LIFE AND LIVING
here's a conversation i just had with dave i might want to reference later.
3.4.2 2.41am
m0ngol0id: rollerball deputydoofus: yup. deputydoofus: that was one hell of a movie. m0ngol0id: indeed m0ngol0id: i started a series of paintings today m0ngol0id: ill see what you think deputydoofus: alright m0ngol0id: im making paintings of road signs m0ngol0id: the idea is this: m0ngol0id: they are designs and objects which the mind already knows m0ngol0id: and has associations with deputydoofus: yes... m0ngol0id: and putting that design on canvas forces you to discard that m0ngol0id: and... deputydoofus: yes. m0ngol0id: i was driving a couple days ago.. and saw a right turn left turn only lane sign m0ngol0id: and almost wrecked it was so beautiful deputydoofus: hmm. deputydoofus: my favorite sign I've ever seen was a sign that said "Caution Dead Children" m0ngol0id: haha m0ngol0id: deaf children?? deputydoofus: It was like a Children at play sign deputydoofus: i'm pretty sure they replaced the letter f with d. m0ngol0id: thats pretty good m0ngol0id: so.. give me some feed back m0ngol0id: not.. that it will change anything deputydoofus: ok. deputydoofus: wait, feedback? m0ngol0id: hehe m0ngol0id: yeah m0ngol0id: what do you think of this idea of mine deputydoofus: ah... deputydoofus: well, it's a good idea. deputydoofus: ... deputydoofus: hold on deputydoofus: ... deputydoofus: give me an example of a specific painting. m0ngol0id: its.. 2 my 3' m0ngol0id: vertical m0ngol0id: with the left turn right turn only sign meticulously reproduced m0ngol0id: if you dont know which im speaking of: deputydoofus: well, what about the context makes it seem strange? deputydoofus: is it just a road sign with nothing else? m0ngol0id: it is a curved arrow starting at the top/middle that ends to the right middle m0ngol0id: and another starting above the word 'ONLY' curving left m0ngol0id: yes deputydoofus: ah. m0ngol0id: and mind you, i will experiment with different setting deputydoofus: well, i can see how this could be of what you speak. deputydoofus: "road signs as art" deputydoofus: do you have a reason why you chose that specific sign? m0ngol0id: i thought it was beautiful m0ngol0id: the way the lines work together m0ngol0id: or against each other m0ngol0id: and the word ONLY deputydoofus: good reason. m0ngol0id: impyling you have 2 contradictory choices deputydoofus: i'm not certain how my stop signs you could go through before this became..."Boring Painting" deputydoofus: painting stop signs is better than just taking pictures of them. deputydoofus: though. deputydoofus: or traffic signs, not stop... m0ngol0id: right m0ngol0id: and i'll find out m0ngol0id: i wasnt intending to paint road signs for the rest of my career m0ngol0id: haha deputydoofus: hehe. deputydoofus: but, this series won't entirely be limited to signs, right? deputydoofus: what was warhol's intention with the cans of campbell's soup? m0ngol0id: its not really known.. and thats kind of the point m0ngol0id: maybe m0ngol0id: he was really elusive m0ngol0id: he claims it was because he "ate campbells soup for lunch when he was a kid" deputydoofus: ah. deputydoofus: as good of a reason as any. m0ngol0id: right deputydoofus: wes anderson (royal tenenbaums guy)... deputydoofus: will have another movie. m0ngol0id: oh good deputydoofus: that will be an action/adventure story m0ngol0id: hmmm m0ngol0id: maybe not deputydoofus: set entirely on a boat going between france and mexico. m0ngol0id: ok, yes deputydoofus: i don't think you'll have to worry about the label "action/adventure" deputydoofus: like PT Anderson (guy that made Boogie Nights, Magnolia), whose next film is an Adam Sandler movie. m0ngol0id: what??? m0ngol0id: why?? deputydoofus: good point... deputydoofus: but i have faith that the movie won't suck. m0ngol0id: im trying to m0ngol0id: but... m0ngol0id: i really liked the thomas crown affair m0ngol0id: and then... rollerball deputydoofus: last I heard, the film was going to be accepted by the Cannes Film Festival. m0ngol0id: "action/adventure" deputydoofus: (the Adam Sandler movie) m0ngol0id: right m0ngol0id: heh m0ngol0id: adam sandlers a lucky bastard m0ngol0id: that will never happen again deputydoofus: I think PTA was like, "Who could I put in my movie that would make it the biggest challenge to get any critical respect?" m0ngol0id: yeah, i can see that deputydoofus: And then he thought "Critics HATE Adam Sandler." deputydoofus: And I don't think Steven Seagul (sp?) or Jean Claude Van Damme would have worked very well in a comedy. deputydoofus: ... m0ngol0id: true m0ngol0id: well... everything they have done so far is a comedy:D deputydoofus: I know Ebert, who has given thumbs down to every Adam Sandler movie... deputydoofus: :) deputydoofus: has said that, in person, Adam Sandler is a charming, personable character that might end up becoming one of the most gifted actors of his generation... m0ngol0id: interesting deputydoofus: however, his quality is countered by his complete lack of taste for film... m0ngol0id: haha deputydoofus: do you ever scan your paintings? m0ngol0id: no, not really m0ngol0id: ive sort of passively intended to deputydoofus: computer does not = good medium to look at painting? deputydoofus: oh yeah? m0ngol0id: right m0ngol0id: just because people ask for an image frequently m0ngol0id: i can just look at them here, i dont care deputydoofus: I'm hearing about everyone failing their review at Herron... m0ngol0id: oh yeah? m0ngol0id: like who m0ngol0id: anyone we know i mean deputydoofus: I don't think anyone's passed it... deputydoofus: except for someone I knew, Ian Espich... deputydoofus: but he's like an extra year older. m0ngol0id: and im an extra year younger:D deputydoofus: I think this review business must be extremely difficult. m0ngol0id: has brandon or ryan that you know of? deputydoofus: i don't know about ryan... deputydoofus: brandon did not tho. deputydoofus: :( m0ngol0id: wow m0ngol0id: so.. is he not invited back? m0ngol0id: thats how i heard that works m0ngol0id: at herron anyway deputydoofus: he said he thinks he's probably not analytical enough to do strict computer graphics. deputydoofus: No he can continue. deputydoofus: He said he's going to try printmaking. m0ngol0id: cool deputydoofus: he said he'd like to do that more anyway. m0ngol0id: im becoming rather obsessed with printmaking despite my limited knowledge and resources deputydoofus: I have once again forgotten what printmaking is... m0ngol0id: its many things m0ngol0id: silkscreens; lithography; woodcuts; m0ngol0id: many things deputydoofus: Evan failed his review, but he said he was going to go back and work for a full year on his portfolio instead of the week or two that he had. deputydoofus: what is lithography? m0ngol0id: greek= litho-stone, graph-write deputydoofus: ah, in stone... deputydoofus: what can you do with this skill? m0ngol0id: its the act of 'drawing' with a sticky kind of ink on a smooth piece of limestone deputydoofus: i find it amazing how much education is required to be a professional artist. m0ngol0id: then you apply printing ink, and run it through a press m0ngol0id: there really is a great deal deputydoofus: To be a recording engineer, it's so not about education... deputydoofus: it's about general experience and ability. m0ngol0id: my favorite printmaking concept is where you get a polished sheet of copper and draw on it with acid m0ngol0id: then apply ink and print deputydoofus: Most recording engineers making a living (or trying to), have less education than I have. m0ngol0id: i guess you can go either way with art deputydoofus: printmaking is interesting, but can it be done as a career? m0ngol0id: certainly m0ngol0id: heh m0ngol0id: much easier than painting deputydoofus: unless... m0ngol0id: there are printmaking labs and shops everywhere deputydoofus: you become REALLY good at painting...and famous. m0ngol0id: right deputydoofus: ah. m0ngol0id: the t shirt you are wearing right now was likely done by a printmaker deputydoofus: sweet. m0ngol0id: likely on a larger scale, but you see the point deputydoofus: got ya. deputydoofus: definitely. deputydoofus: it actually seems even more practical than computer design, in a way. deputydoofus: computer design = information that flows through computers and ends up on sheets of paper. deputydoofus: printmaking = making designs for items that inherently have a function m0ngol0id: yes m0ngol0id: and... even in computer design m0ngol0id: if you design for instance a t shirt m0ngol0id: you then have to make a silkscreen of the design deputydoofus: so, there are jobs to be made within the printmaking community. m0ngol0id: yes m0ngol0id: and.. even as a 'fine artist' there are many creative possibilities deputydoofus: i recorded "i bleed beer" today for the soon to be renamed Naked Thursday m0ngol0id: will they change their name to : m0ngol0id: "the goon squad" m0ngol0id: ? deputydoofus: perhaps...... deputydoofus: the reason they are changing it from Naked Thursday... deputydoofus: is that there is a punk band from Florida with that name... m0ngol0id: oh m0ngol0id: i see deputydoofus: and like some sort of Reggae Band or something from california with that name. deputydoofus: I've determined that monday is the least naked day of the week. deputydoofus: Google search: Saturday 344 deputydoofus: Friday 312 deputydoofus: wednesday 329 m0ngol0id: heh deputydoofus: tuesday 388 deputydoofus: monday 291 deputydoofus: thursday 430 deputydoofus: sunday 1240 deputydoofus: (there seems to be a pretty popular british band named Naked Sunday" deputydoofus: ) m0ngol0id: hmm deputydoofus: man, wouldn't it piss you off if there was another artist named m0ngol0id? m0ngol0id: im going by Kitsch now m0ngol0id: there might be deputydoofus: i was just joking... m0ngol0id: i know deputydoofus: they might be named mongoloid... deputydoofus: but not m0ngol0id... m0ngol0id: you like that pseudonym? m0ngol0id: kitsch m0ngol0id: for my electronic projects deputydoofus: yeah. deputydoofus: that's