An Anti-Tribute to Bush

written by jacques

"Let me die for Rock'n'Roll" - Billy Corgan, Heavy Metal Machine

Where do i begin today's rant? There are so many ways that Coffee After Midnight's main enemy Moby is currently warping minds young and old. First, let's take a look at the man behind the destruction. And don't be fooled by his innocent looks...

Born Richard Melville Hall in September 1965 in New York, Moby is currently a DJ, recording artist, Christian, and vegan. He refuses to travel anywhere by car because of the environmental considerations. He feels that dance music is the new punk. He is a skinny white boy with a shaved head. I hate his existance.

Point One: Now, for all you vegans and vegetarians out there, you may not like this. I respect the self-discipline that it takes to follow your strict rules concerning what to eat, be it for whatever reason: health, animal sympathy, and environmental concerns. But don't fucking preach to me. I'm hungry, and I must eat something. Against veganism for health: I know a vegan who is sick all the time because she only eats little pieces of nothing every day, and she never gets all the nutrition she could easily get from cheese or beef...Against veganism for animal sympathy: killing anything is not always wrong. Animals kill each other for their own survival, much like i eat dead animals so that i may live. You might as well refuse to walk because of all the bugs that you will step on...Against veganism for environmental concerns: This i believe is the biggest, most logical reason for not eating animals. We all know how rainforests all over the world are being destroyed for Burger King cattle, etc. This sucks. But much chicken is raised in farms in America. No rainforest destruction. Problem solved.

OK, sorry for going off, but i just had to say that meat-eaters are not savages. And also, it tastes fucking good. But anyway, I hate self-righteous Moby-fucks that bash those that live like normal people, people much like everybody's ancestors that ate meat.

Point Two: Dance music is the new punk, eh? Let's check out the major differences:

Musical Style:Short, loud, fastLong, loud, repetitive
Substances:AlcoholDesigner drugs
Physical Pain:Bloody noseBloody spine
Clothes:Ripped, dirty shirtsBig pants
Desires:RevolutionTo dance more

The differences are quite clear, and the point made: society is becoming pussy, which leads to...

Point Three: Moby of the perfect example of what society is turning people into: mindless, pointless, computer-drones, sterile minds, clean bodies, perfect health, fitter, happier, more productive....He is the role model of the anti-life, free of emotion, troubles, and dirt.

I was thinking about this a little too much it seems, and this it what i figured out...I remember someone telling me a long time ago that aliens were actually humans from the future. They live on another planet, and they visit us in the present to study ways that they might change things for their future benefit. So if this theory is true, then many factors would lead to humans becoming like alien-looking creatures.

Start out with monkeys. They were small and hairy. Gradually, they became bigger, lost a lot of their hair, and stood upright. In order for humans to become the stereotypical alien, we would have to lose all our hair, have larger heads, maintain expressionless faces, and lose any sexual differences or characteristics. And who, my kind readers, is the poster child of this transition?

That's right. It's isn't too hard to see. Moby is attempting to evolve humanity into souless creatures! He must be stopped! I hear that he wants forced castration for all male members of America so that the super-human/aliens can start being cloned in labortaries. He uses his stupid, brainwashing music to spread the word of his future plans, or at least to make his future laws easier to accept once the aliens take control of the government. Why do you think his songs are so commericalized?

Point Four: I've read similiar philosophies concerning the following information, but this is the best way of expressing what i want to say.....

"Mephistopheles, to be brief, is a Devil who masquerades as a "good" or helpful being, while at heart he is an insidiously evil being. He is real, and at the same time symbolic of Satan who appears as an angel of light"

.....Moby acts like a "good" being, but of course as we have just realized, he is Satan himself! Things seem to be getting worse and worse for our "friend."

So in conclusion, don't buy any Moby albums, avoid organizations that Moby supports (CK jeans,, NRA, NAMBLA), and most importantly, don't listen to his music. If one of his songs comes on in a bar, help out your already-corrupt friends by smashing in the jukebox. Call in bomb threats to radio stations spreading the madness. And while i'm telling you what to do, you really shouldn't listen to the Dave Matthews Band. They're talented, but they suck.

Links of Passing Interest.....

Louisiana calls Darwin a racist...Darwin is Hitler

The Kate Winslet Nude Scene Extravaganza....Famous Boobies

written by jacques
copyright coffeeam 2001