Vector Prime
Now I just know that, like me, you dashed off to the
nearest Waldens the other day and bought a nice
hardcover copy of Vector Prime, the latest Holocaust
of the Star Wars novels.
Let me just inform you of a couple things,as an
experienced reader of a LOT of Star Wars books (from
my weak days when I did a lot of traveling by car and
I read alot more than I do now):
1)I have no intention of reading this book.
2) When I read the five page excerpt from this book
several months before it came out, I laughed so hard
my mother thought she was going to have to call a
doctor.
It was just that sad. In that tiny fraction of the
book I found so many unforgivable offenses I stopped
counting after the first two pages. The worst thing
about the excerpt and thus the entire book is that all
of the characters are just so abominally
misrepresented. And not just the movie characters,
either. Mara Jade hasn't been this badly written
since "Children of the Jedi". People say things they
would never say. They've done things to themselves
and the galaxy around them that they would never have
done.
Examples:
- Luke Skywalker is now married to Mara Jade. I can't
opinionate on that because that was Timothy Zahn's
idea and I respect Zahn. But in slapping on the
proverbial ball and chain both characters now come off
as sickeningly stunted, devoid of any of the integrity
they salvaged from the other books half-assed science
fiction authors threw them into. If it was humanly
possible, Luke is a bigger wimp than he has ever been.
And Mara Jade, who was simply fabulous in Zahn's
original opus "Heir to the Empire", has been drained
of the fire and fury she had when her character was
still fresh. Again, I HAVE NOT READ THIS BOOK AND
DON'T INTEND TO. These are the impressions I'm
drawing from a rather limited resource, but I'm fairly
confident I'm right.
- Another effect of the marriage: Both characters have
now had this patronizing, sickeningly sweet element
added to them. They "cuddle" several times in just
this one excerpt. Mara Jade does not "cuddle" for
chrissakes, I don't care HOW much Zahn softened her
character in "Specter of the Past" and "Visions of the
Future". And Luke built a ship for the two of them
called the "Jade Saber". Folks, rarely in my grown
life have I come so close to a spontaneous, violent
fit of vomiting.
3) Other perversions in this book that should never
see the light of day:
- Han and Leia's FUCKING children are in this, and
from the looks of things practically half the novel
revolves around them. I'm sorry, but these characters
have not once added anything to a Star Wars novel
except smarm and about ten thousand horribly failed
attempts to inject that elusive George Lucas sense of
whimsy into the story. I can't argue against the
CREATION of the characters. After all, it was only
natural that Han and Leia should have children. But
to actually PUT the children in the story? Not gonna
work. Zahn himself even realized this and stuck the
twins Jacen and Jaina, as well as little Anakin (I
think I feel last night's dinner coming up)on
Chewbacca's homeworld for the duration of "Specter"
and "Visions"
- What's even worse on the matter of the children and
character: Mara Jade has now taken on the
responsiblity of training Jaina in the ways of the
Force, even though in the last novel chronologically
she herself still lacked even the strength to levitate
her lightsaber. How then, will she be of any help to
her student (I simply REFUSE to use the term padawan
to describe Jaina. That is a term of honor reserved
only for true Jedi) when Mara herself is in desperate
need of her own training?
-Other stuff: Kyp Durron, that wretched little punk
Jedi conceived by everyone's favorite author Kevin J.
Anderson, is now a Jedi MASTER. Yes, you read right.
A master. Years ago I was floored when he actually
became a Jedi Knight. I was so incredibly sure that
character had been phased out, but now he's back and
he's a fragging master. He now travels around in a
big ship full of Jedi trainees (the only kind in this
diluted galaxy), instructing them in the ways of the
Force. Ok. Whatever. Yes, his character may be
powerful, and yes, he may have been "the first" of
Luke's new Jedis, but he simply does not have the
integrity to carry the title "master". It spits on
the good names of Yoda, Mace Windu, Qui-Gon Jinn, and
Plo Koon. This brings me to my next point...
- Time. If anything, Episode I has proven to us in
plainer terms than ever that time does in fact pass in
George Lucas' galaxy. Obi-Wan was a very young man in
Episode I and by Episode IV he was old and wrinkled.
Time has never presumed to be anything but completely
forthright and accurate in the Star Wars films. But
in the books time has been thrown out the window,
dismissed by authors as an unnecessary and
uncomfortable element. For the first few books which
took place only a few years after ROJ it wasn't a
problem. But as the books continue to fly out of the
publisher's office, the time span is continually
increased, and folks...it's starting to get a little
absurd. Let's do a little math:
Luke Skywalker was 18 in Episode IV, making him
roughly 23 by ROJ. Vector Prime takes place twenty
years after Episode VI, making him roughly 43. Not
exactly the way you want to picture Luke Skywalker,
huh? Want an even grimmer vision? "Heir to the
Empire" described Mara Jade as "about Luke's age",
which would also make her between 43 and 45. So how
come she still looks like a toned supermodel on the
book covers? Take note this means that Leia would
also be 43-45.
How 'bout this? Han Solo was 29 in Episode IV, making
him roughly 33 by Episode VI. He'd be 53 in Vector
Prime. Is this disturbing anyone else?
Sorry Salvatore, but I don't respect anyone whose only
solution is to simply push the timetable back another
few notches just to give breathing room for your own
awful books. And putting a recent picture of Mark
Hamill on the book cover to represent "Old Luke" is
not helping anything.
But, of course, Luke, Leia, and Han are not the
primary focus of this book, are they? No. They are
merely the background characters for the real heros:
the new Jedi Order. Well, plainly put, that SUCKS.
We all know that none of these authors, except
possibly Zahn, are talented enough to create a whole
new generation of characters that the audience could
possibly appreciate.
They're all just desperate, and it shows.
In summation, do not give your money to this wretched
lot of sellouts. Do not read Vector Prime. Instead,
look to the past. That's where the future of Star
Wars lies. Go see Episode I another few thousand
times. Buy it when it comes out on video and watch it
again, and again. And wait. Wait for Episode II.
Just wait. An Italian monastary as a Sith temple.
Just wait. And trust. Trust in George Lucas and only
George Lucas. Reject these false prophets. Look to
the past. And wait.
---
John Paige
10.31.1999
http://www.klink.net/~tatara/DFFQI.html