The Jimmy Awards
The Jimmy Awards are a weekly award given to a piece of hardware in the sci-fi genre (most of the time).
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Week of 6.4.2000
MILLENNIUM FALCON
IT'S THE MILLENNIUM FALCON!!! WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY?!
- Michael Keegan
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Week of 5.28.2000
BATMOBILE
One of my most vivid memories of damned near anything is seeing Batman for the first time, in July 1989. To say it blew my mind would be a goddamned understatement if there every was one.
I could turn this into a disseration about how Batman changed my life, but that would be pretentious and un-needed. I'll save it for my memoir.
Okay, here's why the Batmobile is simply one of the greatest accesories anyone could ever want.
Here are the vehicle's specs, according to "Who's Who In The DC Universe, Dec. 1990" (it pays to have extensive archives, kiddies):
* length: 15' 5''
* height: 4'3''
* power source: gas turbine engine
* maximum speed: 225 mph (w/ rocket boost, 350mph)
* chasis made of super-light titanium alloy and coated w/ ceramic resistant to even armor-piercing weapons
* puncture proof tires
* spinning tire-slashers
... and it goes on.
The coolest thing is, Batman doesn't even NEED the Batmobile. I mean, the guy is in perfect physical and mental condition, is trained in every fighting style on Earth, and his suit can take care of the rest. He could easily sneak in and out of the city without aid of an automobile, let alone a custom built superweapon. But he does it to give himself that extra edge.
That's why the Jimmy Award goes to the Batmobile.
(For the record, my two favorite Batmobiles are the one from the early to mid nineties, during the Grant/Breyfogle golden years on Detective Comics and the tank-like machine in Frank Miller's masterful The Dark Knight Returns.)
- Michael Keegan
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Week of 9.26.1999
WILDFIRE YOROI
Torch of Spirit sought through Five...
Drinking Strength from Immortal Fire...
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 9.19.1999
GUNBLADE
An obscure weapon, combining both firearm and sword.
The gunblade is a difficult weapon, taking years to master.
Only two masters of this weapon have risen from Balamb Garden.
Not just a simple pistol with a bayonet fixed, the gunblade combines both halves as one.
One does not just fire the gun and use the blade as a last resort, but rather, utilizes both components in a single strike.
It is a difficult weapon to master, but the rewards are grand.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 9.12.1999
DINOBOT
Dinobot.
The father of humanity.
He gave his life so that we could exist.
He died so that we could be.
He sacrificed himself for the future.
Because of Dinobot's selfless actions, we are here today.
He fought alone, against insurmountable odds.
He could have fled.
He could have entered into stasis lock.
But, he did not.
Dinobot fought to protect us.
He fought until his total system damage was past critical and his body collapsed into the dirt.
Dinobot gave his life to protect us.
He lived a warrior and died a hero.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 9.5.1999
GUARDIAN PROTOCOL
To mend and defend.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 8.29.1999
WELTALL
The vessel that will carry the destroyer of god.
So it is written, so it will be done.
A machine built with god's knowledge and wisdom, forever destined to destroy its creator.
A weapon to kill a false god, empowered by that of a true god.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 8.22.1999
BENDER
From benevolent to malevolent. This week's Jimmy is awarded to Bender.
Bender is by far the worst (and by worst, I mean best) role model a growing boy could have.
Everyone dreams of having a robot as a friend.
Bender is that robot.
Bender is that friend.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 8.15.1999
THE IRON GIANT
Manufactured in a distant star, this 50 ft. robot was sent to Earth as a soldier. It was to eliminate human kind; however, fate changed its programming. With its code damaged, the robot sought to be more than what it was.
The Iron Giant was a soldier.
The Iron Giant was a tool.
The Iron Giant was a weapon.
The Iron Giant was a gun.
The Giant rejected its nature, hating what it was and what it was designed to do. The Giant would not kill. The Giant would not be a gun.
The Giant would fight its programming.
The Giant would create rather than destroy.
They Giant would give rather than take.
The Giant would learn and grow.
The Giant would love and sacrifice.
The Giant would become a hero.
The Giant would teach us that we are what we make of ourselves, and that we are the ones who decide who we are and what we do.
