Dear Some Chick We Don't Know:
We here at the Flu Shots Are Awesome(!) Love Department
do not give out advice or consult to letters or scenarios such as this...
We feel that it is much too childish and naive.
-Moses & SiD
Dear Moses & SiD:
help me please!! ok well i like need ur help cuz theres this guy and
hes in
my science class and since the beginning of the year i always thought
he was
cute and then we were assigned to sit next to each other in class and
we have
a LOT in common and hes REALLY nice to me and my friends say that he
likes
me. i was planning to go to this concert and he said he was going too.
then
later i find out my friend isnt going anymore and Bill (the guy) was
like
telling me to go by myself, i said no cuz ill look stupid. after a
week of
him bothering me to go, he offers to go with me but he doesnt have
tickets
and theyre sold out so i got really mad. but the problem is that EVERYBODY
thinks he likes me and i like him too but he likes a lot of other girls
so im
confused!!!! cuz he tellz me he likes some girl named Alise and my
friends
tell me he flirts a lot so i dont know for sure if he likes me.
should i let
him know i like him or should i just forget about it? thanks for listening
-Confused in Illinois
Dear Confused in Illinois:
We here in the FSAA Love department don't blame you for you confusion.
A lot of teenage boys flirt a lot. No matter what you think this
cannot be helped, because it is due to what us (s)experts call "hormones."
Even though you can't stop his slutiness, you can use this strategy:
First have one of your friends who are also his friend descreetly tell
him what you think of him. After this is finished, start talking
to him a bit more than usual, then, taking it to the next step give him
a handjob. The experts agree that the "old fashioned hand job trick"
almost never fails and at least guarantees to pleasure him. If he
doesn't pick up on it by then, buy yourslef a cattle prod, some mace, a
club, and a few feet of rope. Hog tie him, and beat and torture him
with the club, mace, and cattle prod until he gives in.
-Moses & SiD
p.s. "Disposition"
Dear Moses & SiD:
I met this guy named alex doubleday, and um he's pretty hott! and I
love him!
what do you think i should do about it? I don't think he likes me or
even
knows who I am, what do you think?
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous:
Alex Doubleday...you mean Moses? Moses is a great man of divine
enlightenment now (aka Doctor of Divinity) and no longer believes in the
concept of love at first sight. Therefore stating that he cannot
have feelings proportional to yours. However he would be willing
to establish an elaborate relationship with you until you meet him.
- SiD
-helpless in az!!
Dear Helpless in AZ:
We think (and remember we are the highest, most experienced sources
for relationship enlightenment), that you should just get with this guy,
this girl that the guy you like likes, as well as with the guy that you
like and have a full-blown orgy! That way, you would eliminate and avoid
(be evasive toward or to) all relationship hassles. Plus, you'd get
a lot of sex.
-Moses & SiD
