Malaka
Jim lived, breathed and generally adored cheeseburger ketchup from high street vendors - drinking it with stingy nettles meant a buzz only a fine stilton cheese could beat. Jim loved the fast life - fast women, fast cars and fast ketchup.
One Sunday morn, Jim and a close ally Tenko 'Lesley' Smallfist embarked on one of their regular ketchup runs to Calais in Peterick Meterick's battered hunk of scrap Nissan dealers call the Bluebird. Poot was driving but conversation was kept to a minimum to avoid further upsets to the cars performance. Jim did however make some valiant efforts to break the ice with some impressions...
Somewhere between Oakdale and Crumlin Pat and Tilko lost patience with Jim's wibblings so bound and gagged him before putting him on a bus to Blaina. Luckily for Jim, Pelmut Santiago and his relatives Vincenzo and Harry ' Boon Boon shake the room' Slater were also heading to Blaina to co-ordinate a 24 hour disco marathon. Pellet's vinyls took up most of the back seat and there was little light aboard the bus as his disco suits adorned every window. Jim's soft head of egg was filled with crazy psychodelic riffs of early wacky wacky guitar funk disco tunes that pelmut was playing to the passengers whilst indulging in a 'herbal' cigarette. Nearly all of the 07.23 Newport - Blaina bus were members of Pelmuts church - brothers of discomania so they were getting down to the sounds as the bus pulled into a depot to refuel. Pelmut misinterpreted the situation due to his altered level of consciousness. "Whoa man, we're like...here and stuff. Lets party!". All of the hippy-like group spewed off the bus and within 13 seconds a full disco rig, bar and even a disco ball were operational. Jim didnt alight as he disliked unwashed folk.
However, Jim didn't stay on the bus for long as the new driver mistook him for Nelson Mandela, whom he blamed for the introduction of wood carved geese into the world, so he was hastened off the bus near Abertillery. It must have been Jim's lucky day as he bumped into Markus Nikolai machine testing his Vauxhall Cavalier around Abertillery ring-road. "Jim boy, where you off?", "Mcd's", replyed J.P. "Jump in - i'll drive", said Pex as he toked on a ML.
And so it was, Jim got his ketchup, Tenko and Pat were found arguing about films in a Turkish Little Chef after being kidnapped, and Pelmut, well lets just say Pelmut's 'keeping it real'in Sollihull's Disco community.
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