pretty good. deputydoofus: kind of reminds me of my middle name. deputydoofus: ernst. deputydoofus: with seemingly way too many consonant letters in a row. m0ngol0id: thats a great name m0ngol0id: yeah, that harsh germanic sound deputydoofus: i think so. deputydoofus: when i was a kid i kind of hated it. deputydoofus: because i was afraid people would think my name was Ernest... m0ngol0id: immediately it forces me to think of the surrealist max ernst deputydoofus: and then think of all of those Ernest movies. m0ngol0id: hehe deputydoofus: who was max ernst? m0ngol0id: a.... parisian surrealist painter m0ngol0id: err, he was a dada too deputydoofus: hmm. deputydoofus: i'll have to check him out. m0ngol0id: he had a rather interesting method called 'decalcomania' deputydoofus: what's that? m0ngol0id: in which hed apply tacky paint to a surface and the put wax paper over it, smudge it, and remove m0ngol0id: then hed "legitimately' paint over parts to make an image deputydoofus: hmm. deputydoofus: what kind of surface? m0ngol0id: canvas typically m0ngol0id: here's an example: m0ngol0id: http://www.mcs.csuhayward.edu/~malek/Ernst3.html deputydoofus: did you ever hear the song i wrote over at jay's last weekend? m0ngol0id: no deputydoofus: if interested, http://www.atl3.com/mixdown.mp3 deputydoofus: don't ask me why it has such a simple name. deputydoofus: that's an amazing work of art, by the way. m0ngol0id: heh m0ngol0id: indeed deputydoofus: i don't think i've ever seen anything like it. m0ngol0id: and its cool how.... its largely accidental deputydoofus: i need to write a movie that takes place in such an environment. m0ngol0id: yes m0ngol0id: surrealist film m0ngol0id: good m0ngol0id: have you seen un chien andalou? deputydoofus: no. m0ngol0id: as a film student, you need to deputydoofus: surrealist? m0ngol0id: yes deputydoofus: cool. m0ngol0id: it was written by salvador dali and luis bunuel deputydoofus: from 1929... deputydoofus: wow. m0ngol0id: yes! deputydoofus: what does andalou mean? deputydoofus: un chien = a dog deputydoofus: i'm dreaming up ideas for a screenplay i'm calling "dada kids" m0ngol0id: translation = an andalusian dog deputydoofus: ah. m0ngol0id: a dog from andalou deputydoofus: basically, dada kids would be a film about the day in the lives of a bunch of kids that liked dada and lived their lives as if they were a dadaist production. m0ngol0id: that sounds rather interesting m0ngol0id: heres a quote for you deputydoofus: but, it would use lots of random shots/split screens to capture obscure parts of the landscape that you wouldn't normally notice. m0ngol0id: you will appreciate this deputydoofus: Like, I don't think there would ever be a time when the screen only shows one picture. m0ngol0id: "dada is a thoughtful means in which to achieve nothing" m0ngol0id: marcel dumchamp deputydoofus: true... deputydoofus: but, I kind of like using dadaist ideas to create meaning. deputydoofus: my view of how to use dada: m0ngol0id: that goes against dada m0ngol0id: therefore m0ngol0id: is dada deputydoofus: haha. deputydoofus: but, deputydoofus: attempt to achieve no meaning... m0ngol0id: "true dada is anti-dada" m0ngol0id: tristan tzara from manifesto dada deputydoofus: allowing the mind to create whatever environment it can dream up... deputydoofus: not confinded to logic... m0ngol0id: thats more of a surrealist aesthetic m0ngol0id: but yes deputydoofus: sort of... deputydoofus: but i'm thinking of dada in theater. m0ngol0id: i see deputydoofus: there aren't many theater events anyone cares about that was left entirely by chance. deputydoofus: I'm thinking "The Bald Soprano", "Waiting for Gouldou" (sp?), "Boxes"... deputydoofus: where it's like a bunch of random bits of conversation with meaning seem normal, but yet contradict whatever someone else knows about the production. m0ngol0id: yes m0ngol0id: ok, i hearing he song now deputydoofus: my school did boxes, and it was interesting, seeming like it was setting up a production where characters had personalities... deputydoofus: cool. deputydoofus: but then, the same actors would introduce themselves as different people, and their first introduction would be completely be thrown out the window. m0ngol0id: thats pretty excellent deputydoofus: and there would be these actors dressed like homeless people laying down with newspapers in the audience. m0ngol0id: (m digging the track) deputydoofus: yelling at the people down the stage to shut up and throws stuff at them. m0ngol0id: cool deputydoofus: and then the homeless people take phones out of nowhere, and then begin having a phone sex conversation. m0ngol0id: thats genius deputydoofus: it sucks, as I can't remember who wrote the damn play. deputydoofus: and the dialogue was soo good... deputydoofus: (Jay doesn't think the track would work well with Cubic Cube) deputydoofus: (is it a different aesthetic?) m0ngol0id: kind of.... i dont see how it matters m0ngol0id: see... i like jay,,,, but he has a very systematic approach to things deputydoofus: i think it's mainly that i did all the work. m0ngol0id: thats kind of...offputting deputydoofus: and every time that he tried to work on it, he just gave up. deputydoofus: i will say though...that was right after seeing "Rollerball" m0ngol0id: true deputydoofus: whilst writing that song, i was also trying to write a review for rollerball, so you could say that rollerball was a primary influence... m0ngol0id: haha deputydoofus: i'm not sure how i would place my view of artistic expression. deputydoofus: i can't really throw out meaning altogether... m0ngol0id: its a rather complicated opinion to have m0ngol0id: i just know that i hate things that can easily be considered art m0ngol0id: but thats also so relative it means nothing deputydoofus: i can understand that... deputydoofus: for one thing, i don't know why... deputydoofus: but I loathe Godspeed You Black Emperor. m0ngol0id: i like them, but if i did loathe them, it would be because of their accepted status as an art band, and notoreity thereof m0ngol0id: but m0ngol0id: i love radiohead deputydoofus: I do love radiohead. deputydoofus: Why I dislike GYBE- Everyone I know seems to think they are the greatest art band working today... deputydoofus: that their music is exactly the idealized version of what art music should be. deputydoofus: and since they don't give interviews and don't have lyrics... m0ngol0id: thats a common misconception m0ngol0id: that art is in a state of perfection deputydoofus: people think they are in fact so much more true to the expression because of their secrecy... deputydoofus: But I can definitely see exactly how their songs are written, and that they are mostly just a roomful of guys jamm deputydoofus: ing. deputydoofus: didn't mean to post that really... deputydoofus: and that their songs are just really quite dull. deputydoofus: slow moving, uncalculated. m0ngol0id: right deputydoofus: and i just feel like it's possible to see through their shield of anonymity... deputydoofus: and think that their complete lack of interviews and desire for publicity... deputydoofus: is in fact the ultimate act of publicity desire. m0ngol0id: yes deputydoofus: it's funny...boycotting publicity = desire for more publicity... m0ngol0id: its true. deputydoofus: at least in my eyes. m0ngol0id: again to andy warhol m0ngol0id: prime example deputydoofus: that's a good example. deputydoofus: but what I know is that I will never write music that sounds like GYBE... deputydoofus: people I know write music that sounds like GYBE all the time, and it is just so easy to do. deputydoofus: Nothing GYBE does is better than Frank Zappa... deputydoofus: (sorry, I barely ever get the chance to complain about GYBE) m0ngol0id: the difference with andy warhol is, he never claimed to be a genius, or even an artist really deputydoofus: No, I do respect Andy Warhol. m0ngol0id: exactly deputydoofus: And appreciate him. deputydoofus: and like him. deputydoofus: and his work. m0ngol0id: he gave some great interviews deputydoofus: I think the meaning of art = what people consider art. deputydoofus: art is as much in the perception as it is in the design. deputydoofus: if we appreciate warhol as an artist, he's an artist, regardless of whether he believed he was an artist or not. m0ngol0id: andy, is there a meaning you are trying to convey, about society, or pop culture, are you expressing something with this work? m0ngol0id: ummm.... no deputydoofus: haha. deputydoofus: at least he has the guts to come out and say it... m0ngol0id: right m0ngol0id: its really hard to say if hes all tounge in cheek or not deputydoofus: And by him saying it, it only makes us more intrigued by the meaning. m0ngol0id: exactly deputydoofus: And those who hate him and hate his work can just say, "Well, at least he tells the truth. deputydoofus: " m0ngol0id: "ummm no" is infinitly more artful than "yes, its a commentary on mass produced consumer goods" deputydoofus: i don't know about artful... deputydoofus: but its something. m0ngol0id: id say its artful by at least a couple definitions of art m0ngol0id: art is mystery m0ngol0id: art is the evocation of a reaction m0ngol0id: or provocation deputydoofus: alright, true. deputydoofus: art is mystery is a strange conception... deputydoofus: as by defining it you are demystifying it. deputydoofus: and therefor, can it truly be the definition? m0ngol0id: yes, i had a similar thought a couple years ago with the word 'chaos' m0ngol0id: it gives it a precise order deputydoofus: i ran into this problem all the time in my "What is postmodernism" class. deputydoofus: And what I've determined from that class... deputydoofus: is that postmodernism is a discipline with no meaning. deputydoofus: ... deputydoofus: or at least no definition. m0ngol0id: give me a textbook definition of postmodernism deputydoofus: we didn't have a textbook for that class... deputydoofus: we had a collection of essays... m0ngol0id: well.. i meant that figuratively deputydoofus: but, the dictionary definition as from