Is Vlad or Leslie there?” “No, I’m afraid they aren’t.” “Well, when you see them, ask them what they’ve done with my son.” “Ok,” “Oh, you’re patient is conscious. You may come pick her up at any time.” There were few things that Leroy would admit that he didn’t understand. Those things had been popping up a lot more frequently recently. He knew at one point, Boss Lord Pig had greatly and negatively affected his ancestors. He had seen their crystallized remains when he got that shade item in North America. Maybe he was lonely, maybe he saw her as information into Boss Lord Pig’s hand, either way he felt terrible about rescuing her and that just made him feel worse. Upon Inez’ lab now, he fumbled with his tie. It resembled a smiling face that was visible only to him. He looked for some significance, but he’d worn that tie almost his entire adult life. He couldn’t remember if it was supposed to mean something. Inez opened the door, she looked terrible. Hygienic, as one was supposed to be in her profession, but terrible. “Hey, 3rd door on your left. But you knew that?” She said. She didn’t come with him, he didn’t expect her to, part of himself still blamed him for Post Officer Bob’s death. She was a lot closer to him, he was her husband, the hostility was to be expected. In the room, there was a bed where the girl named Emily had been comatose for all these days now. “Hi, I’m Leroy.” The Armadillo said. “I know I’ve watched you from a far. Mine’s Emily.” said the disheveled Butter-crust girl. “Have you come to take me home with you?” “I believe I have.”
Majorine has been waiting patiently for a paragraph. She’d been stabbed through the hand for the apparently mortal impaling of Steve Deception. She was on a job to collect the green glowy thing for Eli, a second hand shop owner who regularly dabbles with her thief brethren. She was currently cursing Eli in her head. She was a very successful thief, before she had her child, who was currently as far as she was concerned either in/or on her way to Northward or the Karl’s Chinese Food Emporium HeadQuarters. (But we know she’s really in space.) Only one person had ever prevented her theft and that was Razor Nick who unfortunately was her captor at this time. Razor nick had a bond with Steve Deception, they both had vision of the same Suicide Faerie of Love, the oft-misunderstood toaster pastry-esque, Sykamore and their younger relative Seige and Quarelle were hitting it off rather well. Razor Nick, being long-winded and soliloquieic, ranted at the enpinned thief, oblivious of the green glowy thing’s vast regenerative power as was currently active on Steve Deception. Steve tapped Nick on the shoulder. Outside, Seige and Quarelle kissed magically, and a large portion of the city of Mountainous including the home of our most beautiful character Steve Deception was demolished by the space ship The Jumbo Shrimp. The glowy thing protected the 3 named characters and their next generation counterparts, i.e. Seige and Quarelle, were also unaffected. And came running towards the wreckage of their former abode. Gelatinous aliens with questionable bone structure exploded from the ship all over the 3 mile radius, also from the ship emerged the vastly aged Shu, Chinese Place Stu, and Asesina. Chinese Place Stu’s blond highlights had grayed to a grayish gray and his fu manchu rivaled that of any sage in a martial arts movie. Asesina, despite being born less than an Earth year ago, was close to Quarelle’s age, and had developed a powerful nicotine habit to help her survive in limited atmosphere. “Hi Razor,” Shu, KCFE’s global night security manager and Chinese Place Stu’s full human half-brother said “How you doing?” “Well, my house was destroyed, I’m unemployed due to a vast tidal wave demolishing the Strip Mall of Doom, and I was in the process of being robbed by your brother’s child’s mother,” Majorine waves with her now free but still impaled hand. “I’ve been better.” “Oh, well I suppose that is a might suck, but you see I’ve been a slave to junk-food loving aliens with questionable bone structure for the equivalent of 16 years.” Chinese Place Stu waves 2 fingers to verify his half brother’s statement. “I’d actually like to talk about that.” Pipes up Majorine. “Stu, you’ve been a major player in my life thus far, but you’re not nearly dependable enough to meet my needs in this relationship.”
“Oh,” Chinese Place Stu said. And with that dozens and dozens of torrents flooded the city, the globe really. For the Kraken was angry, and wished to send the pig a message. The green glowy thing protected our relevant characters. Emily held onto Leroy as he dug for cover. Robyn and family, suspiciously absent from this chapter floated on Bernie. Boss Lord Pig struggled down through the pulsating sea towards a door. A door which may contain something of intrigue.