The Giant would become a hero.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 8.8.1999
SDF-1 MACROSS
In the year 1999, an alien battleship appeared in orbit. It crashed down on Macross island in the Pacific. For the next 10 years, humanity united around this shattered vessel. They worked together to rebuild it and learn its secrets.
It was christened the Macross.
Tragically, the owners of the vessel returned for it.
Earth was devastated.
The crew of the Macross contained the all that remained of human life.
The Macross rebuilt Earth. They did not rebuilt the old Earth, but a new one. They built it with knowledge of the mistakes of the past.
The Macross crew were Adam and Eve.
A new era dawned.
A new history.
A new future.
This is the legacy of the Super Dimensional Fortress Macross.
It the end of its journey, the Macross fell to Earth, forever standing frozen as a sentinel and reminder of our past, present, and future. It is us. We are it. Nothing could exist without the Macross. The Macross could not exist without us.
There, a silent testament to the struggle and sacrifice of those who have come before us, will be forever with us.
We will not forget you.
We will carry you with us to the last generation.
This is the legacy of the Super Dimensional Fortress Macross.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 8.1.1999
MAC II "MONSTER"
The HWR-00-Mk II is the largest ground cruising mecha ever constructed by human hands, in the early MACROSS Universe at least.
Its firepower is comparable to that of the modern battleship.
It can decimate its opponents from miles away, when they are still over the horizon, or it can attack up close, bringing its four 40cm cannons to bear down on them as it looms over their shoulders.
Its thick armor plate ensures virtual invincibility.
Two triple-barreled missile launchers, carrying 24 SRMs, MRMs, or LRMs, or two triple-barreled laser cannons assist in supporting the main guns.
Speed is not the MAC II's strong point, but it was not designed for it.
It is a mobile battle fortress.
It dominates the land as a battleship dominates the sea.
It can utterly obliterate anything in its path.
Its small crew of three or four act as gods, deciding who lives and who dies.
It is a monster.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 7.25.1999
QUEADLUUN-RAU
The Queadluun-Rau is the female power armour of the Zentraedi forces.
Few exist.
They are outnumbered vastly by their male counter parts.
There are few, but those few are feared.
The Queadluun-Rau is the most powerful mecha employed by the Zentraedi.
Its weapon systems can tear apart a fleet of male power armours.
It can strip the armor plate off of mecha and shatter it into 1,000 shards.
It is fast.
It is agile.
It is deadly.
It is female.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 7.18.1999
DROIDEKA
Wheel Droids, Destroyer Droids, Destroyers, Droidekas...
They all refer to the transforming kill-bot employed by the Trade Federation's army.
The Destroyer is pure evil.
Designed with a single purpose in mind.
Most droids are built to resemble their makers. Not the Destroyers, though. They were given a completely alien form. There is no human face staring back at you. There is only a foreign head piercing deep into your soul.
They are mobile weapons platforms, capable of pursuing their targets at high speeds while folded into their wheel formation. When they catch their prey, they unfold and release hellfire from the twin blasters in the place where their hands should be.
Deflector shields pop up, protecting the machines as they cut down row upon row.
The Destroyer is a symbol of fear.
The Destroyer is a symbol of power.
The Destroyer is a killing machine.
It was built solely for that role, and it performs it better than anyone or anything... period.
The horrible thundering sound of metal rolling toward you.
The horrible cranking sound of the droid unfolding.
A bronze and chrome god of death.
Fear.
Even the Jedi fear the Destroyer.
A dreadful looking object.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 7.11.1999
LARA CROFT
Yes, this week's Jimmy is weird and even creepy, but it makes sense.
Lara Croft is much more than the sum of her parts.
She is not just polygons and pixels.
Lara is so much more.
When she first appeared, she changed the world.
Who wanted to play as a girl?
Certainly, not I.
But, one day I woke up wanting to buy TOMB RAIDER.
I did, and my love affair with Lara Croft has continued ever since.
You care for her and want to protect her.
You don't want her to get hurt.
I play and fight harder, trying to guide Lara safely through the game.
You want her to survive.
You make her survive.
She is the reason for the PlayStation's success.
She is the reason the PSX is where it is today.
Lara changed the world, but if you speak her name outside the gaming circle, few will know who she is.
Lara was unique.
Now, there are TOMB RAIDER clones no matter where you look.
None of them capture what makes Lara... Lara.
Lara Croft is not just a sprite.