American History Dictionary: deputydoofus: Of or relating to art, architecture, or literature that reacts against earlier modernist principles, as by reintroducing traditional or classical elements of style or by carrying modernist styles or practices to extremes: “It [a roadhouse]is so architecturally interesting... with its postmodern wooden booths and sculptural clock” (Ruth Reichl). m0ngol0id: alright m0ngol0id: yeah, i see what you are saying deputydoofus: basically... m0ngol0id: when is this period said to occur deputydoofus: defining something with postmodernism... deputydoofus: is to not define it... m0ngol0id: that definition had 2...seemingly contradictory methods of defining it m0ngol0id: traditional, and extreme deputydoofus: and then to look at every side of the argument, not attempting to learn anything specific, but simply learn everything. deputydoofus: We are in the postmodern period right now... deputydoofus: Technically, it began in probably the early 80's. m0ngol0id: in the art world, post modernism is synonymous with minimalism deputydoofus: But it can be traced back to pre WWII Germany with who is considered the grandfather of postmodernism, Nietsche. deputydoofus: hmm. m0ngol0id: i didnt know what it meant... as a social movement m0ngol0id: post-modernism=minimalism=conceptualism deputydoofus: in philosophy world, postmodernism is basically a fancy word for trying to learn, knowing things don't have any specific meaning, no specified right or wrong, no set of universal principles or rules. deputydoofus: Modernism attempted to put everything into categories, set rules, universals. m0ngol0id: ok m0ngol0id: i see deputydoofus: Postmodernism was an attempt to destroy that idea. m0ngol0id: that kind of makes sense then deputydoofus: therefor true postmodernism uses no set definitions. m0ngol0id: more so on the 'conceptualist' side deputydoofus: modernism definition = 1 sentence m0ngol0id: and therefore is not a term m0ngol0id: under its own unrules deputydoofus: postmodernism definition = several years of theorizing deputydoofus: yes. deputydoofus: exactly. m0ngol0id: ok m0ngol0id: thats interesting deputydoofus: so, i do sort of know what postmodernism philosophy is. m0ngol0id: heh... ive been fascinated by my own automatic reactions to things m0ngol0id: my automatic reaction to this concept is contempt deputydoofus: how so? deputydoofus: really? m0ngol0id: when analyzing it, i like it m0ngol0id: i hate rules, i hate structure deputydoofus: true...but i don't like the reasoning behind it. m0ngol0id: but my initial response was kind of a sneer m0ngol0id: right deputydoofus: basically, modernism: "We believe all things have a set of rules that must govern every element in the world" deputydoofus: postmodernism "we see that every set of rules has an exception, therefore it is not a rule. We must throw out the rule altogether." deputydoofus: I think there are no "true" universals in the world. deputydoofus: but there are quite a many 90-95% universals. deputydoofus: an many things can be defined based on that 90-95%. m0ngol0id: see, and though that is kind of logical in artistic terms, the movement associated with that term is so much more formal in many senses than its predecessors deputydoofus: only with noted exceptions as possible... m0ngol0id: but it makes sense still...... cubism/fauvism/surrealism/dada..... all had strict manifestos deputydoofus: "i before e except after c"* * there are some exceptions deputydoofus: that is a rule. m0ngol0id: ok deputydoofus: wow. deputydoofus: i see your point as well. deputydoofus: the movement has definition, even when the art did not. m0ngol0id: right deputydoofus: dadaist artists tried to achieve definition not with their art, but by defining the movement. deputydoofus: no better example than the machinists. m0ngol0id: yes, i guess i could see dada as 'postmodern' deputydoofus: chaos = we want industrialization m0ngol0id: it was really pretty formless, despite its strict thought process deputydoofus: but dada still had an easily idenitifiable definition while postmodernism doesn't. deputydoofus: true. m0ngol0id: none of the dadas where similar in output m0ngol0id: dada was a way of thinking/ not an aesthetic deputydoofus: true. m0ngol0id: hmm.. deputydoofus: but, my romanticized view of dada... m0ngol0id: well, yeah deputydoofus: is to try to create expression without any strict definition. m0ngol0id: right deputydoofus: but not totally give up on meaning. m0ngol0id: i see. and i suppose i agree deputydoofus: perhaps it is to throw out things with no meaning for the listener that is supposed to create meaning only once it is viewed by an audience. m0ngol0id: even works done by chance were intentionally done by chance deputydoofus: no meaning for the arist, that is. deputydoofus: exactly. deputydoofus: Cage = composer who wrote with no meaning... m0ngol0id: yes deputydoofus: but wanted the audience to gain meaning through listening to the works. m0ngol0id: right deputydoofus: meaning is beheld by those that view the art, not those that create it. deputydoofus: and the artist can create a meaning for the art for himself, but not for anyone else. m0ngol0id: haha.. im relating everything back to art.. but jasper johns, who considered john cage to be his best friend had exactly that view m0ngol0id: he made paintings of targets and flags and numbers so he could remain neutral towards the painting deputydoofus: that's what I consider my viewpoint on artistic expression to be, actually. deputydoofus: Robert Altman = awesome director... deputydoofus: In Nashville... deputydoofus: there is a scene where an audience member kills a country singer. deputydoofus: interviewers ask Altman "So, why did the guy shoot her?" deputydoofus: Altman answers "I don't think it is my place to know. My job was only to show that he DID shoot her, not why. your guess is as good as mine." deputydoofus: That's how most of my favorite directors work. m0ngol0id: thats a great response deputydoofus: but he wrote the story... deputydoofus: and he didn't have an explanation... m0ngol0id: yes. ive read interviews with several creative people with that attitude... they seem to.... displace responsibility. m0ngol0id: i like that deputydoofus: when you take that view... deputydoofus: your art becomes less yours, and more everyone that views it. deputydoofus: that's what i like, for someone that watches a movie to be able to gain a more personable connection with the film than even the person that wrote/directed it. deputydoofus: it's when meaning is less tied up with any specific person is when something becomes true art. m0ngol0id: and i like that concept.... some of my art has highly objective meaning... but someone will tell me what it means to them..... and it can even change my meaning of it m0ngol0id: if that makes sense deputydoofus: at least that's my view. m0ngol0id: the viewer is part of the work m0ngol0id: they depend on each other deputydoofus: i can totally relate to that view as well. m0ngol0id: and that makes sense... they occupy the same space deputydoofus: I think there are times when artists have their own meaning, and it is thrown into the film. deputydoofus: but when it's obvious a work can only have one implied interpretation...that's where things get ugly. m0ngol0id: and, i dont see these statements as a breech in integrity deputydoofus: Of course, sometimes its good to make works like that just to piss people off, and reformulate their conception of that type of art. m0ngol0id: i suppose some would deputydoofus: ok, it's late, perhaps its time to get to sleep, eh? m0ngol0id: if you like deputydoofus: cool. m0ngol0id: by the way m0ngol0id: lindsay says hi, and she wishes she could have spoken to you more m0ngol0id: (she told me to say that a couple hours ago) deputydoofus: ah. deputydoofus: cool. deputydoofus: tell her hi back. m0ngol0id: i shall deputydoofus: she seems pretty cool. deputydoofus: cooler than most people, even... m0ngol0id: yeah, i kind of like her:D deputydoofus: (my brain is kind of stuck in Fargo mode) deputydoofus: "He's kind of funny lookin" deputydoofus: "How so?" m0ngol0id: heh m0ngol0id: i dont know.. just funny lookin deputydoofus: "Just in a general sort of way." deputydoofus: ... m0ngol0id: yes, thats it deputydoofus: "As I said, he's funny looking. More than most people even." m0ngol0id: hehe deputydoofus: "He wasn't circumcized." deputydoofus: my god, that film gets stuck in my head. m0ngol0id: its a fine film deputydoofus: i'll be dreaming that Minnesota accent in my dreams tonight. deputydoofus: this will be awesome. m0ngol0id: yeah, i guess ive told her about you a fair amount of times over the past 6 months m0ngol0id: so she was pleased to meet you deputydoofus: i guess i don't know too much about her. m0ngol0id: well, shes an art history major at herron m0ngol0id: she graduates this year deputydoofus: ah. deputydoofus: that's why she's so awesome. m0ngol0id: i work with her m0ngol0id: yes deputydoofus: she didn't seem like a typical school student at either high school or college. m0ngol0id: i see that as a supreme compliment, ill tell her that deputydoofus: i think of it as a compliment, but the meaning is in the mind of the beholder... deputydoofus: (god...) m0ngol0id: correct deputydoofus: (err, not god, i mean, I can't believe I'm writing this) m0ngol0id: and this beholders mind thinks lowly of cliches deputydoofus: and is correct in doing so. deputydoofus: alright, that's about it for me. deputydoofus: good night, jeff. m0ngol0id: goodnight m0ngol0id: see you soon, yes? deputydoofus: yes. m0ngol0id: excellent deputydoofus: although... deputydoofus: next week = more musical performances. deputydoofus: two weeks...i don't know. m0ngol0id: well, soon enough... call me when you are available deputydoofus: perhaps.. deputydoofus: sure thing. m0ngol0id: alright, good talking to you deputydoofus: spring break in a few weeks. deputydoofus: cool man. deputydoofus: see ya. m0ngol0id: later deputydoofus signed off at 2:39:05 AM.
