Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Looking Back, Looking Forward, Fifteen Times And No Sign Of Stopping

I saw Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, at the first showing at the Norma Jean Madison Theater, at 12:01am on May 19, 1999. The few dozen or so hours leading up to that night were some of the most exciting, exhilirating, and nerve-wracking of my life.

I can't really put the events of the day into an accurate narrative. I get pictures and phrases and bursts of motion and emotion, sound and fury. Barnaby, Hardly Working

Got to school at 7:30am, as was usual the last three months of my Sophmore year. Steve showed up soon, followed by Nick and then Peter. There was this excitement, this indescribaly excitement. A feeling of camraderie, a feeling that we had reached this massive point. Which we had. I personally had been waiting for this day for three years, since I first heard about the movie.

Peter, Nick and I bought Steve a present --- a double bladed lightsaber. It's electronic, and it was eventually recalled for being some kind of hazard to children. It was great, man. We left it in Mrs Leto's room during school.

Can't remember much of any of the classes. No surprise there. Beef shirt in gym class, last period.

Leaving school the second the final bell rang, as planned. Right into Steve's dad's car after Steve got yelled at by a teacher for making jokes about his new Double Bladed Lightsaber being a shotgun. This was about two weeks after Columbine, and that day we, but especially Steve, feared no one. It was a good feeling.

Got to the Madison at 3pm, May 18 1999. There were four people loitering out front of the theater, which was a huge scare for everyone in the car. We thought they were in line. We were wrong.

We met John there. He was waiting inside. We staked our spot in line. We were the first people in line. The fucking first. It was nice.

Nick and I had played it the most low-key out of any of us in terms of bags and all that. We both had two small bookbags. Steve, on the other hand, was in full Darth Maul regalia, and he had brought a fold-up lawnchair as well as three bags full o' crap.

Once we were there for an hour and a half, Nick and I walked to Hot Dog Charlie's to get some food. I had a cup of french fries. They served the french fries in a cup. A cup.

Back to the line, Aaron (bassist from Stars of Rock) was passing by. He said he'd be back soon to stay in line for good.

I can't recall any specifics, like I said.

Images, sounds.

There was a house across the street from the Madison that was selling clothes for cheap. Nick bought a flannel shirt for $1.

Greg dropped by for awhile. He and everyone but Peter and I ate Taco Bell.

Aaron dropped by for good. 4:50pm, I believe. We talked for a while. He told us of the Star Wars Holiday Special. After that, it became DFFQI's collective mission to find a copy of this monstrocity. It was during one of these conversations, while relaying a Tenascious D gag, I became dubbed the Surgeon General of Rock. He also brought a toy lightsaber (Luke's from ROTJ).

Dan stopped by the line on the way to Anger Management. He brought his bike, which Darth Pause used to go down to Crypt-O to buy reading materials. Dan went to the house across the street and bought a leather jacket for $3. Dan left for his class, but promised to return later with brownies.

Many lightsaber battles.

Some kid showed up wearing an Obi Wan costume showed up for a few minutes and left. Didn't like him at all.

Botched attempts at studying Spanish for a quiz the next day. Actually, MANY botched attempts.

Aaron's friend Kelly showed up. Greg left, telling us to buy him a ticket if any extras went on sale. They didn't.

We watched the Simpsons.

Steve and I walked to the library to find a kid we wanted to harass. The library was closed, and it started to rain.

I Am Become Death, Destroyer of Worlds

No story is without it's conflict. This one, or at least my personal conflict, presented itself around 7:30pm.

Dan returned to tell us the brownies were in the oven, and would be ready soon.

I started to talk to Dan about people we know. I learned some things. I learned some things that upset me greatly.

I was so angry, so shocked, I just walked around the block. Twice. It was May 18, a few hours before a point I had been working towards for YEARS, and things like this were not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to find things like this out. It wasn't supposed to happen.

A pay phone call to Nick Sciotti confirmed everything Dan said. I just walked back to our camp, which was growing in size, and sat there in silence for a good fifteen minutes. I know it's hard to imagine me being quiet, but it happened.

Then Peter turned to me and said something. I can't remember what he said, but it was kind.

After that I made a conscious and wholey informed decision to enjoy myself.

Adoration

It was about now, 8pm, that the cameras arrived.

Peter said he was writing a piece about this, and he could talk about it better than I could.

All I'll say is that I really wish I could have seen Futurama, but I was being basking in the reflected glow of Darth Pause, Media Whore.
Step Back And Let's Go Pop

We walked into Cinema 2 at 9:30pm. Once again, no real linear story abuot this. I'm sure Peter could do it better.

