Crusade is dead. What took years to conceive, write, fund, cast, film, and distribute has been struck down and murdered virtually overnight. For myself and the rest of us at DFFQI, this is some of the worst news we could ever possibly hear.

'Sleeping in Light' left us breathless. 'A Call to Arms' was the last adventure of Sheridan and Garibaldi, but we had faith and took comfort, for Crusade would be there to continue the dream and answer the questions "Whom do you serve?" and "Who do you trust?"

Adjectives fail me to describe my feeling toward this. "Anticipation" didn't even begin to touch on it. "Excitement" wasn't adequate, either. Suffice to say, I had woven a very tight net of expectations, hopes, fears, plans, and ideas around this single show. Now that net has been ripped apart, one thread's destruction spreading like wildfire to kill all the other threads surrounding it. There is nothing left anymore.

The explanation rang hollow in my ears. The Sci-Fi Channel, the network which was meant to take Crusade, did not allocate sufficient funds in their budget to support a cost-heavy show such as this.

It would have been simply impossible to continue producing the show. No other network could or would step up. Suddenly, Gary Cole, Peter Woodward, Carrie Dobro and the rest of the cast get a call one night saying their contracts have been dissolved. The show's over. The explanation, I'm sure, is more complicated than that, but it doesn't need to be. What matters is that it's gone. Crusade's gone.

Crusade has died in childbirth. The bounty has been snatched from our grasp like a waiting feast snatched from a starving man's plate before he takes the first bite.

My first rational thoughts after recovering from the shock were JMS, and how easily he seemed to throw in the towel, like Crusade was an "on the side" project that he never expected to work in the first place. Perhaps, he was just being a good sport, having previous experiences with network difficulties, but I really don't buy that.

No one could commit as much time and money and effort to an endeavor like this and dismiss it as casually as he appeared to in his statement on the web. Crusade was his brainchild. A proverbial Part II to his grand epic that was destined to carry on a legacy of Homeric science fiction that put nearly everything else I've even seen to shame. Now, he has all but admitted an attempt to return to major network programming, a venue where Crusade would not stand a chance.

Won't he fight for Crusade? Won't he even attempt to make a sell to other networks? Is he held back by some moral or ethical wall that prevents him from carrying the project any further? I don't know whether any of these questions will ever be responded to, but I will not accept silence as an alternative to answers. JMS at least owes us a full explanation.

The cruelest thing about all this is that TNT has already agreed to air the thirteen episodes originally filmed for the series. A debut date has not been set, but it will now undoubtedly be pushed back again and be virtually unpromoted. Thirteen episodes is just long enough to develop a fan base, and to delve into action, characters, and subplots galore that will give the show a powerful edge and intrigue viewers into watching more.

But then one terrible morning, you wake up and realize that Crusade has ended almost before it's begun. There will be no answered questions. There will be no resolutions. And long after Crusade's brief stint ends, not with a bang, but with a whimper, the Sci-Fi Channel will still be airing new episodes of 'Sliders' and reruns of 'The Flash' -- which, by the way, they'll have plenty of money for since they so carefully allocated their budget. That is evil.

I will confess that I still cling to a single remaining thread, the thread of hope. It was expressed by TNT that if the ratings for the first thirteen episodes are good enough, they'll consider picking it up for a second season. They'll only do this, of course, if Crusade proves to be a guaranteed hit despite the abysmal timeslot they'll inevitably give it, and only if it somehow covers their asses for not taking it in the first place.

Still, I'm clinging to it with all my might. Babylon 5 taught us hope.

The anticipation of this series was just a single level below our anticipation for 'The Phantom Menace', here at DFFQI. We'll always have TPM, thank God.

Crusade was meant to redefine our perception of "traveling" shows with schemes and ideas that could never be found on 'Star Trek'... moral ambivalence, political conflict, ethical debates, widescale death and chaos, conflicts between good and evil on a galactic scale, and at long last, good guys who have the better ship. But now, the dream is over. For all intents and purposes, the Drakh have won.

So let's all raise our glasses to Crusade. Though we've never even met you, we put our faith behind you, and hoped that you would carry on the dream. Perhaps, just perhaps, the world has not seen the last of you. Maybe there is some justice in this little blue orb, and one day soon you'll return to us, unchanged and ready to carry on.

Regardless, I think Commander Jeffrey Sinclair's last words uttered in Babylon 5's season 1 finale sum it up best...

"Nothing's the same anymore."

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John Paige
2.26.1999