jeff
50 bc. time is an illusion
Dont forget to look up.
june 5. 01
I've heard religion refered to as 'eternal love.' the love is manifested in the mind, and of an inanimate idea, object, or being. conclusion: religion is masturbation.
jeff
5.27.1
happiness comes in spurts. a one hour punk show, a five minute cigarette, a momentary hug, a smile between friends, eye contact with someone you would like to talk to, a cleverly written line, a spontaneous joke, an artistic idea, saying something that you believe to be interesting, the wonderful ability to amaze yourself, the elation of a major 7th interval, the pause between tears, hearing yourself say a controversial sentence. all momentary and relatively insignificant events in time, but how they linger when they do not occur. and restless people shall be restless.
jeff
radiohead- i might be wrong
seek happiness for its own sake and you will not find it. seek for duty, and happiness will follow as the shadow comes with the sunshine__tryon Edwards
5.26.1
how i miss the sun. how i miss that which is certain ...how uncertain. how i miss the rain, and the rose it glistens. india ink as contact solution. california ocean tones, aqua marine wind. cedar carvings smelling sweet with lust, but the nose to the ear as the ear to the eye. sweet sonic entity, with texture to the nerve as to the ear. gasoline on parade, float the mind with the float. gasoline, make them raid. die for oil die for greed. die for sediment, live for greed. sneer at advance but, for what? absence of leave. live the pass condemn the future. live for life, but not to nurture.
anal cunt: women, natures punching bag
jeff
4.30.1
tommorow is my birthday. that amazes me for tommorow i will be a day older than i am now. simply astonishing.
i saw memento with brian and dave saturday. excellent film. one of the better ive seen really. it struc me as odd however as the main character was afflicted with some disorder (that apparently actually exists) in which he cannot create new memories and remembers things by making frequent notes. the reason why this is weird is because ive become more aware of where i lack in short term memory, and make up for it by keeping a pad and pen in my pocket.
the new living end album is excellent
song- living end_roll on
quote- all people have five friends which decieve and use them throughout their lives. they, my friend, are the senses__buhdist proverb
4.26.1
here's a paragraph i found spread across my room, dripping with blood red house paint and turpentine. im not sure when i why it was written, but here it is so i can throw the piece of paper away.
my sould has herpes. itchy welts, burning witht the anziety and ambient soreness of repressed desire. In actuality this entire struggle is equal to nothing or less. The only way to scratch the blistering anguish bumps is through frank speach, often at high volumes, and with an unwilling ear awaiting.
song: aphex twin: rhubarb + jello biafra: tales from the trial
jeff
4.19.1
i watched a documentary on punk music and culture on vh1. it was informative, interesting, until i realized i was watching tv and the veejay voiced over anarchy in the uk with 'stayed tuned for the newest gameshow, guess the video' or something like that which accomplished nothing less than my hatred for all that is, was, was established, and is evolving.
and so i sit. in a technologically advanced asylum cell. shoestrings still hold canvas to my heels, a cloth belt writhes my thinning waste. there are several hard and pointy objects scattered about, alarmingly contiguous to an upturned tremoring palm. the luxuries of a cheap metallic chain encircling my neck, and of manually broken instrument strings of similar make remain constant. all basic needs are met, the perception shifts, then are not met.
jeff
march13 01
So lately ive been in this phase where this one pavement song is about all i can listen to. i feel in total relation to this collaboration of (a)tones. it's kind of the theme to the soundtrack to my life right now. It's not even that brilliant a track, but it gives me that comforting depression i've become somewhat addicted to. i would have liked to update more frequently, and things have occured, but sometimes recording them doesnt seem as therapeutic as realized in retrospection. its strange how the physicality of crying is directly between sharp pain, and orgasm. I've hung out with rosalind somewhere between infrequently and often. it's been pleasant. she is just about my best friend, orsomething. i hate the word friend. i've noticed often lately that i have many bizarre word associations. most of which i'm only assuming sub-conscious associations. it would be interesting to closer examine those. but, rosalind. my outlet for long, pleasantly awkward,conversations with no intention other than to express whimsical notions, and perhaps make the other think. i've been wishing lately that i, as i now am, were back in the early nineties. ignoring gaudy clothing, and ace of base. i would love to revisit the indy rock scene. pavement, sonic youth,dinosaur jr maybe... all the others. thoughtful, angstful music. that's the odd thing i noticed about america. we have no absolute culture. only myriads of paltry subcultures, in movements. the ace of base period was merely a major subculture, if that makes any sense at all. enough.
pavement- zurich is stained
strongly unfounded quote- All musical people seem to be happy, it is to them the engrossing pursuit, almost the only innocent and unpunished passion.__sydney smith
march 1001
the song fits my mood best... pavement "zurich is stained"
march 6. 1
"hippity hop, the top stop, keep your eye on dat little red ball."
a while ago.. forgot the date
strange how im happiest when depressed. it makes me feel more human, more primal., like how pain reminds one that feeling exists. any feeling is better than no feeling. i cherish them all, i relinquish them all. it's useless to contradict oneself. it's useful to contradict one's self. i love the feeling of depression mixed with a smile on my face. nothing is better. so i've got that worthless lonely sensation. but i hate people. so i guess im imagining it, or letting worthless defense mechanisms get in the way of true emotion. im not unhappy, but im certainly not happy. words. words are about as meaningless as the thoughts i try to convey with them. so enough of them.
song: im still listening to elliot smith
2.27.1
i have this horrible feeling of self-belittling apathy. My apathy is certainly not welcome. It rather disuits me... i hope. Well, i suppose it's quite a paradoxical subject to express concern with. I feel as though it would be respectable to try and do something about it, but that would be a lot of trouble, and might displease me more. The future is quite a worthy entity to fear. Fear is weakness, weakness is human, fear is human. syllogistically speaking.. fuck. reading has been quite a good escape. the world and reality created in a novel is far more interesting than the reality presented in which i can read that book. i suppose the book, the parchment, the ink the paper is all a part of this subsequent reality in itself, but it is extremely pleasing to ignore. Have i really changed so much? i dont really enjoy playing guitar all that much anymore. maybe that is just school destroying my values as it was intended. a source of depression: my spontaneous spirit tragically contained by lacking of the object which is a car. contained by negative car, by nothing actually existing, but by the known existance. coke taste blander, food less interesting. objects trivial. pleasure mishaped to the anamorphic form of emotive tangle-wire. a spoon enters my mouth, leaving a bullet before again escaping. it's message uselessly expelled, having no effect. the fingernails destroy the file. to become smooth, to shapen. to become vain.
song- elliot smith, waltz number two
2.14.1
if making a point were in any way relevant, i would say 'what's the point?'
jeff
2-4-1
happy groundhog day thursday. clearly my favorite holiday.
so we had i show last night. it kind of sucked, but that didnt bother me. we ventured to steak n shake afterward. i couldnt bring myself to stay inside with that massive group of sarcasm, insecure ridicule, and ridiculous desire to impress. lara schilling i thank you. you are the only real person in the bunch. if people want to shift personalities to please others, it's up to them. maybe it is their personality to lack one. but i merely yearn for an ability to contrast with this behavior freely. i've finally decided to give up any hope to continue a successful relationship with becky. and to my relief and abhorrence i'm not bothered by that. introversion and seclusion are the path of success, advancement, as well as comfort.
jeff
Society is no comfort to one not sociable- shakespeare
booth9- emo sucks
1-30-1. 11:28 am
Chaos. chaos is the only form of structure which makes any sense. action begets action. The action builds from the deviosly simplistic, to the most profound, and also most destructive events and occurences. Every action effects everything. Everything works in direct corollation to everything else. This is chaos, true. Chaos is disorder, but is it not also a structure? Everything working with or against everything. That is order. Though potentially arbitrary in outcome or conclusion, a system is employed as the fuel of chaos. Chaos transcends to order which inevitably becomes chaos. Chaos prevails in any scenario, but only because of it's inherent structure and order. The nature of chaos is to lack conclusion. To give the glorious concept a name , chaos, gives order to it. 'Chaos' dilutes itself. Chaos, like rebellion can only occur in the mind.
Conclusion: Conclusions don't exist. Also, chaos is a structure, chaos does not exist. Chaos being a structure, that is chaos. Chaos can exist and thrive purely because it can't exist.