Kelly taught me really obscene phrases in Spanish and Dutch. Pause was on two television news broadcasts until the drooling old whore in the Yoda hat got wheeled in from whatever hole she crawled out of.

12:01am

Never been able to write a review of this movie. Tried back on May 19 and several times afterwards, still can't.

2:20am

You know the bit with the Gungan celebration? Where it's all over, and there's a parade, and Obi Wan and Padawaan Anakin and pretty pretty Queen Amidala are standing there? And then they pan out and show everyone. And then the Auggie's Municiapl Band (that's the name of the Naboo celebration theme...I'm not making this up) turns right into the familiar Rebel Fanfare? That was just...Wow. Beyond words. Three years led to it, and it was over.

After the movie, we talked for awhile. We were all kinda wound up.

3:30am

Here we go again...

5:45am

Radio's there now. Pause got interviewed, we grabbed our stuff and headed out. Pause won a CD, but that's only because I told him the answer. Peter and Nick and I got interviewed by Channel 6. I still haven't seen the tape of this one, but I have a feeling we came off a bit, um...wired.

Crawling From The Wreckage

Peter and Pause went to school, Nick and I didn't. I went to my aunt's house and slept from 7:15am until 2:10pm. Got up, watched Kids In The Hall, went back to the Madison and did it all over again. Twice.

Got back to my house at 9pm on May 19, after seeing the movie four times. It was a good thirty six hours to say the least.

All Good Things

Earlier this week (I'm writing this sentence at 2:34am on 8/7/99), John suggested we go see a late show of TPM before Friday, when we'd go to see Mystery Men.

We decided on a 9:25pm showing Thursday night. It was just he and I.

We sat in the same seats, in the same theater as the first showing. It was the fifteenth time for both of us.

You know, this is going to sound sad and pathetic, but I am PROUD that I saw this movie fifteen times. There were a lot worse things I could have done with about $132.

Four people in the theater, total.

John and I spent most of the Tatooine sequence talking about the movie. We're convinced of several things.

You remember Ric Olie, the pilot with the creepy hair? We're pretty sure he's a child molester. Big time. He's probably on some sort of work release program. The guy always looked a little TOO happy to be around Anakin. Watch the movie again and see what we mean. "You catch on quick."

We saw what happens at Anakin's hovel during night on Tatooine, but what about the Queen's ship? John has a theory involving Obi Wan, cheap wine, several of the Queen's hand maiden, and a hot tub.

The best opening scene Kevin J. Anderson (or, as he's referred to in these parts, The Worst Science Fiction Writer Ever) could ever use in an upcoming book would start with Luke returning to Tatooine. He walks along the desert and comes upon an old shack. He goes inside the shack, where he finds a very old blue Toydarian, okay? Luke introduces himself to the creature, who says in an old, worn accent, "I once knew a Skywalker, and he was a credit to your race..." The story (which would be about, I dunno, pod racing or something) would start from there. This is one of the dozens of possible clumsy insertions of EpI characters into Star Wars books that John and I have come up with over the past twleve weeks. There's also one that involves Captain Panaka being frozen in a block of ice, a la Captain America, and then revived to become one of the leaders of the Rebel Alliance.

Those sad, sad Sith meetings. Peter might have mentioned these somewhere. But something struck me last night. Sidious and Maul are out on the balcony, talking about their plan to destroy the Jedi, right? Thing is, they're on the BALCONY OF A CONDIMUNIUM! What if someone on the balcony above or below, some normal joe who came out to enjoy his late night gin 'n' tonic, overheard "At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi, at last we will have our revenge." ?

Wouldn't that be really inconvenient?

John has developed a flat-out obsession with Sabe, the handmaiden that impersonated the Queen.

We stayed for all the credits. He had never done that before, but I had. You can hear Darth Vader breathing when the THX logo comes on at the very very end.

Goodbye Old Friend

Instead of getting into the whole story, I will close this by saying that we didn't know it at the time, but John and I attended the last showing of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, at the Norma Jean Madison theater. Weird how the universe directs you, huh?

What a great run it's been. Fifteen shows (well, fourteen at the Madison, but the single one at Crossgate's with Nina was totally due to my inability to read Movie Clocks). We're going to start going to another theater, but TPM and the Madison will be forever linked. I'm going to sum it all up with a quote from Steve Albini (because he and Star Wars go hand-in-hand): "It was a blast, and we blasted a few ourselves."

---

Michael Keegan
8.28.1999

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