Lara Croft is real.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 7.4.1999
PLANET EXPRESS DELIVERY SHIP
This is really all you need. You don't need 30 decks, warp necelles, jump engines, phasers, blasters, and the like.
This is really all you need.
A rocketship... pure and simple.... nothing more and nothing less.
It is from an age of the past mirrored in the future.
Its simplicity is elegant.
Vacuum tubes and steam engines.
It is from a time where the future has lost its distant luster and allure and become the present.
Still, the future is the future.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 6.27.1999
MINBARI FIGHTING PIKE
The Minbari Fighting Pike.
Several Thousand Years Old.
The Weapon of a Ranger.
Only a Ranger.
It is what a Lightsabre is to a Jedi.
The Pike is useless to those untrained.
To those who know, it becomes both a tool and a weapon.
Hidden.
Unseen until after the Strike.
To Live for the One.
To Die for the One.
Anla'Shok.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 6.20.1999
LIGHTSABRE
An elegant weapon.
A more civilized time.
A uniform cutting blade.
Pure energy.
Contained.
Focused.
Mastered.
This is the weapon of the Jedi.
The Dai Nogas.
The Guardians of Peace.
The Army of Light.
The Soldiers of Dawn.
Simple.
Pure.
Innocent.
A laser sword.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
A symbol.
A machine.
One.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 6.13.1999
MACH 5
Born in a time of change... a time of transition.
The harbinger of a future yet to come.
Unassuming.
Idealistic.
Go Speed Racer! Go!
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 6.6.1999
F-22 RAPTOR
The United States is constantly at war with itself. It develops new technology and vehicles to combat enemies that do not exist.
God bless the US military for this.
If they didn't spend money on next generation platforms, they simply wouldn't be developed. The cycle of history would end. The US military is pushing the envelop further and further.
The F-22 Raptor is the current embodiment for this pursuit of the future. It is a stealth vessel with no equal in the air.
It vectors thrust.
Its computer thinks.
It is capable of things never before realized.
The F-22 is the generation before the generation of space flight.
The next next generation craft will be a trans-atmospheric craft. We will go into space. It will be the military that first brings us there.
The Roman Empire expanded militarily. Civilians followed after the troops.
Our expansion into space may very well mirror that of Rome's.
An endo-exo-atmospheric fighter will bring us there.
The Raptor is the generation before space.
The Raptor has complete authority and dominance in the air.
The next generation will govern space.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 5.30.1999
FAIRCHILD A-10 THUNDERBOLT II
This week's Jimmy is a bit different.
No SF this time.
This week the the Fairchild/Republic A-10 Thunderbolt II Warthog gets the award.
I think it's a beautiful design, but that's not popular opinion. Most despise this craft. They view it needless. They say that the more advanced F-16 can do its job better.
There will always be a need for Warthog type aircraft, though. The Thunderbolt II can take an unsurmountable level of flak and still fly. There are stories from the Gulf War that involve pilots returning with half a wing.
First flown on 5.10.72, the Thunderbolt II is powered by two GE TF34-100 Turbofans. It can carry more than its share of missiles, but its nose mounted 30mm GAU-8A Avenger cannon is it's weapon of choice.
A gun in the era of missiles.
The A-10 is a tank killer. That's what it was designed to do... and it does it ever so well.
It's a low tech machine. It lacks all the bells and whistles of the more modern craft. Still, it has a commanding presence on the field.
There is a reverence and awe around this plane, devoted solely to its mission.
The A-10 is from an era gone by. It is a unique plane fading away into legend.
One more round.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 5.23.1999
VF-1 VALKYRIE
If you're unfamiliar with this little spitfire, it's the prolific hero of the original MACROSS series.
The Valkyrie was born over 15 years ago in Japan and embodied all that is good and pure. It was responsible for a surge in Japan's economy and pride.
MACROSS is the greatest anime saga.
The VF-1 Valkyrie was its beginning.
It was born looking up at the stars, toward a distant destiny.
Imagine, mecha built with present day technology.
Imagine, a small fighter being able to convert into something more.
There is just something about it.
The Valkyrie was a dream given form.
The Valkyrie was dedicated to all future pioneers.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 5.16.1999
N-1 CLASS STARFIGHTER
The Naboo One is a thing of beauty. It is a machine designed to be art. It is perfect in every way.