Song- weezer. the world has turned and left me here.
quote---Anarchy is hatred of human authority; atheism of divine authority-two sides of the same whole__Macpherson
11401934pm
Played a show friday. good show. I think we got banned for being too violent and destructive. awesome. The show was most therapeutic. It reminds me that punk rock is the only music. and also the only life style. Well, neither is really true, but it's certainly the only music or life style at all worth living. It's hard, it's fast., but it's a circle of friends. It is aggression, strong ideals, worthy ideals at that, but also it's love, it's unity. I think i got suspended from band for a while. im just going to drop it. At this point in my life i'm reasonably certain that art will be my life. I'll be writing songs all my life, and i continue to study privately with an amazing instructor.
jeff
song- guttermouth- asshole
quote- Men seldom, or rather never, for a length of time, and deliberately, rebel against anything that does not deserve rebelling against----carlyle
1-6-1. 11:20 PM
ok, so i changed the url simply to avoid my parents bitching. quite fortunately they now are oblivious to the existance of this fine literary work. They asked me to take the page off so people wouldnt "misinterpret" what i wrote. i'm quite certain that they are the only readers to have misinterpretted anything. and needless to say this page is very important to me. I do need something to 'vent' on. Need. need is such a strange word. people never like to admit that they need something. i know that i dont. I hate codependance, and i truly disrespect it in large volume, but it would be quite naive indeed not to admit to needing at least a few things. So in conclusion: my thoughts are not good enough for my parents. Fine with me.......Everyday my father has suggested a line of work for me, for what reason, i am unsure... he's suggested so indeeringly that i should be an optometrist, something lame to do with math.....architect (which i can almost see doing, but then it's math with art.those should not be allowed to mix)...and psychology. the last has been and surely will continue to be an interest of mine...but it is a real job. it would be interesting to hear people's problems. but also i hate people a lot. I responded to this suggestion that i may double major in art and psychology in an attempt to apply the one to the other. He thought i was crazy or stupid or something.... whatever he thought of that statement, whatever his response, certainly struck me as being exceedingly funny. that's enough for now
jeff
song- hmmmmm.... elliot smith, whatever song that was in daves car tonight.
quote- Much misconstruction and bitterness are spared to him who thinks naturally upon what he owes to others rather than what he ought to expect from them. __Mad. Guizot
1_3_1_3_9_A_M
Time: I imagine a world not entirely unlike our own with no moon, and a second star close enough to fill the night's sky with light. Enough light to which 'night's sky' becomes a completely abstract term and an alien concept all together. Even rotations insure a lack of seasonal change. This world lacks a measurable unit of time. A basic understanding that things happened, and things will happen is present. I imagine the degree of lacking in categorization. THis would be quite an extraordinary place where one's accomplishments couldn't be measured in hours, but by what has been accomplished. I rather like this concept. But like any good concept, it's not at all applicable.
And the proverbial complication. Ive become increasing interested in any sort of minimalist movement. As dave and i were saying a couple days ago, society always moves in a cycle of trying to blend things together from many perspectives, evolving more and more until it once again becomes the not necessarily narrow, but focused entity it began as, and was meant to be. In any art, the varied reactions are certainly at least as important as the material itself.
Jeff
cacaphony-symphony 5__dmitri shostakovich
words--measure, time and number are nothing but modes of thought or rather of imagination----Benedict Spinoza
1.1.1_____midnight..
It's the kind of feeling that is so vividly and so widely understood that it's almost meaningless to read. That is reason enough to write about it in my estimation, Even though that wasn't in anyway actually funny, i'm always trying to get around myself or other more important obstacles with humor. Everything is a joke, this is true, but it must also be noted that most things aren't very funny. Kind of like British comics. They just end up making you feel shitty. I paused at the word 'shitty.' Another word could surely take it's place, but no. Not really at all. When someone says that they feel shitty, I imagine listening to british comedy. About 24 hours ago, i felt grand. perhaps even grande. For no real reason at all. Again with the word real. What a truly dreadful word. Life's been rather discomforting lately to put it euphemistically. I've had far more than my share of realistic thinking and decision making. you know that anti-drug slogan "get high on life" >? I think i just tragically overdosed. You wont find my obituary. I'm not dead (assuming that what all these semi-realistic dream apparitions are telling me is true, and i still exist) but i kind of get the feeling that a part of me is lost. Becky? nah, too obvious. Just a trigger. I picture my head now as a series of connecting wires, strung about in an extraordinarily complex and delicate fashion. Somwhere a knot formed, causing a lapse....confusion. something crawling around up there tripped on one of the wires and the whole thing unwound. All sorts of troublesome thoughts can now be processed all at once. I'm thinking about the future. The futile future. What a thing to think about. I have been forved to contemplate my 'hobbies', which to me have always been preperations for a potential career on at least some level. I simply could not be satisfied by a 'real' job. And pressure. I feel some sort of ultra ambient pressure. Like that putty the oral hygeinist puts in your mouth to form an impression. More like that than i originally thought when writing that sentence. I feel a slow ever present pressure, not realkly increasing dramatically, but making itself more and more apparent. and it's poetic how peoples way of helping you is trying to push you a little more , which takes us from 24 hours ago, to 4 hours ago. I cried with my mom. It didnt happen all at once, but it happened. it was the most strangely important thing that's happened to me in a while. I say strangely because as we discussed our problems with each other, neither of us really understood the other at all, except for the underlying realism, the humanity. The commute knowledge that ideals are worthless a. The purpose of writing this was to express that simply being content with that, or laughing at it isn't a valid response, but as i wrote the word 'fucked' a strange smile touched my left upper lip muscle. As if i was glancing at myself.
Jeff
song- Xtal-aphex twin
12.31.00 11:48 Pm
Existance ends in 12 minutes. i'd like to say that it's been really coool knowing all of you. seriously. i needed a hypothetical apocalyptic epiphony to make me realize that bad everything gets,....it truly is a joke.
world ending, pretty funny, eh?
Song- NOT rem- the end of the world as we know it.
12.00.29
No matter how well you say it, someones probably said it better.
quotation- if you are pleased at finding faults, you are displeased at finding perfections. ______Lavater
noises- Pavement___starlings of the slipstream
25-12-00, 1:19 pm
Merry Commercialism (or Happy Today)
Girls girls.... girl?
It's fucked up how receiving things and the general appeal of christmas or freeday loses its charm. My sister always wakes me up far too early for christmas... more and more each year i just wish to remain in dreams. It was more fun with a santa, yeah. So is that maturity? In a mathematical equation, boredom could likely substitute maturity. Or is it the true emptiness of one's own reality? Other people's realities interest me greatly, but my own? Rather bland. It is the opposite of the feeling i sometimes get for no reason that i am alive. I am human, and how could that be? that is an amazing feeling. The aforementioned blandness is akin in the way that opposites have more in common than two randomly selected things. It's like watching my eyes look at things. I prefer the hyper reality, more real than reality, beyond reality-behind reality. What is the nature of deppression and self-pity? I think my life is fairly interesting. I have far too many interests, each of which i truly adore. But yet, i frequently find myself in a dark lull of boredom and dissatisfaction. I rarely find satisfaction. My ideals are in a useless chasm between seeking the best and fullest out of everything i come into contact with, and not taking anything seriously enough pursue. A fair assumption would state that i'll grow out of it or something... maybe things will become important to me. A few things are very important to me i suppose. But none are in any way relevant to 'life.' My life is what you make of it argument is losing out in debates, not because it's not a valid point, but because people in the today refuse to except that. It is too good to be true i guess, but it is. My problem with that philosophy is the inherent responsibility perpetually riveted at the seem. But the greatest fear imaginable for me is any sort of commitment. I'm always breaking promises, not to be mean by any means, but for fear of dissapointing someone, or more likely myself once i've started. It's easier for the mind never to begin. I hate that though, i'm trying to get out of that nature, or more accurately a habit. This is certainly why i've been experimenting with water-color painting. It allows me to freely experiment, and create, and form without actually having to commit to an idea of any sort. It is somewhat of a haven.
sounds- Squarepusher + AFX "We are reasonable People"
quotation- "you have to begin drawing to know what you want to draw." Pablo Picasso
Jeff
15-12-00, 12:00 Midnight
Things have happened. Sure they are menial and increasingly uninteresting, but events occur. I haven't recorded many of them not because of time really, but because in many forms ive become quite introverted. Perhpas unhealily so.
I saw unbreakable with dave today. I'm glad he pointed out that it is somewhat of a subtle parody, rather 'tounge in cheek' (i do hate such cliches) I may have realized that, or at the very least would have laughed at the stupid dialogue, but it was more fun knowing that it was a joke. Dave was a healthy and i do say much needed break from the usual spiteful, pseudo-maladjusted, over sarcastic aquantences of mine. And further more, good old fashioned dry humor. Also, i feel my attention span getting very shor
11:02-13.12.00-PM
Gore concedes. I haven't made commentary on the election yet. That's enough of that.
Sounds-Icct Hedral-Aphex Twin (phillip glass)
There is an infinity of political errors which, being once adopted, become principles-Abbe Raynal
11:02...12-10-00 PM
Disassociation. detachment. disillusion. i dislike.
it would be easier to be optimistic if everything didnt suck quite so much.
song- be quiet and drive-deftones
quotation- Our condition never satisfies us; the present is always the worst- Noble discontent is the path of heaven- T.W. Higginson
12:5:00, 10-34Pm
Sorry about your nose, jay.
I have the most bizarre feeling. I feel as though not necessarily like i have purpose, but if i do, i know what it would be. For the first time in my life i think i know where i want to spend those prime years known fondly by elders as college. The Art Institute of Chicago. Insane varieties of equally uninhibitant subjects and mediums. Fascinating liberal art programs. Well selected faculty . Chicago. Single student dorms with individual bathrooms and kitchens.. But more importantly, an amazing environment.
It's always abberant and even uneasy to have the feeling that you may be in control. That the future isn't such a conundrum. It's as though your life is just now beginning or more accurate you can see where it begins, but against every impulse, i can't start my life until some fat old men in suits tell me i can.
Song- Stone Temple Pilots - Kitchenware and Candybars
Quote- The Thirst of desire is never filled, nor fully satisfied. -Cicero
Jeff
www.kabalarians.com/your.htm-this is fun, thanks dave.
i suggest you check this out, only for a minute. I checked out my name and several of my friends and it is astounding how generally accurate it was in describing a complex personality based solely on first name. Anyway, here's mine:
Jeffrey as a first name gives you a very independent nature, yet you are friendly, approachable, and generous. You can be a spontaneous, expressive, and talkative person. Generally you are good-natured, though at times you can be rather blunt and sarcastic. This name incorporates creative, artistic, and musical abilities, and there would be an element of originality in all that you do. You like to do things on the spur of the moment without planning or prior arrangements. Your spirits are buoyed up greatly by encouragement and appreciation. There is a tendency to be scattering in your efforts and you prefer to avoid menial jobs of a routine and repetitive nature. You are inclined to pursue good times and emotional indulgences to excess. Weaknesses in health due to the influence of this name centre in the head. You could experience headaches, or difficulties with your teeth, ears, eyes, or sinuses. Disorders related to the liver, which would be aggravated by rich foods, could also arise.
