Disclaimer: Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. Unless it belongs to someone else.
It has been said that if you confess your sins, they won’t come true. But what has happened occurred, and I’m not at liberty to change that. It’s so easy to forget, but who would want to. By the way, My name’s Vlad. 34 years ago I was born into this world. I majored in Anthropology (which is a cheap way for authors of futuristic stories to include current pop-culture references). But no one is interested in the past. So, I go with my secondary skill of being big, and I bounce at Blockbuster videostore. I have feathery Blonde hair, and I live in the mountains of Eurasia with my two friends, Majorine and Leroy. Majorine is a professional thief and rather nocturnal. She’s got Elfish ears which are pierced a couple dozen times and corrective lenses which are tinted red. Leroy is an armadillo and a certified public accountant. He’s here with me right now. We’re discussing robots. I think he must have seen a newscast about it. But I know my robots, I’m an Anthropology major.
We might get hungry later. I’ve decided to call in some Chinese food. And there’s no better place for Chinese food then Karl’s Chinese Food Emporium. We know the delivery guy, nice guy. We call him Chinese Place Stu. He’s got incubus heritage I don’t know where his mother’s family originated from. He’s not particularly fond of being an incubus. He always tells me as much as he tries to resist the urge is always there. I order Sesame Beef. We don’t particularly like it but it’s something we usually all consent to. Compromise is the order of the day.
The phone’s ringing. I’d better pick it up. Because I have opposable thumbs and am conscious, Nyaah(Sound of distaste). It’s Robin. Robin reminds me of Janine from the Ghostbuster movies. She’s the receptionist for the Global Cleansing and Morality Coalition(GCMC). GCMC is the current world power. Yeah, I didn’t tell you, did I? When we’re not working or sleeping, we attempt to oust the GCMC. Why fight the garbage collectors? Can’t you see the beauty of a clean street? Those are the questions you may be asking. The past is what it is and we are the victim of it. And perhaps we had a good time. Aren’t our scars worth saving? So who leads the GCMC. A guy named Boss Lord Pig. He’s a pig. A cloven-hoofed mammal available in pink or black or brown or spotted. He’s obese and uses a wheeled board to get around. People used to eat his kind, his kind used to eat his kind. And now he’s the ruling force of the world. Such is politics.
Robin said to meet some troops at 2:30. Leroy and I went out to meet them and left some money with Majorine, asleep to give to a rapist-ghost delivery-boy. Yeah, not one of our best decisions, but then again maybe not. Anyway, It’s a couple thousand on two. But we’re magic, and determined, and ever the best of friends. We have this one move called Armadillo Bowling. In it, I throw Leroy and he knocks people down and they run away and swear revenge. It’s fun stuff.
So, we return home. In hopes of an evening of fine cuisine, quality programming, and insufficient sleep. So there’s Chinese Place Stu sitting in a chair in our house, attempting to push his eyebrows up off his face. “Hey.” I say. “Hey,” he says. “Hey.” Leroy says. “How long have you been here?” “A while.” He says. “The food?” say I. “Refridg’rator” he says. “The money?” “We gave it to Majorine. She was asleep.” I say. “We lost that money.” Leroy says and takes out some money. He gives the money to Chinese Place Stu. Majorine, groggy comes down the steps. “Hey,” she says. Chinese Place Stu question-smiles.