The N1 has been called the X-Wing of TPM. Please, don't call it an X-Wing. The X-Wing is a utilitarian craft. The N1 is grace and royalty.
The Episode One cross sections book has a schematic of the N1. It gives purpose to every inch of the ship. It makes it utilitarian. The diagrams are wrong. The N1 is not designed around purpose. The engine tails (which were horribly referred to as "rat tails") are not crammed with circuits and wires.
It is a thing of beauty.
The N1 is hand made. It is a custom space frame. It is a rare craft piloted only by the queen's protectors. It is more than functional metal. It is art.
It is the most beautiful thing ever built by human hands.
The WhiteStar is the only design to surpass its form.
We can all learn something from the N1 fighter.
There is more there than just functional metal.
There is heart and soul.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 5.9.1999
B-WING CLASS STARFIGHTER
I used to HATE this craft. I mean, look at it. It's a funny looking thing.
I never appreciated the B-Wing.
Then, one day, I rented REBEL ASSAULT II for the PSX. God! The B-Wing is beautiful! The handling. The speed. The power. The control.
Later that day, I bought a copy of REBEL ASSAULT II.
I never cared for the B-Wing until I actually saw it in action.
Sometimes the one who's different or even a little strange may be the friend you're looking for.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 5.2.1999
Y-WING CLASS STARFIGHTER
I like the Y-Wing. I'm one of the few people who do. Yes, it's an old design, but it's a trusted and solid fighter.
The Y-Wing doesn't have any of the fancy options of the X-Wing or later craft, but it is a good solid fighter.
It was already aging and on its way out in ANH, but that didn't stop gold squad from fighting along side the newer X-Wings.
The Y-Wing can do things that the later Rebel craft can't. Look at the abuse and flak that a Y-Wing can maintain and still come home.
It's not fancy, but I'd still pilot one.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 4.25.1999
WHITESTAR CLASS MONITOR
Here it is.
The ship that God built.
The most beautiful spacecraft ever constructed.
A ship of Light.
The most advanced fleet in existence.
A new breed of warship.
Smaller.
Faster.
A hybrid of Minbari and Vorlon technology.
Bio-mechanical, techno-organic armored skin learns and adapts.
It can heal itself.
Nothing... nothing can touch it.
A Star of Hope.
A Star of Peace.
An Angel of Mercy.
An Angel of Death.
End this.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 4.18.1999
REFIT GALAXY CLASS STARSHIP
I used to like Star Trek. I used to love Star Trek. Among all the vessels I have ever seen, a few stand out in my mind. The 'All Good Things' Enterprise is one of those ships. It appeared on screen for only minutes, yet has always been engraved inside my head. 'All Good Things' was the last great Star Trek adventure. The Refit Galaxy Class Enterprise was the last great ship.
Yes, it's never been officially called Refit Galaxy Class, but that's what it is. It is the most perfect vessel in the Star Trek Universe, engaging Klingon ships from below them, on an axis not used in the Star Trek Universe.
It appeared like an Angel of Hope.
It was the most beautiful ship in the Star Trek Universe. Sure, it didn't conform to any of the rules. What was it... Warp 17? And the third nacelle! Roddenberry stated that they had to work in tandem... Either two or four. There had to be balance.
'All Good Things' is now dated, but what's come after it is dribble. 'All Good Things' was the last great Star Trek adventure. Today, with Voyager and DS9 brutally raping the corpse of Star Trek and stealing ideas from BABYLON 5, we can look back to that ship of white.
It is a timeless ship, from an era long dead.
One last adventure.
One last ship.
- Peter Tatara
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Week of 4.11.1999
SUPER CLASS STAR DESTROYER
There is NO reason to construct a ship this large. Its size practically hinders its performance. The only reason a ship of this magnitude is constructed is as a show of power... to strike fear into your opponent. Who would go up against a ship of this size? Who would be foolhardy enough to engage a vessel of such girth? Who?
All other ships are dwarfed by its massive bulk. The sight of this mammoth battleship is more than enough to send would-be aggressors running while their jump engines charge, something the SSD's designers planned on.
What ship has the metal to engage an SSD in a fire fight. There maybe one... or two... or three, but they are few and far between.
So, bow before the king of ships... the SUPER CLASS STAR DESTROYER.
- Peter Tatara
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