The name of Jeff gives you a very inquisitive, restless, seeking nature. You feel impelled by intense desires that you cannot comprehend or satisfy. You have had the desire to accomplish something outstanding and to do something very worthwhile for humanity, especially early in your life. This name gives you a versatile, clever, analytical mind, but unfortunately you cannot direct your interest toward an undertaking for long, as you do not have the patience and practicality for systematic hard work and attention to detail. You resent obstacles, delays, and restrictions. This name gives you ambition, high ideals, and much creative ability, but the intense dynamic nature is too often spent in feelings and in moods, rather than in constructive action. You desire to be your own boss, yet you find it difficult to stabilize your life and to settle down and be accumulative. Your feelings swing from optimism to pessimism. You can be very cynical and caustic, and you subject those around you to outbursts of temper and moods of self-pity. Your home-life particularly would suffer. This name has given you an appreciation for refinement, and the better things in life such as art, music, and literature. You can express a very friendly, debonair personality to strangers which invariably makes a very favourable impression. It has been your experience that once you lose control to indulgent habits, for example, smoking, drinking, or emotional outbursts, it is very difficult to retain control. You would be affected in the health through a sensitive solar plexus and nervous system. Nervous disorders, nervous indigestion, and stomach ulcers could develop.
almost every word of both description completely applies to me. weird, huh?
11-30-00, 9:28 pm
Nothing makes sense. All exists in a state of convoluted disorder.
it's kind of neat.
It seems more and more, perhaps in response to my environment, and recent happenings (how am i doing dave?)i am drawn to and seem to create nothing but that which is wildly surreal and chaotic. Order more and more seems like a punishment. Reality more and more seems like a punishment, or at the very least, i sad attempt at being abstract.
I have that feeling in which as i think that i am pissed off, i realize that im not, leading to the next obvious step of needless, problem-ignoring deppression. . . i get the feeling that i may have made some kind of mistake, but it had to be done...,,., jeff
11-22-00, 11:34 pm
In life, we set small goals or desires for ourselves which we passively hope to achieve. One such for myself was to see a performance from Garrison Keiller. Tonight i think of a goal to replace.
The show was excellent. I greatly enjoy the writings and monologues of Garrison. His cleverly observive, wry, post-modernist philosophy is greatly enchanting. He has that wonderful ability and willingness to create humor at his own expense. He's been a very inpirational figure for me and i respect him greatly.
It was once said that no matter how well you say something, someone has probably said it better, so i'm going to start doing the trendy song and or quote of the day feature, but with the twist of augmenting a current sensibility. As opposed to trying to sound extremely literate.
Song of the day: "Heliosphan" -Aphex Twin
Quote of the day: (not a feeling this time but appropriate) "We are modest people, and are very proud of that." -Garrison Keiller
Jeff
11-18-00, 2:17 am
Finally i figured out how to work this thing. I have accidentily and quite tragically become rather knowledgeble in the way of computers. I am embarrassed by that, but now i can write stuff.
Tonight i played guitar with Henry Mancini's drummer. He light-heartedly refers to this legendary composer as 'Hank.' This was a most inspirational experience. For the 3 hours it lasted, everything fit, and everything fit where i wanted it to belong.
I saw a billboard get turned off on the way home. I considered myself fortunate.
Jeff
10-22-00, 10:14 PM
I begin to resent those whom are frequently around me. I could have said friends, but am not convinced that this is entirely accurate. All of my male friends are very unsupportive, rather cruel, and dreadfully closed-minded. is it really just a sense of humor? anymore it seems not. I believe i helped create that sense of humor, and never did it involve such insecure slander and bigotry. It never quite bothered me so much until i started writing. and furthermore. fuck you guys.
My computer has returned to me after a long week of cosmetic surgery. It is most alarming to experience how difficult it is to manage without the machine. Not the difficulty which is appalling, but the fear for humanity as a whole, how dependent we have become on the flickering glass cube.
Jeff
10-1-00, 1:11 AM
I greet the new october as visions of circling oranges and reds grace all that is, in a gentle yet macabre manner. Such beauty implying or at least suggesting impending struggle or decay. enjoy now, and realize that if too much symbolism is extracted from something, the thought becomes faux.
All my friends wear such self-idealized facades. Their ideals do not interest me. What keeps me in association is a glimpse through a crack in these inevitably flawed masks. The crack reveals a complex and real entity. But the view changes with perspective. I have come to resent these facades. I believe that i am for the most part myself in all situations. It seems that either people mold around me or reject me. Often the latter, but that's fine. Because of this i;ve inherently become more individualized. I used to seek happiness in other people. My pleasure was ascertained from that of other's, but now i seek self-growth. My activities are solely of self-expression. I can't comprehend whether that is selfishness or advanced introspection.
Just now jay and i are concluding one of those great mutually open conversations he has seemed to find a perpetual source of such conversings and i envy him. I have this paranoid complex in which i thoroughly examine the subject and become not so much infatuated, but scared by flaws. So i usually turn to myself. Myself equally flawed.
I am reminded of how this was once possible with the dear katie. I recall sitting on a cramped bus with a wendy's tray discussing those ever-astounding topics which are quite profound and yet irrelevant. is there a corrolation? I'm not sure. But the pre-jamesion katie was much more satisfying. Is it that she is withdrawn because of him? Does she not need anyone else anymore? Is james the one to tie all loose ends for her? Not that i envy him. I just miss who she used to be.
Jeff
9-31-00. 9:30 PM
Today is one of the most enjoyable days that i can remember. The weather was perfect at a perfect little house in the country with a guitar and a swing band. Quality time can be of quality.
As uncool as it is to say, Jay has been one of my better friends lately, i thank him and i owe him an infamous good/bad.
Jay: Bad: Techno boy (like me) kind of goofy (also) Neutral: jokingly closed-minded. Good: writes decent music, got me a good deal on a drum machine, is interested in my music, is actually very open-minded, but is too cool to show it. My sister doesn't like him. Jeff
9-28-00, 10:14 PM
Creative energy has gone into other facets. I've been writing electronic music. you can hear some of it at mp3.com under the name "Daedal." My father has been suprisingly supportive of this new obsession of mine. That is until he asked,"is this techno?" to which i reply,"i guess." And his "that's really neat"s quickly became "that's crap." Closed minded people are funny.
Finally i have been so fortunate to talk to Rosalind again. We really connect or i think we do or something.
I miss playing punk. I miss it a lot. The pure sweat and energy. Mockery and disrespect. honesty and sarcasm. It's all good. I am obviously too tired to write anything clever.
Jeff
9-11-00, 12:58 AM
Seeing words is like revisiting past experiences. Letters and characters interact to form feelings. letters are not real. letters cannot speak.
9-7-00, 12:46 AM
I went to woody's today. he is an amazing person. Ryan has a great abstract sense of humor and is very creative composer. anyway, he deserves mention.
AFI is by far the most influential and inspirational musical entity i have ths appropriated. AFI brings me back to that depressed time everyone has that lasts about a year. This time is rather important to me. I like to keep it in memory for it has been important for the present and will be for the future. AFI and this period remind me to be observive and introspective. Liberal, but not evangelistic. Cynical, but content. Embrace your losses.
Jeff
9-3-00, 5:08 AM
How odd it is to see yourself refered to by a pronoun.
Never have i felt better and never have i had less provocation. For a wonderful, msterious, and perhaps sirenous cause, i have never felt better than within the weeks prior. As cool as pessimism is, i see little need for it at this point in time. Faithfully, i shall remain a cynic.
My latest passion? Writing and collecting electronic music.
My latest discovery? Nothing matters. Nothing. If it doesn't matter, than it is important and worth doing.
Jeff
8-30-00, 9:39 PM
I recall as a child the most formidabble of fears as a ceiling fan falling as i sleep. My have things changed. An initial response. But have they? I don't fear ceiling fans, conventional anyway, so what do i fear? no that much. I fear mainly that whatever i want to do in my life, i won't be quite good enough. Or that i will, but no one will care. I fear that a couple of my friends are beginning to abandon me. I vaguely fear that no one will ever think more of me than he's a funny guy that draws weird pictures and uses "big words". I fear that i will grow old. I fear of dying young. I do not fear change. I fear that i will lose all of these fears.
Jeff
Palbably, a good, or otherwise, half of my entries have been mysteriously deleted. I am not nearly as angry as i should be. I don't really remember what it feels like to be truely angry, or 'pissed' as my friends like to often put it. I put a good deal of effort and thought into those words, this is true, but the toughts cannot be deleted, and as for effort, well, life is long. And with cynicism and a willingness to process thoughts and not advert, thoughts are rather abundant.
i'll get a new guestbook up before long. My favorite places doesn't work, so put in a link so i can visit all your fine thoughts and efforts.
I am in a very good mood. I have been since about last saturday. For no entirely obvious reason, things seem to be going my way. And as always i am vastly apprehensive of what is to come. I'm going out saturday. I will see jessica. I didn't realize until the show last saturday of how much i missed her. And i've been talking to Becky. I think that's her name. I've met her all of once (or so she tells me) and we frequently discuss our strikely similar views on this great evil empire. I wish i could see her more often. I could spend a lot of time with her if she'd be willing.
