Blue sky.... the sun's rays are hitting my exposed skin seemingly bringing me more energy... is it?... Is it finally summer? As a lifetime member of the shitty spring club, I'm weary, but hopeful. It's been three days solid of beautiful weather, and I wonder if it will hold out. There is no question (in my mind) why the Bears are so beloved here. Because everyone in Chicago IS a bear. In late October, when the weather is turning brisk, the days are gray and by late afternoon it's aready nightfall, people in Chicago start their hibernation. At first it's not noticeable, but by mid December, most places in Chicago are inhabited only by tumble weeds, and people who, "just need thirty five cents!" But, the first stroke of a sun, the first sign of spring-summer, everyone is out. Every asshole with rollerblades, every jackass who runs, walks, what have you. Boy's Town is the most apparent though. While walking to my favorite breakfast nook yesterday, I looked onto the street to see two guys, in a black jeep wrangler, no shirts, well styled hair, with what I recall to be Madonna' Holiday being spewed out of the speakers. Yes I took a double take, that's like seeing a german in Nazi fatigues pushing Anne Frank into a giant incinerator. (the stereotype at its finest). Soon summer will truly be on us, how can you tell you might ask? The first sign of summer is always marked by a large group of Mexicans swimming in Lake Michigan fully clothed. There is no explanation, nor excuse for this sight of depravity. The Dirty Sanchez cringes at the mention of this ritual. But, I insist that this is necessary to remind us of how important civilization and running water are.

Portland Oregon, a tree sitter died from a one hundred and fifty foot fall, protesting the sale of timber in the region of woods she was protecting. ...... ....... .... Apparently, people (4 at a time) take turns living in platforms year-round, to protest possible logging in the area. Ironically the timber sale that she was protesting was cancelled three days earlier, thus making her at least 35% dumber. This is not the first time this has happened either. Others have fallen out of trees before, one man last year, refused treatment, and another sustained multiple bone breaks. Okay, am I a bastard for thinking this? Am I inherently evil for thinking: THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ARE A RETARD. It's similar to when that one football movie came out (I think it was the Program), when the players lay in the middle of an interstate for a "cool" way to get a rush. Then some kids tried to do it and died. Yeah, that's what you get, FOR BEING A RETARD! If that didn't happen every day, this world would be overrun by buffoons, .

Well, another Kenyan won the Boston Marathon. That makes 10 out of 11 years! This raises the question, are all other races inherently lazy when it comes to running marathons?


During the 2001 New York City mayoral race, current mayor Mike Bloomberg admitted to New York Magazine that he had smoked pot, and enjoyed it. NORML (org. that supports the full legalization of marijuana)has taken that ad out to try and help change current marijuana laws. Under the current laws in New York City, if you are busted for possession you could be held for up to 48 hours in jail awaiting arraignment! NORML merely wants to have it treated much the same as having a beer in public. Though Bloomberg does not fully support the campaign, he admits he said that, but also admits that he wil enforce the current standing laws as well. Bastard, but it is funny that he's not going to oppose the ad. Maybe Mayor Bloomberg is a habitual marijuana smoker and is desperately praying that the DEA are not going to show up at his door to find his six foot glass bong, filled with the thick milky white fog that some fine tax paying citizens enjoy ingesting in their free time. Has a skeevy stoner penetrated the walls of modern day society and is now taking weed naps on taxpayers couches?

Israeli's are now finally going to start pulling their forces out of some parts of Palestine. But are still occupying and holding down Arafat like a trapped dog. So many people wonder why are all these people fighting over this small strip of land? But think about this, you ever argue with a religious freak? In this small region, everything is a holy war, you have a small assed region where all the major religions originated, there are going to be some fights. So, you know how you have that one stupid tiff with someone that has lasted like 5 years, and the only reason you won't apologize is because you just don't want to.... Think about having a serious argument for like 2,000 years! Is there a solution? Only one, paper rock scissors! I bet Sharon would always choose paper, only scoundrels choose paper most frequently.

* If any of you remember the first article where I reference the Drug Czar's attempt to brainwash you with their anti-drug campaigning. Well, the commercials are still running, and I just wanted to report that at this point, I have not help kill any federal judges, but I think my dude bought a new car stereo.....

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