An Anti-Tribute to Bush

written by jacques

First off, I'd like to thank the 2700 people that read my Moby article yesterday. Actually, i'd only like to thank those who didn't call me "childish" or "stupid" or "world's greatest fag-ass." But when you speak what's on your mind using false information and malicious lies, it's bound to draw a certain level of controversy. My personal favorite comment is: "this guys article is about as informed as an american housewife in the russian mob." Good shit! If anyone is interested in viewing the comments, all you gotsta do is click here.
"We’ve loved Bush lead singer Gavin Rossdale since, like, forever." - Stupid Bush Fan

"Bush is nothing to get your dick hard about, if you know what I mean." - Billy Corgan

Today's inaccurate rant belongs to the British quartet Bush. They first started ripping off Nirvana and other grunge bands around 1994 with their "beautiful" album Sixteen Stone, featuring the hits "Glycerine", "Machinehead", and "Everything Zen," all of which are absolutely terrible songs. You know the beginning of the "Zen" song with the annoying guitar/airplane sound. That was the sound of my doom, broadcast over radio and television for roughly two years. And then "Machinehead": i think our friend Gavin managed to set a new record by saying the title of the song in the song over one million times. I will not even speak of "Glycerine." It's best that we all try to forget that song.

Then in the lovely year of 1996, Bush broke "new" ground with their tragic epic Razorblade Suitcase. And the only song that barely resembled a hit was "Swallowed," the most annoying thing on the radio at the time, possibly of all time. It came close to beating the record still held by "Machinehead," but it only managed to repeat the song title 800,000 times during the song's length.

Then they came out out with a remix album that no one bought.

Bush's latest album is The Science of Things featuring the hit song "The Chemicals Between Us." I think i heard this song before. Maybe. I guess it's that forgetable. Also expendable. As a quick side note, CDNow's album advisor says that if you like Bush, then you should check out Kid Rock, Live, and Everlast. God.

But really, who gives a flying fuck about Bush? It all about Gavin! Sorry, but he's hot!

He's the pretty boy that i suppose makes the music bareable to 14-year-old girls, much like the Backstreet Boys and Johnny Winters. Wait.....anyways, let's check out his profile, stolen from one of the thousands of Bush sites i had to trudge through to give you, my 3 beautiful readers, enough information and propaganda to hate Bush with the unearthly disgust and repulsion that i do. Oh yeah, the profile...

color: blue
bands: pixies, breeders, elvis, sex pistols, nirvana, janes addiction, moby
poet/poem: Allen Ginsberg/Howl

Moby! No! He likes Moby - i see now what's wrong. And he lists Nirvana as one of his favorite bands. I guess it should say "bands I rip off whenever i write music". His choices of blue and Howl are so juvenille and basic that it's sad. It looks like my AOL profile when i was 15. Here's a quick revision:

color: white
bands: beatles, nirvana, pearl jam, papa roach, limp bizkit
poet/poem: Jesus/the Bible

There, that's as boring a profile as i can make. But the following passage from an interview with Bush is the main reason the band should be silenced forever.

Gavin and lead guitarist Nigel Pulsford responding to statements that Bush is a rip-off of Nirvana:

Gavin:There are a million Nirvana sound-alike bands. I mean, if we really wanted to sound like Nirvana, we could get a lot closer. It's far easier to duplicate that than to try and do something original. The Smashing Pumpkins had this same thing. Gish [Caroline, 1991] came out and it sounded like Jane's Addiction. That first track, "I Am One," sounded like a cross between Guns N' Roses' "Paradise City" and Jane's Addiction. Without a doubt. Suddenly, Siamese Dream [Virgin, 1993] becomes this de rigueur record and they're launched as Smashing Pumpkins. Now there's this Mellon Collie, and it sounds like...

PULSFORD: Elton John.

ROSSDALE: Well, Elton John at the beginning-horrible piano. But it sounds like they want to be some sort of a hi-fi coffee-table rock band now. It's quite heavy metal, some of it? I think it's horrible. PULSFORD: It sounds like Judas Priest.

ROSSDALE: Which you can hear on the record. I've only heard it once. I bought it and then gave it to someone. I thought it would be really good.

GUITARWORLD: Well, Billy Corgan makes no bones about liking all that ...


ROSSDALE: And he doesn't make any bones about putting it on his record, either. You can hear that he likes heavy metal. I don't even know what Black Sabbath sounds like.

[taken from Guitar World magazine, 1997]

Holy fuck, they made fun of the Smashing Pumpkins. I can't believe the gall. I mean if you make bland, uninspired music, that's fine. But to actually have the nerve to put down a band with talent and a great track record because you don't even know their influences is downright sinful. A mortal sin at that. The last few comments they made can be summerized as such: "Heavy metal is crap. I've never heard heavy metal."....Jeez louise, they're so stupid. That's it! They're dumb! That's all i had to say. I didn't need to spend hours and endless hours scouring Alta Vista and Bush fan sites looking for all this pointless information, because when it all comes down to it, it's all just my opinion. They suck! So from now on, all articles will be two-to-three words long: things like "they suck" or "they rock" or "ehh, it's ok".

So what's up with Bush right now? They have signed a multi-album, worldwide recording contract with Atlantic Records. They are currently at work on their debut album for the label, slated for release in September. I cannot wait....I've read somewhere that the music you listen to in your first car is the music that stays with you the rest of your life, no matter what other music may get into. I hope this isn't true for those that used to like Bush. God bless you.

Links of Passing Interest.....(all will open in a new window)

Stupid people...Gav&GwenXOXOXOXO

Mark claims to own Moby's Soul...Moby Music

A Smashing Pumpkins comic strip? Holy Shit!...Billy the Egomaniac

Helpful anti-Bush website...Bu$h Sucks

Super totally awesome cool yeah!...Bad Boy Brandon

Thanks to the Smashing Pumpkins Message Board for finding the Bush quote for me.....SP Message Board

written by jacques
copyright coffeeam 2001