That is all, To fill the void at the bottom of the page, i still hate religion, poetry poetry, i'm sad, conflict is good..... et cetera. et cetera
Jeff
8-18-00, 3:50 PM
"The fittest shall survive."-Charles Darwin
Yesterday was dark. That is to be taken literally. No electrodes, circuits, or wire boards. only electrytes and nerve endings. I am coerced to inquire, does technology make our lives better and more efficient, or simply more dense. Such inessential ease by an appropriate title would be complexity.
"Yet the unfit shall survive."- Mark Mothersbaugh
I read, an insignifigant number of days ago, that by the time i am in my perception of what is old, I and my generation of people will be capable of living to nearly 200 years. Great, right? hardly. Overpopulation strangely will easily kill us. And how about this, if we conjur a vaccine for every known contaminate, where do the bacteria and virusi go? They are a species too. We are zealously meddling with primal nature. All paranoia is lessened with the pleasure in irony, that our need and will to survive will be our demise.
So in two topics i managed to speak against over complication from a complex standpoint.
Jeff
Sometime some date, 2000
Q: Why isn't anyone visiting this page anymore?
Much has happened, little has been documented. Friends are important. Friends are very important. My friends are vacant. Justin is a friend. Thank you.
I hate journalism. The proffesor at the photography camp tells me,"You are not allowed to be a journalist." I am not insulted.
The power went out the other day. The greatest thing to happen in a while. humanity can be a great thing without automation. No television or phones or the dreaded machine box. Just thoughts lightning and mellow darkness.
A: I don't
Jeff
8-1-00, 11:49 PM
I find myself staring outward, asphixiated, gazing from within the epicenter of a surreal climax of an unexpected plot twist. Queerness augmented by familiar music from a time of great unfamiliarity. I cease ability to help but to feel fright. I am irate or confused. I live in this moment and as it will pass will the time which i was unaware this moment exists.
Jeff
7-12-00, 6:39 PM
happy birthday nathaniel
i just remembered today that i had a dream a few days ago. something reminded me of it. Like a flashback or something. I dreamed that i was in love with some fictitious girl. And though i have always put little importance on love and relationships, i remeber it as being a great feeling. Perhaps one to persue.
My favorite thing in San Francisco was this old time arcade game. Keep in mind that this was intended for children. It is called 'Opium Den.' For a child's quarter it depicts a man smoking from a bowl followed by a giant hallucinegenic snake and dancing skeletons. And they say there are problems with video games today.
Jeff
7-8-00, 7:08 PM
So i have been in San Francisco and i believe that as Tony Bennet, i have left a part of my heart there. An ephemerol armamentaria of interesting places and people. So that is my excuse. I apologize once more under faux grandeur for the delay. You don't care, and shouldn't. Probably.
Jeff
6-30-00, 1:30 AM
An hour ago i felt rather disconsolate. I turned the lights off, entered the shower and closed my eyes. I begin to inhale deeply through my nose and allowing the waste Carbon to leak through my mouth. I begin to imagine a ball of energy flowing through me. I fall deeper into my trance and realize how relaxed i have become. All remnants of a formerly lugubrious state have diminished and i begin to see a flowing wall of eyes. As i make ocular contact with any of them, the wall, or mass rather, shifts to reveal another and differing eye. I begin to see reciprocated reflections of myself wearing a white tee shirt in the iris before it chose to shift or melt away. I view this as my subconscious or inner voice. I begin to ask it questions. Never did it respond in speech, but rather with action. When appropriate, in retaliation to a question my entire inner body would vibrate. This sensation directly equates the sensation recieved before the experince of a lucid dream. I ask it to visit me again for now i must leace. It distances away and i "awake" feeling refreshed, and even now as i am typing, i feel very at peace and inside myself. My hands are trembling with energy.
Jeff
6-28-00, 12:23 AM
Much has elapsed. Time more and most obviously. Yes. Time has passed. Too much? Always. Let not us grieve. Let not i grieve. For I do. I apologize. Funny. I say that as though anyone cares. i care. This journal as any jounal can only improve the mind of the author. I am writing this down on paper now, succumbing to the desires of my darling sister. Either she needs human congeniality or i need a phone line. Anyway, in half an hour i will have updated. I have doing a favorable amount of artwork this past two weeks. Favorable definately equates "a lot."I rarely have time, but without the formidable schooling, my mind can expand.
In a few weeks i venture to Bloomington for a week long photography outin. Yeah, that is pretty fucking lame, but i think i will enjoy it. I am pretty fucking lame really. I see photography as a potential career or hobby or outlet or wahtever. I will probably end up goin to IU. Also i am the staff artist. photographer on the newpaper next year and its required or something. The dear stephanie and katie will be in attendance greatly increasing morale of this trip. I look forward to spending some time with two of my favorite people.
An assisted introspection: I am never staisfied. This is true. I am never content with location, position, anything really. It could always be better in my eyes. Not really better but different and to me the two rein synonomous. I am not at all a perfectionist strangely enough. I kind of enjoy my dissatisfaction. I feel it is motivating. It keeps me busy, anxious. You could say i am satisfied with my general discontent. I can't get no. no no no. that's what i say.
Jeff
6-12-00
I was going to go to a "party" as jay puts it last night. Make fun of me, please. Yeah i like electronic music. Trance predominately. It is melodic, often beautiful, and perhaps most importantly it is just different. Anyway, a certainly interesting experience went to waste, but made room for another. As i scrambled for something to occupy my increasingly hollow time i discovered that all of the movies were thoughtless and uninspired. So i glance at the drama section. Perhaps these events should have been in juxtapositional order. I notice an interesting looking play at a small theater house in Akton, Indiana. Who ever heard of Akton, Indiana? It had the perfect balance of comedy and philosophy with a truely original and absurd plotline. The most interesting part of the play was the characters. Not the complexity of the characters but the reflections of '50's values in them. Had this play been written today, they would have never gotten away with it in such a politically inclined society. Sad as that is, i was almost offended by a stereotypically abused indian women who bore a tomahawk, tom-tom drum, and spoke in an ignorant manor without the use of helping verbs. A southern "bell" (i hate that term) blatantly harassed "colored folk." On a side note, i deeply loathe the southern american accent.
I got to thinking about the future again. While pondering, the present quickly slipped away. I want to do something with art. I want to do something with music. I am becoming increasingly interested in photography. I started thinking realistically, and i hate being realistic. Funny how it seems that whenever the words "In reality" preceed a thought, the thought is never positive. Why do we, or perhaps more appropriately, I tend to associate reality with unease and responsibility? My problem is that i am the type of person who is interested in many different fields and truely loves each of them. I wish only to have three lives and devote each life to each of the earlier mentioned mediums. But in reality, that is impossible. I wish not to merely be an amatuer in any field. I have recently read books about Charlie Parker, Salvador Dali, Django Reinhardt, and Pablo Picasso. Laugh all you like, but i want a book. You understand my connotation anyhow. Time will tell, but time stutters in speech.
Jeff
6-8-00, 4:34 PM
Why the "ugly" color change? To show that ugly can only apply to color and not change in that statement. It represents the need for change. I personally need something to change. This will not ail many problems, but i can hope that it is the beggining. It also represents that which we ignore and or take for granted. I would be quite surprised if more than twice any of you stopped to contemplate the surroundings of this bidimensional environment of my page.
I wrote two new songs today. One is very melodic and even pretty. This seems to be the direction of our sound. I think that this is good. I believe. I am now looking forward to band practice, so aaron, if you still read this page call me or something.
Jeff
6-6or7-00, 12:25 AM
I owe kate a good/bad despite a deep loathing of these latter adjectives. KATE: bad. What is the word. Sub-trendy? Definately impressionable, not unlike myself. (i suppose the words after the comma could be beyond the next word.) good. beautiful beautiful beautiful katie. in so many ways. I love you kate. nothing short of that. You are a very interesting person, i know you like hearing that and i am very earnest. I adore you and our friendship. And no matter what you say to me, i think you are a terriffic writer.
I like this next topic. I like it because it has the potential, if done correctly, to affect, hopefully and enlighten, but almost certainly anger the core of my audience. I will contradict myself a single time, i will let you find it. I am not personally concerned, but at least i warned you. Punks. I hate punks. I hate labels also, but the word quickly paints a large portrait of that which is this alleged social grouping. Rebellion. A delicate art often and perhaps constantly misused. The good side of "punks". Fighting for a cause. Long since forgotten. Fighting for fun? why fight? being different.....together. acceptance.Conformists. Not respectable. you lack respect? terribly unoriginal thoughts. This last statement is my core argument. Hypocrisy. A quality or more appriately trait these punks or myself can tolerate. Yeah yeah, i contradicted myself earlier. I can just see both sides. [Disclaimer ends] All of these thoughts are best manifested by the mohawk of my great friend justin. Mindless evocation of attention. Poetically trendy. heeeeeeeeh . i care too much
i remember the youth of this pretty green page. Those were the good times. I would update everyday. All was good. Something about recalling your thoughts makes you realize how petty and repetitive life can be. we must repeat. we are devo
Jeff
5-27-00, 4:26 AM
It's not supposed to look exactly like a guitar, mom. I hate people who view art as pencil assisted photography.
I cannot sleep. This sucks, but not as much as i suppose it should. This is the time that i should be sleeping. This is summer. A disappointingly bittersweet time. I can't stop thinking about all of the wonderful people that i will have the fortune of seeing for three months. I can't stop thinking about all of the wonderful people i will likely never see again as long as i live. That i believe is the most depressing impulse of thought ever to pass through my mind. So angelique, krista, katie, and hell, even chase: I'll miss you guys.
Jeff
5-23-00, 10:24 PM and 5-24-00, 3:36 PM
I have been thinking. I have been thinking of the future my future. I speak in fragments for a reason. it sets a mood. It sets the mood which i feel. So slowly. So slowly does this time pass. I must say, I am content with what i see. The ideal. I am content with a realistic ideal. Yet i question the realism in the phrase 'realistic ideal.' I Realize. I realize that i am fortunate. in more ways than two. you expected one. That made it interesting. Such is life i hope. Even my supposed ideal.
My sister is so selfish. So arrogant. So ignorant. So selfish. So selfish. I pity her. My feeling for her is constant. The ratio ever-varying between love and pure honest pity. Respect? in a sense. But ever always diminishing. I give her the chance to prove me wrong constantly. For this reason alone, i am all the more disappointed.
Dave: I agree. Most definately do i agree. Bering in a band. Composing and expressing emoions. I covet every moment and would not sacrifice it for my hearing. As for you my friend, I wish nothing but "luck", as they insist on calling it, in you musical endeavours. You are a tremendous player. I repect you in several ways, but you need not hear this from me.
Austin. I forgot Austin. Austin: Good:never a dormit moment in conversation due to our differing yet agreeing opinions. Our perspectives are completely polar, him being mathmatical, logical etc. but it is funny how our differing approach usually ends with a precisely acquiescent conclusion. Austin studies the how, but appreciates the presence of the why. Bad: Austin is into computers. (this is a preemptory statement, that is not bad.) so. "computer geek"? perhaps, i dont care. you're a good guy austin.
Have you looked at the stars recently? A simple question, but honesly. Have you witnessed the beautiful fresco clouds? Strokes from the brush of a madman. Such beauty could only have come from a chatic force. The storms? oh, the storms. Beautiful beautiful storms. I so appreciate this earth and all it offers, yet i accurately suppose that most of you would be forced by ethich to answer negatively to the previous questions. Simple questins these are, but cannot simplicity be beautiful? Of course. Of course
5-18-00, 10:52 PM
Always, as i lower into the desk chair i am reminded and perplexed as to the pleasure this page ensues.
This will be today's topic : intentions, motivation. primarily in one area. Just now, in the shower, i asked myself why i am in a band. Where is this going? Say we keep playing through college, we are then in our mid 20's. Then what? it doesn't matter. Why do i do this at all? What do i wish to seek? Why? aagain i ask, why? At first i said creativity, musicality, a sense of accomplishment. I still generally agreed to these terms until inpection of my next query. What is your favorite show? I thought of them all and found myself at January 11th. We played....fair, but sufficently, more importantly i now realize Ryan was there. Brandon was there. Rosalind jumped on my back and we fell. We fell hard. Dear Krista even showed up after i asked her. I absentmindedly kissed her in front of her boyfriend. He didn't care. I had a great time. that is all that matters whether i like to admit it or not.
Jeff
5-11-00, 10:56 PM
No direct thoughts today. Instead i will share some work from a recent poetry project.
The Exhibition
In company of thought I wander through storm and wind, Comforted by the relative chaos, Rain drops merge with tears as I laugh again.
Lightning spills and bangs, of which I must fend, If a lesson is learned, not all is lost With a quest for such knowledge I may not continually win.
Jaded I become as the light enters my perception Once more I stab, but for wisdom, at what cost? I grimace, remaining erect as energy pierces my skin.
At such a panic I bolt electricity filled within. I escape, the peril I feel I have lost. But as I rest I twitch. Such a spasm one will cease to comprehend.
And as I involuntarily shake, convulse and apprehend, Shocked I was, but not for long, and I lacked completion but not trust. Out into the storm, arms spread wide, luring my greatest foe and friend.
I kneel down and grasp the earth, look up and tempted the whim. A curiosity? Madness? A mirage? A savage lust? My now opened hands reach to be stroked again, And with waylay of glory the pain of that night was all I required to mend.
The lines are messed up here, but i am unable to ail this. This is a Villanelle: ABAABAABAABAABAABAA.
Jeff
5-8-00, 10:32 PM
I am the cynic i proudly profess in a knowingly ironical tone. Sad how it is that i must, however, have a cynical perspective on my loyal pastime. This is so in that we cynics are fueled. We are a leaded vehicle internally combusting the thoughts, life's ambitions and goals of others: basically so we can look smart and respect ourselves (this said with a satiric tone, i will let you figure it out) To plunge down the rabbit hole of irony further, that is great and i am not complaining.
Jeff Bad - hypocrite, somewhat closed minded, childish, unaware of the world around you, sometimes mean cruel rude and hurtful and not caring. Good the times when you are nice and not being immature you are interesting. You can be so nice when you aren't thinking about what is cool. Happy Birthday Smile you are a good person
To this, i choose to rebuttal. Not in fury, but to help understand why you would think such things Deborah.: Closed minded, with this i will simply disagree. That is i have pondered this before and have come to a contrasting conclusion. If you would like to get personal with this, deborah, which you apparently do coming unto to my journal in such a manner, I in my vast observations have rarely come across such a childish person as yourself. This is solidified by your entry. You are a hypocrite for calling me a hypocrite. We all are really, but for you my dear i have examples. With the closed minded statement, which i will revisit anyway, though i believe you are fully entitled to your opinion(disproving your point i might add)i have often tried to converse on a certain topic with you, you know what i am thinking, and it always comes to me making a broad point and you calling me ignorant with nothing backing it up. This is what you were tought, i understand and even respect your opinion, but don't shut out mine just because it is different. No, i dont believe in God, but i am not an evil person, just one of observation.
Constructive criticism is welcome thank you. But i believe you were ill informed. I am not angry.
Jeff
5-1-00, 3:07 PM
And thus i begin my sixteenth year. As a bridge that has shaken and since has begun recovering.
Back to the original plan earlier mentioned.In no particular order:
Justin: Bad: You are a typical smart-ass. Good: You have always offered support, I am never bored with you, You are a typical smart-ass.
Nathaniel: Bad: Sometimes controlling, even manipulative but with good intent. Good: A very sweet guy. generally kind and open minded. And as a bass player, you are a hell of a good friend.
Aaron: Bad: Sometimes closed-minded. Good: I have only known you 3/4 of a year and i feel i have always known you, that you have always been a part of me. Aaron is a very kind d generous person. More Bad: You owe 20 bucks.
Jessica: Bad: Nathaniel only makes good conversatioin subject matter for so long dear. He's not so bad really. Good: Never a dull moment. Introspective, intelligent. Open minded, though you seem to know what you want, or at least what you do not.
Ryan: Bad: Somewhat immature, but just a sense of humor. I wouldn't have written this if i did not have bad for everyone else. Good: Tremendous artist. I respect you very much ryan. I find myself unconsciously comparing my work to yours. Ryan also drives us places.
Brandon: Bad: Somewhat tempermental. somewhat closed-minded.(correction: thankfully through a series of conversations i can see past the false facade with which i was once content. Brandon is very broad, very accepting, and is otherwise a very bright guy.) Good: Conversation mostly. Brandon thinks very deep and insightful. I appreciate that in him.
Rosalind: Bad: I never see you. Good: Possibly the most beautiful, funny girl i have ever met.
I will finish this later if so i feel need.
Jeff
Unknown Date, PM
Alright, i lied. It was the kind of lie in which i only realized i was lying now. It was lost somewhere in the subconscious. Anyway, i forgot what i was going to say and therefore it matters not either way.
I just had an idea. I was thinking about my friends and how interesting it is to hear what people think about you and this is what i conceived: I will list all of my friends. I will tell you what enjoy about each of you, and (if necessary) i will tell what i don't enjoy so much about you. Not so much that, but the traits which i enjoy in a negative way if that makes sense to any of you......im tired now,. i will do this tonight i promise!
4-25-00, 9:06 PM
I bought a tux today. That is, my dad bought me a tux. I am playing drums with him more frequently and he felt that i needed to look "sharp"er as he often says. Thanks dad.
The other day, as mentioned prior, i went for a night of fun with Jess, the inimitable Aaron, and countless others. I don't like not being able to count if you get my meaning. Large groups, to me, are far less intimate. That is obvious, i should have worded this differently, but some people do not mind that and i am not such a person. I was looking forward to talking to jessica alone, but then several others showed up unexpectedly. It's cool iguess, they were all very kind people whom i would like to spend time with, just individually. I wish not to share you beautiful people. When i am with a single person that i know and trust, it is as though a am living every minute to its fullest potential. When i talk to a person and they speak to me with no other intention than for me or them to hear their voice, i have squeezed another second into every minute. With good company, I am imortal. When i am with a group of people, it seems as though the time passes at a constant rate, but i only experience three quarters as it goes by.
I don't feel comfortable witing down stairs. I will complete this in my room.
4-22-00, 12:00 AM
I went out with Aaron, Ty, Jess, and some nice quiet natured girl they call Mary tonight. Nothing really interesting happened, but i thought that i should update and i figured that i would come up with a topic by now. I suppose i misjudged. I was unusually somber tonight, and for once i am not certain as to the source of such tenebrism.
My cat lies beside me on the floor. His eyes are closed and he punches at a seemingly malignant air. This perhaps epitomizes my current state. This oblivious feline and myself share the common fear of the imaginary, of perh
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Some bizarre and interesting shit about squirrels or something
